I have so many things on my plate right now. Going to school full-time, working, trying to shrink my waistline etc. I wish I could do one thing at a time. I also wish time would allow me to do all these things at once. *Clicks heels 3 times* Am I done yet?

*opens eyes* CRAP! still here and no closer to the finish line.

I am also learning/practicing the Law of Attraction. I read the Secret, saw the movie, and love the positive thinking; optimism and visualization techniques… right up my alley.  I’ve never been one to conform to the ‘norm’ or one to follow any particular doctrine or leader. I’ve always been very open minded and had out of the box ideas when it comes to spirituality and the realms of the “unknown”. I mean, by no means am I out to join a cult or anything. I’m not ready for anyone to make me shave all my body hair, marry a cousin or drink “the koolaid”, but the whole ‘thoughts become things’, mold your reality with positive thought, has a ring of truth to it. Up until this point in my life I’ve always doubted my abilities and held my self back with negative thinking and fear; where has that gotten me?  **pause** Nowhere. I’m ready to try something new.

Speaking of new:

The other day I discovered that I absolutely abhor the term BBW, also known as Big Beautiful woman. Why in the h*ll fire and damnation do I have to be categorized by my size? Am I not a beautiful woman? So why does the BIG have to be added to it? Some women have embraced the term, and to them I say “woohoo”.  I just despise back handed complements. I try not to take offense to too much of anything anymore, but the label “BIG”, get my panties in a twist. I think people should be mindful that one (wo)mans complement is another (wo)mans insult. I mean I’m 5′3″ and have never been called an SBW ( Short Beautiful Woman)… okay, that’s a  stretch but you get my drift.  Call me a woman… I’m delighted to belong to the fairer sex… and by all means call me beautiful, but big… keep that sh*t to yourself.

This concludes my mini-rant session… smiles all around :)

25thFebruary

The why’s

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately about visualization; giving voice to purpose and intent. A sprinkling of really interesting and enlightening reading about self motivation has also been thrown in the mix .

I’m inspired so, I’ve decided to give voice to the reasons why I’m torturing myself doing this; as a frame of reference for the next time I want to quit. Winners never quit and quitters stay fluffy.

  • I have come too far to turn back now. Plus I threw away any clothes I had that would fit me, so if I gain an ounce, I’ll have to go around nakey.
  • I love being able to cross my legs
  • I love not being out of breath from tying my shoes
  • I love being able to polish my toenails with minimal effort
  • Climbing the stairs without being winded is lovely
  • I will look even better in my clothes.
  • I will be able to wear heels taller than 2inches for more than 10 minutes
  • I will be healthy when I have children
  • I will have a healthier body image and a healthy relationship with food so that I dont pass my issues on to my offspring.
  • My wedding (although still a ways away) is getting closer and I am going to love the way I look in my dress and my pictures.
  • I’ll love the whole wedding dress shopping experience.
  • I’ll be able to shop anywhere, for any item of clothing, not just shoes and accessories
  • I will be able to leave the spanks in the drawer and wear cute, little lace, overpriced, girl panties
  • I will no longer cringe at the thought of meeting his distant relatives and friends
  • I will no longer run from the camera. I will actually like being photographed.
  • The feeling of accomplishment is amazing
  • I am going to put the past behind me and finally feel like my outer shell reflects my inner beauty

That’s all I can come up with for now… when I think of more I’ll post

5thFebruary

Get your mind right.

I heard somewhere that weight loss begins in your head.  That really resonated with me in the beginning. I lost 40lbs initially, fell back into emotional eating and gained 18lbs back. I went back on plan, lost those 18 plus 11 more. I thought I had everything under control and then… BAM! I grew impatient, frustrated, went off plan again and… you get the idea. I had yet to slay the proverbial dragon. Digging deep and being honest with myself was something I was simply not ready to do.

It’s different for everyone. Some people don’t need to do this to get started, they lose the weight and are A-ok, or their reasons for being over weight are simply circumstantial. I did not fall into this group **sigh**. I had to get my mind right.

For me, it was so important to first confront and reconcile MY issues. I needed to find some self love, happiness and inner peace. There were things that I was holding onto that translated into over eating, emotional eating and not being active. I didn’t want to yo-yo anymore; I wanted to lose for good. The very realization I had was that I was using the fat as a layer of protection. If someone didn’t like me or wasn’t friendly, I had a crutch; I could always say they didn’t like me because of the way I looked. This was the first of many discoveries, another of which was that I was eating my feelings. If I was, sad, lonely, depressed, angry, happy… I ate. Those epiphanies were the stepping stones that I needed to truly want to change what I was doing to my body. I’ve had a few more “AHA” moments since then ( I still have them almost daily), most of which I’ll share here.

Moral of the story:

  • being focused and dedicated may help you win the battle of the bulge, but they’re not the only weapons you need to win the war
  • apparently love, even self love, is indeed a battlefield
  • I’m long winded, but even I eventually get to the point ;-) **wink**

2ndFebruary

Low carb **faints**

The very idea of NO sugar… zero of the sweet stuff forever ever, gives me the shakes lol

Seriously.

Giving up sugar is simply not a realistic goal for me. This is a lifestyle change, not a diet, and a permanent, all out ban on the sweet stuff… I’ll pass on that.

Simply stated, I’m a foodie to my core. I love to cook and eat; which may be partially to blame for getting me in this mess, although portion sizes and what I was eating probably shoulder the bulk of the blame. I noticed that my weight loss has started to slow significantly ( currently losing approx. 2lbs a month) I figured it was time to shake things up a bit. Yes, I have decided to give my metabolism a kick in the nads. In the spirit of experimentation, I am giving Atkins a try **gulp**

With all the dietary changes I’ve made, giving up carbs was not one of them.  I had already switched to Splenda or sugar alternative in my morning coffee, given up soda pop, white bread and potatoes; so this was not a cold turkey thing. Thank goodness for small favors.

This is day 6 of the 2 week induction period and I do whole heartedly believe that I can do this. Yesterday I really really wanted some hot chocolate ( with whole milk, real sugar, marshmallows, the whole nine) but other than that, no cravings for the white stuff. Go figure. I thought I’d be snatching candy from babies at this point lol Surprise, surprise. Will post an update if the situation change. Just in case, ladies please avoid giving your children sweets in public for the next 8 days. It may not be safe… I’m just sayin’.

**Disclaimer** For the sensitive: I love children and would never dream of harming a child. I would resort to non violent methods of candy extraction.

And Oh yeah… No little ones were harmed in the writing of this blog.