It’s has been a few days since I have been able to make an update. I have been insanely busy with work and play rehearsal and get togethers with Bridesmaid to plan bachelorette parties and showers etc (I am a bridesmaid in two weddings this fall). Fortunately though this morning I stepped on the scale and it read 140lbs! I am so happy. I just need to keep this healthy eating and exercising up and I will be in the 130s before long.
I was able to contain myself last night. I only had two drinks and half a slice of cheese pizza. I also drank a ton of water and rode my bike to and from the party.
Today I was ok. It was my birthday celebration at my grandparents who are notorious for making way too much food and none of it is ever healthy. I convinced them to serve grilled chicken and Caesar salad but they are not used to cooking healthy so they inevitably cooked two types of cheesy potatoes and stove top stuffing. Carb over load! I always feel Ill when I get back from their house but today I ate a chicken breast, a small serving of potatoes and some salad. I drank a ton of water and ate slowly so I wouldn’t be pressured to eat a second helping. There was cake afterwards and I had a small piece. Well i asked for a small piece and got a big piece but I only ate half sharing the rest with my husband. I didn’t feel sick when getting home from their house.
I also went for a hike, swim and bike ride today. To work off some of the calories. I don’t think that I will see a loss tomorrow but I shouldn’t see a gain.
I also have an interesting revelation to report. My younger sister is very attractive. Everyone always says that we look like twins but I have always thought of her as much prettier and much thinner than myself. She is 6 years younger and being in college she still spends summers home with my dad who has a pool. At my birthday lunch we all decided to take a dip in my family’s pool. I hadn’t brought my swim suit so I borrowed one of my sister’s. It fit perfectly, actually it looked rather good on me. I had been terrified that I wouldn’t fit in that suit and I looked nice. It made me wonder why I think she is thinner and better looking when we look alike, weigh close to the same amount and dress similar?
Ok so despite a BBQ with friends last night the scale said 141lbs this morning!!! Yay! 3 more lbs until I am in the 130s!! I was actually really good last night but I didn’t totally starve my self. I had a margarita but I made it with zero calorie Crystal Light and I limited myself. I had a few chips with guacamole but only a few. I filled my plate with salad and wild rice and chose a banana for dessert. I felt satisfied but not sick- I always hate the sick feeling I have after parties or get togethers. I also got up early and rode my bike to the gym and worked out for an hour! Yay me!
Nowi just need to get through today and tomorrow’s parties without over indulging.
It has been a few days but I am seeing a bit of progress. I weighed in last night at 142lbs. So that is a bit of progress at any rate. I need to avoid the pitfalls of this weekend. Tonight my husband and I are hosting a BBQ for friends, tomorrow I am helping with a stag and doe engagement party for one of my best girls and Sunday I will be celebrating my birthday with my family. These are all occasions with plenty of opportunity to over eat. I do fine when I don’t have anything bad to eat around me. At home my husband and I buy only healthy food and I take healthy meals to work with me for lunch but I have a busy social life and it always seems like there is an excuse to eat poorly or over eat. I need to learn how to have a taste and then back off. I don’t need to stuff my face - even when my friends are.
I have realized that if I didn’t have so many social engagements I would be thin- I wouldn’t trade my life for anything though so I need to make adjustments to my eating habits.
Angry at myself for gaining 20 lbs over the past 18 months, angry at my husband for under appreciating me, angry at the world basically.
Why can’t I lose weight and keep it off? Why am I either starving myself or stuffing my face like a flabby glutton? This cycle is ridiculous! Please Dear God just let me lose 15lbs. I would also like to lose at least 10 before I go to Europe.
I wish I could channel this anger into results. I am heading for the gym later today and will also be taking the dog for a walk.
That is how I can describe this week’s progress. Monday and Tuesday were ok. I was motivated and did ‘t have any social engagements in the evening. Well, Wednesday rolled around and I couldn’t stop munching at book club, then Rhursday I was at a play rehearsal and succumbed to wine, Friday my husband and I gorged on snacks at a dinne with friends and Saturday I totally threw caution to the wind and bough an ice cream from dairy queen on my way home from shopping, gorged on snacks at a BBQ and had five cocktails at an engagement party!
This morning I am tired, bloated, retaining Water and just where I was last week.
If I keep up this way I will never lose any weight! I really need to check in here everyday to make sure I am staying on track. This coming week I have a dinner with my mom for my birthday, a dinner with ,y grandparents for my birthday and another engagement party this weekend. I need to get it together. I am freakin’ fat!!
Ps for anyone who maybe reading this. I am typing on my iPad and I tend to make a lot of mIstakes that are difficult to correct so bear with me.
I don’t want to be a fatty in Europe zamongst gazelles. Ugh.
I need to stop lying to myself and admit something horrifically embarrassing. When I wear skirts or dresses in hot weather my thighs have started rubbing together. This is awful. This should have been a sign months ago to me that I needed to lose weight but I ignored it and chalked it up to the humidity. I need to take ownership of it and admit - my thighs are only rubbing because I am getting fat! I am short I shouldn’t weigh 144lbs. It is just too much for someone my height.
Usually when I wear skirts I am going to work at an office. I walk from the house to the car and from the car to my desk and then every so often from my desk to the water cooler or washroom. The amount of walking I do on a normal skirt wearing day does not produce much rubbing. Unfortunately I wore a skirt to tour around New Orleans a few weeks back and I ended the day with these awful red angry rub marks on both of my thighs. My first thought was to get some bicycle shorts to wear under skirts in the future. Then it dawned on me that fat people have to wear shorts under their skirts to prevent chaffing. It is extra hot and I shouldn’t have to wear an extra layer underneath my skirt to prevent my jiggly thighs from rubbing against one another. I need to lose some weight is what I need to do!
Here I go again! I am back several months later with little to no progress made. I was doing insanely well and was on track to be at my goal by now but I just can’t seem to get it together. Every time I make some progress I fall off the wagon and back into my old habits of gym skipping and carb eating. Well here I am again trying to get back to 125lbs. I really just want to be able to be proud of myself and not feel self conscious!
I am back to 144lbs. No excuses no lying to myself. I am fat. I am unhappy about it. I am the only person who can change this. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!
I am travelling to Europe in August. I don’t want to cringe when I look at pictures of myself cycling the Belgian Countryside or Standing under the Eiffel Tower. These are memories that will last a lifetime and I want to look great!
If I lose 2lbs a week until my departure date I should be able to lose 12lbs and be 132lbs. Not my ideal weight but not too far from it.
I have disabled comments on this blog. Not because I don’t want feedback but because the number of spam comments trying to sell me something were overwhelming to deal with.
So it has been awhile since I last posted but the good news is I am on track. I weighed in yesterday morning at 140lbs! That means I have lost 8lbs! I know that doesn’t seem like a lot but my goal weight is between 125 and 130lbs so I am about 12lbs away. I have been working out and eating right for a few weeks now and I feel a lot better about myself. I just need to make sure I don’t fall off the wagon. On April 19th I have a reunion of sorts to go to with people from my post graduate program. I haven’t seen most of these people since I graduated 3 years ago. At that time I was 125lbs. I don’t want to show up fatter! Some of these people were absolutely insufferable and I know it is vain but it would make me so happy to show up looking absolutely fabulous!
I’m back - it has been awhile. I fell of the wagon - I gained some back. I have been exhausted and over worked and busy and I need to start taking care of myself for once! I got a few new sports bras though and they are really comfortable! yay bras!
I am going to start with a few goals that are a bit different:
- go to the gym to feel better
- drink water
- take time to relax
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