honestly, it shook me up to read he threatened to take you back to TN. He may love you, but he isn't loving you in a healthy way at all. I agree that it's emotional abuse (he may be scared of losing you and that's the only way he knows of behaving). And I completely agree with all of Pita's suggestions! great advice.
I think the way for you to get to the place where you're going to feel emotionally able to leave is to get out, meet people, do things that make you feel independent and supported outside of this guy. Even gathering the information about your area and local resources I'd bet will be a baby step that can move you forward. Read the local newspapers, grab a telephone book, use the internet. Find your local chamber of commerce/city hall, many times they have compiled lists of local resources and information that they mail or email for free.
Remember, people hide in the dark when they know they're doing something wrong. I'd bet if his family, his son, neighbors, co-workers, ex wife, etc., knew how he was treating you, there would be major criticism. I do wonder that some of them aren't more curious about it, but maybe they have a lot their dealing with in their own lives, and in domestic situations it can be very tricky for an outsider to step in.
I'm sure gazillions of women can relate to what you're going through, Michelle. Give yourself major points for speaking out and getting help, that's tough to do. You have a strong will to make a better life for yourself, you've lost an incredible amount of weight, you've stopped smoking. Now listen to what I say, you are not alone, your dad and husband and other loved ones are standing next to you now and want to help give you the strength to move forward. They want you to have the life you deserve too. Hang in there, take a deep breath, and just start doing.
Michelle Let me ask if you dont mind Do you live in a house , Apt Or Ect? Is their People Around you? I know you said you were 15 minutes from Being Able to go Shopping and All. Do you have neighbors ?Whats Around you? I hope you dont mind Jest wondering What Kind of Community You are Living Around.
I just wanted to offer you my support - but I don't have any advice: I've never had a long-term relationship, so I can't begin to guess how it feels to be getting to the point when you know you may have to leave it.
I like the idea of using the internet and any newspapers etc to build up a picture of what there is in your area; that way it won't seem like a big, empty, scary space.
Michelle, you are stronger then you think. All the time we say around here NOT to put off the weight loss. Do it NOW. Stop settling for second best when first is within your reach. Stop waiting for a disaster to strike. That there is no better time then NOW. The same applies here. This is not going to get better. I'm afraid it's just going to be the opposite. Now that you've both put your cards on the table and you know where you stand, it may even get ugly. I'm sorry, but this man does not love you. Maybe he THINKS he does - but he doesn't. Or it's some warped sense of love. People that love you don't do and say these things to you. People that like you don't do these things to you. Strangers wouldn't even do them. Start mapping out a plan. You've gotten great advice. Make those calls. Don't stop until you find a solution, a temporary one, just for the immediate future. Please don't hesitate. Don't delay. Take action. Now. Put the brakes on this situation BEFORE it turns south. I know the unknown is scary, but this situation I'm afraid is even scarier. Make those calls. Help IS out there.
Michelle, I know that you have a lot going through your mind, and you are at a point where you are probably going through information overload. Please just remember that even if you're not in a position where you feel you're ready to leave, there are many community organizations that will help you when you ARE ready to leave. The place I PMed you should offer free services for domestic violence victims - and, quite frankly, even if there's no physical abuse, you are being abused.
I will do some more digging to see what kind of resources are available in your area. If there's anything you need, please PM me. I will do whatever I can to help you get where you need to.
Just a fyi so no one worries, I will probably be mia for a couple days.
Sorry my friend. Your telling us not to worry is not enough to actually make us not worry. We are all deeply concerned. Please take care of yourself and be in touch as soon as possible.
I've become more and more saddened as I've watched the details of your situation unfold. At first I'd hoped communication and maybe some hard work between you two would begin to solve things, but that clearly won't be enough.
You've gotten a lot of great advice since I last replied; I hope that since making your announcement that you may be MIA is a sign that you've made some very important decisions about your future and have begun to take actions on them. I'm sure there are plenty of shelters and other places of help in your area. I wish you luck, and be sure to update us on what happens so that we don't worry.
His latest actions and things you have posted recently make me terrified for you. It reminds me so much of my ex (who ended up attempting to make me disappear entirely, btw). He is abusive and I am sorry, but no, he does not love you. That kind of person rarely loves anyone, not even themselves, so the fact that he doesn't love you says nothing about you. I really wish you were ready to leave, but I do hope you will start contacting people who can help even if you aren't ready to leave. Churches are an awesome idea and women's shelters will help you even if you aren't ready to leave him yet.
I'm assuming you will be MIA due to his days off. I will be hoping that the situation does not escalate due to increased time around each other. We will all be worried and hoping that you post again soon.
