Sooner or later I will deal with overeating for once and for all. I hate this roller coaster I am on. It is so hard to deal with regrouping all the time. (Better than giving up altogether though. Credit?).
My eating has been ridiculous the last few days. Living one big sabatoging thought- "Go for it", "If I have to deal with all this ^$*& then I get to eat", "I will fix this later" 'I am too busy", "I am too tired", and so on.
I had a hard week. Dealing with ongoing family drama with my sister who has some pretty major mental health issues and involves her poor kids in all her problems. On top of that, this week was supposed to be my last week of doing 2 jobs, and now the person than is filling in for me on one of the jobs is on sick leave and I don't know when he will be back. Really I was just hanging in and now everything is a huge mess. Can't be helped but I am so disappointed. March is year end so it is **** on wheels at the best of times. So many people away on vacation and all the admin people going crazy due to year-end. I am just tired.
So those are my issues to deal with and I will. Thanks for always being here to listen. Your support is so appreciated. I hope I can become a better support for all of you when things settle down.
That's it. I do have some credits for today. Even though I am so discouraged that my eating isn't better I have kept up pretty well with making sure I exercise every day.
Credits:
- walking 30 minutes with mom
- doing weights
- reading advantage and response cards
- reading a bit of the Pink Book
- posting here
- packing lunch for tomorrow
DH left with a full carload again. He's about halfway there by now. I'm nervous about him on the road tonight. My anxiety manifested itself by eating too much food and buying bad food and eating it with DH. He was a real mess tonight. I didn't even realize it until he was getting ready to go. I found myself telling him to relax and I went out to get his comfort food: chicken wings. I swear this move is the toughest thing ever. I don't really think about moving as a hard thing but geez. He's a mess/I'm a mess/the place is a mess. He won't ask for $ help for the move from the boss so he keeps talking about us moving using a panel van. A panel van?? It's like we're 18 moving into our first place or something. We'd need like three loads in a panel van and who's moving our stuff anyway? Us? Does he think we're lifting dressers and boxes and mattresses into the van? I'm like beside myself with this but even worse we're not even close to discussing this for real as I a) have no estimate of how many boxes/bits of furniture we have to be moved so I can't really get an estimate and b) I can't bring moving details up with him-he's completely overwhelmed. I think I need to do all the arranging and just present him with the facts and the bills.
I'm just surprised he's in such bad shape. I'd better get my end of things looked after ie. the packing. I'm so glad he's moving into our new place on Tuesday. He really needs his own space ASAP.
Thanks for allowing me to vent here coaches. I do believe that even though my food is not so great it would be a complete disaster were I not able to share some of this here.
*credit for posting, for looking after my DH and my mom, for still wanting to be OP even when I stray and for recognizing this is not the time to beat myself up.
Monday - And the winner is . . . Beck Diet Solution
Diet Coaches/Buddies - I wasn't expecting the six inches of light snow; it won't last long and wasn't much exercise to remove. It didn't keep me from getting in a good walk, CREDIT moi. Three large recycle bins of papers and stuff are by the front door to take out this morning; CREDIT moi.
Ate more at a potluck than I wished - Ouch. Think I was distracted by a minor annoyance going on instead of concentrating on my food. I only had one plate of healthy veggie options, CREDIT moi, but dipped into the dessert table for a couple of gooey pies that I usually avoid. If I had a feelings-meter I bet there would be a one-to-one correlation between feelings and calories ingested.
onebyone - Kudos for getting your DH off with a full car load - again. Major insight, "recognizing this is not the time to beat myself up" - that's a winner.
CeeJay - Ouch for the overload, particularly with work and family which can't be walked away from. Kudos for keeping up the exercise thought it all.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - LOL that "complaining" is the magic white feather for losing weight - but Congrats on the new kilo-decade nevertheless.
Debbie (Lexxiss) - Sleeping through dinner wins twice - but it'd be hard to do on a daily basis, LOL.
Malibu maryann - Good reminder, "I work the Beck program not in place of a life but to enjoy my life sanely." Kudos for a successful weekend.
ChefJoona - Congrats on winning in the in-laws department - with the bonus that you can eat on-plan when with them. Big Ouch for evening cravings - the time might come when those Valentine candies look more like a threat than a treat and have to go with your DF to his office.
pamatga - Yay for a remodeled apartment, but BIG Ouch at having to move to get it. I wish you well in fighting off the feelings of guilt for unemployment. One of the joys of Beck is that guilt has no place in our eating - a great freeing of the spirit which can then be applied to all parts of our lives.
Gwen - Powerful list you've composed there, thanks for sharing. I particularly like, "When I feel a craving or a need to experience food I will: Label it: Tell myself it will pass - it is NOT an emergency"
skygirl - LOL at Van Gogh's self-portrait staring at you from the billboard. Neat to see that as a sign to stay the course. Yep, "it is not magic, and it is not out of my reach."
Readers -
Quote:
chapter 2 Experience the Difference
The Beck Diet for Life Program can help you in other ways, too, since I have found that dieters often derive unexpected benefits. For example, you can: . . . Become a more assertive person. You will learn how to make time in your schedule to eat properly, ask for what you need at restaurants, and nicely turn down offers to eat unplanned food. You will feel entitled to get your needs met, even if it means disappointing or inconveniencing someone else. Many dieters find that they spontaneously apply their newly developed skills to assert themselves in other ares of their lives, too. . . .
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D, The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), pg 25.
Still struggling with my committment. I'm really not sure what's happening. I had to really convince myself to log on a post this morning- I'm glad I'm here though.
Had friends over to watch the Oscars last night. I did find a way to get rid of all the Valentine's Day candy- put it out last night to share. It is almost all gone. I think that will be helpful- not having it in the house. In general I also stuck to my plan for eating last night. It really helped to have prepared my own low-cal healthy options so I had an alternative to the fatty snacks friends brought.
Grocery shopped yesterday and bought ingredients for a healthy recipe to make for dinners this week. I have a fridge full of veggies too.
Credit for posting, as this is my way of keeping myself connected and committed. I haven't reached my goal, so there is still work to do!
Yesterday was a good Beck day. Until my sister leaves it's just hard to have a "plan" to stick with. It is always taking twists and turns. With that information yesterday, I talked DH into lifting weights while I rode my stationary bike. It worked- he distracted me and I got 9 miles in. The family decided to go to Dim Sum and I spent computer time figuring out what and how much I could have. *credit* my following Beck principles and sticking with it. We took our real bikes down to Denver and I got another 7 miles in. Exercise sure helps. Kirk asked me this morning, "What's the plan?" I answered, "There is no plan until we hear from mom and sis". I will get on my lil' bike while I wait.
BillBlueEyes, ouch for distraction which no doubt allowed your physical self to wander towards the gooey pies. *credit* for yet more "stuff" out the door and a walk taken despite the snow.
ChefJoona,glad to hear that the V-Day candy finally disappeared! Great strategy! *credit* for logging on and posting even when you didn't feel like it.
gardenerjoy, I don't complain about the scale-maybe I should start. Congrats on a new low. Thx for clarifying on the kgs...I had always wondered why my scale didn't do that. Note: I paused here and read your latest cookbook review. Thx!
maryann, *credit* for a weekend where you noticed "progress". Maybe this "is the transition into maintenance" that you are looking for. Thx for your comment to me on my long nap. "That is information your body is giving you." I took notice, and got 10 hours again last night.
pamatga, thanks for trusting us enough to let us know the depth of your "weariness". I do think it helps to acknowledge it. Knowing you can "get your house in order" is very empowering. I'll second you on waving goodbye to February.
skygirl, I am sitting here smiling at the thought of you driving for off plan food and seeing the "sign", reminding you of your Beck plan. I do believe that we are on a course that will help us. Yay for listing your credits, and especially for not withdrawing or quitting.
Gwen, your excitement was felt here in Colorado as I read your post. *credit* for all your footwork and time spent with such detail. I paused at your comment regarding your DH, "it annoys him for me to be dieting." I'm wondering if "getting healthy" is ever an acceptable description VS "dieting". For me, it seems to work quite well.
CeeJay, *credit* for checking in, despite your feeling so disappointed right now. It is hard to keep regrouping, but is far better than giving up all together. When you list your credits, you can see that you are still moving ahead. Each small step you take forward does add up in the end. hang in there!
onebyone, I hope to see your Zone list reappearing...it's my thought that perhaps as you check off some of your zones that some of the other answers may become clearer. Take care, friend. Great that you are recognizing that you do have *credits*
Made it through the weekend without going off my eating plan, but definitely struggled a bit. I was pretty hungry both Sat. and Sun. afternoons and felt focused on food. Didn't overeat, but ended up eating my meals earlier than I would have liked. I still need to work on being able to delay my eating - without getting into an anxious state of thinking when my next meal will be.
Still working on getting exercise in - it seemed like I let other things get in the way of exercise this weekend. I'm hoping to get outside for a walk today after my lunch break. DONE!
ChefJoona: Glad you logged in. Sounds like you were also struggling a bit more this weekend. Kudos for putting out the V. candy for others to eat.
BillBE: "If I had a feelings-meter I bet there would be a one-to-one correlation between feelings and calories ingested. " ...Yep, that would be me also. Sounds like you're making great progress with your decluttering.
onebyone: Sounds like this is a stressful time for you - kudos for recognizing this and posting here. Sorry also to hear about moving away and leaving your mother. My father passed away in Oct due to complications of Alzheimers - he suffered for a long time and didn't know any of us in the end. Each of us kids dealt with it in different ways. Unfortunately, all of the logistics of arranging for his care was left to my sister and me - it was extremely stressful, especially since his money ran out and we had to deal with trying to get him public assistance. My mother is now suffering from dementia, so we will likely need to go through this all over again
Gwen: "When I eat mindfully I realize what I am eating and the amount of food I am consuming." - this has been one thing that has helped me greatly and I am still working on. I try to really *look* at my food - and even take a deep whiff when no ones looking! - before I eat my first forkfull.
maryann: "I work the Beck program not in place of a life but to enjoy my life sanely." Well said! I'm adding this to my cards.
CeeJay: Sounds like you're going through a rough bit. Absolutely get credit for not giving up.
skygirl: Love that you saw the picture! I think I might print out a picture of Van Gogh for my office
pamatga: Sounds like you're also going through a rough time - definite credit for logging your food.
gardenerjoy: Congrats on setting the new kg low!
Lexxiss: I love biking also! Hopefully the weather here will be cooperative soon. For now, I just have my spin bike, but it's not the same as biking outdoors.
I am reaading all of your comments. I am going to try and comment on each one starting in March. I have three groups I report to and I am doing my best to juggle everyone and give everyone the attention you all deserve.
jmaf, lexxis and gwen: I hear ya and I am right there with you.
Credit moi:
Overall weight lose for the month of February: -4.2 lbs.
I had many more calories each day than recommended. I know my body and I could have easily lost 8-10 lbs this past month but my not-so-secret love affair (I am the most honest sinner I know) with chocolate and candy kept me tetered to aiding and abating my "love affair" with delicious sweets.
I am most proud of the fact that I have increased my activity level during February. That saved my a** in terms of weigh-ins.
I lost 1 whole inch, between my arms, bust and thighs. It's the outcome of the strength exercises I've been doing.
Drank lots of water. Reported in my diet blog here my stats and month end results.
I have high hopes for the month of March. Let's get this party started....
Late with posting but I'm here. Second new low in two days this morning -- that hasn't happened in a very long time! I'm thinking lots of exercise and staying on plan did the job for me!
WI: -0.25kg (new low), Exercise: +110* 1250/1300 minutes for February, Food: 100%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
Hello to all: I noticed a common thread of several people struggling with slips/poor eating - Ceejay, Skygirl,Onebyone,Chef Joona - I hear the fear of never getting back on plan. I think from hearing many of your stories and knowing mine, we should remember this is important business. For me it is the most important thing I do on a daily basis because if I am obsessed with eating or not eating I have NOTHING left to give to my loved ones. I remember (and I am not proud of this)several times while babysitting leaving children by going outside for a half an hour to retrieve food I had thrown away into the garbage. I have stopped on busy highways on the side of the road because I swerved, dropping the food I had purchase on the floor while trying to shove it in my mouth. For me it is incredibly important to not minimize my addiction. If I am not perfect today, at least I have a plan. I have taken time this moment to blog here. I took time to pack my food for the day. I sat (mostly) and ate my lunch. All of these things count. I weigh in everyday even if I wasn't perfect the day before. All these things keep me from the insanity. The weightloss is secondary (although admittedly it feels primary at times.) My best thoughts and hope for all of us JUST FOR TODAY.
This morning I gave a quick call to my friends who are moving across the city tomorrow to see how they were doing. was the answer. Their two boys were freaking out, the truck they rented was extra huge, they were exhausted and running on an hour's sleep. They are loathe to ask for help from anyone so I just said "I'm coming over to help you pack". I figured if I say I am their friend now was the time to be their friend and put my friendship into action.
We had freezing rain this morning, then it snowed very heavily for hours. I had to make arrangments for DH (who made it to Toronto safe and sound last night thank goodness) to meet up with J at my studio to pay my studio's rent and to get receipts for me; (it happened thank goodness) all before I could leave for my friend's palce. I got there around noon. I brought my own packing tape/packing gun/black marker and I was right to do it as they were low on all supplies. The last I wanted to do was stop and wait for the tape gun.
Painful.
Coaches, it was all I could do to keep my jaw from falling on the ground when I walked through the door.
They are/were NOWHERE NEAR ready to move. My friend T got the moving truck and it is a big one-22' instead if the 16' he asked for, but he got it for the price of the 16' and when I left at 6pm it was a good thing they got the big one as it's half full. They are moving from a 2bdrm house into a 3 bdrm apt. No basement or backyard or garage or shed as they have now.
What was shocking were all the half-opened/just started/half-empty boxes everywhere. Every inch of the the floor in every room was covered with them, yet there was nothing finished. No boxes were taped shut and labelled. they've spent a month opening old s**t and tossing it and consolidating and throwing things away but not packing stuff up until this week. And their 2 sons are freaking out and the parents are exhausted and no one is dealing with anything. This morning I asked them how their box situation was and they said "we have lots of boxes" and they don't. I gave them about 50 boxes out of the free boxes I got a month ago, so they still had some of those, and they also got these crappy grocery store boxes that are all broken down. I ended up giving them another 30 of my packing boxes when T dropped me off at home this evening. I said they could give them back as they unpacked but not to hurry as I will get more boxes.
I have now seen what happens if I avoid taking this packing/moving business seriously. I am really considering having some kind of junk removal service take away the contents of my basement once I go through it for the treasures and then have them take the rest away. I may have them do the same in other parts of the house too. I have zero interest in hauling things upstairs, or downstairs, and then moving them with us, only to realize I took too much stuff. Better to get rid of it. I doubt we'll have a panel van only (DH's dream) worth of stuff but it won't be much more. DH has given me the greenlight to get rid of stuff and so I shall; and I have to be ruthless about it NOW if I want to move the weekend of March 19/20. I have no time to waste.
I did manage to pack up a whole room for my friends today. This felt good. I wanted to keep helping but there was nothing more that I could do as they were lost in the sorting/flinging/deciding stage of many of their boxes. I kept telling them they had to keep packing boxes and they would just have to sort at the new place over the next year. Their job for today was to pack things up. They've run out of time but they were too exhausted to focus, too scattered and freaked out to do it and I couldn't, no matter how I tried, get them to deal with it. They still have tomorrow so they may be sufficiently freaked by the morning to be able to just pack. I told T to just show up at my door if he needed my help in the morning and I'd happily go with him to help. They have several folks on the other end ready to help once the truck arrives at the new place so they're okay that way. Anyway I am not going there. But they have many hard-working hours until then.
COACHES I CANNOT ALLOW THE SAME THING TO HAPPEN TO ME!!!!
*what a great lesson for me today. I am so grateful for the wake-up call*
sunday so glad feb is almost over
Monday - And the winner is . . . Beck Diet Solution
Great that you are recognizing that you do have *credits*
was the answer. Their two boys were freaking out, the truck they rented was extra huge, they were exhausted and running on an hour's sleep. They are loathe to ask for help from anyone so I just said "I'm coming over to help you pack". I figured if I say I am their friend now was the time to be their friend and put my friendship into action.
