Thanks ladies for all the tags, it'll keep me busy for a couple of days.
Purple- so sorry about your daughter's teacher. Sounds like after possibly talking to the principal, maybe you can have a joint conference with the principal and the teacher. I wouldn't expect this to be a reasonable excuse to hold your daughter back.
Purple- Thats crazy! I would talk to the principal too. I thought passing a grade had to do with academics not your personality or the way you present yourself. If shes doing good grade wise that should be what matters the most. I mean I guess I could see if she was in trouble all the time or something but in this case shes not. I was like that when I was a kid too, heck still am. I dont like talking in front of alot of people nor did I in school. I was always real shy in school. I also have anxiety problem. Im sure alot of kids do. Well let us know what the principal says.
Okay this reply is gonna be kind of in response to both Purple and Heather...LOL
Purple - First of all calm down!!!! It is okay. I'm sure that the teacher just has your daughter's best interest at heart. She isn't attacking your daughter and saying she is stupid or anything like that. She is worried NOW about preparing her for the FUTURE.......and it sounds like she feels confident that your daughter is intelligent enough for the school work, but that she may have some other issues such as self-esteem that may eventually cause problems in her school work and other areas later on downt the road.....
NOW...with that being said.....what I would do if I were you is this.....
#1. Consider how long the teacher who told you this has been "in the field" or dealing with kids your daughters age.......if she is rather new...it could be that her teaching style isn't conducive to your daughter's way of learning. Maybe she and your daughter just don't connect in the classroom???
#2. Talk to other teachers who have had your daughter. See if any of those teachers had any of the same problems/concerns that this current teacher has.....AND what ever you do...when you do this....DO NOT tell them the reason you are asking is because of concerns from another teacher....this could bias their answer if they like/dislike the other teacher. (YES that crap still goes on even in adulthood...LOL)
#3. Ask the principle if you can have a meeting with only the principle, a guidance councler, and possibly a special education professional. If you find in your investigations that your daughter actually may have some issues.....they may be related to any normal thing a child her age goes through that a school guidance coucelor can help you with.....or they could be related to some learning disadvantage she may have....and she could be tested to see if she has special needs.....having these people present at this meeting will be helpful because they can tell you their opinion.....
FINALLY....let me just say that if your daughter does have "special needs" for school...it is OKAY! It doesn't make her any less smart than any other student in her school...she just may learn differently.....Don't take offense to it or feel like you or your daughter is being attacked. I saw a really good episode of a sitcom once where they diagnosed this couples son with dislexia...the father was furious and refused to listen to the teacher.....however...they were holding their son back from getting the help he needed to succeed...they finally realized this and stopped taking offense to it and got him some help.....and he did GREAT!
School is about academics, but it is about SO MUCH MORE! Children spend more time in school than they do with their parents......teachers not only have an academic obligation to their students, but they also have an obligation to society to produce a valuable citizen.....this means one who can handle/conduct themselves appropriately in society.....i.e. a child that hits other students could be held back even though he has straight A's because he needs more help with interacting with other peers.
Most of the time those students do just get pushed through because it looks bad on a school to hold back or fail students........so alot slips through the cracks and that is why we have people in society with so little reguard for others......
I'm sorry this is so long...but just wanted to hopefully shed some light and maybe help you in this situation! Trust me everything will be okay!
I got a really helpful book on anxiety today and one for depression...and it says SAM-e is very effective for depression. I know some others here are dealing with that, so thought I would throw it out. But, it did say that those with bipolar should not take it because it could aggravate mania spells...but for those just with depression it says it can give relief rather quickly. I am going to try it!
Purple - Now, please don't take anything I say the wrong way - I may not have the correct words to get my point across but I am going to try. I understand why the teacher is saying that. She's probably thinking that even though your daughter is doing well with the work she may have problems with the social aspect. You're saying she's shy but the teacher is seeing it as unsure of herself. She's probably thinking that in the next level, with your daughter not having confidence, that her school work could start to suffer. Sometimes children that experience that do start to regress & then end up "hating school". The teacher is probably thinking that she could prevent that from happening to your daughter by giving her time to get comfortable with her abilities and surroundings. And again, please don't get upset, from your reaction on the situation it may sound as if your daughter has the same anxiety problems that you experience yourself sometimes. It may be a learned reaction -- she sees how Mom reacts & therefore she reacts the same. My husband has severe anxiety problems & is HEAVILY medicated due to it (drs. are always blown away by his dosage of Xanox) and he swears it's due to his mother's anxiety. They both react by getting physically ill; diaherra, vomitting, stop eating, stop sleeping & he says he knows no other way of dealing with it. So perhaps a book on the subject could help you both. You can help her gain confidence & you can show her there are other ways of dealing with stress/anxiety. For example, you said after the meeting you came home and binged & you cried during the meeting. Those are her examples. Together the two of you can help each other be more confident. Now -- I'm not saying that the teacher is 100% correct because she may not be. Do talk to the principal. The school district should have an outside party that could come in & watch her during her day at school (without her or any of the other child knowing who they are watching) and they can give their opinion on the matter. You have every right as the parent to ask for that. But now if they do suggest keeping her back please consider that perhaps it would be for the social mental and emtional betterment of your daughter. Being kept back for that reason does not mean that she's not intelligent. If it's really something that counselors feel that she needs then it will only prevent her from having a hard time further down the road. I tend to always look at things from both sides & always look for the silver lining -- and you should too! Like I said, my husband takes Xanox (3mg - down from 4), Buspar (15mg), and Effexor (trying 150mg right now) so I KNOW what anxiety is like between dealing with him & his mother. And I am always telling them -- it's all right!! Nothing is THAT bad. He says that's why he married me because nothing rattles my cage. I say it's because that's how my parents were. I really think it's a learned reaction. Take this as an opportunity to work through this with your daughter.
Purple... know that im thinking about you and your daughter. It does seem silly to hold her back as long as she doing well... you would think she would maybe offer some thing sto help her with her aniety.. nothold her back.. Hopefully the meeting with the principal wll help with any misunderstandings and whatnot.I hope that at least the teacher is coming from a helpful, positive place. I can def understand your frustration... hopefully over some time, conversations and whatnot, in the end all of this will end up helping your daughter overcome some of her anxiety. big hugs to you and her
tera.. i totally know what you mean abot laughing in yoga.. hhahaa sometimes im in some position and all proud of my feat of achieving it and then she gives a new step to add on... im just like.. uh.. riiiiiiiight.. are you serious?? okeeeeee! and end u toppling over practically.. hehe but i love it none the less.. each day gets better for sure!!! go yoga!!!
im draging my a$^ to the gym FINALLY! i have an updated ipod so new songs.. so at least that will keep me occupied for a bit.
i have this problem lately where i just cant stop eating.. like its healthy food... but its liek constant.. little meal after little meal.. hhe i need to get busier.. hopefully i get this job! that oughta keep me occupied lol
Last edited by mountain mama; 02-24-2009 at 05:25 PM.
I understand why the teacher is saying that. She's probably thinking that even though your daughter is doing well with the work she may have problems with the social aspect. You're saying she's shy but the teacher is seeing it as unsure of herself. She's probably thinking that in the next level, with your daughter not having confidence, that her school work could start to suffer. Sometimes children that experience that do start to regress & then end up "hating school". The teacher is probably thinking that she could prevent that from happening to your daughter by giving her time to get comfortable with her abilities and surroundings.
(This is in response to Melissa as well...)
I think what I just don't get is how keeping her in first grade helps her get used to the anxiety over school. She is in the same school situations no matter what grade she is in..but if she repeats first grade you add in her being bored absolutely to death all year because she is already well ahead of her class in a couple subjects, and is right on grade level with the other subjects.
So, i guess I feel like she can work on anxiety no matter which grade she is in, so why hold her back and give her even more reason to feel bad about herself? Plus, it isn't really a social issue because the teacher has told me numerous times that she gets along well with all of the kids and makes lots of friends and has no problems socially...it's just she gets very nervous about making a mistake or writing down a wrong answer, so she is unsure of herself in that way.
I honestly feel she will always be anxious when it comes to these things, so what is repeating first grade going to do for her? She can work on those things no matter what grade she is in...I think I would still be in first grade today if I were held to these standards, ya know?
I hope I don't sound defensive becasue I really do appreciate your thoughts and you have made me think. I just honestly don't see how repeating a grade resolves anxiety. I can see if the anxiety were causing her to be behind in her work... And if it's holding her back just in case she might one day fall behind..isn't that punishing her before she even has a chance to try?
Wow, think if we held back every child that "may" have trouble in the future...no one would make it second grade, would they?
Last edited by Purplefirefly; 02-24-2009 at 05:36 PM.
Well see - Melissa said most of the same things -- was just faster about it!
HA ha...I was just fixin' to say ...."What St. Nessa said!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purplefirefly
(This is in response to Melissa as well...)
So, i guess I feel like she can work on anxiety no matter which grade she is in, so why hold her back and give her even more reason to feel bad about herself? Plus, it isn't really a social issue because the teacher has told me numerous times that she gets along well with all of the kids and makes lots of friends and has no problems socially...it's just she gets very nervous about making a mistake or writing down a wrong answer, so she is unsure of herself in that way.
I honestly feel she will always be anxious when it comes to these things, so what is repeating first grade going to do for her? She can work on those things no matter what grade she is in...I think I would still be in first grade today if I were held to these standards, ya know?
You make a VERY VALID point. The teacher may be thinking that since your daughter has already mastered the subject matter she is being taught this year...that if she takes it again she will do it with confidence in herself....and hoping that this new learned confidence will follow her into the future.....
One one hand...it could work...but on the other hand....your right...it may hurt her feelings or make her feel like she did something wrong...and therefore have a negative affect......
I think your right though....if it where my daughter I think I would tell them to pass her up to the next grade....I would work closely with her new teacher next year and the other professionals at the school (principle, guidance councelor, etc....) to see if you can help her overcome her insecurities....the people at your daughter's school are supposed to be trained in how to handle these situations.....they should be able to come up with remedies to this without holding her back.......and some kids are just shy......I NEVER liked getting up in front of class and giving a speech or presentation....and I also didn't like working in groups our reading aloud in class....it isn't because I'm stupid....but kids are CRUEL....one little mistake and you are the butt of jokes for a LONG time.....
It could be your daughter has had a bad experience with this already...that she made a mistake on something and the teacher (yes some teachers will do this) or a student made fun of them or teased them (even if it was in a joking manner)...
St. Nessa has a good point too....children are sponges...they soak up everything around them....especially things they see their parents do.... it could be a learned habit.....but children are also very resiliant (sp?)
So don't fret! I'm sure things will work out......I know you love your daughter and have her best interest at heart! No one knows her like you know her....so if you say she should go on ......then she should go on.....
Wow, think if we held back every child that "may" have trouble in the future...no one would make it second grade, would they?
This is sooooo true! That is why teachers and their coworkers are supposed to be trained to notice things and work with students to help them along with any trouble they have....without having to hold them back....
BTW....I meant to tell you....when I was in school (probably starting around 3rd or 4th grade up until my freshman or sophmore year in school)....I was a bit of a bullie..... I have always been a little on the heavy side....and kids would make fun of me....so I started acting tough and picking on them first.....I did well in school in my studies that is......so eventually the whole "bullie" thing stuck and people left me alone cause they knew I would kick their @ss...LOL.....I did what I felt like I had to do ....and I didn't know a bettwe way to handle it....I think in high school I let a few more people in and they seen I really wasn't a bullie....and that I was fun to be with....slowly I let all that go and I really enjoyed high school.....
Just thought I would share....LOL...
I know your daughter isn't a bullie or anything...but I just seriously wonder if something hasn't happened and someone has teased her or made fun of her for something...and she is really withdrawing because of it.....
Well I wasnt very creative with my new fruit or veggie selection. To be honest I really only shop at walmart and their exotic fruits didnt look very healthy and I didnt reallly find any veggies I havent already had. I just ended up getting a Jonathan Apple. Hey, its a apple ive never had. I havent ate it yet. I was gonna get that UGLI orange but they were all squishy and yucky.
I have a question,ive been drinking water like mad but alot of it is with crystal light and stuff. I know that the artificial sweetner is bad for you so should I be limiting myself to those?
Melissa--last year in kindergarten she did have some issues with a couple "mean" girls in her class, but I would listen to her and kind of help her with some advice here and there but mostly I wanted her to handle it because I figured she has to grow up with these girls and learn to handle it...but it was nothing seriuos like real bullying, but now that you mention this I do believe it would have been enough to deflate some of her confidence. They would finish her work for her, saying she was too slow, then one day they were her friend the next they would refuse to play with her and tell her to go away. I told her they really were not her friends and she should just play with someone else, and by the end of the year she had made a couple friends. This year she keeps telling me all the girls are her friends and there are no mean ones in this class...and she has made 2 best friends that she spends the night with and gets invited to parties, sleepovers, etc. you are right those girls last year may have been a very negative factor leading into this year. Plus, there was a boy one time this year who told her she should go back to kindergarten because she got a math problem wrong.
But I can't shield her from that stuff, ya know? You are right, kids are CRUEL and I just can't fix that for her it is so hard!
Trust me everything will be okay!
it is so hard!
