A very good week
August 13th, 2009
So, I finally had a good week. Funny how sticking to your calorie allotment, exercising, and sensible planning while eating out will actually result in weight loss. I went to TOPS and recorded a 5.4 lb loss. That puts me at 245.9 lbs, which is 14.7 lbs loss to date. I was happy to see that kind of loss after being so frustrated for the last month.
I plan to continue with the 1500 calories a day and not going over 1600. I also plan to not having anymore “free” days where calories don’t matter. That is bull-larkey and I’m not going to do that to myself. We ate out twice this week at Jason’s Deli and I made sure that they calories were within my plan.
I think my groin pull is under control and I can now be back on the treadmill everyday. Today I had the incline up to 3 and was going at 3.4 mph for at least 20 minutes. I did 2.25 miles today and one on the Elliptical.
So Melissa at Starbucks called me. FINALLY!!! I start my new job at Bux on Monday at 3:30pm. I’m so excited! And a little nervous, but I’m really trying not to let that get to me. I know I will do a great job and it’s so wonderful to finally get my foot in the door after all the networking I’ve done the last three years to get hired there. Sure hope I like it! LOL
I went and bought a new pair of black pants to work in last night. They were a size 18 and fit very comfortably. I’m heading downward! I looked around Kohls a bit and thought how much I would like to shop there once I reach goal. There is a whole world of clothing that I can’t wait to try on and wear.
I’ll write again soon, but right now I got an orchid that needs transplanting. *smiles*
Coming Clean
August 6th, 2009
I weighed 250 on July 13th and for the last three and half weeks I’ve been ranging between 250 and 247. Three freaking weeks of this yo-yo crap!! I’m sick of it and I have no one to blame but myself. This last Tuesday at TOPS I even managed to gain a pound thanks to two days of eating way out of my calorie allotment and ovulating. I weighed 251.3 and I wanted to punch myself in the face.
However, I know that self-loathing is nothing but a trap that will continue to spire me out of control. That can’t happen…I won’t let it happen. I had a good talking to myself, and then a heart-to-heart with Joe where I told him that I have to change what I’m doing.
It keeps coming back to the same old excuses where I feel that I can’t be deprived from the precious whatever I currently want to shove in my mouth. In spite of my deep desire to get this weight off, and my promise to Joe and myself that I will get this weight off I still keep allowing food to dictate to me my behavior. So not acceptable.
This requires action and a new dedication to my goals. Good grief it’s only food!! What is the huge issue?? It’s not like I can’t ever have a piece of cheesecake the rest of my life. It means I can’t have a piece of cheesecake while I’m working my butt off to lose my weight. Why can’t I get that simple concept through my thick skull?
So, a new beginning has been declared. I’m on a challenge this week to keep my calories at 1500 or under no matter what. I plan to stick to this challenge every week until goal is met. There will come times when I have to eat out, but I can plan for it and not get myself in a snit because I can’t eat 1000 calories at some restaurant that doesn’t even cook as well as I do. I will continue my exercising and to push myself as my body allows. I will also continue to journal and stay mindful of my emotions so that my emotions cannot control me. I’ve said it before but I will say it to myself one more time…..GET THE WEIGHT OFF!!!!!
I have things to do with my life. I’m about to start Starbucks in the next two weeks and I am so pissed that I will be the fattest girl there. I can’t stay the fattest girl if I plan to impress people and move up the ladder to get my own store in the couple of years. I’m 43 years old and having excess weight attached to me is not going to help me in the slightest and will probably keep me from fulfilling my goals. Unacceptable!!
I want to marry Joe. I want that more than anything in the whole world, and it will not happen as long as I can’t get my weight under control so that I’m fit and healthy. This is a promise I made him over 4 years ago and he is still waiting for me to do what I said I would do. Actions mean everything to him and I have failed shamelessly. By the grace of God, he still loves and believes in me. How can any kind of food ever compete with that? Yet, I allow it to. Unacceptable!!
I know I’ve been harsh with myself. Tough! I deserve it. It is only through getting mad and determine that I will be able to get a hold of myself and do what I know needs to be done. I read the success stories on 3FC everyday. I see the women losing weight and the joy that it brings them. I want that to be me!!
IT WILL BE ME!!