the me now…

December 30th, 2008 by lisa79

I guess i should start with who i am now so that i can grow into the person i am going to become! i have always been a decent sized girl.. i graduated school at 150 pounds which is actually a nice size.. not big..not small  but just right to me!  as the years rolled on so did the numbers on the scale.   I would yo-yo depending on what was going on around me.. if i was single or taken..who i hung out with.. blah blah blah.

i then got into the party scene.. drinking, drugs, and it seemed like that was my ticket, i could party all i wanted and do all the “dirty” things and all was good and i lost the weight!  well after a drop from the sky and some out-patient therapy i was no longer on the drugs and didnt drink near as much. seemed like everytime i would go through some shocking life event the weight would just fall off and when i was happy it would just pack on.. it has mainly always been in my midsection and my back …

fast forward 5 years..tipped the scale at 255. after breaking my ankle and being in a cast for way too long and realizing that it was SO hard to get around like  a ‘normal’ person.  i made the decision that once i was cleared from the physical therapist that i was going to change.. so that is what i did.. i restricted myself to no more than 10 carbs a day and worked out 5 days a week , the first couple of weeks were very hard on me!  but then i started noticing that clothes were fitting different but the scale wasnt making much of a budge.. this heffer was losing inches!  i was so excited so from january to june i dropped a nice 50 pounds and i felt so good about myself.. my ‘drive’ was in full swing and i was ready to keep on going!  then the love bug struck.. i got comfortable.. i got lazy.. husband (then casual friend) was happy with who i was and said that i was the most beautiful woman.  He is one of those that can eat whatever he wants when ever he wants and never gain a pound!  so when we finally decided to move in together it seemed like i was cooking things PACKED with calories and carbs to get some weight on him… instead it just packed more on me! i tried working out again but it all seemed different on that go around.  i slowly started putting the weight back on..him telling me i was beautiful.

fast forward 3 years..i had my annual wellness check up for work and i tipped the scale at 275.i just wanted to sit and cry and at that moment i told myself that  i was not going to let my weight control me any longer.  MY BODY ,, MY TERMS!  i could put the blame on so many things.. from depression to the PCOS.. bottom line is i was LAZY and no it didnt help that i have PCOS,,, maybe if i stayed on my meds like i am supposed to then it might make things better but things just happen and i am terrible at taking things…

i could say that this is to prove my father wrong when he asked my mother “is she ever going to get that weight off?”  i could say it is to prove everyone wrong that said “you have the prettiest face if you would just lose some weight”… i could say that it would be to secure my future with my husband,,,, but i know he loves me and he is going to be by my side when all is said and done,,, im doing this FOR ME.. im doing this for MY BODY, MY HEALTH! i dont want to be ’skinny’ by any means, i dont find those stick skinny girls that just isnt me, i want to go to my closet and know that i dont have to becareful about what i pick out cause im worried about  how my fat roll is going to poke out of it!

in closing of my first ’session’ this is for me.. and only i have the power to fix this… i just hope i have the will power!