Day 29 for me. It's hard to believe. Food is still very clean. I did decide to have Thai food on Saturday night, but even there I was conscious of portions and keeping the choices less rich than I often have. The absolutely amazing thing is that I've gone from grazing or bingin all evening, to one planned snack, and it's not hard.
I don't feel like I've given day 25-27 as much effort as I want to eventually...I seem to do better with pithy response cards than with going through the analysis of my thinking and the seven question technique.
I'm also feeling a little bit like the honeymoon is wearing off. My pattern in the past has been to do very well for a period of time and then not succeed in getting through the challenges when the going gets tougher. I'm really hoping that Beck gets me through....but it's hard to know until I get there. Any good response cards for this fear? I can say that I'm laying the groundwork for times that are more challenging....or that I know that black and white thinking isn't helpful....but it's hard to believe it until it's tested.
Down 3 pounds this week!!! Celebration time!!!! Time for a reward, which will be some new coffee mugs from a craft store...once I find the time to get there. Still haven't gotten the new plush towels that were my first reward.
Sorry no time to respond to everyone's posts...I really do enjoy reading them and get a lot out of everyone's thoughts and experiences.
Wendylan I hope today finds your son feeling much better. I dont mind walking and its all I can do at this moment. (doctors orders) I am actually starting to like to exercise and really missed it this weekend. I had to fight myself not to workout. My 1 of the 2 tape strips came off Saturday while I was sleeping. It was split open. So I put a butterfly closures and took it easy. I planned on working out Sunday but the tape on the other side of my staple came off and did the same thing so I didnt walk out that day. Today I am going to! Even I just get in a mild mile. Today is also weight in day. I wasnt the best yesterday. I feel due to stress from not walking and getting close to the 200 mark. But this well not detour me!
Sorry if I missed anyone. My dog just jumped the fence. Got to go.
I'm at work. I have some things to do so i'm not going to do personals today (and I always feel bad that I don't do them but I just gotta focus on me a bit)
oh well... stream of consciousness musings follow:
i was not very beck like (or south beach like) this weekend. although yesterday my food was beachy my thoughts were "more more more" i need MORE... ugh....
i discovered truly that I don't do well on the weekends in terms of structured eating... meaning my BECK work. some guilt there... not sure why... I guess because i know i'm cheating and harming myself.
Today I plan to READ day six but I also plan to really work on day 5 still Eating slowly and mindfully... that really is being a huge problem for me...
It seems that whatever the title for the day is that I am working on, I can predict that that will be a problem for me that day. Or maybe the focus on that behaviour brings it into my face? Not sure. So yesterday and the pay attention to your thinking. Well I had seconds at dinner. I waited a good hour and my thinking was like this: I really want more. Can I have more? I shouldn't have seconds. If I wait I can have it as a snack. But it's unplanned. But I can have a snack. But it's okay, I'm still on plan, I have enough points (weight watchers plan here) to cover it. I can have that. Boy was that good. I really want more. In the end I had more. No big surprise there! Nary a counter argument from me on that. I just wanted more.
I was stressed about my drawing assignments. I'm halfway through now. I'm back at it after this email. I ate cause I was stressed and procrastinating and cause I deserved it. None of this went consciously through my head though.
And I am going to be eating all my meals at the kitchen table for the near future. I think part of the drive to get more of that food came from eating too fast, in a distracted manner, so that by the time I actually realized how good the food was I had eaten it up and then I wanted more to taste. So this morning I sat at the table with my cereal and promised myself if I was full I would stop. When I stopped there was some cereal left at the bottom and some milk and I THREW IT OUT. And I didn't feel bad or anything. I just threw it away. What a big deal for me to do that, especially that I didn't agonize over it.
After I did that it struck me that that kind of behaviour may not actually dovetail with my foodplan oddly enough. See, if I plan ahead then I plan out a serving size, record it in the book and figure out the points for it... Okay. What if I throw 1/3 away? Or 1/4? Shouldn't the points be adjusted for that? Or do you let it go and say "that's what I planned, this is what happened?" Under the guise of "being entitled to" part of me says "You're allowed all that food. You can eat it. Eat it. Why deprive yourself?" And that self-talk makes me ignore whether I am hungry or not becasue this was a pre-planned snack/serving size. I see writing this that if you are calorie counting this is the same issue. I guess I need to have Beck rules supercede the foodplan in some cases, this being one of them. I guess I've identified a thinking error here? Have I? Credit to me for throwing food out, for working things through and for sitting down and consciously eating this morning. Credit to me for not binge eating over the weekend, either day.
Oh and I just have to say that my weight is climbing daily. 3lbs higher now than my lowest weight recorded 3 days ago. Hormonal fluctuations no doubt. I am not going to let it put me off my plan coaches.
boy, everyone is so busy on the thread i am having a hard time keeping up with whos' doing what!
i hope everyone is doing well and i offer my support for those who are struggling.
today is day 5 for me, eat mindfully and slowly! bfast was a protein bar at my desk but i know i can eat slowly and mindfully at lunch. i will put down my book and every couple of bites i will put down my fork. that is my plan, and if that still doesn't work plan b is to eat with my LEFT hand, that should slow me down a bit. i am very right handed and struggle when i have to use my left for something. anyway that's my plan for today i will come back and post how lunch worked out.
good luck everybody!!!
amy
I too am working on Day 5 today. I've been through it before and I KNOW how hard this one is going to be, it's one I've struggled with because it doesn't feel natural. Since I read the chapter on the subway on the way to to work and after I ate breakfast, I'll have lunch and dinner focus on this one, to really think about what I'm eating. No TV, no internet which is where I usually eat most of my meals, either in front of the TV or in front of the computer.
I kinda justify my eating with distractions and say that Beck says it's normal for us to have some distractions while we eat, but we should still be mindful of portion sizes and mindful to stop eating when we're full.
Today I pledge to at least turn the computer off while I eat lunch today. And to eat at the table for dinner. Beyond that... no guarantees.
I've read up on all of the posts, and I hope everyone's doing well today. Keep coming back and posting your insights.
Oh and onebyone I've had the same thoughts about points and Beck's plan. They do kinda contradict themselves at times, don't they? Planned food versus stopping when you're full. Having the points to use versus what Beck would consider an unplanned snack or meal. I don't have a clear cut answer, but just wanted you to know that I've noticed it as well.
just a quick lunch post...
went to lunch with hubby at the chinese buffet. normally this is a disaster for me but today i only had one plate and i drank water instead of cola or sweet tea. i also ate slowly and put my fork down between bites. Yay me for not eating seconds and for choosing water!!
i'll be back this evening to report on dinner. we are having loaded potato soup (potato soup w/ bacon and cheese in it.) very yummy, but i WILL only eat ONE regular size bowl!!!!
hope everybody is having a yummy lunch and have a good rest of the day...amy
The weekend was wonderful and challenging at the same time. Great Big Sea was fabulous, but we could only stay for about 1/2 the set because they played last, and El Nino was getting wicked tired (and sick, unbeknowst to us,) and it was also starting to rain. So about 18 hours in the car for 25 minutes of GBS. On the other hand, we got to spend some nice time together away from all the stress and routine, and the kid seemed to enjoy most of the time. He loves people, and music, and food, and we did all three. The food - not planned, not on plan, and some of it was just gross because I plumb ran out of time packing and didn't have anything for the car. We were trying to time the stops to coincide with the kid NOT sleeping, so I was eating out of gas stations (cheetos and M&Ms.) It didn't even taste good and after a few hours I was feeling ill. The food at the festival was also atrocious - fried shapes, as DH calls it. I did the best I could, but it wasn't anything to be proud of. The meals we ate in restaurants were better, but again, didn't have much of a plan going in, and it can be stressful trying to eat while working with the kid and doing my best to keep the food off the floor, highchair, and other patrons. Before he gets bored. He's really pretty good for 13 mths - he can sit and eat for 30-40 minutes in restaurants, but that's not time I'm spending being mindful and/or enjoying my own meal. DH and I take turns but somehow I find myself feeding the kid more often. I love feeding him but don't have the time to feed myself, so I'm back to shovelling.
So woke up this morning with a sore throat - OI! sick again??? I've lost two weeks of marathon training to illness and injury, and I'm starting to feel a little bit of panic that I'll be undertrained for the big day. It's still 6 weeks away, so I'm not sunk yet, but if I can't get it together in the next week I'm going to have to seriously reconsider the run.
And to add insult to (literally) injury, I'm back up 2.5 pounds. I know, water retention, last Monday/Tuesday's out of control eating, and I'm bone tired. Just feeling bad and wanting to eat. I had a little bit of a think in the bathroom (ALONE time! huzzah!) and repeated to myself some fine, worthwhile thoughts, like food isn't going to fix tired and stressed. It only fixes hungry. Rest and organizing fixes tired and stressed. Unfortunately, there's no rest in my immediate future. Spring break is over and I've got three group presentations, two papers, and a research project to bang out in the next four weeks. I've got to get focused like a laser, or it's not going to work. Poor DH is completely freaking about all the work we have to do on both the houses in the next couple of months. I'd be right there with him, but I can't even think about it right now. We've got to get the kid through a fresh course of antibiotics for his new case of conjunctivitis, and I've got to figure out how to get my head back together so I can actually get something done at work.
So - how bad do I want it? It changes. I wanted it a lot more badly when I was 205 than I do now at 180. Now I fit comfortably in all my clothes, and I'm in pretty good shape. It's much easier to slack off and be "good enough." I was thinking about how the things that aren't easy or natural or fun - you've got to create systems so they're automatic and you don't think about them, you just do them. Like brushing your teeth, or putting a clothes hamper where you tend to dump your laundry, and automatic deductions into the 401k. I can automate a lot of my meals, but I still have to spend a fair amount of time shopping, cooking, portioning. I'd love to do one of those diet delivery food services for the next two months, but they're insanely expensive and the food never looks that good. I tried Nutrisystem about two years ago and it was like eating cardboard. Maybe I could work in more Kashi frozen meals or something. Must think about that in my (copious) spare time. The other problem is that exercise NEVER just happens. Have to really plan for it, and frankly, these days I'm tired, tired, tired. I know that working out helps my energy level and helps me sleep better, but the long runs tend to drain more than energize, and I'm just not looking forward to them. I recognize that I've signed on for more than I can reasonably do - but the idea of backing out just because, ain't in my nature. So I'll press on. We're just talking two more months, right? I can live with some pain for two months.
Love how active this place is-but I am just going to jump in versus responding to the past postings-(my short term memory is not that good any more) The cable/internet guy came today so hope all is well and will be reliable.
Must send good wishes to Kuljeannie-been there-parenting, working, graduate school, having sick kids and being sick. Once I got pink eye so badly-what a pain until the doc got the right meds-got it off a hay bale set up for Halloween-go figure-It does pass but there are some tough day-Hang in- you are doing so well you are not "making do with your current wieght" just treading water until you get more energy. Energy will return soon and You will return to losing weight again soon.
Maryblu-thanks for calling me a grownup but at 60+ yrs I still eat like a kid. A some crummy things happened this weekend and caused alot of tension for me and there I was eating foods I don't like that much, eating when not hunger, eating after waiting 10 minutes for a craving to pass-ect. ect. plus not swimming as was out of town. The best news was how much I wanted to get home and get back to my eating plan. I have returned today-plus swam for 60 minutes. Even happy to see that silly cottage cheese for breakfast.
I can follow the Beck rules at home, But when a number of factors occur I still lose it. 1. A big factor for me is when I am around people who expect and demand that I take care of them. 2. When I am not listen to-as if my contribution was boring/not important. 3. I begin not to think my needs are not important-get rather subservant to others. 4. I lose a sense of control and start getting angry. 5. But then I criticize myself for being angry at such anxious, needy people-bad person I am. 5. I think is the true pattern of stuffing my feeling down with food. 6. The difficulty at time to get healthy food when traveling along with the easy of getting caloric food everywhere. 7. Once the eating starts how long it for me to come back to my sense-that stupid idea of Oh well I have blown it for the day so overeat the rest of the day.
I think Beck stuff is so wise but I still have to work through a lot of strong feeling which eating has been an unhealthy support for me. For me all the Beck tools are great yet I respect that at times my own feelings can over whelm me and then I still overeat. I get almost an emotional panic at certain times but I refuse to stop getting healthy and not lose weight. I am learning to feel, cope and how to take care of myself around some folks versus overeating and seeming so "cooperative" -I must learn to say no not just to food but to others expectation of me.
UGH. This is why I don't keep snacks in the house.
I portioned out a serving of these low fat cheese crunchy thingies I got from Trader Joes... sat down and ate them... then went back, got the rest of the bag and ate it all. ARGH! I could give myself credit for sitting down while eating every single one, but I won't even go there. I just felt like eating them. I CHOSE to eat them I guess. It wasn't the RIGHT choice, and I do feel bad about it, but it coulda been worse. Right?
I told myself no eating after 8pm this week, but my evening took a little detour from what I thought it was gonna be. At the last minute I got some company and instead of cooking and eating at around 7 I was busy entertaining my guest, and didn't get to sit down with my plate until after 9pm. I wanted to use my activity points for the cheese crunchy thingies, but had no intention on eating the entire rest of the bag.
UGH! Let me see if I can extrapolate something positive from this:
I made a conscious choice to eat unplanned food, but have decided not to let it derail me and will get right back on track. And other than that my eats so far this week have been great, so I doubt this one little slip up will make me gain weight. I strengthened my giving in muscle, I know... But at least I know what I did wrong. UGH!
It's okay. I'm okay.
I'm still reading your posts, even though I don't respond to each one. Please keep posting, it's so good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with certain behaviors that we're all working to get under control.
Cammie my plan requires me to be fairly vigilant with wheat... i.e. small servings 2-3 times a day of grains/starches are allowed.... NOT 3 honking homemade whole wheat dinner rolls that i had by choice at dinner last night.
Diet Coaches After a few days away, it's such a joy to live a full day in the surroundings where I have my food plan and exercise plan working smoothly. CREDIT moi for not having a negative reaction to the 5 pound jump in the scale after three days of eating multiple servings of several tasty (read "salty") soups. The scale gave most of it up this morning. That's the biggest salt retention I've experienced on my journey - I'm glad that others have posted about it so I wasn't concerned.
Sue (CoastalSue) - Welcome back from the isolated land of no internet. Kudos for getting in 60 minutes of swimming. It just amazes me that someone can swim that long; it's still a dream of mine to be that competent in the water. Thanks for the seven thoughtful notions of what can get you off track. I particularly resonate with, "1. A big factor for me is when I am around people who expect and demand that I take care of them. " There is room in my journey to get more facile in recognizing a demand/request as something that I can turn down, despite the expectation of the asker. When you learn how to do this, please teach me.
Heidi (hbuchwald) - Waving to busy busy Heidi.
Jean (kuhljeanie) - What a trip! Glad that "Great Big Sea was fabulous," Kudos for your continued efforts on your food and exercise plans within your super busy schedule. Ouch for the sore throat and El Nino feeling sick. Sending you virtual chicken noodle soup over the internet.
Mez (mezmerize) - You wrote, "My dog just jumped the fence." That seems to capture the realities of staying on track for me. Sending best wishes for the rapid healing of your wound and your return to full motion exercising.
Cammie (CammieCam) - Good luck working your Program-day 5 stuff. It does seem to be the topic for many today. My take is that there is a successful path somewhere short of the monastic concentration on ones bowl of gruel. Hope you find yours.
barbpos You wrote, "I'm also feeling a little bit like the honeymoon is wearing off. ... Any good response cards for this fear?" I recognize the feeling since I entertain it myself all the time. The best I've been able to do is read and reread my Believe It Response Card to remind myself that I do have the strategies to stay on course after the phases of "honeymoon", "willpower", "novelty", and "enthusiasm" all wear off. I know what to do and can do it. That's new for me as differs from other times when I just assumed that my initial enthusiasm would last forever. I'm convinced that I can get this new lifestyle into my tooth brushing category of living.
onebyone Kudos for half of your drawings. Big Kudos for throwing out the last of the cereal. Kudos for giving yourself credit for that, and for giving yourself credit for eating at the table, mindfully. And Kudos for remaining calm and resolving to stay on track. I can feel the efforts you're putting in to stay the course.
amy (gahundy) Kudos for eating mindfully. I do like your notion of eating with your left hand to slow yourself down; I may have to try that.
Nessa (ladybugnessa) - You wrote, "my food was beachy my thoughts were 'more more more' i need MORE..." Yep, I still feel that way at times even when I'm on track but am surrounded by abundance that is being offered specifically to me. I'm trying to decide whether that's a temporary situation or part of my permanent life to be treated with the Unfair strategies.
Readers For example, have you ever strayed from a diet for any of the following reasons:
You were at a party and felt like treating yourself.
To successfully lose weight and keep it off, you need to solve these kinds of practical problems. Beck, pg 21.
My schedule has been crazy! I feel rushed but I'll be back
later. I just completed day 9... Exercise... and so the time
crunch is even more evident. <g>
I have a love hate relationship with exercise. It makes me
feel great when I do it. No doubt. And when I'm in the
middle of an exercising trend... more days doing it than
not... I love it more and more.
But if I lag behind.. because I'm sick, crushed for time, just lazy...
and I get a few days linked together without it... I'm done.
On the other hand, we got to spend some nice time together away from all the stress and routine, and the kid seemed to enjoy most of the time. He loves people, and music, and food, and we did all three. The food - not planned, not on plan, and some of it was just gross because I plumb ran out of time packing and didn't have anything for the car. We were trying to time the stops to coincide with the kid NOT sleeping, so I was eating out of gas stations (cheetos and M&Ms.) It didn't even taste good and after a few hours I was feeling ill. The food at the festival was also atrocious - fried shapes, as DH calls it. I did the best I could, but it wasn't anything to be proud of. The meals we ate in restaurants were better, but again, didn't have much of a plan going in, and it can be stressful trying to eat while working with the kid and doing my best to keep the food off the floor, highchair, and other patrons. Before he gets bored. He's really pretty good for 13 mths - he can sit and eat for 30-40 minutes in restaurants, but that's not time I'm spending being mindful and/or enjoying my own meal. DH and I take turns but somehow I find myself feeding the kid more often. I love feeding him but don't have the time to feed myself, so I'm back to shovelling. 
The other problem is that exercise NEVER just happens. Have to really plan for it, and frankly, these days I'm tired, tired, tired. I know that working out helps my energy level and helps me sleep better, but the long runs tend to drain more than energize, and I'm just not looking forward to them. I recognize that I've signed on for more than I can reasonably do - but the idea of backing out just because, ain't in my nature. So I'll press on. We're just talking two more months, right? I can live with some pain for two months. 
Tuesday
