Back problems

Posted dominodreams on October 18th, 2011 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »

I went to my personal trainer on Friday and it… wasn’t good.  I have been really gung-ho about working out lately, despite my really unfortunate schedule.  I work 8-5 with a 45-60 minute commute, so working out is pretty difficult when I don’t get home until 6pm or later.  I’ve never been a workout junkie, so it’s been a pretty big deal that I’ve been working out at all.

We did some leg lifts and crunches, but when we got to the step-ups he added weight to the 2nd and 3rd sets and I think that did me in.  I have a compressed disk and in trying to maintain balance against weight pulling me back I twisted something funny.  It didn’t put me on the ground right away, but I felt the cramp coming on and it just got worse.  I texted Eric later that night and told him that I just can’t add weight to anything yet.  I need to get my core strong first, and I can’t focus on that if I’m trying to focus on adding weight.

Working out is no longer just about losing weight and “getting fit” – whatever that really means.  Working out is about getting healthy to the point where I can live a normal life again.  I am determined to get strong and when I have these setbacks it kills my motivation.  Lying in bed on Friday night, unable to move, I cried.  I cried hard.  I cried so hard it hurt.  I can’t quit.  It simply isn’t an option.  But it’s so difficult to keep hope alive when the littlest thing knocks me flat on my back – literally.

I have an appointment on Tuesday with a physical therapist at a full-service physical therapy center.  They do fitness and massage therapy, as well as all the regular physical therapy stuff.  If I go there once a week, go to see Eric once a week, and go to the gym and work out with my sponsor once a week, then that’s three times a week.  I also got new sneakers so I can go walking at lunch with my coworker.  We’re thinking of joining a gym down the street from the office so we can keep walking during the winter.  🙂  Just having a place to go, too, might be really good.  I don’t even need to work up a sweat, actually.  It would be great to just get out of the office, put on some sneakers and go for a walk, even if it’s on a treadmill.  It’s even better than a smoke break!  🙂

*sigh*  Back to work…

Back on the wagon

Posted dominodreams on October 14th, 2011 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »

Holy crap, it’s been way too long!  It’s been 2 years since I was 155lbs.  I’m at 179lbs right now.  I’ve been on Weight Watchers for 3 weeks and I’ve lost 5lbs.  I’m excited, but I think looking through my old blog posts is depressing me.

Tonight I’m going to see my personal trainer.  Last week I got a free session and this week I’m starting my paid sessions.  I have to strengthen my core.  I HAVE TO strengthen my core.  My back is so bad that if I don’t fix this, lose some weight and strengthen my muscles I will be using a cane by the time I’m 35…  Or earlier.

But I’ve lost 5lbs and I’m starting to really work out – more than just cardio.  I have a great support system and I know that I can do this.  I just have to keep it up.


Posted dominodreams on October 6th, 2009 | Filed under Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

This morning I weighed in at 155lbs! Yea, the first 5lbs is probably the easiest, as my body has yet to adjust to the fewer calories I’m eating. But I’m excited! It’s actually working!

I love having a structure, a system that finally works for me. It’s getting easier to stay on plan, too. I’m still snacking for most of the morning, but I’m making better choices and I’m spacing out my snacks. At 7am I have breakfast at home – a bowl of cereal, only 1 serving – and then between 8 and 9 I toast my egg sandwich at work while I make a cup of tea. About 10 I’ll have a piece of fruit and at noon I have a Fiber One bar (I’m not usually hungry enough to take time out for lunch). Then at about 1 or 2 I’ll make myself a ham and cheese sandwich with 2 slices of ham, 1 slice of cheese and an Arnold sandwich thin. I’m quickly getting used to not putting mayo or anything on it, which is awesome.

Then I can usually make it to 5, when I get home, but I will probably have another piece of fruit. And then for dinner it’s all up in the air. Sometimes I’ll make an egg frittata, or a chicken breast with vegetables. Or, depending on how much snacking I do, if I have enough points I might get myself a steak. Yum.

I feel good! I feel like I have a framework to help me gauge my ‘performance’ when it comes to food. I have a concrete reason to not eat that muffin or bagel. Before it was just like “I’m hungry. That’s healthy, right? I mean, it’s a bagel! It’s healthy!”… I could justify basically anything. But now I can say “Okay, that bagel is 5 points. Would I rather have that bagel or two Fiber One bars AND a piece of fruit?”

Sometimes all I need is a reason to not eat something that I don’t need to eat.

This weekend we went to a corn maze. There was funnel cake and bbq sandwiches and cotton candy. It was amazingly difficult to resist the funnel cake – I LOVE funnel cake! But I did it. I had a Fiber One bar and an apple instead. I was grumpy about not having a funnel cake, but after everyone was done eating theirs I felt better. I felt victorious. Yay!

And I thought about treating myself to a mini muffin this morning as I was staring at the breakfast platter in the break room, as a sort of reward for getting down to 155, but I decided against it. I don’t want to get in the habit of rewarding myself with food. I need to come up with an idea to reward myself with non-food. Hm.

I feel good today. Now I have to get down to business and get some of this work done that I’m way behind on.

1lb down, 17 to go!

Posted dominodreams on October 2nd, 2009 | Filed under Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

So I weighed in this morning at 157. Not a huge jump, and it’s probably just because I didn’t pig out last night, but I haven’t seen 157 in quite awhile.

I came up with a new breakfast. I’m proud of it because I didn’t use a recipe, I made it up from nowhere.
You can see my post about it here:

I also decided to count my fiber bars (Fiber One and Kellogg’s Fiber Plus) as 1 point instead of 2, because they legitimately have 9g of fiber, not to mention 10% of my daily value of calcium, and 2g of protein. Plus they’re super tasty. As long as I don’t eat more than 1 a day I think I can get away with an extra point. I’m going to customize the system to fit my needs. I need more fiber and more protein, and I definitely need more vitamins and minerals. I should take a supplement, but I already take so many pills, I don’t feel like adding yet another.

I’m getting kind of excited. Anna and her husband, Courtney, Ed’s friends/housemates/landlords are on WW, and they have the online tools that they’ve offered to share. Plus since we hang out with them pretty much all weekend I’ll be less tempted by otherwise fattening and highly caloric foods. Weekends have always been the toughest, because Ed and I usually go out for breakfast and dinner and generally most meals. I have weighed in every Monday at 160 since we got back from Italy. Hopefully I can keep this up.

I worked out again this morning. That was good. I didn’t work up as much of a sweat as I would have liked, but I did my time. I ended up taking a 40 min shower afterwards by accident. I took too long to shave my legs 🙁 But I managed to make it to work only 5 minutes late. 🙂

Anyway, this weekend should be interesting.

So far today:
1 serving of Quaker Oatmeal Squares cereal (I normally have 2 servings) [4 pts]
1 of my new egg sandwiches [2 pts]
1 cup of black tea with 1 packet of sugar and 1 serving of Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer [2 pts]
1 Kellogg’s Fiber Plus bar, chocolate chip [1 pt*]
1 apple (about to eat it) [1 pt]
Total so far today: 10 points

*2pts by the newest system, but counting as 1 pt for fiber 🙂

Too damn long

Posted dominodreams on September 30th, 2009 | Filed under Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

It’s been way too long since I’ve been here. My weight loss attempts have completely flopped.

A couple weeks after my last post I met a guy. The last time I seriously dated I gained 30 pounds. This time I’ve gained back all but 10lbs. I was actually doing alright, staying under 150ish for quite some time. But then we went to Italy for 10 days. Oh my god. So. Much. Food. The difficult thing about Italy is that everyone’s constantly pushing food on you. And it’s so difficult to resist the gelato. I feel like I should have taken a scale with me. Yup. I should have packed fewer clothes and a scale instead. Yea, I packed WAY too many clothes. But oh well. I know better now.

We’ve been dating for about 7 months now, and I’m completely head over heels for this guy, Eddie. He’s in such better shape than me. He works out a lot, runs regularly. When he goes to run on the weekends I go with him and walk. I try to push myself, but it’s hard, because I really can’t run. I have a herniated disc, so the impact is really bad for my back.

I quit working out for the longest time. I just didn’t have time to work out in the evening because he and I spent so much time together. But in the last month or so I’ve started up again. I only put in 10 minutes in the morning, usually 4 mornings a week. But I try to push myself. If I don’t work up a good sweat I’m not satisfied.

It’s been a month since we got back from Italy and I’ve lost hardly anything. It’s so different than the first time I lost weight. The first time I dropped 20lbs like *snap* that! And now it’s a struggle to keep off 2lbs! What gives?!

Ed has been a great influence on my eating habits, too, for the most part. He really takes care of his body, carefully monitoring his food intake, only eating healthy stuff. The problem, though, is that he doesn’t have a monetary constraint. He makes more than I do and he has far smaller bills than I do, plus his parents are still paying back money they owe him from a long time ago. So when he goes to the store he gets the low fat low calorie organic stuff and the healthiest stuff he can find. He gets Kashi granola bars because they’re tasty and healthy, but they cost $4 a box! And they’re never on sale!! It’s very frustrating because he just can’t help me shop. He also drinks Cherry Coke Zero. I can’t stand diet drinks. Not even the Splenda kind. I was drinking all natural fruit juice for awhile, but it has more calories than soda! I got some apple juice, which is good, and I like orange juice, which has good stuff. And I limit myself to one can of (caffeine-free) soda a day.

All this work should be paying off, right? Wrong. Those size 10s I was griping about being baggy? They aren’t baggy anymore. This morning I pulled out an old bag of 14s from the closet. Ugh. My face-fat is back. I really need to figure all of this crap out…

If anyone reads this, some support would be appreciated…

More clothing issues…

Posted dominodreams on February 2nd, 2009 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »

UGH! My size 10s are getting baggy now! Yes, this is a good thing. But I’m already tired of shopping. I did, however, get a couple pairs of jeans at JCPenney. $10 a piece on clearance, and they’re actually pretty cute. The best part is that they’re size 8.

I hit 149.5 briefly this weekend. Before the Superbowl. I weighed in at 152 this morning. Ugh. But I’m working out tonight, yoga tomorrow night, and there’s a belly dancing class on Wednesday night! It’s $80 for 8 weeks, so I’m hoping to join that. That would be so awesome, especially with my new skinnier body!

I’m loving being skinnier. It’s amazing what a different 10 or 15 pounds makes! I still feel hungry a lot, but I’m craving fruit and veggies more and sweets and gross stuff less. Just looking at myself motivates me to do things like turning down all the donuts and danishes that find their way through the office. It also helps me stop when I’m full – to resist getting up for an extra helping.

I’d like to make 140 by my birthday, which is July. I don’t think that’ll be a problem. But I want to be 140 at the most ON my birthday, which means the sooner I get there the longer I’ll be maintaining, which is awesome. It’s tough to keep up the exercise, though. I’ve never been addicted to anything, but I’d love to get addicted to exercising. I hope it gets easier soon. I’ve heard that if you keep it up for a month or two it becomes much easier after that. We’ll see. It’s been about a month so far, I think. Just gotta keep hanging in there. I’d like to work out on Fridays or the weekends, but I’ll be happy to get up to 4 days a week on weeknights.

Insurance silliness

Posted dominodreams on January 22nd, 2009 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »

So I had to sign this form for my health insurance company stating that yes, I have used tobacco products in the last six months. So I had to sign up for a smoking cessation program or they would charge me an extra $260 or something. Ok, no biggie.

I’m not a big smoker. In fact, I can barely be considered a smoker. I haven’t had a cigarette in almost two weeks. At the most I might have smoked 2 or 3 cigarettes a day – when it was stressful. I used to smoke more, when I was hanging out regularly with my ex-friend, Katie. She and her husband were chain smokers and it was hard to hang out with them without smoking. And when I get drunk at a bar, I usually smoke with my alcohol. But I don’t crave cigarettes unless I’m around people who are smoking. It’s a social thing. And I’ve discovered that it’s not even the smoke that I enjoy. It’s the deep breathing, holding something in my hand. I have to confess that I’m also a victim of the old media advertising smoking as sexy. Logically I know it’s not true, but I feel sexy and more confident when I have a cigarette in my hand.

I’ve always been a little bit of a tomboy. I enjoy hanging out with guys, and I find it’s easier to hang out with guys without the awkwardness if I can relate to them. Unfortunately this results in more friendships than anything. They think of me as a friend they can relax around rather than a girl they could have sex with. Smoking kindof ties into this whole thing. I don’t care about the “cute girl” image. I am who I am, so to speak. I don’t know, my self image is *all* twisted up. I know none of it makes sense, but I’m still in that weird young adult phase where I’m still trying to figure out who the real me is. It’s taking awhile, but being single really helps, because I don’t have to worry about maintaining this persona that this other person has gotten used to. I’m free to change as I want.

Anyway, moving on, the point of this monologue was that I got a call from my “Health Coach” last night. I was kinda hoping it would be a personal one-on-one kindof thing, but she just listed out the process and rules and such things like that. She wasn’t really interested in hearing a whole lot about what I’m actually doing to get healthy. I mean, she wasn’t putting me off, she was just trying to get through the meeting… But she probably has a ton of people doing the same thing as me. She said she pretty much threw out my tobacco cessation portion, since I barely smoke, if at all. I don’t know about all this stuff, it feels kind pointless.

So I weighed in this morning at 151. Whoo! Back on track. I think the exercising is helping. So is the yoga. It’s very relaxing. I wanted to do yoga last night, but after the business trip to Harrisburg yesterday and exercising, I just crawled into bed and watched tv until 10, and just did my bed stuff. I was pretty lazy, but it felt good. 🙂 I did meditate until I fell asleep.

I feel like I actually have a moderately healthy lifestyle now. I know it’s mostly because of my medications. But they give me the energy to stay somewhat active in the evening and they keep me in a good mood, without turning me into a zombie. I feel good about life, I feel like this is something I can tackle on my own, at last. I managed to clean most of my apartment and it’s stayed clean all week!! I think moving my coffee table into the corner helped. I don’t have somewhere immediately convenient to put stuff, so stuff doesn’t accumulate. Whoo! It’s seriously freaking awesome coming home and walking into a CLEAN and nice apartment!!!! I feel good in it, I feel like a normal person again.

NFC Championship… and pizza…

Posted dominodreams on January 19th, 2009 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »

Ate too much pizza this weekend. Beer didn’t help, lol.

I’m back to 154 (I was holding almost steady at 153). Don’t really know what happened, except maybe that I’ve been exercising (which doesn’t make sense, but that’s all that’s changed). I’m not really happy with holding steady so close to 155 for so long. I haven’t really budged hardly at all in the past few weeks. Thus far I’ve been encouraging myself by saying that I’m just maintaining for now and I’ll keep going as soon as I know that I *can* maintain 155, but I haven’t kept going in too long. I’m not happy with this.

I got some fruit yogurt parfaits – low in fat/cal. They’re just little pudding cup sized servings to calm my hungry at lunchtime. I’m totally addicted to Honey Bunches of Oats, especially the Peaches flavor (real freeze-dried peaches!!). I’ve been trying to take multivitamins, too, cause I know I’m not getting sufficient vitamins and minerals, and I worry that my body might be retaining fat to keep that from hurting me. I also picked up some unsweetened apple sauce to help with some, ah, digestive issues.

I cleaned my living room this weekend. That doesn’t sound like much, but if you’d seen the “before” picture of my living room you’d know what a feat it was. I had to take massive amounts of recycling out (which requires loading it into my car and driving it over to the recycling bins) and I moved some furniture around, which has left my forearms and wrists sore today. I felt good afterwards, though. I had been cleaning pretty much straight from 11am to 10pm or so. I was exhausted and sore, but I looked at my living room and for once I felt like this was more than my apartment – this was my home. And I really wanted to enjoy living here. I felt some determination to keep it looking and feeling so good.

I’m so excited about the changes I made. I have a great couch – a queen size sleeper – and an end table on either end. They don’t match, but all three pieces were free, so I’m NOT complaining at all! Plus I have a lamp on both end tables! It looks so middle class, lol. Now all I need is an mismatched La-Z-Boy in the corner (where there is actually room now!) and the set up will be complete! I might even get a bunch of fabric and cover the pieces to match a little bit. One end table is bright yellow with big goofy handles (from a kids’ room), so that will definitely need to be hidden. The other end table is a very well-weathered dark wood. It looks fine as it is.

I also switched the tv and the snake tank, which was a serious pain in the ass, because the tank weighs probably about 100+ pounds, without the contents or the table!! I managed to get some cardboard under it and slide it onto my trunk, which has wheels and drags easily. The table is not really a table but rather a piece of finished wood and three “legs” made out of three cinder blocks hot-glued together and covered with black fabric, so it’s not like I could just drag the whole thing over. But it’s a huge success, because now the tv is centered in front of the couch (finally!! no more sore neck!!) and the snake tank is away from the sliding glass door so it’ll hopefully stay a bit warmer. I also put some nails into the tv stand so it looks better and it’s sturdier.

I also vacuumed the hell out of the place! My new vacuum my parents got me is freakin awesome!! My handmade huge Turkish rug looks beautiful without the thick layer of cat hair… Though that won’t last long, lol.

I got home last night and almost got lost looking for the light because I didn’t recognize the place at all!! No more piles! No more junk!

Ugh! And yoga…

Posted dominodreams on January 16th, 2009 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »

I weighed in at 154.5 this morning. I was 153 last night. UGH! I even put in another 30 minutes on the elliptical yesterday! And I did yoga! Oh well. I really shouldn’t weigh myself every day. What I do need to do is get a calendar to keep track of my fluctuations and exercise schedule. I wonder if I can throw something together in Excel… That’s a good idea!!

Anyway, yea I did some yoga last night. I tried to remember some of the poses I picked up in class, but I ended up making up a lot of poses. Which I guess isn’t really a bad thing, since I didn’t hurt myself and it all felt good. By the end I felt stretched and loose. I listened to Enya while I was going to sleep. Though even that is a little much. Maybe I’ll see if I can find a natural-sounds cd, like running water and birds chirping or something. I find it very calming and helpful in meditating myself to sleep. I get some interesting dreams that way.

Speaking of which, I had a dream the other night that I swelled up like one of those short little fat kids with swollen faces full of cake. I looked in the mirror and started screaming and crying. It was awful! I think I might need to lay off the weight obsession so much and concentrate and being healthy. I went to the psychiatrist last night and I got to talk to him about my meds. I explained that I’ve noticed a change in appetite due to the Adderall, but that’s a change I’m willing to attack on my own. I’d rather stay on it and deal with that than get off of it, gain weight, and lose focus at work. (Though right now at work things are slow and I’m having a bit of difficulty again….)

Ugh…. back to work!

Shopping spree!

Posted dominodreams on January 15th, 2009 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »

Been posting a lot lately…

Last night after work I went shopping. Yea, I broke down and bought new pants instead of getting my old ones tailored… so sue me! But I spent about as much as it probably would have cost to get them tailored. I spent $35 on three pairs of pants and a long black cami. Penney’s is having a storewide clearance sale! Yay!

But yea, that was exciting! Then I got home kinda late and tried to blow off the elliptical by justifying my non-workout by telling myself that shopping had kinda worn me out. Ha! I managed to drag myself away from the computer and put in 30 minutes, part of it while talking to my parents on the phone. 🙂 I also gave away a pound of frozen ground beef to my friend. I’ve decided to stop eating red meat. When I’ve maintained my goal weight for awhile I might consider letting myself have a steak, but for the time being I’m just going to have to be satisfied with chicken.

Short entry for today. I’m kinda tired.