I am so happy for you! I am so proud of you! I am so relieved-Love and Light and the Lady's blessings on you Meghan. Take care, be safe, and keep in touch when you get a moment. Stay strong-you are amazing!!!!!
Read over this earlier today, and I've been worried all day.
Megan - I was in a similar place to you last year. Thankfully, I realized he was like that before we actually got married. But I still had to move out, and get my animals over the period of a few weeks. Many times when I went to get things I went alone, stupidly. The last time I went alone he was completely trashed and pointed a gun at me. I was lucky that I made it out alive. After that I went back with my mom once more to get my animals and was done with him. I cut any and all contact with him. A year later, I am so much happier. I never thought that I would come this far so fast, but once you get rid of those people from your life everything seems to improve quickly. I am very glad your dad lives so far away, because I had to deal with him stopping by my house constantly to try and convince me that he had changed.
I'm so proud of you for getting out and away as fast as you did. I know there might be times that you think maybe you can work stuff out, but push it out of your mind as fast as you can. You are an amazing person, and you deserve so much better than how he treated you. I hope you have a safe journey home, and were able to get your animals. Keep us all updated when you can!
I haven't been around long and I don't know you - but I am SO PROUD OF YOU. Soooo many stories on this thread of people who wish they had left abusive relationships sooner. You DID IT.
I am another - ignored my gut, ignored blatant signs (like him punching a hole in the door when I was 20 mins late coming home, or my dad telling me as he was walking me down the aisle at age 22 - "it's not too late to change your mind"). I stayed married to him for 7 years and was miserable. He was also in the military and served several tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. I was a different person (aka myself!) when he was deployed because I wasn't constantly walking on eggshells and depressed all the time.
Take care!! And don't worry about what anyone thinks - chances are everyone thinks he's a jerk and you did the right thing anyway
First, a few people have mentioned that it would be safest to remove specific details from this thread, and I do agree with that. It was unwise to post specifics in the first place, but I've been using this forum as a way to spew it all out, and wasn't thinking clearly about what should and should not be posted. I'm going to comb through the thread and delete what I notice, I may have mods delete/close this thread completely. I will still stay in touch when I can, in a new thread perhaps, and be much more vague about locations and such.
Next, thank you to everyone for the support, love, advice, etc. ALL of it. I wish I had the time and energy to reply to each and every one of you individually. I've read every post and taken every sentence to heart. I am amazed by the outpouring of stories. I've had dozens of women tell me they've been through the same thing...some got out and went on to live wonderful lives, some never made it out and wish they did. I've had a few mention that they're still living in **** and are living vicariously through me for now. Being a shakey blubbery mess for the last few days, I never thought that I'd actually be an inspiration to other women. But if somebody else gets hope from the strength that I've mustered, then I owe it to them to stay strong
ANYways.
I talked to some amazing counselors at the shelter. They were all absolutely bamboozled by his behavior in the last few days. How he has reacted only with anger...no remorse, desire to lure me back, apologize, etc. They said he was clearly abusive with escalating severity, BUT he was not following the usual pattern of abuse. There is no apology/honeymoon phase. They found this to be disturbing, and each counselor independently (as in hadn't talked among themselves) concluded that he sounded like a text book case of anti-social personality disorder. Aka, sociopath. All three said that they do NOT throw that word around lightly, it's very rare and a whole different problem from just being abusive. They said they deal with abused women everyday and hardly ever see men reacting the way he is. He simply has no capacity to feel empathy, sympathy, remorse, or true love. I'm not going to get too hung up on that concept, but it was kind of scary to hear three professionals use that word. Gave me the heebie jeebies.
Anyways, he agreed to meet at a low key restaurant. I stood at his truck window (he wouldn't go in) and told him that before we even start talking he needs to agree to marital counseling, and I will not put up with anger, manipulation, paranoid jealousy, etc. He kinda blew that off and started in with the blame game, same old stuff, so I walked away. He told me to "get in the truck," and I seriously almost laughed out loud that he actually thought I'd be that stupid. I got in my car and as I was fastening my seatbelt and such, he had positioned his truck to block me in (there were cars parked beside and behind me). He demanded that I give him my debit card, credit card, and my military ID. I gave him his cards even though I still have rights to the joint account, whatever, it'll just be another point for me in court and I have my own money. I didn't give him my ID, and the person behind me backed out, so I zoomed backwards and blasted away.
I've been driving in the right direction. Settled in at a safe place. My family and friends know where I'm at. My sweet cats are snuggled up beside me (they were CHAMPION travellers). Not that it's my priority at the moment, but I had a nutritious n' delicious on plan meal of whole wheat bread, almond butter, Greek yogurt, and veggies. I'm trying to talk myself into eating a snack, but my appetite just still isn't there.
But all is well! I'm still on the emotional roller coaster (had to pull over and sob for a few minutes, lol). I'll get there.
If you need help hooking up with the domestic violence programs where you're at, please let me know. I also know that it's probably one of the last things on your mind right now, but there is funding to help you get reestablished. If there's anything at all that I can do to help the process, please don't hesitate to PM me.
The same goes for anyone else who may be in an abusive relationship. You're never alone - you always have people who will help you and support you on your journey towards regaining yourself.
Glad to see you're still doing alright, Megan! Get some rest and cuddle with your kitties. That's awesome that they're travelling so well! Pets are very perceptive, and they're probably starting to relax as they feel the tension easing...that's a good sign.
I swear I found it so scary to read that he wanted you to get in his truck. Ugh, just sounded bad. Sorry he made it difficult for you to leave but I'm glad you made it out okay.
Mods should probably delete this thread to keep you safe but I hope you'll stay in touch when you can.
Aside from that, definitely block his number from your cell. He might try to ring it off the hook, you know? I'm glad you have your own money -- make sure he doesn't have any access to it.
Good luck with your new life. It's hard but so worth not living with a sociopath!
Ophelia, I completely forgot to thank you for updating everyone! It means so much to me that I have so many people concerned about me, and I don't want anybody to think something terrible has happened if I don't update for awhile. It was so good to talk to a fellow 3FC-er in "real life" (albeit over the phone)
Anyways, I completely forgot to post these other few details. I have no idea why this hasn't come into my mind sooner. And I feel silly for not recognizing them as HUGE EFFING WARNING FLAGS when I first learned of these things.
Sean hardly ever talks about past relationships. I knew he was cheated on, but he just didn't like to give details. Well one time he told me that he never wanted to go back to Colorado (we were considering the option of being stationed at Ft. Carson, CO) because that's where he went to college and where his ex was at. She got a restraining order on him!!!!! Now of course, he just called her a crazy b**** and never gave details on why she got a restraining order. But, um, helloooo! And he said he was so angry about it (he used the word angry, not sad or depressed or anything...always anger) that he hurt himself. And he does indeed have some interesting scars in some typical places. I remember hearing all this when he told me, and I was definitely disturbed by it, but I was so inclined to sympathize with him and want to believe that he was the victim in all of it.
Anyways, it was just one of the things that came up with the counselors. I stopped and thought...wait a minute!
And in other news, my appetite came back a bit and I snarfed a whole can of low sodium beef and veggie soup...cold and out of the can, lol. Bringing my calories for the day to a whopping 970. Hopefully my stomach will still be settled enough that I can eat normally tomorrow.
I am so sad to hear of your trouble. I had a similar situation many years ago. I divorced him, but stayed awhile after that, until I could handle it no longer. I packed my car, got my daughter from school (daughter not his biologically), mapped out my trip, and never once looked back. I never talked to him again! It has been 13 years....My life changed for the better. I went to college, started a career, and got remarried. I am glad I had the courage to leave and never look back. You and your husband are the ones that know what is right and what is not. The best advice I can give you is one given to me....do what is best for you and what you feel is best for your future....and this is something only you know. Be safe!
