General chatter Because life isn't just about dieting. Play games, jokes, or share what's new in your life!

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
Old 03-21-2011, 09:04 AM   #31  
Senior Member
 
digitalrequiem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 128

S/C/G: 240/see ticker/150

Height: 5'2

Default

Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this *hugs*

I got myself out of an emotionally abusive relationship about 4 years ago. Thankfully, I had never married the *******, so that made the leaving part easier. The biggest thing that I learned is that, while it is hard to abandon the life you are used to, eventually it will get much, much better. I was with my abusive boyfriend for about 4.5 years and I had always tolerated his mood swings and temper tantrums. Eventually, something just snapped in me and I had enough. I called my parents and they moved me out the next weekend. Please, though, when you go to get your stuff, do not go alone. Pack up whatever necessities that you need, communicate with your soon-to-be ex via email or text message and let him know that you will be returning to get the rest of your stuff at a later date.

On a side note, I do understand why your dad and his parents want you to try and work things out, but I don't think they understand the severity of the situation. If you wanted to try and discuss things with him rationally, I would recommend getting a mediator involving and seeing a couple's therapist.

Anyways, lots of hugs and good vibes are being sent your way! And stay strong, you do not deserve to be treated like an emotional punching bag!!
digitalrequiem is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:11 AM   #32  
I'm Just a Little Crazy
 
SCraver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Willington, CT
Posts: 1,404

S/C/G: 250/215/170

Height: 5'9"

Default

I just wanted to offer you some ((HUGS))

Good for you for being strong. I believe that marriage is about agreeing to be partners in life. To support and love each other. There is no room in that for abuse - physical or emotional.

I am sorry you are going through this.
SCraver is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:18 AM   #33  
Happy Member
 
JoJoJo2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Casper, Wyoming, USA
Posts: 789

Default

I'm very sorry that this happened to you, and I'm so glad that you got yourself out of the situation.

Don't let this spoil your life. Deal with it, and move on to a bright and happy future.
JoJoJo2 is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:23 AM   #34  
One step at a time
Thread Starter
 
mkendrick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: OK
Posts: 1,286

S/C/G: 183/136.2/125-130

Height: 5'7

Default

More and more thanks...I wish I could hug each and every one of you. I bought a toothbrush at the gas station, so I'm no longer a biohazard, lol.

I'm still just in a very emotionally unstable daze at the moment. Somebody mentioned being easily startled, that would be an understatement for me right now. I'm just a sleep-deprived emotionally taxed ball of nerves. Any and every little thing sets me off.

I just walked across the street to a truck stop in my spandex shorts and t-shirt and had the best tasting cup of burnt lukewarm coffee I've ever had in my life. I was staring off into oblivion and pondering my situation when some trucker-looking guy who was waiting for his buddy to pay his bill stopped at my table and said "what's a dainty little lady like you looking so sad for? You look like you just lost your last friend." I just smiled and shrugged, paid my bill and went back to my room and had yet another good cry, lol.

I know I sound so pitiful right now. I don't really have anything to do but sit and marinate in it all and cry. Once the ball gets rolling and I figure out my game plan for today and the days to follow, I'll snap myself out of this blubbering mess to at least get things done.
mkendrick is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:30 AM   #35  
~Kim~
 
TooManyDimples's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Cleveland, TN
Posts: 1,332

Default

I'm sorry to hear this Megan. I think it's wonderful that you were brave enough to do what's right for you. I haven't read any of the threads you've mentioned posting about you guy's fights before.

I am curious if he's always been like this? I know he's in the army and I'm thinking I remember reading that he was deployed last year? I could be completely wrong, but obviously the thought of PTSD comes to mind. I'm an army wife too and I read stories like this on a forum that I'm a member of often. I'm not familiar with your background with him, but if this behavior is new and has come after being overseas then he could most definitely be in need of some help.

You obviously need to do what's best for you, but if you do decide to consider giving him another chance then you definitely need to demand that he talk to a counceler. There are so many resources available to soldiers and he sounds like many others that I've heard of who don't want to admit they have a problem.

You'll be in my thoughts. If you'd like to talk to another army wife or you need help finding out any information feel free to PM me.
TooManyDimples is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:35 AM   #36  
Recovering Pantry Pest
 
ICUwishing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,248

S/C/G: 174.5/162/149

Height: 5'7"

Default

Megan, :hugs: Support from me as well! You're an amazing young woman - very smart, very savvy, determined and disciplined ... and you have a great track record with success. You will be successful with this as well, even if it's not quite the way you set out to do it. Building character is kind of like building muscle - you have to do some tearing and ripping before something even stronger appears!

Have the good cry for as many days as it takes - take care of yourself and eat well. You have a lot of wonderful advice above about how to get the rest of your stuff - I love the idea of the police escort. Use the resources offered from your dad. And please do keep posting ... this is another trip down another path on the journey; we Chicks will be here for you!
ICUwishing is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:51 AM   #37  
one choice at a time
 
carter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,343

S/C/G: 275/155/189/???

Height: 5'5"

Default

Megan, I've nothing to add that the other wise women on here couldn't say better - so let me just add this: You are one of the most poised, thoughtful, and smart young women I have ever encountered. I have no doubt that you are destined for great, very great things. I'm proud of you for looking after yourself, and wish you every strength as you work through this crisis. Be well.
carter is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:53 AM   #38  
Senior Member
 
Tea Granny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 263

S/C/G: 171/160/120

Height: 5 feet- if I really stretch

Default

Megan honey I 'm sorry that this has happened, and I am in awe of your strength! Being from an older generation I lived that nightmare for too long, the "suck it up and hide it from everyone" generation. Take the police with you when you go to get your stuff and your babies- you can board them at an animal hospital if you have to, and if you tell them the circumstances they will make sure that no one will be able to pick them up but you. I have been married to a wonderful loving man for the past 14 years, but the scars still remain from the previous marriage. You did the right thing and you should be proud of yourself- tell him to talk to your lawyer, go home to your family and have nothing more to do with him - he can go to ****!
Tea Granny is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:56 AM   #39  
Senior Member
 
bargoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Davis, Ca
Posts: 23,149

S/C/G: 204/114/120

Height: 5'

Default

I see you have changed your picture, that says a lot. I can't urge you strongly enough to not go to your house thinking he may not be there. Do not chance it. Call the polce, the MPS , the chaplain, but do NOT go alone. Check and see if there is a women's shelter and call them and see what they can do to help you.
bargoo is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:56 AM   #40  
Lifes a Journey
 
MiZTaCCen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,707

S/C/G: 195/Ticker/170

Height: 5'5

Default

You don’t owe him ANYTHING, grab your cats and anything else you need from that house. Do it when he’s not home so he can’t sucker you into the BS he will probably try and do. You are strong and amazing and as a lot of us have said and I’ll say it to you we are proud because you were smart and strong enough to leave a sh!tty situation! The best thing you can do is go back to the familiar where friends and family are and just not bother with the crappy situation again. People don’t change it’s very rare and even if he were to change it’s too bad for him because he just lost the best thing that’s probably happened to him. Grab the cats, any paper work you need, laptop and clothing and you will be on your way. Starting over sucks, but it’s better to start over then to continue to be in a tainted destructive relationship! Good luck you are definitely doing the right thing and hopefully people in similar situations as you can grab enough courage and self respect and do the same thing!


MiZTaCCen is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:56 AM   #41  
Senior Member
 
Rana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,206

S/C/G: 189/186.8/160 (restart)

Height: 5'5"

Default

Hugs from me too.

I think you did the right thing by leaving. I think you're right he's expressing signs of being an abuser, and your reaction to him is that of someone who is under abuse.

You're very smart and strong to recognize the signs that decide that this is not the life you want to live!!!! I'm so happy you realized it.

I agree with others who said that if you don't want to see him because you might lose your resolve, don't see him.

The problem I see here is that it's gotten too serious for this to be a simple case of misunderstood expectations about the marriage. He's not acting like someone who wants to change or is even in control of his emotions.

I'm happy your father is there to help you and take his help! Pay him back when you can, but let your father take care of his daughter. It doesn't matter how old you are, fathers love to do it anyway. I'm glad you kept him in your life even if your husband wanted all men out of it (yes, a sign of an abuser!).

Don't go back to him. Please don't. It won't get better. And this will be a small bump in your life once you get some distance from it.
Rana is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:57 AM   #42  
Senior Member
 
doopdoop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 304

S/C/G: 209/160/145

Height: 5'1"

Default

You are a total badass for getting up and walking out on that douchemonger. Good work! You are a complete inspiration for the amount of courage and self confidence that must have taken .
doopdoop is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:59 AM   #43  
Member
 
jessy 49's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 88

S/C/G: 226/215/160

Height: 5'6"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mkendrick View Post
I'm still not exactly sure what will happen today. He'll be at work until 4 or 5pm. I'm going to go back and get some things and my poor sweet cats (I can't even let myself start the guilt trip yet that I left my girls with him last night). His parents and my dad think I at least owe him a chance to talk once he's calmed down. His parents want me to give him a second chance, my dad wants me to give him a chance to grovel. I'm somewhat reluctant to see him at all. For one, I think it'll be pointless...I know many abusive men do have the pattern of abusing, then begging for forgiveness saying they'll change. I think his pride and anger is too strong and he'd rather just see me go. But, if he does make any effort to try to get me to stay and "work on it," I don't trust myself to be strong enough yet to see through it and call him on his BS. Right now, I just want to get my things and be done with it.
I can see that you are in turmoil and are sleep deprived and spinning from the shock of your life for these last few months. My advice is to do nothing for a set period of time -- perhaps a month -- except to go home to your family. Don't talk to him -- don't go near him; just let his parents know what you're doing. Allow yourself to recover from the stress and put some time and distance between yourself and the situation. Allow him time to get counseling. Make a decision to review the situation in a month's time -- not before!
jessy 49 is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:59 AM   #44  
Senior Member
 
JOLINA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 596

Default

Your mom and dad did not raise you for years and put a lot of time and money and care into your early life just so some nut case can abuse you.
Your dad sees a huge problem there, and is stepping up to the plate to rescue you from a very bad situation.

His parents have had to deal with his acting up for years. They probably hoped marraige would help straighten out his poor behavior, but it did not.

You were being victimized and it is great you got out at a very early date.
Don't go back and try to talk to him, and don't let him try to get you back in his life.
It's over. Get on with your life and don't look back. You are now on a new journey, with a happier life ahead of you.

You have a legal right to remove all of your possessions from the house. And all the wedding gifts are the brides by law, even the money contributions. He has no claim on them. Get a good attorney to advise you, and file for a divorce, not a seperation.

When you do go to retrieve everything, do it all in one trip. And have a couple of big guys with you to help move. Take a lot of boxes and packing tape with you, and a big truck if you have to. Let the police know in advance where he works and what time you will show up at the house. But have your attorney advise you of what procedures to follow first. You can also hire a private investigator to track his movements that day.

Go through every closet and remove your items, and don't forget your wedding photos. There are pictures of friends and relatives there that may pass away soon. Those photos may be the last ones taken of them.
If he wants the photos, make copies later. Mail items to him, and get proof of delivery from the carrier.

He can communicate through letters. Don't ever call him again about anything.
Put the past behind you. It was a sad episode in your life, and there is no reason to continue any relationship with him in the future.

My cousin started to have problems on their way to their honeymoon destination, and she stuck it out with her wacky husband until he died years later at a very old age.
Neither one was happy, and they had several children.

Some women spend their entire lives living with a whacko. Don't do this to yourself. Your parents didn't raise you for the sole purpose of catering to a nut case.
JOLINA is offline  
Old 03-21-2011, 10:07 AM   #45  
Senior Member
 
bargoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Davis, Ca
Posts: 23,149

S/C/G: 204/114/120

Height: 5'

Default

I want to make this clear. I urge you to not go to the house alone because it may be dangerous. I see some posters are concerned he may try to talk you into staying. That is not my point, he has already shown that he has an explosive temper. The daughter of a friend of mine was in the same situation as you, except she had two daughters, she left him but went back , when he was at work, to feed the family pets. He was not at work and this ended in tragedy.
bargoo is offline  
Closed Thread

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My husband is so supportive! MrsJerseyben Weight Loss Support 12 08-30-2009 09:46 PM
Husband told me he's embarrised by my size todaystheday Weight Loss Support 68 01-16-2006 01:15 PM


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:40 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.