Hi everyone!

Jessica - I don't know what to say. I typed out a few sentences and they sounded too trite. I typed out a few more and they sounded too sanctimonious. I'll be simple and pare it down to the basics. I'm sorry money's tight. I'm so impressed that you're not eating your way through these emotions. I'm very glad for you that you're surrounded by love (as imperfect as it is sometimes).

Mandy - Hey hey!!

Jenni - What kind of plan are you following? When things slow down for me it's usually a case of me getting sloppy about weighing and measuring what I eat. Maybe it's something as simple as that for you as well.

Laurie - I'm glad to hear that you're doing better. I thought of you this morning and threw a little good energy your way. I'll post quickly tomorrow morning to give the final, definitive stats for the trainer boy challenge, but I'm back to being cautious.

Lotus - I'm really glad that you're posting and staying with this even when your heart's not in it. It's hard and humbling - I'm so sorry that you had a tough time at the gym - but that won't last forever. And this is coming from someone who was in a massive off plan funk only a few days ago. Stick with it because it's not as far as you think it is through that tunnel to the other side.

Diane - Hey hey to you as well! Glad you checked in!

Über - Why do you feel insecure when you don't weigh daily? I ask because I'm the opposite and weighing daily kind of freaks me out.

I've now linked together three days on plan and feel very good about that. I'm marshaling up a bunch of energy to try and finish a bunch of things that have dragged me down for far too long. (work stuff, family stuff) That's more hit and miss, but I'm trying. Food and being on plan is now back to being a part of my life rather than my life and I'm grateful for the shift.

Onwards and upwards!!

Martini - Can't wait to see your final results! Ironically, I thought I would rock the challenge. I still think I'm going to win it, but I won't blow him away. I'm still in shock at my 9-pound gain since Saturday. More importantly, though, I love that you are seeing being on plan as merely a part of your life. Moreso than good scale results, those are the things that are going to make us forever successful.

The rise of the scale continues. And I sort of helplessly in awe of it. I wasn't perfect yesterday, but I wasn't "gain 1.4 pounds" imperfect. But guess what? 215 is a nice round number, and today is the first day of starting to drop the "my kids got here" weight. Tomorrow is my weigh-in day, and it's probably perfectly situated. I will definitely be down the 12 pounds I bet him. But I also want to have a loss on the day that I weigh in with him. Maybe the spark that got me truly committed two months ago will also be the spark that plants my feet firmly back on plan.

I'm back in the 100 club. Sigh. I lost 60 pounds but have regained 30. I got on the scale today and it was 199.7. If I go one more day without dieting, I will be out of ONEderland.

So I will be going through the house today and throwing out the bad stuff (I have junk food stashes, it's so gross). My husband is taking a lot of stuff to work so I won't snack (somehow he can have food around and not feel compelled to eat it).

So it's day one. Again.

Laurie - Yeah. I bet that 9lb-since-Saturday stuff is messing with your head. What with the kids and ex and work and pap smears and the like, it sounds like you're forgetting that you're awesome. I'll remind you. You're awesome.

Martini....I measure everything. I'm particular about it! I use myfitnesspal too. I'm doing carb cycle by Chris Powell it does high carb low carb and some calorie cycling.

Hi all!
Wow, what an incredibly busy week I'm having at work. We have switched around the workload and I'm doing a little bit different work now. It is really good in that I prefer this type of work, so it is going to be great. However, I'm still trying to wrap up the other work and get going on the new job. Ugh.

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who mentions my consistency and perseverance with working out and staying positive. I will gladly take the praise for working out consistently because I do feel like I have that part going well. For some reason, it just makes sense for me this time, and I've learned to really love it and also just crave it. On the staying positive, well... sometimes I feel like a fraud. I do have my moments that I just get frustrated. Like today when I stepped on the scale. It isn't up a lot, but it was up some. It makes me grumble. Oh, and like last night when I saw the waffle cone sundaes that Sonic has now. I said out loud: "Why can't I eat like other people??? Those look amazing." What I've really tried to do this time, unlike the last times I've lost and regained, is to let those feelings pop out, but then turn it around as fast as possible. I can't afford to let myself stay in the grumble stage too long. It will take me off track. I made a commitment at the beginning of the year to really give 100% effort to this goal and work as hard as I can. Maybe not as much for vanity reasons as for health reasons. I am NOT going to let myself ruin my future by being out of shape, morbidly obese, and unhappy as I cruise into my later years. (See what turning 50 can do to you?) I want to be like my very active and healthy parents who are totally enjoying their mid-70's. I don't want to be like my cousins who are struggling with weight/health/mobility/life while they are only 49 and 58. That's why I can't let myself slip too far down in the positivity/negativity scope. I am coming up on my annual hunting trip for a week in the mountains with my husband. It is 5 very physically challenging days, and I will never forget how hard it was for me last year. Granted, I had some kind of cold/flu thing that didn't help either, but most of my problem was how out of shape I was and all of the extra weight I had to carry. I was looking forward to getting back to work. Really??????? Is that any way to live? Oh, heck no. And then I look back at some events where I was so unhappy with how I looked, I didn't want to have any pictures taken, like Senior night at my son's last home football game in high school. I was so proud of him and so very emotional about it being his last game, but there it was... oh crap... they're going to take pictures. Ugh. And, we got the pictures back... and there it was... oh crap... look at how bad I look. What about graduation from college? What about weddings? What about newborn grandbabies? Those events are yet to come and I am so tired of thinking about how I am going to look in the pictures. Worse yet, I don't want to be so out of shape/fat that I can't enjoy these events. So, that's why I can't afford to look back, I have to stay positive and looking forward. We're talking about my LIFE!

Ok... not sure where that all came from. But, there you go. A little insight into my motivation.

Uber: You go ahead and be pissed at that scale!! Darn it!! But I know it will turn around for you soon. It's funny that you say that about going back up after a nice loss. I think I'm like that too. Hang in there!

Mandy: Looking forward to you getting your internet back. You are missed!!!!

Lotus: You can do this! I understand so much how you feel about getting back into exercise. But don't look back! Take whatever time you need to get your strength back and you will be as good as ever! I remember that in my first week back, my only goal was to get in the door. That was my victory. You can so do this!!!

LaurieDawn: You said, "I don't have to be perfect to be doing good things for my health and my fitness. New mantra." I say, "Wow! That's a perfect statement!" Very well put!!

Jenni: Hang in there. This slow weight loss is so frustrating!!! But you continue to stay losing, so that's good! You can do it!!!

Jessica: Martini said it best. I have no words. I just want to lend my support and everything gets better for you soon! It's a tough thing to go through.

Martini: Your words of wisdom are so awesome. I really appreciate the advice and support that you give to everyone. Even if not directed at me, I get a lot out of what you say to others!

Tefrey: Welcome!

Diane--what a great post. I have wrestled with my aversion to having my picture taken as well. It can be so anxiety producing. One of the reasons I would like to overcome this is because I don't want my 4 year old daughter growing up without having many pictures of the two of us. It is ridiculous that I allow this to occur only because of my insecurities about how I look.

Welcome tefrey--you found a great group in this thread.

Thanks to everyone for the continued encouragement. I made it to the gym again this morning.

Martini, yay for linking three days together.

Laurie, hang in there. I've got no words for the way your scale is treating you right now aside from a variety of threads that all include the word "hooker". Take pride in your accomplishments, you'll start beating the scale back into submission in no time.

Tefrey, Welcome.

Diane, I love it when you share your insights. Thank you!!


Scale showed me 206 again but it's too early in the week for me to do any official recordings. Feeling, well, as slightly anxious but oddly chipper as ever. Also, a little maudlin and lonely but what's to be done about that when you're trying to start your life over alone? You remind yourself that you'd rather be lonely than in a shame of a relationship and remind yourself to have faith in yourself and the things you believe in - like everything happens for a reason.

Of course, that's hard to do on its own sometimes, especially with the whole financial situation, but you win some, you lose some, you suck it up and you persevere. I want to thank everybody for all of there support. It means a lot.

Laurie - omgomgomgomgomg!!! I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 269.2 which means that trainer boy can suck it!! I hate fat-shaming little snots.

Martini I am so excited! I meet with trainer boy today. I will tell him he can doubly suck it. Cuz even though I am now up 10 pounds since Saturday, I am still down 23 pounds since the trainer challenge started. I will have the 12 pound loss I committed to. And thanks so much for your post. I really, really want to focus on the "awesome" part. I have had a rough week for eating well, but I still am in the middle of doing something really great for myself and my body.

Jessica - I have some catching up to do for us to be roughly the same weight again. Maybe I just needed to give you a head start to prepare for my insanely fast drop to be back on track again? ;-) Even though I have not eaten well, I have not eaten 30,000 surplus calories over the last 5 days, so I am still hoping, at least a little, for the water weight to drop relatively painlessly.

LotusMama - Yes. The pictures are so hard. My 10yo uses a pic of her and me at my wedding as her screensaver. I cringe when I see it, but I am so happy she has it and that she loves it. And yay for the gym this morning!

Diane - Your post was so needed for me today. I desperately need to get back on track, for exactly the reasons that you mention. And your positivity is not a farce. It's something you work to achieve, and that, to me, is even more admirable than if it came easily. I am grateful to have you on this thread.

Jenni - I missed you last time. I'm so sorry. You inspire me. Your scale is not cooperating, and you are expressing frustration here, but you are consistently consistent even in the midst of the frustration. And you are dealing with all of your kids all the time.

Tefrey - Welcome! I am committing to a day 1 too after several days of struggle. Day 1s are hard, but they lead to great things.

216.6. A gain of TEN pounds in five days. That's got to be some kind of record, right? I did great yesterday until I took the kids to the movie. We are a sneak-in snacks kind of family, and I opened the Reese's peanut butter minis on the way to the theater after telling myself I would have none of the snacks. After that, all bets were off.

So, here is my plan for the day. I am abusing this thread in an attempt to will myself back on plan. I have only one hearing today, and while I have a full slate of projects, I have no looming deadline. So, I plan to post every three hours. And I will have a plan for each 3-hour block that I will articulate here, while also reporting on the previous 3 hours. Next check-in - Noon, central time.

Next three hours - I am feeling bloated and nauseated from last night's overeating. I will drink 100 ounces of water and really experience the physical discomfort (so I can access it when I am tempted to binge tonight). I will report back at noon. I can claw my way back onto plan!

Hi all!

Um, yeah. I'll try not to go off on my rant today. It was so weird. I just started typing and my thoughts were just flowing. I think it might have been even more so a talk to myself, as a reminder of what I committed to this year. Thanks for the responses anyway!! It came from the heart and it really defines how I feel about my weight loss efforts this time.

My son had trouble with his truck today, so I was a little late getting to the gym, but I made it to Body Pump. Glad I did, I needed to do some lifting. That's what is so great about working out. You have that time to just totally concentrate on whatever workout you are doing without thinking of the day to day stuff. I've been trying to improve my form for lunges, so it has been challenging. I have to watch in the mirror to make sure I'm keeping the right form. I'm not liking the view! I prefer to imagine how great I look when I'm doing this. Reality isn't as pretty!

LaurieDawn: Good plan moving forward! I overindulged some last night, so I'm pushing the water today. Abuse the thread all you want! I love reading your posts!

Martini: Nice! You did it!!! That is so great!

Jessica: Great post. You have a very healthy way of viewing your situation. I am so impressed!

Lotus: Congrats on making it to the gym! Good for you!

Martini...congrats on the trainer boy challenge...how awesome is that to have such an accomplishment!!!!

Laurie...You rocked the challenge too! Having kids in the house is so hard. I have placed snack baskets for each of the kids. This really helps me so they get so many snacks every 2 weeks. They know when they are out they are out and have to eat other healthier options. But it also helps me because I don't touch the boxes.....I tell myself I am stealing from them. So I don't keep any junk besides that. My husband also has his own basket...LOL

Jessica.....you take everything with such grace. You are doing awesome!

Lotus...great job on the gym that is always a huge accomplishment!

Uber...where are you??? And I am with you...sometimes I want to scream so bad!

Diane...your posts inspire me...I love reading what you have to say on a daily basis...I am drawn to the positivity and wish I could gain more of that!

So I think I have had some NSV's. I went into this knowing I am slower at losing and thought I was okay with it...but obviously I wasn't. I have spent this week just pondering it and why it upset me so dang much. And I think I have really accepted the fact that I am a slow loser.....Hi I am Jenni and I am a slow loser! It's okay....my body works different and I am okay with it. I feel so much better now than when I started. I will not let this slow losing affect me as it did every other time and I gave up.

I will NOT give up on myself!

I AM worth all of this effort it takes to become healthier!

I may kick and scream at times.......but eating healthy is hard it is a process and it is worth it!

So I am sticking to my plan because it helps me feel like I am not deprived. Every other healthy style has made me feel deprived....at least I get a day once a week where I can have what I have been craving!

Thank you everyone for listening to all my rants!!!

Diane - I encourage your rants! They are so helpful to me. And lol on the lunges form. I bet it's graceful and gorgeous. =)

Jenni - That's a great idea with the snack boxes. And you seem to have come to terms with the reality of your losing cycle. I can lose fast, but I can also gain fast (clearly), so there are pros and cons to all, I suppose.

Six 17-ounce bottles of water consumed. 102 ounces. Now I have to calm down on the water because I am going to run today, and I need to not have to pee every ten seconds.

I had to go to the car to get something, and I saw my daughter's almost-finished package of Muddy Buddies. (Seriously, how did she get the ability to almost finish snack food? I need that! I don't always eat all of it, but the only way to stop from finishing it for me is to throw it away.) There were literally 6 or 7 pieces of Chex cereal in that bag. Normally, I would probably just eat it because it would feel like an indulgence, and occasional indulgences help me stay on track, and there was a very limited amount I could consume. But not today. I took a deep breath and visited the Dumpster outside my office with the remainder of her snack and the remaining candy left over from yesterday's movie snacks.

The overeating nausea is fading, and the deep-in-the-bone hunger is setting in. The whole "stretching your stomach out" or "my stomach shrank" sayings sound dumb, but they reflect a reality for me. I am much hungrier when I am eating more. I have lots of spinach in my work fridge, and I purchased some gorgeous raspberries yesterday.

Next 5 hours: Going to consume 4 cups of spinach and a half-cup of raspberries for lunch. Will consume an additional half-cup of raspberries as a snack, if I want it. Going to leave my office at 1:15, go running (at least 3 miles of walking/running) with or without my son, pick up my daughter, and bring her back to work with me. Going to meet with my trainer at the gym at 3:30, take my daughter to her friend's house, then come back to work until 5:30 or so. I will report back around 5:00 with a plan for the very dangerous evening hours. (I know it seems like I don't work very much, what with my leaving during the day so often, but I work a lot of weekends and crazy, crazy hours when I'm prepping for trial, etc.)

I know I'm abusing the thread, but Diane gave me permission to do it!

Hi everybody! I was wondering why nobody responded to my long post, and now I realize that the LONG post I wrote yesterday never posted. LOL.

Martini. You are in the 260s!!! That's awesome!!! Congrats on rocking the trainer boy challenge!

Laurie. Two days after I got home from vacation I weighed 262 and five days later I weighed 253. I ate lots of bad stuff during vacay, but it wasn't enough to pile on 9 pounds. You are going to whoosh right back down-- just don't let it get inside your head.

Jessica Starting over and being alone and facing financial stress IS hard!!! But I think you are really brave because you are refusing to settle for a life that is less than what you are worth.

Lotus Restarting exercise is hard! A few years back I was totally into running-- but this time, I had to start with just plain walking. What I love about exercise (as opposed to weight loss) is how quickly you can see measurable results. I always feel like the scale rules me, but I rule my exercise plan.

Diane What you said about pictures really hit home with me. I'll never get back the years when I was always trying to duck out of family pictures. We don't have that many pictures of all of us together.

Jenni I am also a slow loser! It is just incredibly frustrating. I start to lose my mind when the scale doesn't move and I start to think that my body is actually REFUSING to lose weight-- which is obviously totally irrational. If you stay on plan you will lose weight-- and you'll lose a lot-- but if you're like me, you will lose a few pounds, get really excited, and then stall again. It's hard to keep your eye on the prize when the scale doesn't budge for long periods of time, but what alternative do we have. If we don't try then we will either stay the same or gain. If we do try we will lose. In my case, I think it's partly my age and partly that I have a really slow metabolism. But, when I was younger, I had a faster metabolism and could lose a lot faster, but I couldn't stick with it for any length of time-- now, I lose slower, but I'm also a lot more patient so it balances out.

For me, another elementary school related food incident last night. Went out to dinner for a school fundraiser. It's a place where I know that it is not diet friendly at all. No good choices on the menu. I choose the de-lite veggie burger with no fries, no cheese. It comes and first of all there is a TON of mayo on it. On the LITE MENU? So I ask the server and she says it's light mayo. I scrape it off. Then as I'm eating, I realize that it has cheese on it. Totally frustrating. It wasn't very good. I had to pay for it, and I'm sure it was a lot heavier in calories tan it needed to be. So hard to eat out when you are trying to be good. No loss on the scale, but some NSVs. The size 22 capris I bought for the summer feel loose, I can feel the crotch hanging down low. I have 3 v neck white Ts. One I never wore because it was tight. Yesterday, I realized I was wearing it!!! And I'm already starting to notice increased fitness with my morning walks. Today, my son asked me to slow down because I was walking too fast! So, I feel a little smaller, even though I'm not seeing it on the scale-- yet.

Hi, All:

Just wanted to check in quickly.

This morning at the gym, I struck up a conversation with the nicest person. He was on the machine next to me (I was on the Stair Master, which was always my go to machine 5 years ago). I made some comment about how it was slow going and he said, "just take it one day at a time." Completely cliche, I know.... but I appreciated it. When I was done (I did 20 minutes, which felt good!), he said--"good job--remember one day at a time." I needed to hear that, I think.

Laurie--glad you are using the thread to help you get back on track--so smart! I am happy to be part of your support system! I agree with Uber, I think you will suddenly drop again. Until then, stay the course.

Jenni--I am not a very fast loser either. I notice that it only worsens with age, unfortunately. But, I keep telling myself that the this is not a race. Take it one day at a time (sage advice I received today).

Hope everyone is doing well. I am off to an appointment, but will try to check in again later if I am not too swamped.