3 Positive things about me today

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1. I am a good farm worker.  I have been caring for baby calves for 3 weeks.

2. I am cutting back in my diet pop.  today I gave in to my craving-but I am still drinking less than before/not giving up.

3. I have had no chips for 2 weeks.

This is me at 250 lb in 2001. I am learning to love myself and be more confident. I do love me and I am never going back.

cold, whiny and eating

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Just a thought.  I need to practice what I preach.  I need to cut myself some slack. NOT.  I’ve been grouchy, and pouty and really sad.  I am feeling sorry for myself and it stops now.  Way more energy spent feeling unhappy and it changes nothing.

S0 just for tomorrow I will think about others, be more positive and not stress over the small stuff.

I’ll report tomorrow on my success.

Love myself more, I promise!

H.

Tomorrows another day

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I made a promise and tried to cut back on diet coke this week.  I failed.   I need to come up with a better plan.

I cannot buy cases or big bottles anymore.  I will replace 1 can each week with more green tea or water.  No more cases of pop in the house.  I will buy enough to avoid the headaches for the next 2 weeks.  I will remind myself this is for my health.  It is for my liver, stomach, kidneys and rest of my  body.

I will exercise 3 times this week/ and talk to 3  positive people each day.

Tomorrow is another day and I will try again.  I will never give up.  I can do this.

Heahter

Monday weigh-in at TOPS

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I’ve got a few days to catch up on.  Monday night weigh-in at tops  went well.  Partially because of starting this blog and refocusing on making healthy choices.  I was down 1.25 lbs, and back under 200.  I was at my highest last week since 2010 and it scared me.  I could not help telling the group about finding this website and how it gave a fresh start and new way to record my journey.

Being over 200 again made me wonder how I could let this happen again.  I’m the leader of our tops weight loss group, I lost 94 lbs between 2001-2003 and then blew it all away.  I was feeling like a failure and loser.  It is so hard because when you are an emotional eater you feel like you are not in control.  Things that happen in your life make you look to food for the comfort you are not getting. At least that’s what can happen to me. Not anymore

On Tuesday I started my Diet Pop Dependence Decrease.  This is going to be hard. But I will keep on trying to drink less pop and more water and some tea.  Even tried coffee again-still not for me.

Got to go, chores are calling.

H

Family day

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Today I will focus on family.  My dad is busy making wooden cut-outs my my class.  He is cutting out teapots for mother’s day.  I know they will love them!  AND EVEN THOUGH i KNOW MOM will have my favorite foods I will remain in control.

H

Why did 50 lb come back!

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This is me Christmas 2011.  Since then I have gained 15 lbs.  I  have struggled to maintain the weight 93.75 Lb I lost in 2001-2203.  Because I was Manitoba Provincial Queen in TOPS( take off pounds Sensibly ) I allowed myself to enjoy the rewards of praise, the pats on the back and then the temptation to rely on others for my success.    I forgot to keep being committed to all the things that had brought me to my new size 12.  I  never felt secure  in my weight loss success, I always feared the weight would come back.  Then it started to happen.  Little by little  the weight has come back.  Like the Fred Penner song `The Cat Came Back the very next day` it seems like yesterday I was in size 12, then 13/14 and now 16.  I stopped believing in myself.  I stopped fighting the temptation  and even worse I began to battle depression.

So I have to acknowledged that in the Battle vs weight loss in

Round 1:

  1. I had success on weight loss.  Between Jan.2001-2003 I lost 94 lbs.

Round 2.

  1. Since 2004 I have gained back 45 lbs
  2. Having this blog is just one little step in order for me to take back control.
  3. So today weighing 200 lbs I have decided to change the focus of my weight gain from concentrating on food to focusing on the reasons why I don`t like my body and sometimes my life.
  4. I am looking for people to surround me that are positive and energetic.
  5. I want to help others and be more outgoing.

At 45 yrs old( Feb. 13)  I feel ready to make better choices for me.  Yeah me!

Cold outside and I need some caffeine!

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I had a busy day-and lots went right and wrong.  Up at 6:15 with a headache from sinus and diet pepsi withdrawal.  So I broke down and had a can…the thing is I still had a headache after so took an advil.   I had  lots  on my mind.  It’s -23c with a wind chill of -34 today and have to travel to the city an 1 hour1/2  away.  My Dr. appointment went well.  Blood pressure down -check !  Don’t have to go back for 6 months- check, check!!  So i had another can of diet pepsi and lunch when I got to the city.  My girl Deb is a great support and a good listener.  I look forward to our appointments.

Now off to the  City of Walmart for it now has groceries, and full fresh produce department.  It is overwhelming to this country girl.  By the time I got home I had 1 more pop  and sat in front of tv long enough for my dog to bark and want out.  She is my little fuzzy girl and we love her very much.  We are true “Pet Parent”.  I guess that’s it for today.

I will try to have no more than 4 cans tomorrow, and to exercise in the morning.  Fingers crossed.

Breakfast- porridge and  toast with an orange.

Dinner- BBQ chicken mini wrap, and sm chicken soup, water

Snack – bran muffin, water, diet pepsi

Supper- med. fries, veggie stick(in car on way home)

Little steps

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I have tried before and not followed through.  I’m talking about giving up diet coke.  It’s been my crutch for almost 30 yrs.  Since I don’t drink coffee I have relied on it for my power boost but lately its causing more grief than its worth.  I even switched to its arch enemy  diet PEPSI in the hopes the taste would turn me off, but my taste adapted and I am now drinking as much of it as i did d. coke.  I have read other comments from people who have been able to stop and have a friend who gave up pop and will use her support to get me through this.

I don’t mean to sound so dramatic, but I am putting this down as it feels like I have  a mountain on my back.  I really do have an addiction and the diet coke fuels my food choices I make.

I am making a promise to myself to drink 1 less d. pop today.  Will be back tomorrow to report.

H.

Hello world!

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This is a very scary thing-I’m going to keep a journal of my journey  to a happier me! I  have a doctors appt. on Wed. and he’ll ask me how I feel and I’ll say I’m fine,  instead of how i  really feel.  I am responsible for my own happiness.  Must believe  in myself.  I can’t remember the last time weighed  this much. I can only believe this is a chance for me to begin again. I going to sign off and will be back tomorrow.


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