Yesterday was a weird eating day, as I was out at a meeting during lunch time. I'm not sure I ended up eating enough during the day... I really struggled with strong urges for an after dinner snack (after having my planned Valentine's Day candy treat.) DF coached me through it, and I said No Choice... until I woke up in the middle of the night tossing and turning over work stress. I got out of bed to take my mnid off things and ended up getting into the candy again. It wasn't a big binge, but a couple pieces do add up. I just felt such a need for some comforting sugar.
Very glad its Friday. Work has been challenging this week. We're checking out our first option for a wedding reception venue tomorrow. Its an old restored 19th Century Monitor Barn.
Today I hit the 15 pound milestone. So proud of myself! I love the changes I am making in my life.
Credits: eating on plan; weighing in; exercising (aqua zumba last night); filling in my daily log sheets; remembering to give myself credit; promoting positive self esteem.
I am working on acceptance lately. There are so many things that I have no control over, that I wish I did. I have to remind myself that I can’t shape or sculpt other people to be or do what I want them to. “Oh well” comes in handy for these times.
Lexxiss – glad you are on track, good for you considering all the stress you’ve been under
Gardnerjoy – wow, you are so close to your goal! That is awesome!
Jmaf – good for you for avoiding the food room!
Pamatga – so glad about your walking progress!
Shepherdess – things sound pretty interesting ‘round your way
Futurefitchick – “hunger is not an emergency” was a total lightbulb for me. I remind myself of that quite often
Skygirl – welcome and good job getting started!
Marycontrary – I really liked what you said “I'm trying, really trying, to be oh well about this.” I have so many things that I need to be “oh well” about too. Good for you for processing what you are going through rather than running right to the comfort foods. Hugs.
Billblueeyes – I can’t wait for spring either! Walks are so much nicer when the mother nature cooperates.
ChefJoona – I like water aerobics. It was a great way to get me back in the exercise game. Not sure if this is an option for you. I always hated to sweat, and I figured if I was in the water, I wouldn’t notice. Now I like to sweat (well, a little bit) because I know that I am working my body into better shape. I also have a problem when my eating schedule gets messed up. It always sends me into binging type thoughts. I will have to work on a card for these types of situations; thank you for reminding me I’m not the only one!
Flu is better but I was up until 5:30 am this morning, unable to sleep because of pain in my right knee that radiates up and down my right leg and hip. I took some more pain medicine and I am returning to bed.
I was reading about all of your challenges; it sounds like emotional eating and stress-induced eating are two common threads that run through all of your daily coping. It's non physical hunger and it is what separates people who struggle with their weight all their life and those who don't. A non-emotional eater never makes the connection between trying to feed emotions, whether they are disappointment, weariness both mental and physical, or the tension that derives from our competitive lives.
I have known this about myself for decades. OA (Overeaters Anonymous) helped me a lot. I still consider myself a practioner of the 12 Steps for the past 16 years. I consider it one of the single most significant influences of my life.
I have been very weary the past ten days or so. Once I get some sleep and take a shower, I'll be able to get on with today.
It reminds me of what one of our nieces said. Maggie was about 5 years old at the time. Her sister, Mary Therese, was about 3 years old. Maggie was "beating up" on Mary Therese, as siblings are prone to do. Mary Therese was crying understandably. Maggie proceeded to tell Mary Therese, "You know what your problem is; you need to be more resilent." The irony of course in this situation is that we want to say (on Mary Therese's behalf), "No, what I need you to do is stop beating me up!"
Every time Life (aka the "Maggies" in our world) beats us up and tells us to be more resilent, we want to instead say " Just quit already! I wouldn't have to be more resilent if you'd just leave me alone!"
Here is to all of our "Maggies" in life. (in unison) "Leave me alone and go pick on someone your own size!"
In the meantime, don't take any of it personal. Life is just doing what Life does.
Black Swan was good, especially the ending. If I were the Academy, I would give the Best Picture to 127 Hours and pretty much everything else to The King's Speech.
It was an odd eating day and wouldn't work for every day, but good enough and it's done. Today I have a food plan that takes into account that I'll have fresh bread coming out of the bread machine in a couple of hours. It's just stupid not to believe I'm going to eat some, so putting it in the plan makes the difference between being on plan and the dangerous territory of off plan.
WI: NAkg, Exercise: +0 985/1300 minutes for February, Food: 70%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
MaryContrary: love the whole wheat chocolate chip cookies. Something new for me on this journey is the ability to have things occasionally that no one would consider diet food and do it strategically so that it fits and the whole process keeps rolling. Sorry about the situation that led to the emotional eating -- that does suck. Good for you for recognizing it and finding a way to deal with it.
Happy Friday! I'm certainly glad to have a weekend coming - it's been a rough week at work.
Remains of the scones are still in the break room, but they're all dried up at this point so no temptation - I *did* see one of my coworkers eating one, though .
Tonight will be dinner out with friends. I'm planning for it, though, so I'm cautiously optimistic. I'll have to keep my 'no choice' and 'oh well' thoughts close at hand.
gardenerjoy: glad to hear you have a plan for the bread! It would also be dangerous territory for me.
pamatga: Glad your flu is better but sorry to hear about the leg/hip pain. I'm also have a bit of that lately (same leg as yours, even!) and don't know what's up with it. It seems to only hurt when I'm sleeping (or trying too...). I think you're right about non-physical hunger. I'm trying to focus on how eating at these times will only create just another problem for me and not resolve anything.
masondixonmoma: Congrats on 15 pounds! Woohoo!!!
ChefJoona: I hear you about not eating enough during the day and then having it 'bite back' at you later. That happens to me, too. I also find that not sleeping well at night makes me hungrier the next day - I recently heard there's a scientific reason for this (something to do with hunger-related hormones).
BBE: I love walking outside in the early spring! Must be because of being cooped-up inside all winter. The fresh air always seems fresher.
MaryContrary: Sorry about the fellowship. I know it's hard at the present, but try to think of this as a possible opening to a new adventure. Sometimes disappointment can lead to opportunities we don't even know about yet. Major Credit for reflecting on your feelings as you go through this.
skygirl: I'm also working with trying to be more consistent with exercising - I'm not quite there yet.
FutureFitChick: The idea of an 'emergency' box of recipes is awesome! I will have to work on that. Also on some recipes that can be made *only* with pantry and freezer staples because I'm pretty disorganized when it comes to weekly food shopping. I have ideas for the early part of the week but then chaos ensues!
Shepardess: Glad the calving is going well - must say I know nothing about it (or shearing) although I'm certain it all takes loads of energy!
onebyone: wishing you luck with your move. Moving is *not* one of my favorite activities...!
I'm not sure I'll have a chance to check in over the weekend, so I hope everyone has a successful one!
Another long night last night and lost a calf, so we’re frustrated and tired around here. I arrived home to find my pet sheep Clyde died sometime over the night. We knew he wasn’t feeling well, but couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. I’m more emotional about all this than I expected—lack of sleep and pregnancy hormones may be playing into it.
We had to push shearing back another day, but that should put us in the clear as far as the weather. I do have a plan in place. I have a veggie tray, apples and cheese sticks, so there will be healthy options available. I’m planning on having a slice of banana bread as a snack, which is not as healthy as my usual snack (though I do make mine with ½ whole wheat flour and less sugar so it’s better than cake). And I’ll also allow myself a cookie or one of the baked treats my MIL will bring. I’ll survey the situation and pick the best option.
FutureFitChick, I hope your pup is feeling better!
MaryContrary, hugs while you deal with the disappointment over the fellowship, but great job avoiding comfort food.
Masondixonmama, congrats on hitting the 15lb mark!
Waving to everyone else and thank you for all the support. I feel guilty over being remiss with personals, but will get back to it when I have time/energy.
My life continues to be very busy. Not many answers for our friend yet and my sis is still here. I am really happy to report that I'm still staying on track with food. I'm following my chosen food plan, using my Beck tools and logging everything on Livestrong. Exercise is on track, too. I'm really grateful and credit moi...it was either give it 100% or fall back into food insanity.
I was going to try personals this evening, but my internet connection isn't going to cooperate. Perhaps I can get back early tomorrow morning.
I spent the whole day out of the house today. I should have stayed home and done more packing but I didn't. I just wanted a "me" day. I don't know if it actually did me any good cause now I feel like I am really behind given I have made zero progress in the house for two days. Foodwise I ate very little today. Not sure what's up with that. *credit: weighed in at 280 today.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Took a day off to seriously work my stuff - and I did. I sorted some 10 boxes of books and old papers, CREDIT moi, keeping less than half. Every book I give away hurts as if I'm losing a friend - I just don't yet have a rational feelings about books. Perhaps I need to take therapeutic walks through the library to remind myself that a copy exists there whenever I need it.
Gym, CREDIT moi, was again a testosterone thriller: I shifted the weights of the dumbbells for my three sets of chest presses up by five pounds. Made me feel like one of the guys. A day of letting go of stuff makes me to feel my mortality, but a good day of lifting pushes that aside. Who needs to feel mortal?
Eating was OP including a small indulgence at an evening event; tiny - smaller than a donut hole - cream-puffs appeared with real whipped cream. I was the only one there who stopped at two, which was much less than a full sized one. And I ignored the cookies as if they didn't exist. CREDIT moi for planning and having boundaries.
onebyone - Yay for a "me" day that didn't include over eating; shows you who the real you is.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Am so jealous that you've done all those current movies. Both Black Swan and 127 hours are on my list. Love "good enough" days accepted as lived.
Shepherdess - Sending supportive thoughts for a rough day. So sorry for your loss of Clyde - was he once in your avatar picture?
Debbie (Lexxiss) - Thanks for the reminder - it's either forward or back to insanity.
ChefJoona - Continued Kudos for being able to plan and indulge in a small Valentine's candy treat - with Ouch for the midnight stumble. Wedding planning is one of life's most inspiring events, not withstanding being one of its most exasperating.
Andrea (masondixonmama) - Congrats on those 15 pounds. First time I've heard of Aqua Zumba - sounds fun.
pamatga - Ouch for your pains and having to work around them, with Kudos for the acceptance in, "Life is just doing what Life does."
Jan (jmaf) - Kudos for standing down those those scones until they dried up; hopefully someone else will clear them away so you can use the break room again.
Readers -
Quote:
chapter 2 Experience the Difference
This time is going to be different because the Beck Diet for Life Program is different. Here is how: . . . It teaches you how to maintain your new weight. Knowing how to keep off the weight you lose also requires a special set of skills, such as knowing how to become a more flexible eater and how to continue to motivate yourself every day, even after the number on the scale has stopped going down. I've found that many people who lose weight simply forget what it felt like to be overweight, taking their new weight - and all of the benefits they have achieved - for granted. Once they stop feeling as if watching their weight is worth it, they start gaining. Then they feel panicky and hopeless. I'll teach you how to always remember why you wanted to lose weight in the first place and why it's worth it to continue working at keeping it off.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D, The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), pg 24.
...an early morning attempt to get back to personals…."since BBE's post from yesterday" seemed attainable.
BillBlueEyes, I just picked up 6 vegetarian cookbooks from the library yesterday. I think your thought about walking through the library IS rational. BTW-I'm amazed at your persistence with your project. Great that you had the forsight to do it in winter. Great news that you stopped at 2 cream puffs and were able to observe how many the others ate. Interesting isn't it???
onebyone, I hope you are able to find a renewed energy from your "me" day and can catch up on your zones.
Shepherdess, I like your healthy option for food during sheep shearing. You've reminded me to pull some bananas out of the freezer.thx
Jan(jmaf), at your coworker eating a dried up scone. In the old days, I would have. Enjoy your dinner tonight and *credit* for planning ahead.
gardenerjoy, I have to agree, "..it's just stupid not to believe I'm going to eat some, so putting it in the plan makes the difference…" Yay!
pamatga, I hope your knee is better. My dear friend is a non-emotional eater. She has been in a stressful divorce for the past year and commented to me how bad she looks, "I just have to gain some weight!", she said. On a positive note, I really do feel that Beck tools are helping me with my emotional eating….but I'm aware it can pop up at any time.
masondixonmama, congrats! for making your 15 pound milestone! I hope you have chosen a nice reward for yourself. I work on acceptance daily-I find it really helps. *credit* that you are "loving the changes I am making in my life."
ChefJoona, enjoy your well deserved weekend...visiting your option for your wedding reception. *credit* for not turning your midnight snack into a binge.
to everyone else...
Thanks, all, for the collective input into this thread. I'm really having the opportunity during such a stressful time in my life to see how the Beck tools really work in my life "when I work them". Your kind words to me have helped, too.
Hi coaches - rough week for me. I am very concerned about my sister. She is recovering from a major surgery and I am a thousand miles away. I need to decide whether to go there and help her or do my foot/ankle surgery. After three setbacks, I am leary of scheduling my surgery. I feel like something will go wrong or come up and it will need to be cancelled yet again. I can't explain how nervous I am in even thinking about scheduling it. My foot/ankle pain is at a lower level these days. It's because I am not doing much.
I feel kind of frazzled, confused and kind of down. (quite different than my recent Disney/family vacation.) There was a time when decisions were not so difficult. - they seem to be layered now.
My food has been sloppy. However, I have not run away from here. My anchor to 3fc is the gratitude thread over at the 100 pound forum. I will keep trying.
Last edited by Beverlyjoy; 02-26-2011 at 05:51 AM.
I'm having a hard time staying on plan lately. I had a healthy lunch prepared yesterday, but our Director ordered pizza for the office and I indulged. Then I really struggled with keeping the candy to just a small treat. For the first time in a couple months I had thoughts about giving up on the program. I challenged this though, and read my ARC.
Today is going to be a hard day... breakfast at a diner with friends- I'm planning eggs with dry rye toast (a breakfast I really do enjoy, so not a hard choice), and then dinner out to celebrate my future MIL's Birthday. Will review restaurant menu when I finish this post. Will be at my parents following our wedding venue visits around lunch time- am thinking of bringing along my lunch as I don't know what they'll have and I don't want to be super hungry when we get to the restaurant for dinner.
Shepherdess- so sorry to hear about the loss of a calf and Clyde!
Thanks for all the tips and ideas for exercise!
I'm glad I am here posting, it keeps me connected as I struggle with my commitment.
So good to "eavesdrop" by subscribing to this thread. It is really seeing the Beck program in action as a model for me to follow. I was discouraged by the fact that I haven't lost weight at I expected this week--but that says more about my unrealistic expectations than my weight loss. The most valuable thing Beck has taught me I think is to analyze the situation, see if there is anything I can do better (if so, do it) and otherwise say ah, well and move on. It has kept me on my diet for over a year without giving up, which I used to do at the slightest disappointment. My weight loss is slow, but I am focused on continuing. Thanks to everyone on this thread.
I woke up exhausted. I'm still feeling heavy and sleepy. I must have overslept. I'm achey too but not as bad as the other morning so I'll take that and be happy for it.
DH came home last night. That was a surprise as he was in the annual live poker tournament at his work last night. He went out 6th (of 23) on a "bad beat" (for all you poker players you'll know what that is) to his boss. He said, after being taken down by his boss, "at least I still have my job." Funny guy.
So he drove home and got here just after midnight.
Now I have talked him into going to the other end of town with me so I can get my artwork from the Alumni Show that just closed yesterday, and I can also now connect with the buyers for one of the pieces I showed at the show. Yay me. All my money is going into my new studio space in Toronto and that's a great place for that money to go. It makes me happy. But -- it's not paid for yet... I'm counting my chickens before they're hatched a bit here.
So I have a coupon for a Steak and Buffet place that are serving brunch today until 2:30. No menu online. We're going to pick my mom up and take her with us to the buffet place. She'll enjoy that. I just called her and she sounds, for lack of a better word, so "little".
Coaches, I'm going to have a good but tough day today. Leaving my mother is the worst part of moving away for me. We've only gotten close since she became ill (alzheimers) and went into the senior's residence. That's a good two and a half years now. My brother doesn't even think she "exists" anymore-as he says he "hasn't had a real conversation with her in years" and frankly, she just scares him. Her disease terrifies both him and my oldest sister who also doesn't visit. My other sister and I both feel the opposite way towards my mom. But she's in Key West so I do the footwork for the two of us. To me, there's still lots my mom has for all of us, it's just different is all. And she really gets it if you're actually involved with her or just doing it cause you have to. That filter part of her brain is dissolving. Sometimes she just says it like it is. I grew up wiht my grandparents and my grandmother never had a filter. She was brutal so my mom is kittycat and as for her disease, well I don't scare easy.
Oh. Geez. Getting late! Sheesh I feel as though I am always behind.
Better go. *Credit moi weighing in at 281 this morning.(+1) and checking in.
Personals later with a report of my behaviour around the brunch buffet.
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Saturday
at your coworker eating a dried up scone. In the old days, I would have. Enjoy your dinner tonight and *credit* for planning ahead.
running on empty
