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Old 10-14-2005, 11:37 AM   #91  
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A business man was on his way home from work one night when he realized
that it was his daughter's birthday and he had not gotten her a gift
yet. Rushing to the make a stop at the toy store before going home he
walks in and tells the lady at the counter, "How much is the that Barbie
there on the window?"

In a very polite voice, the lady asks him, "Which one? We have:

Barbie at the gym for $19.95
Volleyball Barbie for $19.95
Barbie goes shopping for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Dancing Barbie for $19.95
Divorced Barbie for $265.95"

Surprised by her last offer, the man asks her, "Why does Divorced
Barbie cost $265.95 while the others cost $19.95??"

The lady responds, "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's car
Ken's house
Ken's boat
Ken's furniture
Ken's computer
and Ken's friend.
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Old 10-14-2005, 12:58 PM   #92  
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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10


WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then. -- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married. -- Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at
the
same kids. -- Derrick, age 8


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each
other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. --
Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually
gets
them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10


WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers
and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age
9


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(9) When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with
that. - - Curt, age 7

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age
8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm
never
going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. --
Theodore, age 8

(2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone
to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --
Kelvin, age 8


And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a
truck. -- Ricky, age 10
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Old 10-14-2005, 01:31 PM   #93  
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That is so special, I love the minds of children.
only if we could all still think like that
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Old 10-17-2005, 11:48 AM   #94  
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Cool Math Trick

1. Grab a calculator (You won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer?
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Old 10-17-2005, 11:58 AM   #95  
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That was pretty cool.
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Old 10-21-2005, 10:20 AM   #96  
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A couple went golfing one day at a very exclusive course lined with million
dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned, "Honey, be careful
when you drive. If we break one of those windows it'll cost us a fortune to
repair". Of course, she tee'd off and promptly shanked it right through the
window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed,"I warned you to watch out! Now we'll have to go up there and apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost us." They walked up, knocked on the door,and a warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken antique bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke the window?" "Uh yeah, we're sure sorry about that" the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem", said the genie, "You've got it, it's the least I can do." "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world" she said. "Consider it done." the genie said.

"And now," the couple both asked in unison,"what's your wish, genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering all that, I guess I wouldn't mind."

The genie and the woman went upstairs where he ravished her for the rest of the afternoon. They satisfied each other repeatedly, and afterwards, the genie rolled over and looked at the wife and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No sh*t! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
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Old 10-21-2005, 12:57 PM   #97  
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>*****OLOGY
>
>
>
>When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a *****.
>
>When I stand up for those I love, they call me a *****.
>
>When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own
>way, they call me a *****.
>
>Being a ***** means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It
>means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step
>on me.
>
>When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am
>defined as a *****.
>
>The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of
>being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have
>the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and
>won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I
>"should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want
>what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
>
>So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash
>every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed.
>
>And if that makes me a *****, so be it. I embrace the title and am
>proud to bear it.
>
>B - Babe
>I - In
>T - Total
>C - Control of
>H - Herself
>
>B = Beautiful
>I = Intelligent
>T = Talented
>C = Charming
>H = **** of a Woman
>
>B = Beautiful
>I = Individual
>T = That
>C = Can
>H = Handle anything
>
>Send this to 5 women to put a smile on their face!! "If you can't
>do something right, get a woman to do it."
>
>Have a great day!!!
>
>"Work like you don't need the money.
>
>Love like you've never been hurt.
>
>Dance like nobody is watching."
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Old 10-21-2005, 01:02 PM   #98  
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I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past few years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern. ..
I no longer drink Starbucks as they don't support our troops.
I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from **** with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
And I no longer sit down on any restaurant toilet seats because the infamous butt spider could be nesting there and send me to a certain death with one sting.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
(Jeeze, the BIBLE didn't mention it works that way!)
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!
I will now return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your crotch and your arms will be too short to scratch.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin and he's a lawyer.
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Old 10-21-2005, 03:05 PM   #99  
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Tina - I've seen that one before and it is still a
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Old 10-21-2005, 07:21 PM   #100  
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Tina, I loved that
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Old 10-24-2005, 11:53 AM   #101  
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WOMEN'S *** SIZE STUDY

There is a new study out about women and how they
feel about their asses!

I thought the results were pretty interesting:
85% of women think their *** is too fat...

10% of women think their *** is too skinny...

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love
him, he's a good man, and
they would have married him anyway.
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Old 10-24-2005, 12:34 PM   #102  
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Old 10-26-2005, 03:26 PM   #103  
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This pretty much says it all when it comes to deer hunters!


A man and his friend were hunting deer in rural Missouri near a
blacktop highway. A huge buck walked by and the hunter carefully
drew his bow and took careful aim. Before he could release his
arrow, his friend alerted him to a funeral procession passing on
the road below their stand.

The hunter slowly let off the pressure on his bow, took off his hat,
bowed his head and closed his eyes in prayer.

His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and
touching thing I have ever seen. You are the kindest man I have
ever known."

The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."
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Old 10-26-2005, 04:13 PM   #104  
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I would do the lol icon, but it scares me so....lol, lol, lol
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Old 10-26-2005, 04:22 PM   #105  
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shennie - that is too funny....lol - ditto - lol
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