Posted by gum232 on May 10th, 2011 |Filed Under ME |
A crazy thought came out in a text today - I’ve been trying to lose weight for 30 years. What? Seriously? Yep! No skinny pictures of this ole gal. I’ve always been “overweight”. Hub met and married me this way. BTW - speaking of getting married - I could probably fit in my wedding dress if I had it. Didn’t want any potential children that we would have to have this physical condition so I bought it used and sold it after. 30 years! Wow that’s a long time. Doesn’t seem possible but it’s possibly even longer than that. How many methods have I tried? Do you know how many you’ve tried? Kind of hard to sit and count huh?
I’ve always said that there’s not an overweight person on the planet that doesn’t know what they need to do to lose weight but it’s finding the right method and support that work for you. Well… I might have to take that back. To a point that is true but after the last 3 months of changing my mindset, setting personal goals, staying focused (obsessed) and NOT GIVING UP, I could say that although the support is great and so on - it has to come from within. Deep in my being I have the urge, the desire, the longing to be a healthier person. I’m completely done - stick a fork in me (LOL)- with looking like this. I’m a beautiful person on the inside and outside, it’s just that now is my time to put myself first. It truly is a passage. This is a passage, and a shedding of my “exoskeleton”, on a journey to the real me. Walls have been built around myself, the true me, the person that everyone judges by the exoskeleton of obesity. I’m really not a paranoid person and not one to typically care what others think but people judge you - no matter.
Sometimes you know you’re the biggest person in a given group, party, situation, etc. You might be scared to go and do certain things not knowing of the seating, etc. that could be uncomfortable, if you fit at all, much less, Lord forbid, that you break something! I refuse to purchase two airline tickets IF and when I ever get the courage and money to fly somewhere. There’s a trip planned to go to an amusement park soon, talk about scary?! I want to have fun too. Paddleboats? That could be interesting if I have the courage to attempt that.
Well, anyways, back on topic… I cleaned out my closet last night. Had clothes piled here, there and everywhere I think - pants, skirts, shirts, tanks, too big, don’t want, wrong season, good enough to donate and trash. If it’s too big… get rid of it! Hmmmm??? Can I cut these sleeves off and use this shirt over the summer? What can I do with…? STOP IT! I purged! I did it. Well the bags are ready to be carried off anyways. TWO sizes down in 3 months! Not too disappointed in that at all. Not too disappointed in me! I AM DOING IT FOR ME! Don’t lose weight for anyone, anything, or any reason other than when you are ready. Find the strength and focus from within yourself and stay on track. I’m not doing it for new clothes, for being able to move around in chair and not fill it completely, to look better, or any other reason than that I AM DOING IT FOR ME! All the other “stuff” is perks for successfully reaching short term goals towards the end goal.