Losin it in Paradise

Obsession

Do you ever wonder why we are so obsessed with food?  I think it is because we diet.  And the minute we start a diet all we can think about, talk about, dream about, plan about and obsess about is food.

Think about it….from the minute you start a diet, even a good one like WW which will tell you it is not a diet, you have to start thinking about food.  From the minute you get up in the morning until the last thing at night your thoughts are on food.  What can I eat, how many calories, points, fat, carbs, yikes, it is no wonder that we are always feeling “hungry” all we ever think about is food. 

I wake up wondering what I can eat that day, and then plan the days food points, keep track of them on my little daily food tracker and then with delight or dread I tally them up, and then go to bed planning the next day what I can eat and where I can juggle and jiggle to maybe get that little bit of something extra in for a treat……food, food, food…..it is a plot to keep us obsessed.

The skinnies, to steal a phrase from Round, do not think about food.  It is just there, they eat it to feed their bodies, they do not obsess over it.  They do not plan and plot and track, and write down every little morsel that goes into their mouths.  One day they may finish everything on their plates and the next they may take one bite and push the plate away because they have had what they want and they don’t obsess with the fact that they left food on their plate…..OMG….

I remember going to lunch with a skinny and we ordered burgers and fries and I am scarfing down my lunch like it will be my last meal the entire time mentally calculating the calories and fat content and wondering how much I can shave off the week to make up for the points of this one meal, when the skinny had the nerve to push her plate away after only two or three bites of her burger and none of the fries and totally ignore it like it wasn’t even there and chat and visit and laugh with me as she sipped her drink and smoked a cigarette and had a great time.  All the while never noticing her left over food and the fact she LEFT OVER 3/4 OF HER MEAL ON THE PLATE.   I was the one obsessing with the fact that I had eaten my entire meal and SHE LEFT FOOD ON HER PLATE.  I was the one no longer enjoying the lunch because all I could think about was my empty plate and her full one and the fact that it did not bother her that she LEFT ALMOST HER ENTIRE MEAL ON HER PLATE.    She didn’t care, she was enjoying being out and visiting and chatting and having lunch.  It was not about the food, it was the company and the day and she had had enough and was fine, I was not.   I even thought about cleaning off her plate when she went to the bathroom and only stopped myself for fear that she would notice and think I was even a bigger pig.  My whole meal was ruined, my whole dinner out was ruined because SHE did not finish her meal.    I never went out for lunch with her again, how sad is that.

I don’t want to think about food, I don’t want to OBSESS about food.  It has taken control of my life.  I was raised by alcoholic parents and I brag how I am in control, that I never allow alcohol to control MY life, no not me, I am too fuckin strong for that shit.  WTF, no way I just let something like burgers and fries control my life.   So I am a foodoholic 🙁   Unfortunaltely unlike alcohol which you can give up 100% and never touch another drop you must have food to survive, your body need fuel to live, and the fuel is food.  I just wish my body thought is was a volkswagen instead of a 3 ton duelly

So one of my goals, and I have plenty in this new leaf I want to turn over, is to stop obsessing about food.  I am no longer going to keep my little food diary.  And trust me when I tell you how much that hurts.  I feel like I am losing some kind of reward not seeing the points in print, but I have to stop thinking about it all the time.  I am going to do a mental calculation at the TIME of my meal and stay within my points but no longer look for gratification with my little weight charts and food diaries.  It just adds to MY ADDICTION, MY OBSESSION.

MY VICE, MY WEAKNESS, MY CRUTCH, MY COMFORT,  MY FOOD….

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