Well here I am back after a prolonged absence and all my progress has been eroded. Same old story, I know I know. I am 145lbs again. I think though I have finally realized my problem. I have been entirely burnt out for two yearss. My weight gain started in Jan 2011. I got promoted into a more demanding job, I started taking courses outside of work and I have acted in amateur theatre several nights a week since then. I am exhausted at the start of the day, exhausted at the end of the day and exhausted every moment in between. I feel like I have been running on a hamster wheel with no way to get off. Get up, work, come home do homework,head to rehearsal, fall into bed repeat! Except throw in a whirlwind sightseeing trip to Europe, being a bridesmaid in three weddings, my grandparents 60 wedding anniversary, weekly band rehearsals etc and you get a very tired woman! I used to go to the gym 5-6 days a week – now I am lucky if I get there twice. I also used to eat really healthy foods but now I mostly crave sugar for the energy rush it gives me ( short-lived as it is). I gained 15lbs in 5 short months at the beginning of 2011 and have been fighting unsuccessfully to lose it ever since.

I am a week and a half away from doing a two week run on the stage in an amateur production. I have made the decision that when it is finished I will not audition for another show or help out backstage at the theatre for 6 months. I need to have some down time. I need to relax and I need to focus on my health. For the next two and a half weeks I am going to do my best to make it to the gym when I can and eat as healthily as possible- but I am not going to put any weight loss expectations on my self because it is just unrealistic to think that I can lose weight when I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. When November comes I am going to get serious about this weightless thing. I think that in the 6 months I am giving myself to relax I should be able to lose the 15lbs I gained. And from now on- I really need to let myself just be instead of filling every hour with some sort of activity or obligation. I am tired all the time – no wonder I am gaining weight.