20thFebruary

Party Pooper

That’s what I feel like.  I’ve just this second made the decision not to go to the girl’s weekend.  I’ve been wrestling with all the following:

Reasons to go:
They’re counting on me.
I made a commitment.
Cheryl and I are supposed to make breakfast for everyone.
Sistah Pam’s feelings will be hurt.

Reasons not to go:
I won’t get up there until late this afternoon.
I’d have to head home right after fixing breakfast tomorrow.
It’s POURING rain.
I have to work half a day and just want to come home and enjoy some downtime with DH.
There’s no phone reception and the directions Pam gave me yesterday evening are more of those “turn left at the fork in the road after you see the sign for Sycamore Land Trust and then go until you see a yellow sign” kind of directions.
The cabin address doesn’t show up on mapquest OR my GPS.

I just made the decision, a couple of minutes ago, that I’m not going and I feel guilty as all get out.  I don’t want to hurt Pam’s feelings but, in my current state of mind, it seems like I’d be going just to fulfill obligations and not for enjoyment.  I feel rushed and nervous about finding the place and I cringe at the thought of driving two hours through unfamiliar territory in a downpour.  Without a phone signal… I don’t know if I’m doing a good thing by taking it off my shoulders or doing a terrible thing to cancel at the last minute.  I feel like I’m letting people down but then I feel like it’s supposed to be fun and it’s more like an extreme obligation at the moment.

At least Cheryl called me last night.  She and I are supposed to fix breakfast for everyone and she said just to call her and let her know if I decided not to go and she’d take care of breakfast.  I wish I had time to go ahead and fix a breakfast casserole so she’d just have to pop it in the oven.  DH could take it over to her while I’m at work.  She said she’s heading out around 9:00 or 10:00 this morning.  Guess I’ll call her in an hour or so and let her know.

And now, feeling like I’ve let everyone down and I’m not a good friend, I’m going to get ready and go to work.  As guilty as I feel, I’m still feeling a huge sigh of relief.

5 Comments

brseay says 20th February @ 8:06

Patty,
Listen to the relieved side of yourself. Sometimes you just need a break and if you’re going out of obligation then your heart won’t be in it. Making the casserole was a generous gesture that shows everyone you’re not dumping them, it just didn’t work out.

And, as always, thanks for being there. I feel a lot better this morning after reading the comments you and Sarah left. I’m not naive enough to believe that all of the stress will go away b/c I slept last night but you guys reminded me that it’s ok to not charge ahead 100% and that maybe I need to dial things back a notch. This may just have to be one of those years where I tread water until summer and then go to town!

Enjoy some snuggle time w/DH :)

2dogs1lady says 20th February @ 11:27

SBrseay is 110% correct! You NEED to have time down for yourself. You NEED to give yourself a mental break.
It is ok to want time to de-stress and spend time with DH.

****************hugs****************

Eileen Jeanette says 20th February @ 11:53

You are doing the right thing for YOU and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Bravo for doing something to take care of yourself! There will be other weekends with your friends when you don’t feel quite so overwhelmed and crunched for time! Have a great time with your DH.

canadianchunky says 20th February @ 12:55

Pat, you have not let them down. Alternative plans were made. Yes, they will be sad you are not there but based on all items you listed, by going you will have lost the purpose of that weekend! The weekend was for you to get together, relax and enjoy yourself. Just looking at that weather forecast was stressful enough, then worrying about getting back to work etc. Where was the relaxation? Where was the fun? You’d spend most of the time worrying about leaving!

Start putting yourself first. I always say my New Year’s resolution is to become a more selfish person. I think you should use that as your mantra!

Cheers
Shari

delitaagain says 21st February @ 23:34

Okay, exhale. If someone did this to you with your reasons you would understand. Yes, there is a time to be responsible and there is also a time to say “no” politely and go home. Ya done good. =) Delita


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