Hey everyone... I've been poking around this forum for a while but haven't joined until just now. I figured it was a good time to finally pipe up and say hello.
I used to have a very big problem with binge eating, but not so much these days. Generally I eat very well and workout pretty hard and have no issues maintaining that lifestyle. To look at me, you'd never think that I sometimes still struggle with binge eating. In fact, I've recently been featured on several bodybuilding websites and have taken up fitness modeling with plans to get into it more in the future as my schedule allows.
My issue with binge eating now is triggered by social situations and special events. I generally have a pretty good balance to my life, and when special occasions come up I allow myself to have drinks and indulge in foods I otherwise wouldn't with no guilt. In fact, as long as I get right back on track I generally end up leaner than I was before the event.
Recently though I have had a couple of set backs and have gained a couple of pounds that I'm now working to get back off again. I find that late afternoons where there is nothing to do at the office have made a couple of days turn into binge days for me. At the end of March I had one random afternoon where I told myself "You've lost a little too much weight... time to have a carb up and enjoy some treats!" but it turned into a full-on binge; I left and went to a restraunt by myself and ate, and then hit several stores/fast food places on the way home to load up on food. It was disgusting. The next day started off fine, but I ended up repeating the previous day because I again told myself that I'd lost too much weight and probably needed to gain a pound or two back. I ended up going to the vending machine several times to get chips and candy bars, and then telling my subordinates I was sick so that I could leave work and eat. I again hit a few stores and fast food venues and stuffed myself alone at home.
After that I was definitely ready to get back to my healthy eating, which I did for a while. My fiance came to visit me over Easter weekend, during which time we went out to eat a lot. We had some amazing meals but still were active and went to the gym. I didn't binge, and just treated it like I would any other special occasion; ate what I wanted to and enjoyed the meals but didn't go too crazy. For some reason though, when I went to drop him off at the airport I made up my mind that as soon as I dropped him off I was going to go load up on goodies and "get it out of my system" before I got back on track. I felt so guilty thinking about it afterward; I couldn't get him to the airport fast enough, and all I was thinking about was how much I couldn't wait to get food into my face. The sad thing is that I won't even get to see him again for several months - at the wedding!
Even though we had eaten some very nice meals and had some treats over the weekend, as soon as I dropped him off at about 3pm I stopped at the first gas station and bought a Twix ice cream bar, a chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich, a single size bag of ruffles cheddar and sour cream chips, a bag of cookies and cream chex muddy buddies, and a large dove chocolate bar. I ate it all in the car on my way to the office (I had to go in during the evening to catch up on some things). Before I got to the office I stopped at Starbucks and got a chai tea latte, double chocolate brownie and chocolate hazlenut tart and had that all before I got to the office as well. At the office I hit the vending machine and the coffee shop and had a turkey and cheese lunchable, chicken and cheese wrap, rocky road cookie, bag of jalepeno chips, and more candy bars. Then, on the way home from the office in the evening I stopped and got an ice cream sundae and a chicken strips meal from a fast food place, and picked up more ice cream and sweets from the store. This was all in a period of about 6 hours.
I suppose I felt the need to "confess" all of that, because I never really have. A couple of people know that I used to have issues with binging, but I don't think they know that I still occasionally do (although very rarely these days) but they don't know what that really means.
I have since gotten back on track but find myself thinking about food a lot more lately. It's almost as though maintaining my fitness level is harder than trying to lose, because I have no motivation for doing so. I feel like I DESERVE to eat like that because in a few days I'll lose the weight and have some awesome workouts in the meantime. I know I'm not going to gain the weight back, but I still don't like the out of control feeling of a binge.
My goal is to make it through the next few months on my normal clean diet and just go back to enjoying everything in moderation on special occasions (like my best friend's wedding in June and mine in July). I'm hoping you ladies can help me with that!
