Frus, I hope the family situation is not too bad. You'll always get support and a friendly ear here if you want it.
Glad the injury is not your rotator cuff and I hope you don't have to wait too long for a physio appointment.
If you've only just started cycling again you'll be sore on your sit-bones whatever saddle you use as your bum has to get used to it! (usually a couple of weeks) But, I think you said it was your Dad's bike so you may want to look at getting a womens saddle. Any rubbing at the nose cannot be got used to, it needs a new saddle. Big squishy ones are nice, but you'll probably find that they aren't appropriate for the mega commute you have planned (wasn't it 28 miles or something like that?!?). My Terry Butterfly one is great - slightly squishy and wider than a man's but not so wide that it rubs my thighs. Not cheap though! Glad you have the bike though - happy cycling!
I'm having a bit of a drama at the moment. We visited my parents at the weekend. My Mum is very huggy kind of person. DF doesn't really like that but tolerates it (or so I thought). Anyways, we were faffing about over lunch and DF was getting wound up that there was so much fuss and so many choices and and he wanted us to make lunch. So to calm him down Mum stood behind him and went to put her arms around his waist. He grabbed her wrists and flung them off him (she hadn't even touched him yet!). So Mum was v shocked and DF v p'd off since he "doesn't like to be touched!". I was mad at what he said, I can't remember quite what, but I didn't know he'd hurt mum. So I said he'd better apologise to her for being such a
Anyway, we got the dinner ready and Mum wouldn't come downstairs, so I went up and she's all upset that he's hurt her, and she's so shocked and it's a big mess. So I try and calm her down and explain that DF's parents aren't quite as huggy as she is, and I don't think he even really gets a hug from his Mum. But she's still wound up that he was quite "violent" with her.
So I go downstairs and DF is having lunch, I tell him to apologise, so he goes upstairs and they both get upset and have a hug and sort it out.
Later on, Mum asks me if he's ever "been violent" with me. I told her I wouldn't still be there if he had.
So anyways, DF goes and talks to her again and I thought they'd made up. But DF is still feeling stupidly bad about it this morning, and is asking me to apologise again to mum. I had a doc's appointment this morning, so I rang Mum beforehand. She's still upset and keeps saying she can't remember when anyone was so rough/"violent" with her. So we kind of agree to put it behind us and move on. (She is a bit stressed out with their business at the moment, v busy time) So I rang DF to tell him that she doesn't think he's violent with me, but she's still a bit upset.
She just wishes that it hadn't happened, and that we can't go on getting upset and apologising. Invariably, DF usually gets p'd off whenever we go to their place - either because we stay out too late or we can't get out the house when he wants to. We have no transport when we go there, we usually catch the train. They live out in the middle of no-where and there are 3 buses a day!
Now I'm not mad at DF, not as mad as I could be anyway. And I feel sad that I've introduced someone into my Mum's life who's hurt her and upset her. I've spent my whole life looking after her and cheering her up and trying to NOT have her hurting, and now it's my fault that DF's been an @rse and I'm torn in two.
I really don't think DF meant to hurt her, and he's very sorry. But I don't know.
Oh dear! Difficult one this. IMHO its six and two three's....
Basically I think you have two people who show their emotions in completely different ways. You can't change that - you just have to encourage both of them to learn to accept each other's differences. I don't think there's anything you can do because both of them reacted on a deep emotional (not rational) level.
DF was maybe a bit more forceful than he would have been had he had the opportunity to think it through first. He could be like DH with my sister - she's VERY touchy feelie and it gives DH the screaming habdabs. In his family hugging = sexual overture and if your DF feels the same way then his subconsious was probably telling him that his future MIL was coming on to him. (Enough to freek out anybody!!)
As for your Mum.... well - if she is a very touchy feelie person who has been cushioned from any harshness in her life then any kind of perceived unpleasantness / strong words will upset her more than it would upset a person with a less rosy view of the World. Its a worry that you, the child, has learned to protect her from any nasty reality in the outside World because that is not the job of a child. Her wanting to pretend it never happened fits in with the rosy world thing.
I don't think there's much you can do - you've talked to both of them - it'd be interesting to find out why DF reacted that way but if its emotional then its part of who he is.
Actually .... just a thought.... has he had any unarmed combat training? If so then it could have been an instinctive reaction.
Mum is not at all cushioned from harshness in her life. She was beaten up by her dad, slapped by mum and sister. Then had numerous miscariages and failed IVF trials during my childhood. Then Dad ran off with some woman. Then he came back.
I only really want to protect her because I feel she's had enough sh!t to deal with already!
DF is a volunteer transport policeman, which is why I think he reacted like that. He says that if it had been someone doing it to me they would've been on the floor with their arms pulled off! So perhaps it was a slight instinct on his part.
I also think Mum got a bit more stressed out than she would've done if she hadn't already been stressed with the manic campsite in high season at the moment. She is worrying about next weekend's bank holiday.
Ack! I don't know how seriously to take it - at the moment I'm just thinking let's all get over it and move on. Which is probably the most sensible thing. A small part of me is thinking, if he'd done that to me I would be having doubts about staying.
I feel for you. Stuck in the middle. To be honest though I would have been shocked if someone did that to my mum. Ok it may have been instinct but she WAS in the room with him, she had not crept up on him in a dark alley way. He could have removed her arms and said sorry (whatever her name is) I am not a touchie feelie person. Also - don't want to be rude - but - he is at your parents and sounds like he was being grouchy about when lunch was??? And makes a fuss about when you go there??! I would deffo go on your own if you can next time.
I do not think it unreasonably that your mum was upset. I am very protective towards my family - no real reason but that they are mine! I would have had a huge hissy fit if anyone did that to mum - mind you, if she tried to hug anyone she would be on the floor cos her balance is not great!
Anyway, none of my bizz so I hope it'll all calm down for you soon. Maybe some day they will laugh about it (here's hoping!).
Yes I did tell him that there are better ways to deal with things! I think he is very immature in that he can be intolerant and rude sometimes - without thinking.
It wasn't like she made a pass - I was standing right next to him!
I just think he was grouchy BECAUSE he needed his dinner! And I said so. I do try to go on my own, and I'll do that in future, but he does need to GROW UP sometimes! geesh!
Never mind! I am sure he has other redeeming qualities!!
I often wonder how my mum and dad are still together. Dad can be a sulky little boy at times. He accused her of hiding things from her (she has no idea what he means. This from a man that is always ordering things and never tells her about them, but of course him being deaf, she has to deal with any queries on them!!!!). He is very quick to throw away things that are not his, but hates it if anything of his is thrown. They are not one for rows but of course now they do shout cos he cannot hear (although being a man his hearing was always on the 'selective' side!!). It can be quite entertaining at times!
I am just thankful they get on and there have not been the paint blistering rows some people have!
When I mentioned this to my mum she said that it used to really annoy her when he would never close a drawer etc and then he reminded her that she never puts the bread back when she has made toast so she realised we all have our foibles!
Oh dear. The DF thing is reminding me of going to slimming world last week and someone there kissed my friend on the cheek and said we missed you last week and then she (kissy woman) looked at me. I wanted to run away in case she kissed me too!
Hmm, difficult one. I do have some sympathy for DF - my family isn't at all huggy and I can sometimes feel uncomfortable when I come up against people who are. Usually it's OK if I can anticipate it, and I'm getting better with the kissing to greet people thing in Spain, but if someone surprises me or gets too close when I don't know them I can overreact. That said, there are ways to deal with it without hurting people.
I have been known to shout at people in queues when they get too close behind me, I just don't like people invading my personal space (and do they really think pushing up right behind me will make the queue move any faster when the person at the till or checkin or whatever will work at the same speed no matter what they do?), and I can see that being approached from behind could spark off more of an instinctive reaction than something you can see coming from the front.
I don't think that's a justification for everything by the way, and there are ways to react to it that don't go that far, but I can see why he didn't like it.
My legs aren't as sore as I expected today. Still sore enough for me to not be looking forward to my run tomorrow though, particularly if it doesn't stop raining! I got woken up by a huge thunder storm at about 5.45 this morning, then went for a swim. My food has been pretty decent today, surprisingly. Tomorrow is my now traditionally weekly visit to Sheffield, but this time only for a completion drinks reception with the client so not such hard work, then straight back from there to see my aunt and uncle who are over from America and tomorrow is the only day I can see them because I'm just too busy. Which will no doubt lead to my grandmother getting concerned about how thin I am, in her mind being busy leads to not eating and being too thin, rather than what it used to be for me (being busy leading to eating junk food and being obese), and the fact that I'm busy and thin is clearly a bad thing rather than a good thing because part of the busy-ness comes from the running which is good for me, and the thinness comes from eating sensibly. I'm not explaining it very well, but I know she'll start off on the "you're too thin and not taking care of yourself" rant my dad used to get (subtext - my mother isn't looking after him) when the truth is I'm taking far better care of myself than I ever have done!
I weighed myself at the gym for the first time in a while today, down half a pound to 10 stone 13. I'm not that bothered about losing any more, but it's always a nice surprise. Mind you, I may well put these last 5lb or so back on again once I stop marathon training.
Helen, good luck with your grandmother. Its difficult for that generation to understand dieting.
I think you're right about leaving it now - any more fuss and it'll upset the three of you even more. Maybe sometimes it isn't too wise to analyse people's actions too deeply, especially if they act out of their normal character.
The dentist went pretty badly. I'm looking at another hour's treatment on Wednesday morning, followed by more X-rays then we'll discuss the way my treatment is to progress (not sure what that means). I found out today that his main worry is that the bone under my gums has been damaged by the infection which will make it impossible to put anything in to the bone. Its my own fault, I've had toothache in the past and I've always ignored it knowing that it'll fade away in time - I didn't realise that the damage just carries on and on even after the pain goes.
Yesterday I woke up with the most excruiating pain in my shoulder. I must have slept funny and trapped a nerve. I have dosed myself up on strong painkillers. This morning it is still paining me fortunately it is my day off so I don't have to do much. The boys will have to sort themselves out today.
Sarah sorry about your teeth, what a tale of woe we all are.
Hey Sarah - no you didn't upset me, I did come across a bit defensive didn't I? I just want to look after Mum and I know how it's turned out me looking after her is a bit messed up, but there we go!
Moving on is a good way to go. I can kind of see both sides too - I do get that both of them over-reacted in different ways, but still. DF is moping about the house - I did get some washing up out of him since he was feeling guilty! Oh and he did some shopping too!
Sorry about the dentist - that sucks.
I had PEOPLE at class last night! I made a whole pound profit! Which is actually 60p for me and 40p for Lee!
My legs are feeling a little bit sore, I'm not sure if it's from Sunday's run (I don't think so) or from doing low reverse sweeping hooks last night (probably!!!). Haven't decided what exercise and the like I'm doing today - I'm off to kickboxing tonight and I have running gear with me, but apart from that I don't know. I'm still feeling a little dodgy in the tummy department and have only just had breakfast at my desk!
It sounds like we could all do with a group hug - or perhaps not as some of us are not touchie feelie - ok then a virtual hug! A lot of us seem in the wars, too!
Everytime I go away on holiday or to see the folks, I wonder how the elderly or handicapped people manage to get about. Yes, in some stations there are lifts and escalators, but not many stations are wheelchair friendly.
I am not in a wheelchair, but even with escalators on most stations (those I have been to anyway), you still have to lug your luggage up and down stairs. Coming back from Leicester to Lewisham, with the usual change from trains to tube, etc, I lost count of the number of steps I had to go up and down. My whole right side was achey from lugging the case (it was a wheelie one, too). And why, is someone insisting on being right behind me on the stairs or escalator - why can't they give me some space? Also I often get someone who, at the last minute, when I am struggling to get off the escalator before it 'eats' me, will dash out from behind me and cut across me. Grrr!
In fact, going back to wheelchairs, when I used to travel on the central line, I saw a girl in a wheelchair on the train. I noticed there was a sign on the central line for whichever station was wheelchair friendly, Very few where. I guess most of them come in by car.
Peacock - I seriously hate anyone being up close behind me on the escalators (or anywhere else) ever since a friend of mine had an unfortunate occurrence with a perv on her way to work one day. Not nice. She had to go and buy a new skirt - yuck!
Well, I'm coming to terms with the idea of not having any front teeth for a month to six weeks. The dentist is going on holiday - probably doing a World tour on the money we'll be paying him for my teeth!!!
I think he is very immature in that he can be intolerant and rude sometimes - without thinking.
Oh and he did some shopping too! 
I made a whole pound profit! 
