That’s what I feel like. I’ve just this second made the decision not to go to the girl’s weekend. I’ve been wrestling with all the following:
Reasons to go:
They’re counting on me.
I made a commitment.
Cheryl and I are supposed to make breakfast for everyone.
Sistah Pam’s feelings will be hurt.
Reasons not to go:
I won’t get up there until late this afternoon.
I’d have to head home right after fixing breakfast tomorrow.
It’s POURING rain.
I have to work half a day and just want to come home and enjoy some downtime with DH.
There’s no phone reception and the directions Pam gave me yesterday evening are more of those “turn left at the fork in the road after you see the sign for Sycamore Land Trust and then go until you see a yellow sign” kind of directions.
The cabin address doesn’t show up on mapquest OR my GPS.
I just made the decision, a couple of minutes ago, that I’m not going and I feel guilty as all get out. I don’t want to hurt Pam’s feelings but, in my current state of mind, it seems like I’d be going just to fulfill obligations and not for enjoyment. I feel rushed and nervous about finding the place and I cringe at the thought of driving two hours through unfamiliar territory in a downpour. Without a phone signal… I don’t know if I’m doing a good thing by taking it off my shoulders or doing a terrible thing to cancel at the last minute. I feel like I’m letting people down but then I feel like it’s supposed to be fun and it’s more like an extreme obligation at the moment.
At least Cheryl called me last night. She and I are supposed to fix breakfast for everyone and she said just to call her and let her know if I decided not to go and she’d take care of breakfast. I wish I had time to go ahead and fix a breakfast casserole so she’d just have to pop it in the oven. DH could take it over to her while I’m at work. She said she’s heading out around 9:00 or 10:00 this morning. Guess I’ll call her in an hour or so and let her know.
And now, feeling like I’ve let everyone down and I’m not a good friend, I’m going to get ready and go to work. As guilty as I feel, I’m still feeling a huge sigh of relief.