Wow, what a strong outpouring of caring people on 3FC! I'm sure many of us have, but let's all take a minute and pray for Megan's safety and for a peace that surpasses all understanding
You are AWESOME. I did read your ENTIRE post and I applaud your strength. Not many women have the balls to get out of a situation like you've experienced. Stay strong!
You are suffering a bereavement at the moment. The marriage that you thought you were going to have with the man you thought your husband was, has died.
It is inevitable that you will grieve the loss of both of those things.
Problem is, unlike a bereavement, your husband and your marriage are still alive and well, and you think that if you try harder, or behave differently, you can have them back again. Maybe he will change - he is sometimes nice, maybe this time he will stay being nice.
The man that you are in love with DOES NOT EXIST. He is a persona. He will never exist.
The man who hurt your babies and was abusive to you IS the real Sean.
You cannot change him. You cannot fix him. And it is not your fault that he is the way he is.
You deserve SO much more. One day you will meet a wonderful man and you will be happy.
Grieve your marriage, but accept that it is dead. Then bury it.
I am thinking of you, as are all the women here. xxxxxx
You guys, I'm losing my resolve. He texted me and said he was packing my stuff. The last 24 hours, *I* had the control because I was the one who left. Now he's the one who's "leaving," he had the final word. And that has just wrecked me. I fell right into the trap he layed. I asked him if we could talk when we were calm tomorrow. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. We had a text volley of things like "I've lost all respect for you" and me saying "I know we can make this work, we just need to talk." That's exactly what he wanted. I did it, I knew I would, I lost my strength.
Do not go back to him! He is manipulating you. Let him pack your stuff. You've already picked up the stuff that means the most to you the other day, right?
He will continue to abuse. He wouldn't be abusing you if had any respect for you! It doesn't matter that he says he lost all respect for you, he never had any! You can tell by his actions.
You don't need to make this work out. You are young, you need to start over. If he decides to get into counseling and after he's seen a therapist for several months then you can get into joint counseling with a therapist present.
My niece was nearly killed by her ex. He became abusive, she left him after he threatened their baby. He had put her in the hospital a couple times before. He tracked her down and attacked her with a knive at night when she and their baby were asleep. She had to grab the baby and run bleeding to the neighbors to escape him. She was in the hospital for days recovering from the knive wounds. They they coudn't figure out how she could still move after the attack but she had the baby to protect. He's in prison now for attempted murder.
This will escalate. It starts with manipulation, isolation, verbal abuse, then it just gets worse. A little shove once in awhile to make his point, then the slap or the punch because you are the problem, then the broken bones, black eyes, shove down the stairs and then one day the rest of the family is picking out your coffin.
You're probably saying, 'he's not that bad, he'd never do go that far'. We never in a million years would have thought my neice's ex would be an abuser and definately wouldn't hurt her. He was a well educated person, with a decent job, seemed so nice when we were around.
Sorry, I'm just very worried for you and I know that you are in the begining stages of an abusive relationship. It's hard to believe that someone you thought loved you would do this and somehow you must have done something to cause this. You didn't. My neice didn't tell anybody what was going on with her in the begining. and honestly I'm no sure we would have believed her is she had, he had us all fooled.
I'm proud of you for leaving! I grew up in a home where my father was abusive to my mom. It was so hard for me and my baby sister. I had to beg my mom to leave him. It's not easy, but it'll get better. I just wish that more people would leave their abusive spouses/partners....
I have never been in an abusive relationship, but I saw my best friend remain in one for nearly 2 years. They first started going out when she was 18, and once she moved in with him she went downhill so quickly. It became very obvious since whenever he rang her (Which was way too much, as if he was checking up on her) She would always be apologizing and trying to calm him down. Her self esteem disappeared, she never went out despite always being an extrovert and her weight dropped very low.
It ended quite suddenly since they were out and he pushed her into a road, someone called the Police and he was arrested. It is really by chance that this happened and helped her to get away from him.
She says now she doesn't like to think about what she would be like if she'd stayed with him, and as her friend I am happy to see the light back in her eyes. She was also incredibly surprised at the support she got from family and friends-even his.
The advice in this thread is great and hopefully it offers you some support
I would really only echo what everyone else has said, don't set yourself up for what could be years of abuse. Even if it never turned to physical abuse towards you-could you really be happy living this way for the long term? You deserve much better!
My only real advice would be to listen to your instinct, you sound eminently clever and sensible in your posts, so I think you know what needs to be done.
I'm at the women's shelter. I'll be able to talk to a counselor soon. I'm going to tell her to kick my *** if I start thinking about going back. I just wanted a neutral but understanding person to tell me to my face that I'm doing the right thing. Then I'll be homeward bound to beautiful Wyo by this evening.
