Well needless to say I am a little irritated at myself today . I weighed myself this morning and I was at 200 .. I know exactly what it is from and I am already fully aware of my problem but days like this just put me right in check.. It’s those darn weekends!! I hate it I am aware, I know it’s a problem and for some reason I just never , ever learn my lesson and it’s so frustrating!!!! I do soooo good monday threw friday and than the weekends come and my moral goes out the window!! I don’t know how to fix this. all I’m doing is throwing all this hard work I did out the window. My husband loves to cook, my kids are home and I am home with nothing to do and it’s just a mix for disaster. I hate hate hate it. I am so irritated right now. I am to the point where I feel like throwing my hands up and saying Ok i’m going to be fat forever apparently because I have no self control so I might as well eat whatever the gosh darn I please. . I am sooo close.. But yet I can’t.. I am so annoyed. *sigh*.. I just need to figure out something….. something… for the weekends… But what is the question
Anyways.. beside the eating everything in sight over the weekends.. This weekend was really good. We got a flat screen tv since ours was stolen last year and I decided to invest in the Wii so I can get fitness stuff and go outside of the gym box for a bit. So I also got The Biggest Loser Video game to go with it. I don’t have the balance board for the Wii yet so I can’t do all of it but at least I can do a variety for days like today when I didn’t go to the gym. (I blame the daylight savings time for that) lol I just could not get out of bed for the life of me. I feel like I’m slipping in my weight loss train and I am having a hard time setting both feet on the ground. It’s rather annoying.
What to do what to do. . . I dont know so if any suggestions are out there please let me know. I am at such a loss I feel so hopeless right now.. Why do I keep trying when I get nothing and just torture myself. !!!!!
***I will blog tomorrow about The biggest loser game and how that went.. I hear it really is a good work out***
So I weighed in this morning.. 196!!! I am so excited and very very grateful for that number. It made me feel a lot better about everything and just gave me a huge boost to keep going!!! And what a way to top off a Friday already.
Last night I decided to try a Mushroom Salmon recipe, oh my goodness it was heavenly. My husband was kind enough to make it for us and it was seriously the best thing I have had in a long time. If I can figure out how to make a tab on my page I am going to post it as I think everyone should try it . Seriously it’s soooo yummy. And I just had spinach on the side and it was all very very good.
I was off to the gym at about 5 AM this morning, what a killer. But now I feel so refreshed with the gym, seeing that number, being a Friday. Could it get any better? lol
So yesterday I was having the huge chocolate cravings so when I was at the store getting salmon I just noticed the little debbie picture and than I see 100 calories.. so of course it grabbed my attention.. it’s this cute little chocolate cake MINI.. like mini mini but they are adorably cute and small and chocolatey just enough to get over the craving. They are perrfect !!!!!! so I bought them and now I can just pop one of them in when I have that gotta have moment. Problem solved.
I am nervous for the weekend. To mess up, to ruin everything I worked so hard all week to achieve but I am not going to stress it. I just have to be in tone with my body and my eating at all times. The weekends are no exception and that’s the one thing I really need to realize. The weekends are very difficult especially when I have Rylee (my 9 month old) and Alexus (my 4 year old) and my husband who loves to eat!!! But thank god he is sooooo supportive. He loves to cook so he is always cooking healthy meals even though he really doesn’t like to . . he he he .. what a man though. I tell you I don’t know where I would be without him!
***Also to throw this in there. I am starting to get a lot of compliments about my weight loss.. FINALLY .. It just feels nice to have people , not friends or family, just noticing all the hard work.. And I can notice it in my clothing too and its just all starting and I love this new feeling! It really does make a difference and i’m finally FEELING it .. love love love it***
It’s been awhile since I wrote in here and I have been doing horribly but now I am back on the train and ready to kick some butt!!!
I went off the diet train for about two weeks. My last blog mentioned about some of my issues with my husband and needless to say I made a huge dicision to seperate us and for awhile I just lost it. I covered my sadness, my loneliness, everything I was feeling with food. I was sad, I was alone, I was bored and I turned to food for comfort. I didn’t work out, I didn’t do anything for two weeks. I am soooooo grateful that I am back on and I didn’t gain any weight. I was so terrified to get on that scale but it was nothing what I was expecting and it just made me want to start back up again more.
Also with that said. I realized that I am such an emotional eater. Seeing myself during that time and how much I ate.. Made me sick. I was googling some good self help books to help with it and I found. Women, Food and god .. and so far it’s amazing. I suggest everyone read it. It helps you realize and acknowledge your feelings that are making you want to eat, etc. Anyways I am doing good and I hope to continue!!
My husband got a job and now he is back home and things finally feel like they are falling into place. I started going to the gym again this week. I got myself a massage yesterday to jump start it and make myself feel great and so I didn’t go to the gym today .. Usually my body feels like a noodle the day after so I gave myself a day to relax.. Today I ate
Breakfast - 2 slices of whole grain bread with butter spray
lunch- 1 chicken breast with 4 HUGE asparagus’ plus diet coke
Dinner — still undecided but I found a great recipe from Bobby Flay for Talapia’s ..
Thank you for everyone and their blogs.. it really does help!!
also I am having such a chocolate craving right now .. I realized it’s boredom.. but also it’s that time of the month so that doesn’t help either but all I keep thinking about is chocolate. anything sweet. chocolate chocolate chocolate. But after reading the book I am just allowing myself to feel this feeling. and I put my boredom to good use by reading the book or by writing this !! lol win win situation
Well I made it threw the 3 day weekend, I of course induldged a little bit which of course sucked and made me feel horrible but actually I did better than what I anticipated in doing. I had a few no no’s and ate a little bit more but for a three day weekend I thought I did pretty damn good lol. I weigh myself on Thursday so we’ll evaluate the damage at that time. haha. So I went shopping last night and bought a bunch of healthy stuff for the week so I’m totally prepared and It feels nice, also while shopping I decided to buy myself some new gym clothes and I was very happy to fit in the Large sizes vs the extra large. it was a small accomplishment but none the less It felt sooooo good.
This morning I went the gym (In my brand new gym clothes yay!) did 1 hr of cardio and was running late so I didn’t get to do any weight lifting or anything like that which I’m bummed about but hey one hour of cardio.. I can take that.
Anyways things on the home front are good, still stressed. Jason the hubby has been out of a job for months now and it just sucks so much, all of our stress, etc. roots from that problem and its becoming harder and harder to get over and brush under the rug so to speak. But everyday is a new challange and I hope he gets one soon before our lease is up. Because if not than at that time we will go our seperate ways, I do not want this to happen but for my sake and for my childrens sake something has to give. . Anyways its a new week and I’m ready to go .. Also way excited to watch
The Biggest Loser. It’s a huge motivational thing for me and oh how I love Jillian. lol ..
Well I survived the pizza, cake and ice cream last night at Madison’s birthday party, what a relief!!! I am so surprised at myself but so proud. I think that was a huge test for me and I’m glad to say that I passed with flying colors. I finally feel like instead of a diet that I have actually incorperated it as a life style change and THAT part.. Feels amazing!!! I’ve never stuck to eating healthy, excersise, etc and it feels awesome. Go ME!!!
So Next week I decided at my gym I am going to take a kickboxing class to spice things up a little bit, or maybe even zumba. I have heard good things about both but right now with some crazy stuff that is going on in my life kickboxing just sounds so attractive and so me. !!!! I am excited to get out of my comfort zone and to do something different with excersise. I feel like I just need a change of pace.
So if you read my last post I was very excited that the scale read until 200 so I have made a decision to treat myself to a massage on Saturday. I don’t really have extra spending money or anything like that but when I got my tax return than I put some money aside for this purpose and it’s finally here!!! yay !!! It’s something that I have wanted and never had and I kept telling myself to get to that point and that will be my reward, my next reward when I reach 180 is a new tat. So it’s something to look forward too!
So tonight I am going to support my friend at her belly dancing thingy dingy, I don’t know what it’s really called but its her first time and I didn’t want to join because I’m just not into that but she really enjoys it and I am going for her tonight. I’m excited to get out of the house, away from food, etc. and have a good old girls night!
And since this is just for me to be chatty and talk about whatever the gosh darn I please lol, On a side personal note, I’m a little irritated at my husband, god knows I love that man with all my heart, he has just been out of a job for about 4 months and everything is a struggle right now and I am starting to resent him for it a little bit. I have always been the one to carry the weight and it’s just too hard. I gave him a choice and hopefully he fixes things before I have to impliment it. I sure hope so. We have two girls together and I’m trying to better my whole life for all of us and myself and I just ask for the same, I want us to be equals but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way with him and I.
Well good luck with everyone today!! lovers you all!
Today is a day of triumph for me!! I got on that scale at 199.05 I am so excited !!!! It just felt so good to see that since I haven’t seen it in years and I feel like it just gave me that extra boost I needed. I don’t ever want to see that go up to the 200’s again. Ever!!! I’m trying not to get tooo excited because your weight fluxuates so much but still this is a great day and it finally feels like my efforts are being noticed.. by ME
Anyways last night I did very good and I’m proud of myself. I didn’t munch on one thing that wasn’t in my daily eating plan. So i was very happy for that. It is so hard when you are home with the family and relaxing and there is so much to eat. I feel like my mind is constantly on food. It slowly SLOWLY gets better but one day at a time! .. Today I went to the gym at 6AM and did cardio for an hour and a few weight lifting things, I was burnt out from the cardio since I usually only do 45 minutes so I didn’t do very much weights but I am glad to get that cardio in.
Well anyways today is going to be hard, Right after work I am going to my neices birthday party, tempted with pizza, cake, etc. Basically all the naughty kinds of food. I am doing so good I feel like my weight this morning was a test for me to see how bad I want this and i want it bad so I just have to control myself! I know I can and my husband is like my food police and sometimes I hate him for it but I love him so much for helping me. !!!!
Wish me luck today. I will prove to myself how much I want this.. I will !!!!
So yesterday once again it happens and I still can’t figure out how to turn my brain off from it or just avoid it completely. . So when I get home I pack up the girls and me and my husband go out to the store to buy some chicken and asparagus for dinner.. yummmm… So we get home and of course we have to wait for the chicken to thaw while I’m starving.. And what do I do.. Much on some potato chips . have some bread with cheese and totally feel like crap after wards.
I just don’t know why I ruin it for myself. I just don’t understand. I do soooo good besides that fact and I feel like I just sabatoge myself in a matter of minutes. I was just so hungry and it’s the “fat me” just wanting food and I don’t care how I get it. It’s horrible and the feeling afterwards just made me feel even more horrible. So that’s my one flaw at this moment. The gym part is great. I am totally on board and go everyday but that’s what is my huge problem that I need to fix. It just has to happen. I feel like I’m taking one step forward and two steps back . It is so discouraging knowing that I work so hard for nothing.. or so it feels.
Do you ever feel like your just trying for nothing and nothing will ever come of it. I know that what I’m doing is good and healthy,etc. But I’m having a downer day where I feel like what’s the point.. Why when I just ruin it for myself.
But anyways I will be strong and I can do this. I just have to control myself and think of a plan of attack. Maybe snacking before I go home from work so when I get home my tummy isnt on the loose for something bigger.. I dunno.. bla
This is my first blog I have ever created and I thought what better way to start than with my weight loss journey.
Well let’s just start out with how today went.
So I woke up bright and early at 5 AM to hit the gym. I spent about 50 minutes doing cardio and another 20 minutes doing weight lifting, etc. It felt so amazing to get that done and over with for the day without holding “oh no I have to go to the gym” over my head all day. So then it’s off to work. I find going to work is easy for me since I pack all my food the day before so I already know what’s on my menu and it works out great. .. Than when I get home and have dinner around 5 or 6 it’s great too..
Then… it happens…. at about 8 or 9 .. My body is telling me I NEED food.. Its not even a food in particular. it’s just food. I don’t know how to stop it. It’s horrible to know that I achieved all of goals all day and to have it ruined all in a matter of minutes because I couldn’t say no. I just don’t know why this is and I don’t know how to change it. It sounds so simple. but so not.