Michelle, have you ever thoght of doing some affirmations? Get a tablet and a pen and write, over and over.........
"I am a kind and loveable person and I deserve to be loved and cherished."
Do this every day, fill the tablet , every line. The idea is to change this from just a thought or wish but something you truly believe. The rest of us believe it.

And that may be true, but it needs work from the BOTH of you. It cant be all one sided, otherwise it will never work. And it cant be you just giving in to him all the time to avoid him being upset.

Sirenity, that's awesome girl. Doesn't it feel great? My Dude believes in my more than I do in myself sometimes. He makes me feel like I am worth loving and makes me feel like I am a princess and special. Where I will see a false of flaw in my character, he just doesn't see it at all, and if someone insults me or hurts my feelers, he just NEVER ever thinks it's me. It simply MUST be the other person that's the screw up. It could never be me...even though sometimes I know it is. I just love his guts for this.

Edited to add: Not saying we are perfect. We have our problems and disagreements sometimes too, but not very often. But when we do, we've learned to have clean arguments and always try to resolve them as quickly as possible.

Mich - you keyed on the crux of the situation earlier. You MUST love yourself. And, hon - it doesn't matter of you way 100 or 500 lbs. Your weight should have absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you OR your bf feel about you and your value and worth as a human being. Nothing - nada - zilch - zero.

You are who you are REGARDLESS of how much you weigh. You need to spend some time looking in the mirror and complimenting the beautiful chickie that is staring back at you. You need to go back through the threads here and write down every word that others have used to describe you.
Then, you need to read, and re-read - until you can recite by heart - with feeling - and meaning - what a wonderful, fantastic, gifted, and talented chickie you are. Add to the list as you ponder every positive attribute about yourself. Be shameless - list them ALL!

You hit the nail on the head earlier. Once YOU believe that you are a wonderful person - that DESERVES to be treated with respect, love and admiration - you can then EXPECT to be treated that way by everyone around you - expecially your bf.

Bargoo - great minds ...

Great advice and ideas, thanks ladies

Just wanted to offer some

We aren't very well off, in fact my hubby works, is the only income and he would never ever insinuate that this is his home or that I had to even think of asking to buy myself clothes or our 4 kids (I do, just because before him I had always supported myself and was used to having my own money. I feel guilty at times for spending his).

I'm not sure how far from me you are, but there is a womans shelter here (well next town over), and if you begin to feel the need to get out I'm sure they would take you in. It would take some money juggling but I would find a way to come get you. They would help you get on your feet here. It's far from a great place, but it's safe and they are an amazing help. I lived there for several months as a teen with my mom and it really made a difference in getting our lives together after she was abused. (Sadly I followed her lead and spent 9 years with my abusive ex, luckily I got out and fate brought me my hubby at just the right time... if you want more of a story there you can PM me.) But anyway, if you need anything PM me... even if you need some clothes, I check the Sal Val on a regular basis I'm sure I could squeeze a few things for you with my paypal money and send them to you.

It certainly does! Such a refreshing change after so many years of feeling horrible about myself, yet I still have my moments where I don't believe I deserve it all.

And yes, we all have disagreements. In fact, I think arguing is healthy (up to a point), because you can't always have the same opinion and you need to be able to voice it.

Fighting Fair was probably the hardest skill for us to learn. We still work on it and its been almost 11 yrs. Now we are busy teaching out kids that its ok to agree to disagree.

Thank you Fawn, that means a lot

One thing I'd say is don't settle for anything less than a loving, supportive relationship. You really do deserve it. We are here for you

Aww nelie, thank you

Onderchick - You're a terrific chickie and don't ever forget it. I look forward to reading your posts all the time and you've inspired me to stay OP when I would have faltered. Sorry things aren't going the best between your bf and you - do try the positive affirmation - it certainly helped me. And judging from the outpouring of support for you - you should realize what a wonderful lady you are. Hugs to you.

Awww! Thanks waquilter!! I do feel truly blessed because of the people here on this forum for sure

Michelle, I do not know you. I have read a lot of your posts on the message board and your weight loss is a inspiration to me. I hope I have the strength to do what you have done.

When I read this post red flags starting flying for me, I have been where you are. It hard! You need to make some decisions, decide what will make you happy, and then follow through with them.

It will not be easy but you are a strong woman and you can do it. Don't continue to let a man keep you "prisoner" because you feel you owe him something.