I am feeling beyond blah lately…..eating a lot better how ever in no mood whatsoever to exercise. Do I have early winter blues? First of all…I started going to another zumba class (taught my my fave instructor at my gym) at another location but that is all called off now because the Centre that it’s held as is closed til the end of November..being used as a vaccine centre for the H1N1 shots. I am still on two minds about getting the shot…I am wondering how much different is it from the regular flu shot. Two yrs ago I had a really bad cold..had to get puffers because of my allergies and my Dr. recommended me getting the flu shot. I also got the flu shot last yr. The last two colds I’ve had I had to get puffers for both. This is the part that makes me think I should get it. I also know that I had the asthma symptoms when my weight was higher. I haven’t had a cold or asthma symptoms since losing weight ( although I’ve caught stomach flu  twice :-(. ). What do you guys think I should do?

I’ve been a little down in the past week..even crying one night over stupid stuff. Okay I guess it’s not so stupid if i’m crying. Bf and I hardly talk while he’s away..we usually talk via facebook/ computer or phone calls made on the computer. If his connection is bad we will not talk. Went two nights without talking this week and I was a bit sad. Another thing is my best friend. The one who i blogged about such a long time ago who didn’t want to workout with me but would go on with other friends.

She and a friend of ours ‘K’..mostly hers.. started going to Zumba a few weeks ago..and were really getting into it. I went with them a few times….The three of us.. ’K’ and I decided to take turns driving car or carpool ( best friend doesn’t drive) seeing how I have to literally drive by her house to go to the class. Anyways the class is Tues/Thurs night. Last Tues I called her..no answer..assumed she wasn’t going….7:10pm she messages me on MSN…she says ” oh I’ve been waiting here for ‘K’ but she didn’t show up to go to Zumba” I said “ya it was supposed to start at 7..but the building is closed for vaccines” and I jokingly said “oh thanks for seeing if i wanted to go” (She hadn’t called/messaged to see if i was going). She replies “oh i had assumed we were all going together..I was at my sister’s and K said she had called while i was up there to say she isn’t going but I wasn’t home.” But what I don’t get is that she assumes we’re going together…………..but doesn’t even talk to me at all to see if i’m going???? She knows ‘K’ and I are not that close..maybe talk via Facebook but not calling, etc. I know this all sounds so childlish but this really bothers me. Another thing…we had planned last weekend to go out for supper on Sunday..Her, myself and whomever wanted to go out of the bunch of friends. I slept at her house Sat night. ‘K’ calls her 10 am Sun to see if she wanted to go to Costco with her. First she declined..we were just eating breakfast. ‘K’ calls again around 11 saying she didn’t go yet..if bf wanted to go she still could. I was there at her house..visiting and wasn’t invited! I was flabbergasted. Anyways I just made some lame ass excuse like I had errands to run and came on home. Anyways she is out the entire day shopping and calls me that afternoon….”oh so tired and back is hurting that she doesn’t think she will out for supper”…but if ‘M’ the third and other friend had backed out she’d go because she’d feel bad and know how much I was looking forward to it.

Am I being childlish??? In a way I feel I am..however I also think that my friendship with her means a lot more to me than her. I don’t back out on friends and I don’t let them down. I do more than enough for my friends. I am starting to realize what a pushover I am and how foolish I can be.

We’re having a staff party Sat night. ‘M’ invited us to stay at her house ( “M” works for the same daycare company..different locations..used to work with myself but transferred) and get a cab so we can have a few drinks. I invited bf…let’s see what excuse she makes up now.

Ang

Oh and forgot to mention that my 325lb (at LEAST) coworker was giggling at me dancing with the children because my little belly was jiggling…I am 145 lbs! I said “that’s what happens when you lose 90lbs and you have a bit of extra skin” her response was ” umm ya thats what they have plastic surgery for”. My friend ‘M’ who has worked with this person and cannot stand her for many reasones said I should’ve said “Ya I can fix all of those things but they can’t fix stupid” I need to get my bitch on more.

 Thanks Susan for Nominating me!!

Rules:

-Include the award on your blog or post

-Share with everyone six interesting facts about yourself

-Nominate as many bloggers as you like

-Be sure to link the nominees within your post

-Let them know that they received this award through their tagboards or private message them

-Share the love and link this post so that everyone will know the person whom you received your award from.

Six interesting facts about me:

1) I have a big brown birthmark on my left side..My mother thinks it’s because she craved and ate so many chocolate fudge brownies when she was pregnant with me. Thanks mom..probably why I love them as much too!

2) I drank poison right before turning one year old. Spent my first birthday in the hospital. Thanks dad for being the useless father you always were.

3) I have a sun tattoo on my left lower leg.

4) I fear death/dying a lot and I think about it often..kind of depressing if you ask me.

5) I met my bf Kenny online..Plenty of Fish..been together for 3 years now!

6) My eyes are bluish-green but when I cry they’re more green.

I nominate Michelle- another new chick! http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/mismichelle/

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I haven’t blogged in a few days…It’s been an insane week. Weight has been up around 148 which makes me stressed out even more..I don’t know what i’m doing wrong..It MUST be the calories..too many carbs and not enough water. Basically everything diet wise. I worked out Sun/Mon/Tues/Thurs and today. Thank god weight is going back down. Director has been off sick for a few days at work..leaving me in charge…Lot of crazy stuff going on at work..between our bus driver calling an hr before 10 children have to be picked up to say that Motor Registration took plates off our econoline van because something to do with the inspection and he realizes his Class 4 license is expired and a parent coming in to FREAK OUT about her child not having his fleece sweater put on before going to a school fieldtrip ( these things all happening on Thursday in the time frame of 11am -1PM. I was so stressed that evening I seriously felt like getting a bottle of wine..but instead I went to Zumba..which did WONDERS!

Ok so about that parent. If you are a teacher I am sure you can sympathize because there is ALWAYS one out of the lot of them. She expects perfection..does not realize how much it takes to look after a group of 16 children. She has her child afraid of failing. He cut the leg off his spider and started crying saying  “My mommy isn’t going to like it now”. She sends in TWO pairs of mittens…and TWO hats..one each for daycare and school…I’m sure some fancy brand name like Helly Hanson for school..and he was distraught one morning because he couldn’t remember which set was for school. The child is going to have bad nerves!!!

I am not his homeroom teacher anymore..I teach preschool and he’s moved on to the Kindergarten room. I was down there giving the homeroom teacher a hand at lunchtime. We have a group of KG’s coming back from school..need to eat..and a group that leave for KG who also need to be fed. The director usually does all this and knows the routine of the classroom.. I was filling in and don’t. I just fed the children while the homeroom teacher got the very rowdy boys ready for school.

This lady’s child was givin his fleece to change into ( yes she sends a full change of clothes EACH day and god forbid if you don’t get it right or you miss something). He left the fleece in the bathroom..came out, put on his jacket..and went to school..and from there to a farm for his fieldtrip. His mother goes to fieldtrip….sees just a t-shirt on under his coat and loses her mind…She said he was out in the cold and the rain and the farmowners gave the children ice cream..when she went to put his collar down..heaven forbid his nice coat get dirty she noticed the missing sweater. ( I bit my tongue saying so its okay that the the school teachers allowed them to eat ice cream out in the cold and miserable weather?)

 I am so glad that his homeroom teacher spoke up for herself and said, “I understand you’re angry..and I apoligize..there are 16 children here to be looked after…..but there is no need for you to come in here in front of a group of children and get this emotional”..Well I thought the parent was going to hit her. This is the shit I deal with! The parent kept saying  “Do you have children?? Are you a mother???”…and the staff’s response was “no i have neices whom I have to look after..but I also have a group of 16 children here total..some coming and some to get ready for school and all the children have to be fed..teeth brushed…some changed, etc.” Anyways this argument continued…we both apologized..staff and I. Parent feels they’re not getting their child properly cared for by us basically.

Anyways I spoke to our manager..she says we are NOT to change any of the children anymore..into another suit of clothes. Just foolishness. The parent returned later to get some of the child’s belongings and I explained how insane the day was…I think she sympathized a little..ok a smidge. I explained that we were one staff short. I NEEDED and was trying to get a substitute. Our van was taken off the road..we had to arrange for another staff to get the children in the smaller van…the driver wasn’t able to drive anymore…and that I don’t know the routine of the KG room such as the director does. I also told her that her son..along with the other boys do NOT cooperate whatsover when getting ready….have no self help skills…and her son LEFT the fleece on the bathroom floor. Anyways had to rant. The child wasn’t in on Friday…not sure if she’s going to take him out.

Parents need to realize that teachers can only be spread so thin…we’re not machines or personal assistants. We’re not hired to spoon feed children or floss their teeth ( oh yes one actually asked if we do that ).

Anyways I didn’t do anything but relax last night. This AM I got up and went to Zumba. Then went to two grocery stores and a dollar store and Walmart. It’s not even 1pm and I have all that done..two loads of laundry done and blueberry bran muffins baked…think its time to relax.

Going to my friend Lori’s tonight for a girly night with her and her daughter…I don’t see them that often so it should be fun. I usually end up being her daughters playmate/ guinea pig …she does all kinds of stuff to my hair…lol.

Have a great day!

to get back on track…with eating and exercising..ESPECIALLY exercising. I woke up 8 am yesterday with full intentions of going to Zumba. It was pouring down rain and really windy…again. Seems like thats all it’s been like here lately..and i’m getting sick of it! So i let the weather gods win and i went back to bed. I woke up again around 11. Instead of getting ready for 12 aquafit i stayed in bed and read. I told myself today “ok so you had your little bit of lazy/ relaxation…..but no more!” Enough is enough!

On Friday while getting groceries I impulsively bought Pilsbury Peanut butter cookie dough. WHY??? The diet god’s must’ve been looking out for me a little…the first pan burned…too bad the second pan didn’t :S. I have been eating cookies all day. I cannot bear to throw them out because I love them too much. I have a small zip loc baggie full left. I may bring them to work tomorrow for a teacher to bring home. (Can’t eat them there because of allergies). I swear to never buy cookie dough again.

I am ready to get back on the wagon. Ready to start over. Wish me luck!

Angela

Here’s a link to a funny cat video..enjoy :-).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JynBEX_kg8&feature=related

Here is a current pic of me!!! I had my hair cut about 1.5 mths ago..asked for a much shorter cut with layers. The lady basically thought she was mowing the grass and butchered me. I could barely talk in the seat and was so close to crying. Anyways its growing out a little and i’m getting used to it.  Hope you like it : ).

Well I woke up this morning..brother had “hey you there?” left for me on MSN…blocked him tonight.Thanks Beerab for your advice and Patty for your support..feel a weight lifted off my shoulders..however I still feel a tinge bit of guilt..I hate having to ’shut out’ a family member…oh well maybe it will get the point across….that he needs to grow the hell up and that people are not going to put up with his shit.You girls are right..time to look out for myself for once. I’ve done that for too long…always looking out for everyone else and keeping my feelings all bottled up inside..basically being a doormat.

I didn’t get McD’s after. First of all..it was so cold out and it would mean I had to get dressed..and 2nd of all..the stress of all the convos with my bro basically led me to miss Aquafit…I wasn’t going to let it ruin my entire evening by me stuffing my face with a bunch of greasy food.

I missed Zumba tonight because there is some odd Autumn storm going on. Started this AM, heavy rains with lots of wind. It has changed to freezing rain and still windy and now there’s wet snow coming down outside and still heavy winds. Just great…Saturday will be the next time I get to go to the gym. I have to babysit tomorrow night and Friday night…yes i’m choosing to ‘work’ on a Friday night instead of partying it away….hear the sarcasm.

Supper tonight was half a can of Ready to Serve Campbell’s Vegetable soup and a WW wrap with tuna..dill pickle relish and ff mayo. I will take the other half of soup and another wrap to work with me tomorrow for my lunch.

Alrighty hope you all have a great night..Think i’ll take a hot bath and hope the power doesn’t go..lights have been blinking all night!

Ang

Hey everyone…

It’s so cold outside..7 degrees only..celcius that is. I have Aquafit at 8…45 mins and I’m seriously debating going or not. It’s just soo cold.  i’m being a wuss. I need to suck it up and go…stop whining..get off my butt and get moving! That’s the attitude..lol.

Oh my….so i’m appearing Offline on MSN to avoid my younger bro..the one i had the mega rant about the day before…so he sends me a message on FB asking for $$..i don’t reply…..then comments on my status update..hey you there? Holy shit…..does he ever get the hint. So I replied that I don’t have $$ to loan him. I pay towards heat and light..rent…house phone and i pay all of my student loan payment, cell phone minutes and car insurance. I told him I am NOT his personal bank account. I said ” why don’t you buy groceries BEFORE going out and partying up two weekends in a row” I also told him that he needs to get his priorities straight..he can’t even stay home on a Friday night because he has to work on Saturday….he was ’sick’ tho a girl had commented about him partying downtown and slept right to 3:30 on Saturday..missing work completely. If i have to I will delete him on MSN and facebook…I’ve had enough. He’s looking into getting a job away again and I honestly hope he does. He is driving myself and my siblings insane. I honestly pity my older brother for having to live with him. Anyways I’m sure his response will be something mature like how I’m selfish…yada yada yada…ya i guess I am selfish because I am looking out for #1 for once and making sure that my bills get paid…not supporting some irresponsible druggie brother.

OH NEVER MIND..just got his very mature reply of asking why I act like a bitch every time he asks for money..um why wouldn’t i?? and saying he only worked two days a week last week and he had to pay rent…um he gets good money on unemployment and is getting paid cash. Good one there..I told him to never message me again and that i’ve had enough of his shit. God i’m fuming..i honestly don’t want to go to aquafit in case I come home to find him on my doorstep. I repeated that he can’t even stay home on a fri night when he has to work on a Sat….that shows his priorities all right……

Oh mys..this is the shit i deal with :S. I don’t need people like this in my life. I was never ever close to either of my brothers and now the only time I hear from them is when they want something. He just sent another reply saying “Sister or no sister it’s nice to know who cares..oh ya you only care about yourself”

Anyways i’m so stressed now I feels like going to Mcd’s…eating away my stress. I am not going to aquafit because i’m not even dressed and it starts in 20 mins.

Still think i’m adopted.

Isn’t this picture beautiful?! The leaves have changed so quickly here and I love all the colors..It’s almost like the trees have their own little rainbow going on. The other day I wore my burnt orange sweater, brown cami under…new brown corduroy coat, brown headband..and I felt so ‘fallish’.

Bf made it safely to Edmonton. He didn’t stay w/ his parents afterwards…but instead with one of his sisters. Both his sisters are much younger than him…one quite sensible..and the other (the one he stayed with) in with a strange crowd. Drugs/raves, no priorities….they wear neon clothes, lots of piercings..just odd. I guess you get that sort of thing in Edmonton. Coming from such a small province like Newfoundland its quite an eye opener. Anyways he stayed with her and went out to see her scene..met some of her ‘friends’…he went home early to get lots of sleep. I haven’t talked to him on the phone yet but several times on facebook…he misses me terribly.

One great thing about him being gone is how tidy it is just with me here…He’s the average man who throws his clothes down…leaves crumbs on the counter..has to be reminded to hang up his jacket…etc…ahh soo nice..lol. However despite his tidiness faults he’s always shown me how much he cares and has always been extremely affectionate towards me. His first words out of his mouth in the morning is usually a compliment about how i look or how nice I am dressed. And that is why I love him…He has loved me at 230 lbs and when we met i was larger..and he loves me like this. I guess through thick and thin literally. Actually for a while I think he preferred me with a little more meat on my bones. He was a little worried when he could see my hip bone…quite prominant without a layer of flab and fat over them. 

I have to rant on here about my younger brother. He is two years younger than me…25 and lives with my older brother. He has myself, my sister (23) and my brother nearly drove insane. Since he moved in here he’s been on EI and occasionally working for cash…making more $$ biweekly than myself or my sister. Yet he will party it away…both nights of the weekend after getting paid and constantly harass us for borrowing $$. I know he smokes pot or used to..he denies that he does it anymore..however I am sure he does or is into something worse. About a month ago I refused to loan him money, he told me off..saying I’m all about myself etc etc…then when i felt so bad….i didn’t want him to not have food to eat…i told him i’d take him to buy him a few groceries….he tells me that he realized he had $$ in his account all along. So after harassing me…telling me off..and me still good enough to offer to help him..he realizes he has $$. Not only does he harass for $$ he is constantly looking for a ride here/there..all over the city. Has even called here on a Fri night (10pm) to be brought downtown. My bf of course being as nice as he is of course wouldn’t say “no”.
I got home today to see a message asking me to loan him money or take him out and get a few groceries.  I closed the message and didn’t respond.

My gf’s were out last week to a club…here in my suburb..and seen him. He had mentioned being downtown the night before…and was then leaving with friends to go downtown again…(about $25 cab ride one way). So he partied Fri/Sat night last weekend. He had on facebook that he was downtown this past Fri night……oh and he was so hungover he missed work on Sat…I’m sorry brother but you deserve to starve..is that so harsh?????….and then decides he has no $$ for groceries and asks me.

I am NOT going to put up with this. I will ignore everything from him. I am afraid to come home some day and find him on my doorstep. (He’s come by before…after me saying “no” to loaning him $$ and asked my bf..I gave him a 10 to get him out).

How do I put up with this?????? This is the shit i have to deal with. Of course my mother sees no harm in me loaning him money..thinks as the big sister should ‘look out’ for her siblings. She is probably the reason he is the way he is. Spoonfed him for so long….Let him sit on his ass for a few yrs doing shit all. And when she realizes that I’m right about me not supporting him so he can party it up she gets all stressed and doesn’t want to talk any longer (on the phone, she’s 3 hours away). He was living with her and her bf….in her bf’s house..but he had had enough of my brother’s crap and basically said he had to get out. Bro would be up all night on the phone….making noise (mom’s bf works very early in the AM’s)…not helping towards bills, etc. Of course this broke mom’s heart having to tell her son to leave and it caused a lot of grief in her relationship.

Why do I have to be the ‘mother’ to my siblings???? My older bro comes here to do laundry..even though he’s 3 mins from a laundromat…therefore my younger bro asks me if I can do his laundry..I don’t F$#@!(* think so! I told him to take it to the laundromat. My younger sis lives with me…is barely here..and when she is, doesn’t clean the house or help buy things needed in the house ( cleaners, etc).
Part of me feels like wiping my hands free from all 3 of them. See how selfish I am then. At least my older bro and sister are not bumming $$.

………………..And that my friends is why I believe I’m adopted. I actually called my mom a few weeks ago and said “Mom….who are my birth parents because there’s no way in hell I’m related to the other three you gave birth to?” I am just the odd but sensible one.

Arggghhhh….frustrated!

Off to bed..gnite…Thanks for letting me rant.

Ang

Early rise this morning. Alarm was set for 3am. Bf’s flight left at 5:30. He thinks he won’t be home for Xmas. The project he’s working on finishes a few weeks into January. And because he has to pay his own airfare it’s not really worthwhile for him to fly home for Xmas..fly back..and then have to fly back home again. In a way I feel like am I not worth the money??? Am I not worth spending Christmas with?? I can see his point because he wants to save as MUCH $$ as he can towards a house. Right now we have a large portion of $$ for a down payment. He’d much rather have as much as possible OR not even get a mortgage…how I don’t know. I feel bad because I didn’t hug him at the Gate…just a quick kiss. I know he was in a rush to go through but a part of me is afraid of showing emotion so it was much easier to just make it short and sweet rather than all that sad stuff. How horrible is that? Why am I afraid of showing emotion in front of others? Why do I put on a ’strong front’? I think I need a shrink! LOL

I guess all of the coffee (2.5 cups) gave me some kind of high…and a headache too. Mopped floors, changed bed clothes, dishes and tidied up at 6am. I like to get things ‘done’ in a short period of time so I can relax and have lots of time to do nothing..lol. It’s 11:30 and I just vaccuumed entire house and finishing some laundry. Only thing left to do is dust..YUCK..i’m beyond allergic to dust and I usually sneeze my head off.

A friend and I are going to go out to a restaurant for supper..Seeing it’s Thanksgiving and we’re not with our families..on our own..lol. Not sure what restaurant though. After we may play Scrabble! whooo hoo. I grew up watching my Grandmother (who is quite good I might add) play Scrabble with my Great Aunts and her friends. I guess it carried on because I love the game. I lucked out at the Value Village one time. Found a game for 4.99 in IMMACULATE condition. ( Before buying it, I actually added up the number of letters that were supposed to be there and counted what was in the bag…all letters there, lol)

Alrighty off to get some breakfast I think!

Ang

10:28pm- Home after a long and enjoyable afternoon with my friend. We went to a Chinese Buffet..ate a lot of salmon, shrimp, mussels and imitation crab. Also went to see the movie ” Couples Retreat” was so funny. I couldn’t stop laughing……the Yoga instructor in the movie is hilarious….and Vince Vaughan is so cute. Then went back to friend’s house and played Scrabble….how I managed, I don’t know….soo tired!

Bf landed safely in Edmonton..he left a message for me on the landline saying he was at his Mom/Dad’s house for turkey dinner and also left me a short email. Says he misses me already. The independant part of myself couldn’t wait for him to go..I love being on my own..doing my own thing, etc…but the other part misses him so much..especially when its time to go to bed..and the other side is empty. It’s horrible that so many Newfoundlanders have to leave the province to make a decent salary. :-(.

I plan to spend the ENTIRE day tomorrow in my PJ’s and take it easy! Have a wonderful night chicks! Ang

A year ago from today I was 142.5….today I’m 144..that means I’ve basically maintained..give or take a few lbs for an entire year…YIPPEEE. I must be doing something right!!!

We’re having a power outage..Bf has the router hooked up to some power thing, lol..he’s such a technical nerd! His mom said from the time he was 2 he was into plugs and wires. He used to tell his older cousin Michelle…”Qug it in Quelly” for Plug it in Michelle. He’d try to get her to do the things he wasn’t allowed to do…haha.

I am not going to go to Aquafit today. It IS the last day for me to spend time with him. I did set my alarm to go to Zumba for 9 am but I couldn’t get out of bed..I guess that’s what happens when you stay up past 2 am.

Have a great day!

Angela

Right about now I am thankful for one thing…LONG WEEKENDS! Yep it’s Thanksgiving here in Canada and i’m so freakin’ grateful. I won’t get to have a Thankgiving dinner at home…I will not cook a feast for myself, lol so my friend and I are either going to get together and cook something or go out for supper..which sounds good to me. My new favourite restaurant is Press and Bean (http://www.pressandbean.com/default.asp) and the two times I’ve been there I’ve had the same panini sandwich, the Mexico News with either the caesar salad or the spinach strawberry salad. The sandwich is divine. Grilled chicken,peppers, sauteed onions, jalepenos and lots of other good stuff.

Today we cooked a turkey at work for the children..it was soo good and I’ll consider that my actual Thanksgiving meal.

Bf is leaving in two days :-(…I’ll bring him to the airport for 5:30 am and come back home and get some more zzz’s ( we hope). I’m debating about if i should go to Zumba tomorrow morning..it’s from 9-10 am…or if I should stay home and wake up/snuggle w/ bf. It’s the last morning we can sleep in together for a few mths…however I really want to work out! Perhaps I can go and come back, crawl in bed and hope he slept through me being gone..lol.

Alrighty off to spend some time w/ da man.

Ang

Well it was after 2 am before I got any sleep. Bf is leaving the weekend and he’s a little edgy. I got a call last night from my Grandmother saying that my ‘father’..if i can call him that..is here visiting..she was wondering if I was going home for Thanksgiving. NO and thank god for that…anyways I was stressed out and we (bf and I) were arguing all night…

I’ve only seen my father ONCE since I was about 13 yrs old. He lived with us up until then..used to drink and of course take it out on my mother..now let me add that my mother has red hair and is full of spite as well. Anyways he left NL and moved to Alberta and has only returned twice since…….once when my Grandfather was ill and now. What makes it so hard is that I’m extremely close to my grandparents..his parents. At the beginning my aunts would buy me presents and write “Love Dad” on them…yes perhaps he sent them the $$ for them but I honestly think they were just trying to compensate for them. So my grandmother said last night..oh perhaps you’ll get to talk to him on the phone before he goes back. I literally felt like screaming at her! I’ve literally spoken to him probably 5 whole times in 14 years! I hate that she has to try to make us close. A part of me hates him for not trying…for not being the father he should have. My grandmother is 80 years old..a heart of gold….so as much as I’d like to say something I hold it all in.

This is probably the most ‘private’ blog I’ve written on here..but in a way it’s like a diary..lol

Ohh..on a good note, the scale this AM read 144-145..thank god for that…off to work and a meeting after..Yay :-(.

Angela