Wow, have you been the hot topic of the day or what girlie!
I have followed this thread throughout the day, and I'm so VERY impressed with my fellow Chickies and all the amazing advice you have received. I'm also really impressed with you Michelle, and in how you have responded to all the heartfelt advice, outrage, and yes often harsh criticism for your boyfriend. I think some real good has come out of this discussion today and it reinforces my faith in what an online community can do for each other.
We all have our stories. I'm someone who was in a bad marriage for 18 years, which was much like the life you are living now. I then met a wonderful man online, who took me out of a bad situation and transformed my life through his love and support. The only thing my boyfriend has ever demanded from me is that I become self-sufficient and that I give my best effort in whatever I do. He wants me with him because I want to be and not because I have to be, which is how I've always had to live my life. I have undergone some amazing transformations, and while I still struggle with my weight (my last major hurdle), he has never wavered in his belief and support of me.
Sweet Michelle you deserve nothing less than to have all the love, support, and acceptance that you so freely offer yourself. Please do whatever you have to get to a place where you love yourself so much that you will never settle for less than you so richly deserve.
I have to say that I truly didn't know what a loving partnership/relationship was until I was in one. Now I don't think I ever had a bad relationship but I have to say it is amazing when you find someone who loves you unconditionally and supports you no matter what.
You deserve to be loved and supported. You deserve a loving relationship where someone thinks of you and not only themselves.
I had decided earlier that I would not make any more posts on what happens with me and my bf because I didn't want to be pathetic, whiny, etc. But here we go anyway
Earlier today, after he had woke up, I told him I was out/low of my foods. He is off the next two days so I was letting him know so he would hopefully go to the store tomorrow but when he is leaving for work he informs me he is going shopping Tuesday. Now, he does ask if I need anything but he adds that he would rather wait until Tuesday so he can go to the commissary with his parents and save money so of course, I say whatever, I will make do.
Then when he calls on his last break, I mention something to him about someone mailing me and he said he didn't like me giving out his address...his address..like after a year and a half, I don't live here or what? Then I tell him I am looking for churches locally that have transportation so I can start going to services on Sundays and get out of the house and he gets quiet and I ask what is wrong now and he said "I am not doing this while I am at work." Doing what?!
Right now I feel like I am not even a person to him. And I know, I know what everyone will say. Right now I am just really devastated and just wanted to vent because I have no one in my real life to talk to.
No matter what, you deserve RESPECT. Personally, I think you deserve a lot more than that! But respect is not negotiable. From ANYONE. That's all I'm going to say, other than its great that you are exploring ways of getting out and living life in a way that is healthy for the healthier person you have become.
We are here for you, Michelle! Vent away.
Last edited by pucedaisy; 09-06-2009 at 11:09 PM.
Reason: wanted to be more specific
Maybe you can write him a long letter and tell him how you feel? Sometimes it's easier to get out everything you need to say in a letter. let him know you are a REAL person with REAL feelers and you need a partner...not a keeper.
I have just decided I am talking to him tonight when he gets home but as in the past, I am pretty sure how it will play out and quite frankly, it only saddens me.
My brother said to me recently, as we were struggling to change the dynamics in a family relationship, that as difficult as the conversation might be, "The worst thing that can happen is that things stay the same."
Ohhhhh Michelle You have made me feel welcome here from the first day I joined. If there's anything I can do let me know. we all love you here, as has been stated many times, but bears repeating. You are a wonderful woman. I hope you can see that. Sometimes it takes a person outside the situation to open our eyes to what is right in front of us. It was like that with my exhusband. A friend that I met online convinced me how badly I was being treated. It was emotional abuse, withholding of affection, and belittling. I thank this friend all the time for opening my eyes to the situation.
(and for the record, the friend I am talking about is not my current boyfriend, though I did meet him online too).
You do what is best for yourself at the time. Just know we are here for you.
I found myself crying as I read this latest development . . .
I actually went through the whole not giving out the address thing, but for different reasons (long story behind that). But yeah, it's *your* address as well, not just his. What on earth would he fear from that?
And him saying, "I am not doing this while I am at work," it really sounds to me that he really is afraid of you gaining any independence without him. Do you think it's possible he's afraid he'll lose you now that you're becoming more confident and adventurous? Could that be why he wants to be so restrictive, maybe he's insecure about your relationship?
If you ever find it difficult to physically talk about things (as I do; I often just cry whenever I need to be talking about the reason behind it) or feel you'll be interrupted or not listened to, take Diva's advice and write out a letter. Even if you never let him see the thing, it'll at least help you sort out your thoughts, feelings, and priorities. It's something I still do now. I keep a private, online journal for such things, and if there's something I find difficult to discuss with my boyfriend, I'll set the entry to only be visible to him. He gets a notification for it by email, and reads it while I'm not stressing in the same room as him. Somehow that makes it easier for us to talk about whatever's going on.
And don't feel like you're being whiney with us, you're addressing some very valid concerns and you *need* to be able to talk to *someone* about what's going on. You've also got a lot of support here and that's not going away anytime soon.
Last edited by Elladorine; 09-06-2009 at 11:48 PM.
And as for you "getting there".... you will. On your own time of course, but you're too smart to put up with all that nonsense for too long without either a change or something else.
Change is soooo hard. Even when we know it's what's needed and is for the best. We become so comfortable in what is known, as opposed to the unknown. Just look how hard it was to do things that you knew would benefit your life, but you didn't do them anyway.
This is no different. Change is what is needed here. And I think you know that. And yes, it will be hard. But it's what's necessary. And then when you do it, you will look back and realize it's the best decision you could have made. You will wonder why you put it off. You will wonder why you didn't do it sooner. You will realize that it has incredible benefits. You will once again discover how strong and capable you are. You will find joy that you didn't know was possible. It'll be another adventure. You will grow. You will gain your own self respect. You will wonder how you ever let yourself live "like that" and settle for so little. You will realize that it really wasn't so hard after all. You will discover who you were meant to be.
