Marathon Mom

Weight: 156.2

I want to thank everyone for their comments yesterday. It was directly because of all of you that I actually, consciously, ATE yesterday. I had a soy protein burger for breakfast and a taco salad with soy protein “ground beef” for lunch. I took my little man Sean out for an early dinner (I took him to the doctor for his asthma and SURPRISE! they had just gotten this year’s flu shots in that morning, so he ended up getting an unexpected shot. He felt less than happy about that!) and had some scrambled egg substitute, turkey bacon and whole wheat toast (off IHOP’s light menu, listed at 380 calories.) And then he and I split an order of french fries! I haven’t had french fries in AGES!!

Then my oldest needed to talk. She is worried about college and moving out and the future (she graduated in June and has Asperger’s syndrome. She’s living at home and working full time at my mom’s store, where I work.) Having a serious, quiet, uninterrupted talk at home=impossible! So I took her out to a little diner and we split a piece of warm chocolate cake ala mode (which I would have NEVER done, I would have had her get dessert and I would have sat there sipping water.) We talked and laughed and I reassured her that she always had a room with me. Always. That no one is pressuring her to move out. And that when you’re 18, you should be doing one of two things: going to college or working full-time. Right now, she is doing option B and that is excellent. She’s saving money for college and very much wants to go. But she’s afraid. We’ll get there. My nearly 17 year old son is a Senior this year and is planning college next year. So she wouldn’t be alone in a year anyway.

Then we went to a movie: Love Happens (Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston. It was better than I expected. BRING YOUR HANKIES!!) And we shared a box of Junior Mints.

So yesterday, I had half an order of: french fries, chocolate cake with ice cream and Junior Mints. And I felt good about it all!! I know the scale will reflect that this morning. Especially since my body was entering starvation mode with the low calories. So yesterday is what my bff calls a “metabolism building” day! LOL!! LOVE IT!! But she is right. Having the occasional high-calorie day keeps your metabolism UP. And I need to keep that in mind, like I did yesterday. It wasn’t a crazy day. I didn’t feel like I was binging out of control. I didn’t mentally scheme and plan how I was going to eat all this junky crap. I didn’t literally shake with excitement at the very thought of sugar and fat and chocolate. It just WAS. In fact, and here’s the kicker - that box of Junior Mints lasted the ENTIRE MOVIE!! I don’t think they’ve ever lasted through the previews before! But because I wasn’t hungry, I had one or two here and there - and so did my daughter. We finished the box just before the end credits rolled!! Mark yesterday in the history books, girls!! PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE!!

I feel like yesterday was a turning point for me. Normally, after entering starvation mode like that being super strict and restrictive, I would have gone on a binge. A really big, bad binge. And it would have triggered MASSIVE guilt. And I probably would have purged (yes, I have about a 20 year history of off and on bulimia.) And that would have started a vicious downward spiral… but instead I woke up this morning looking forward to my fruit for breakfast when I get to work (I can still feel the fries, cake and Junior Mints sitting like lead in my stomach. UGH!) And having my soy protein laden taco style salad at lunch. My now regular diet. I LIKE what I usually eat every day. It’s not a DIET in the four letter sense of the word. It’s my diet in that this is what I typically eat because I want to! It makes me feel better, my body works as it should. I just need to eat a bit more of it is all. Get my calories up to 1200 instead of about half that! I’m going to play around with what I’m doing and see where I can pump it up a bit.

I’m going to start a new 30 day challenge today. Except I sort of slept in this morning! Oops!! But I’m still going to start it. My October “Scare-off” Challenge! The last day will be October 30th - I need Halloween to be NORMAL! I will be eating some candy that day. And then probably start a new challenge November 1st to get me through to Thanksgiving. I like having the focus and committment of a challenge, it keeps me accountable with the exercise. Otherwise I tend to… uh… sleep in and blow it off!! LOL!!

Happy Autumn everyone (for me, it officially begins October 1st! Time to get out all the Halloween decorations and schedule a trip to the pumpkin patch!)

Posted on October 1st, 2009 by firefly
Filed under: daily blathering