I've been reading this thread to follow your story, Megan, and I am so glad that you went to the counselors although what a scary situation facing him again. There's definitely something wrong with him. I'm glad you stayed strong.... I just hope that your references to marital counseling don't mean that you want to reconcile with him. He just doesn't seem stable at all.
I'm glad you're heading home, safe travels, I'm glad the kitties are with you and I'm glad you're checking in. You have a lot of people rooting for you!!!!
I'm glad you're on your way home safe and you have your kitties! They are always the best thing to have around at a time like this. I remember traveling back home with my cats. I had to have my grandma to keep them when I went home but I know they're with someone who will take amazing care of them. Be safe, and now you see a clear picture of what your soon to be Ex really is. (HUGS)
I also think his actions should be made known, but the fact that he's an officer makes it muddy. It is probably in your best interest to let it go, it's just ugly to think of a man like that being in charge of other soldiers.
The fact that he's an officer makes it worse. Not all officers are in charge of other soldiers, btw. As an officer, he is expected to be a leader and an example to others. What he's participating in is conduct unbecoming of an officer. ANY man, let alone someone sworn to honor integrity, who does what he has done needs to held accountable. My husband is an officer and we've known many officers who have engaged in lesser crimes and have had their rank taken away, been fined and even discharged. He's an officer in the US Army, not an untouchable. And his commanders NEED to know of his behavior. It's not muddy at all. They have seminars on this stuff, encouraging victims to come forward. They have seminars for the military members urging them to seek help if they are involved in domestic violence. They are also taught that this behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. It shouldn't be tolerated, officer or not.
I've been reading this thread to follow your story, Megan, and I am so glad that you went to the counselors although what a scary situation facing him again. There's definitely something wrong with him. I'm glad you stayed strong.... I just hope that your references to marital counseling don't mean that you want to reconcile with him. He just doesn't seem stable at all.
I'm glad you're heading home, safe travels, I'm glad the kitties are with you and I'm glad you're checking in. You have a lot of people rooting for you!!!!
I second that. A sociopath is not likely to change or even have the ability to change. They lack empathy and insight, they do not see that their behavior is wrong although they will spew the words you long to hear. Sociopaths are not people you want to string along with talk of reconciliation.
I am truly shocked that you went to meet him at his vehicle's window. That's not a public place like insidethe restaurant. He again showed his true colors by blocking your exit. And again by forcing you to reliquish your cards. I am totally convinced he is DANGEROUS. This is not normal behavior. You must get a lawyer and have NO further contact with him.
Hi Dear, Thanks for the update, once again. I went to bed early and missed your traveling messages. The last I heard was from Ophelia.
If you have to erase a lot of this, we understand. It is quite a testimonial to you and the ladies of 3FC, no matter what. And believe me, no one will soon forget the last few days on this site.
We are all sending so much love. I bet you glow in the dark! J.
I'm so glad that you are safe and on your way home with the furbabies! It's scary to be in such a situation but you have handled it brilliantly!
When you get home and have had some time to breath I would seriously consider looking into an annulment!
and please don't be hard on yourself about anything. I know when I finally left my abusive BF, I felt so guilty for not seeing the signs! Yo start to question your character judgement.... but the point is is that these people are master manipulators and capable of things we can't even fathom. Lying- having a facade and then when they feel like they have you under their thumb they just - viola!- change! That's not your fault. And it never will be. Never carry that burden. Just free yourself from it and go
Wow I haven't read all the posts, but I read through the very 1st one and it reminds me of my Biological Father. He was just like that and he not only abused (physically and emotionally) my mother but I had to watch it all when I was a kid. He only laid his hands on me once and that was the last time because my mom went balistic.
I say as hard it was to leave and as hard it as may be to be on your own, you will be so much better off! My mom and I left my dad and we had nothing basically. But we were SO MUCH happier after! We even joke now about how happy we were in those days where we had absolutely nothing! lol.
My mom later met and married my step dad who treated her like a Queen. He was a Great Man. Unfortunately he passed away in 03' from Cancer.
But anyways, Kudos to you for getting out of that Toxic situation and you will be a much better, happier and stronger woman for it!
The fact that he's an officer makes it worse. Not all officers are in charge of other soldiers, btw. As an officer, he is expected to be a leader and an example to others. What he's participating in is conduct unbecoming of an officer. ANY man, let alone someone sworn to honor integrity, who does what he has done needs to held accountable. My husband is an officer and we've known many officers who have engaged in lesser crimes and have had their rank taken away, been fined and even discharged. He's an officer in the US Army, not an untouchable. And his commanders NEED to know of his behavior. It's not muddy at all. They have seminars on this stuff, encouraging victims to come forward. They have seminars for the military members urging them to seek help if they are involved in domestic violence. They are also taught that this behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. It shouldn't be tolerated, officer or not.
I completely agree with you. By "muddy" I meant that if it all comes out it will probably be a bigger deal to his command since he's an officer. The military should know of his behavior, but I also think the truth coming out could make it harder on her. If he feels like she's not only left him but messed up his career he might decide to make things more difficult for her. If Megan is willing to deal with might come out of involving command then great, but considering everything she's going through I would understand just wanting out as clean and quick as possible.
Megan - I am so happy that you are safe and will be with family who loves and supports you. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you, this is going to be one of the hardest and best things you have and will do for yourself!
I too was in an abusive relationship and it took me 7 years to get out of it. I have now been married for 16 years to a wonderful man. Is it perfect, no, but I learned never to let another person treat me the way I allowed the abuser to.
Safe travels, hun and best of luck in your future!
Wow Megan... I'm reaaally late with this thread. This is all really intense. I don't have anything to add except that you're doing the right thing. I know everything is really hard for you right now, but know that this situation yet another thing that will shape who you are, and it will only make you stronger. I'm so glad to hear you got away. I lost my best friend to a guy like yours. I haven't spoken to her in two years. I tried to warn her that the things he was doing were wrong, strange, and were going to get worse. She cut me off before him. *shrug* I'm glad you're not going to be that person, I really am. I'm thinking of you all the way here in CA. <3
Megan I am so glad to hear you're safe and on your way home.
Have you thought about getting your own restraining order against him? I don't know what anyone else thinks but I think it would be perfectly obvious to him where you were going. I know it won't physically stop him from contacting or coming to you but at least then you could legally do something about it if he decides to try intimidate you again.
I'm glad you were to smart to give him your cards... and that you were able to take your kitties with you. My brother in law used to work with a woman who was eventually killed by an abusive husband. It was a very disturbing situation.
Congrats for being strong and getting the heck out of there. You are very Smart and Brave for what you did. Just remember that you did it for a reason. Don't ever go back!
I'm happy to hear you are safe and distancing yourself from the situation. I am a counselor and can tell you that counseling will not change who he is. Someone mentioned that you should let his superiors know about his behavior. It's up to you but it may be the "straw that broke the camels back".
Most anti-social people, who by definition lack empathy with others, are also narcissistic, have a strong sense of entitlement and pathological resentment when they feel they have been wronged. He does not and will not see himself as the "problem". In his mind you are the "problem".
Intellectually you know he can be dangerous but it's obvious that there is still a part of you that wants this to work out. A lot of people who have been where you are or knew someone who was have shared that there is virtually no chance it can. You took a big risk meeting him alone, either in the restaurant or outside. Fortunately his behavior underscored who he really is by demanding his cards and trying to control whether or not you could leave.
I'm hoping that as you process what has happened to you that you will see yourself as others see you. This will take time, as you will have to grieve the life you imagined with him. God Bless
Last edited by kittycarlson; 03-24-2011 at 06:33 PM.
