Maintaining Me

Because I swear I am at it.  I just logged in and typed my user name as my first name (which it is) and my password as my last name.  On a phone call at work, I said three things in response to things an employee DIDN’T say … like, You’re Welcome before they said thanks, oh, and when we said hello I said, “Good!!!!” as if he had asked me how I was …. when he didn’t.  See?  Losing it!

Water has been better and I have been cutting down on the coffee lately.  Well, I still have my 3 am cups, but I am not drinking it all day.

I spent the entire - I mean ENTIRE - day Saturday working on a research paper.  I literally had toast for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I forced myself to get out for a couple hours Sunday (but I admit to thinking about how much I could have been accomplishing at home). 

I only have 2 weeks of one of my courses left, and then it drops down to two classes.  That will be a relief, although the one ending is my favorite and probably the best grade too.  And it is NOT my most time consuming, so I won’t see a huge increase in free time. 

What else … what else.  DS12 is turning 13 in 19 days.  He is having a movie themed party, so this weekend I am making the invites and I already ordered the paper goods.  There will be lots of movie foods and DVDs and his friends, and he is happy with that because he is far too cool for an organized party at a party place of any sort, lol.  So ‘hanging out’ is the cool thing to do.  I am still making cute popcorn bag invitations with the info printed on the “popcorn” inside, hehehehe.  Hey, I have to have some fun somehow!

Okay, back to algebra …

I am still having nightmares about algebra.

I have a weird headache that is sort of radiating from the top of my head and wrapping its way around the sides.  I hope I am not getting sick … I have a field trip to chaperone, two papers to write, and it is Open Enrollment time.  Blech.

Tomorrow is apple picking with the kids.  DD6 thinks it is a fashion show instead of a farm … she wanted to wear a dress and was angry when I wouldn’t let her, then she picked out a complete (inappropriate) outfit complete with matching jewelry.  Weather is supposed to be lousy, which is my perfect reason to get her to change outfits again.

Okay, DD just came behind me and asked, “Why did you write tomorrow is apple picking with the kids?”  Lmao!  Well, I guess I now need to watch what I write as well as what I say.

Food has been okay, but not exercise since the couple workouts I got in last week.

DD joined gymnastics.  I am so thrilled that she is into something that includes physical activity.

Work is lousy lately … I have always loved what I do, and never dreaded it or just felt like it was a “job to pay the bills”, but lately it is just blah.  Maybe that is because I am more invested in school right now, I don’t know.  I think also the reality of healthcare during open enrollment - how it just gets worse and worse - is sinking in.  I really hate how much the premiums are.

Okay … feeling nauseous now.  Boy I hope this isnt an illness.

2 days in a row? Unbelievable!

Did my Firm Kick last night, just did Firm Cardio Overdrive (25 min express version, all I could squeeze in).  10 minutes until my next conference call, then a shower, then back to schoolwork.

DVRing Greys … again. 

Funny that “Little Debbie” can make you so fat.  I don’t even like the crap, but if I have it in the house, I will eat it.

Wow, am I really here?  On a Wednesday?  At 6 pm?  No, I don’t have free time.  I am simply avoiding doing slope intercept equations for Algebra class.  I am actually going to workout tonight.  Really.  I am doing a little more math, then at 6:30 I am going to do my Firm Kickboxing.  Tomorrow, no gym, I have another oddly timed conference call right at 7:30.  I am going to attempt to fit in some exercise before that, somehow.  Three papers due this weekend, but two are in final draft mode which is a relief.  The other one isn’t, and shocker, that one is for Algebra.  What the hell kind of two page paper do you write on linear equations anyway?

I swear, this will be a breeze as long as math isn’t involved. 

I am sick of Global Climate Change also.  Yes we are all going to hell, the ice is melting and things are changing and the US Govt doesn’t care.  There, I just taught the 15 week class in eight seconds.

Food.  Awful!  Today … what did I eat today?  Oh, okay, here it is:

• Half a pumpkin donut while cooking my egg beaters for breakfast
• Egg beaters on english
• Tortilla fish LC
• 2 dark choc squares
• 10 cheez its, 2 pretzel nuggets, one oreo
• Dinner … homemade orange chicken, rice, broccoli
• After dinner, slightly less than one serving Haagen Daaz ice cream (you don’t even believe I have this in my house, do you? R brought it, sigh) and a Big Debbie cupcake (I officially refuse to call them little). Well, they aren’t BIG in size but big in chemicals, fat and calories.

There is my day before your eyes.

Okay, twenty more minutes of algebra, then workout, shower, then about 2 more hours of algebra before bed.

Monday morning.  A new, fresh week.  I need a new attitude.  I spent the weekend working on tons of work, taking a ”break” to do two hours or yard work, more school work, taking another break for food shopping and vacuuming and laundry.  So, I was feeling sorry for myself.  A true pity party.  Well, whatever.  I have to suck it up and move on.

I DID manage to get out of the house for a few hours to check out the festival in our village and then go over to the new Walkway over the Hudson, and we walked that (2.5 miles round trip).  We had a really nice time.  It is a big deal here, history.  Very cool.

So guess what?  This week I am holding four conference calls with my employees to go over preparing for the flu season, avoiding transmission, and the company leave policy.  280 people I have to educate, and I am sick.  Yup, hacking away.  What do I do?  I can’t believe this.  The first call is tonight (have to do some evenings for off shift employees) and I am hoping for a miracle by then, lmao!  Yesterday I woke up with a huge headache and just feeling awful, which added to my pity party.  Sigh.

Today is work, therapy, dinner, conference call, kids in bed, schoolwork.

Tomorrow is work, dinner, gymnastics, schoolwork

Wednesday is work, dinner, EXERCISE, schoolwork

Thursday is work, dinner, spend some time with kids, conference call

Food needs to be better this week.  NEEDS to be.

I knew I would be short on time once school started, but I grossly underestimated how much work this was actually going to be.  8 hours of work + 4 to 6 hours schoolwork every single day + single mom of 3 = 0 time.

O M G … I am even doing algebra in my journals!  Someone call 911!

I am managing.  I am getting good grades, and kids are happy, and mom is happy, and that is all that matters.  I haven’t been exercising, clearly … and I was afraid this was going to happen.  The once or twice a week I have managed to exercise, I feel guilty doing it thinking that I could be spending some much needed quality time with the kids or getting some school work done.  I’ve not watched TV, except VERY late night catch up on Greys and DHW that I DVRed.  Thank you cablevision for DVR! 

CFF tells me I need to start DRVing Cougar town … apparently one of them reminds her of me?  Yikes. I can only imagine.  I may be sorry I announced that, I don’t even know who she is talking about.

Kids are good.  All are home this weekend so I am attempting to get ahead (ha!) so that we can take a break Saturday afternoon.  There are TWO local fall festivals, plus the Walkway over the Hudson is opening - world’s longest pedestrian bridge - and we want to take a peek.  DS12 is running for class president.  Twins are enjoying 1st grade.  At work I am working hard at pandemic planning, that is always a joy.  Last week I had a very informative HR conference in Manhattan that was a lot of fun.  I am weird … I think it is fun to put on a suit and be important for a day.  The Employee Relations Mgr of COACH was there! But I couldn’t find him! Sigh.

Nothing else to add.  I need to start eating better to compensate for my ass sitting in a chair at my desk for so many hours. 

Good evening ladies.  Where to start?

Every moment of my day is earmarked for something, I have NO downtime whatsoever.  And I thought I was busy before?  Pfft!  I’m still enjoying college very much, but the classes are sooo time consuming.  Which I knew, I just figured I would magically work it out somehow.  And I will.

I ate like, horrendously this weekend.  Not quantity, just quality.  Or lack there of.  5 Guys, cheescake, etc.  Did a lot of school work, finished week 1 in one piece.  I did take a break on Saturday to take the kids on a hike, and another on Sunday to take them to an orchard/farm.  I managed to consume a hot dog, 3 cider donuts (small, but STILL! argh) and most of a pc of pumpkin pie there.  Geez.

I just finished Get Chiseled.  I just had to tell myself some things can wait, I need to exercise.  And I did.  Go me!  But tomorrow I have work, schoolwork, and a board meeting, AND prepping for Wednesday… Wed is a short day at work because I am driving down to pick up my mom so she can watch kids for me Thurs; Thursday is an HR Conference in Manhattan … so, 14 hour day there … Friday, work, taking kids to city, and home Saturday where I will do schoolwork the remainder of the weekend.

Oh yeah, I suppose somewhere in there I need to find time to shower, laundry, clean house, cook, etc. 

I am a little sad tonight … just thinking of CFF and not missing her specifically (that itself is pretty sad) but just missing the fact that I had someone I considered a BFF for so many years, since I was a kid … and not having that anymore.  Well, I have SBFF and she is wonderful, but there is distance between us (physical, lol) and it isn’t the same.  I don’t really have any close girlfriends here.  Not that I have spare time either, I guess.  But it is sort of sad.  It hit me that we do trick or treating together every year .. and what if we don’t this year?  How do I explain that to my kids?  I guess that is what I am afraid of more … I don’t want them to suffer because of our broken friendship.  We still IM here or there, but it isn’t the same. 

Okay, I am glad I made myself check in.  Need to shower.  No more food tonight.  I need to plan the rest of the week.  This isn’t a good week … breakfast and lunch at the conference Thurs, and dinner on the way home, then Friday also dinner out at night and Saturday (staying at R’s, coming home Sat).

I am rambling and all over the place.  It feels nice to just write without obsessing over details like essays … lol

I didn’t get here yesterday, did I?  No, between work I was doing a report (my first “official”) for my Global Climate Change course.  A little frustrating at times, but manageable.  I also ate well, EXERCISED! (Firm Kickboxing/Weights DVD), did laundry, prepped veggies for today’s crockpot dinner, watched the second hour of More to Love, and did an evening orientation via the phone for an employee who couldn’t make the day session.  BUSY day!  But a good one!

One not good thing that happened to me late Monday night that I didn’t get to write about: I was plagiarised!  ALREADY!  One of my assignments that was posted on a discussion board in our “classroom” was copied - WORD for WORD, the first half - then the second half (same format) she stole an example off the internet! (yes I googled and found it!) and substituted that - and even copied my TITLE and then - rocket scientist she was - posted it herself as her assignment.  On the same discussion board of course.  I was FLOORED.  The instructor removed her assignment and told me she was going handle it, she will not tolerate assignments being copied.  Personally, I wanted her kicked out of class.  :-D  Can you believe it?

And did she think no one would notice?  Grrrr.

Still nothing from MBFF since Sunday - I texted her to see how the mutual friend (well her friend, my acquaintance) was doing who had been in an accident, she answered, but that was it. (She is doing better).  I need a new acronym for MBFF … she is not even really a friend anymore.  Or, no friend I would like to have. 

From now on she is CFF: Crappy Former Friend.

Food today:

• B: Egg beaters on EM, coffee
• S: 2 dark choc squares (oops)
• L: LC Lemon Chicken
• S: Apple or Banana
• D: Crockpot beef stew

Other to do: Exercise DVD, finalize writing collage assignment, vacuum all floors, more laundry, reading assignment for GCC, discussion with just DS12 (already a bit overwhelmed with 8th grade) with tv off and no interruptions

Drink water!  Water has been reallllllllllllly bad lately.  I have a bottle sitting here.  For 45 minutes.  Unopened.  Untouched.

Have a fabulous day!

It was a weekend of lots of noise, stress, a few tears shed over the Distributive Law of Algebra, too much apple crisp, not enough movement.  And not enough sleep.  That about sums it up.  Oh, and HOA meeting, did not resign yet. Volunteered to meet with landscaper at 8:30 am tomorrow before work.  It’s all my own fault.

Sleepver was exactly what any sleepover with 8 children from ages 5 - 15 would be: crazy.  But trying to do schoolwork during it?  Certifiably insane.  I am actually GLAD it is Monday!  Except that I have therapy at 4:30 and not much to discuss.  I am sure it will come to me.

Food today:

• Breakfast: Jumbo Rice Krispies, half banana, 1% milk
• Snack: Pear
• Lunch: Chicken Salad on Honey Wheat Bread, Pretzels
• Snack: Other half banana, 1 dark choc square
• Dinner: Either taco salad or Buffalo chicken wrap

4:30 Therapy.  6 pm dinner, time with kids, laundry, dishes, cleaning, lunches … 7:30 pm workout?  8:30 - 10:30 reading/school work?

Sigh.

Oh, Saturday was the first day I have seen MBFF since the incident, though I am not sure what the incident itself is?  Oh, standing up for myself? Doing what I think is right instead of what she wants me to do? Yeah, that was it.  She acted as if nothing had ever happened, as if there weren’t a weird gap where she didn’t call me for four weeks but IMed and texted me daily.  Ignoring is not the answer either.  Then she texted me yesterday - didn’t just pick up the phone to call, TEXTED - to ask me if the kids could stay a couple extra hours.  Typical me, I feel guilty, but really ladies I couldn’t do it, couldn’t take that many extra kids running around because I HAD to go food shopping and get some work done … so while I didn’t say NO outright, I was very annoyed that she didn’t ask ahead of time, and also then I had to provide lunch for five extra children when I wasn’t planning or prepared for that!  So she did come and get them (but still was an hour, hour and a half later than usual) and I haven’t heard from her since.

And I am okay with that.

Okay ladies, have a good day.  Be healthy!

My slumber party just increased to 8 children.  Oh boy!  Good thing I am just making a big pan of baked ziti and apple crisp for dessert … though I do have LOTS of apples to peel.

I took the twins out for a BTS dinner last night.  Honestly, I wasn’t even hungry AT ALL.  (That is what eating half a row of reduced fat ritz crackers before you go out will do)  I ordered the crab cake appetizer with a side of mashed potatoes.  I ate most of it anyway.  It was really yummy.  I registered for mymathlab last night and toyed around in that.  I have some math homework to do later today.

Today’s To-Do:

• Exercise: Wanted to do Get Chiseled but I am cringing at the thought of getting back into the swing of things with the hardest DVD I have, so I am going to do the kickboxing one I have anyway.  Which is still with weights and no easy feat.
• Food shopping: Stuff for today and to get me through the week, hopefully!
• Math homework, Reading for Global Climate Change
• OIL CHANGE this afternoon before the kids arrive!

I think that is it for today.  HOA Board mtg is moved to tomorrow evening which works better for me.  This should be my last one as I plan on resigning.  Yeah, I have been saying that for four years!  But now I have school to juggle as well, and it simply is more important.  It will take up a lot of my time and I don’t want the free time I do have with my kids to be eaten up by HOA stuff.

I am stalling.  Need to get started.  Need more coffee first.