.. update..

hello everyone and anyone!

well I haven’t written for a while.. but I’ve still been (semi) on track.

Eating wise: Up & down. I have my good days and good meals and I have my bad. I’m in the 100lb club halloween challenge and the first week I lost,  the second week I lose, third week I remained the same and this week i put on! but I guess the only thing I can do is watch my eating carefully and work out.

Ive actually been going on walks in a park near my house.. its got walking tracks and is pretty good.. not many people about.. I’ve never been ‘heckled’ when going out for a walk like some others on the forums have (i couldn’t believe people would be such dicks!) but it is still nice to walk alone.. that way if I feel like jogging I can do it and stop when I like.. I feel like if people watch me jog and then stop a minute later they might be like - HAHA.. well in their heads.

today is one of those days where I can’t wait to be a size 10 or 12! I wanna go shopping so badly! I’ve also decided im going to re connect with some friends from highschool, but I don’t want to do it seeing as ive put on like 20kg, 40 pounds or so since then

Everything is going ok. I’d be happy even if I was losing slowly but in all honest I keep thinking 3 months till the end of the year.. thats 12 weeks.. you could lose 12kgs! that would mean I would be 105kg.. that would be great. I really want to fit into some of my old clothes for christmas.. I have boxes of clothes JUST BEGGING to be worn!!

<3 hope everyone is going well on their journey.

TOM - DAMN

So these last 2 weeks I’ve been chugging along.. eating fairly well.. maybe 1 or 2 days I went over calories but that’s about it. I’ve been exercising and drinking the right amount of water.. then.. BAM

TIME OF THE MONTH. OMG. WHY WHY WHY?!?! I Hate getting my periods, I don’t even want to have children anyway! Not only that but I went from 114.2 to 114.3 to 114.4 to 114.8 Over like 3 days! THREEE!!!!! Not only that but I am craving chocolate and bad things more than ever!! Like is it not enough that I bloat and put on weight? But I’m also fighting terrible cravings!? and yes, I gave in. I ate bad and I will again tonight. I wish I wouldn’t but to be honest I feel like I don’t have the control right now.. god I feel so depressed just saying that.

My friend is coming over tomorrow morning to exercise with me so hopefully that will be good. I need a way to like combat these cravings..I need to just get over them. I was doing so well for 2 weeks! 2 weeks and basically no bad food. no binging.

Has anyone else been in this situation where they feel they just can’t control themselves? How did you stop? How did you get help?

I have a Personal Trainer that I haven’t been to in a while ($$$) and she always kept an eye on me, I know it’s no way to live forever but I don’t feel like I’ve lost any weight and I can’t see it yet either.. and I’ve lost about 10 kg. 20 pounds.

When am I going to drop a size?

I wish this was all over. I wish I could tell my 16 year old self to do this before the binging began all I had to loose then was 20kg.. now I need to lose 3x that.

Happeeeee

well i’ve been sticking to it! It’s been a looonnggg weekend and I did eat over my recommended calories twice but i didn’t binge on chocolate.

Today I’ve eaten well again and plan to go to bed early.. this actually helps me avoid eating late night snakes and poking around the kitcehn.

I do have a problem though… After I eat lunch at about 12 or 1pm I am still hungry but know I can’t eat if I want to stay on plan so I end up taking a nap. It’s a really good way to avoid eating lol.. but I really want to find a good hobby to fill my time with.. I am on uni break right now, and won’t be back for another 3 weeks.

Also when I work, what kinds of lunches should I bring? I want something that isn’t only healthy but is easy to eat and not messy (I hate eating in front of other people, not because I’m a messy eater but because I think they are judging me no matter what I eat! e.g. If i eat a salad, I think that they think ‘why does she bother’ and If i eat something bad.. well that one’s obvious)

I’m looking forward to Christmas as well and cleaning out my closet.. I’ve actually already started cleaning out my closet. I put all the clothes that are a bit too big and make me look daggy to the side. How many kg or pounds does it take to loose a size? I hope I loose a size soon because I really want to fit into 16/18 pants again and not 20 jeans.

Today has been a good day and I know I need to savour days like this when I’ve had good self control and exercised.

Have a good night and a good week everyone!

SW: 123kg

Currently: 114.8kg

Lost: 8.2

up and down

so today and the past few days have been up and down.

The good:

I lost weight! yeyyy.. down to 115.8 again.

I’ve been following my diet “healthy eating lifestyle” fairly closely

I’ve been exercising again

The bad:

I saw that my previous ex’s that I was in a relationship are now both in happy relationships (via Facebook). I don’t love or even like them but there is that flare of jealously in me. Why could they move on and be happy and I still haven’t? I’m use to being alone so it doesn’t bother me too much.. but thinking about running into them with their significant other gives me enough incentive to stay inside.

I’m so confused about everything. uni, work, relationships.. just everything.I’m happy that so far it hasn’t affected my weight loss too much, but in the last 2 days I have eaten over my calorie allowance but not by a lot.

I just feel like a mess today. I hate days like this. Is everything I’m doing now in my life (working hard, studying toward my degree and eating healthy) ever going to add up to something more?

Also, how do you define success? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I hate feeling jealous of other peoples lives.. I want them to feel jealous of me for a change! I just feel that sometimes I’m living my life based on what other people think rather than what I really want on a deeper level.

Ah well.

SW: 123

Current: 115.2 (as of this morning)

Lost: 7.8kg (17 pounds)

life just keeps getting sweeter

some days you just wake up and love everything in life. For me, today was one of those days.

I ate SUPER healthy. 1200 calorie healthy. I did exercise, 20 minute walk, 10 minutes aerobics. I feel really good. I actually felt a bit shaky before, probably from lack of sugar, but now I feel great.

I also joined my first challenge in the forums, the 100lbs halloween challenge. Even though Halloween isn’t really a thing in Australia it’s still nice to have a goal date.

So what do you do to reward yourself? I used to have this full list of things I wanted.. It’s so funny, at the time I weighed like 90kg.. WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO WEIGH THAT NOW! but not to worry.. I will weigh that again soon.

I’m a real planner.. Like I love doing the math and thinking.. okay if i eat x calorie and do y amount of exercise then I will be xyz weight in just 2 months! haha probably not a great way of thinking because I stop doing the little things that happen day to day.

But back to rewards, what should I reward myself with? Not food, obviously. I don’t have heaps of money.. but I’m sure my parents will help out . I know that when I reach goal I am going to buy a completely new wardrobe.. maybe I should pick a necklace or something that I want? I need some new shoes for exercise anyway so that’s pretty practical.

I can’t wait for the next few weeks. I’m going to keep eating really healthy and doing my 30 minutes of exercise.

By the end of the year.. I hope to go from 117 - to like 100. 17kg in 4 months.. that’s a bit steep but doable if I don’t give up.

it’s strange

when I’m alone in my room, even if I’m wearing ugly baggy clothes, or fully naked - I really like the way I look. Don’t get me wrong, I still would like to be smaller, but I don’t think i’m that big.

and then I see a photo and I get so disgusted in myself, and I think what was I even doing out?!

Does anyone else look at themselves and feel smaller than they are? Maybe it’s because I look at myself front on and don’t include the back half of me lol

sometimes I hate being fat! Grrrr. Can’t wait til I can go shopping and get some sick designer threads!

keep going

so I’ve been eating crappy for the past few days. I haven’t even weighed myself! I hate it when I have little moments like this, and you undo any good work that you’ve already done! I’m trying not to think about all the ‘what ifs’ though.. like ‘what if i had stuck to healthy eating a year ago.. i’d be done!’

I need to just forget about that stuff and keep going. So this morning I had some yoghurt and granola for breakfast, and lunch is in 1 hour or so, not sure what I’m going to have but my backup is eggs or something. I just hate cooking when it’s just for me. so annoying.

I’ve decided to continue on at uni for the time being rather than chop and change. well that was kinda a change but whatever. I really want to start exercising again, like really really.. see I was going to go to a local park and walk around this big track thing they have but the park is actually currently being renovated, so they’ve closed parts of etc, I guess that’s the excuse I’m using of why I haven’t gone yet.

My gym membership ended over a month ago, I didn’t mind the gym - when I bothered to go - but I dunno. I guess I’m  just being lazy.

There was this other 3km track, fairly flat, that I used to walk and even jog a teeny tiny bit with my friend. That friend and I are no longer speaking though, so I haven’t gone back, I’m thinking maybe i should. I know if she were to still go on that track she’d go in the late arvo, so maybe I should go there in the mornings or mid arvo or something. I just need something to do.

My parents have invited me to go away this weekend, and I’m thinking about it. I do kinda feel like going up the coast but at the same time I hate the drive, it’s about 2.5-3 hours.

Feeling a bit blurgh. I’m going to look at some clothes and dream of wearing them now!

adios!

(Don’t know  my stats today, probably weigh 116.5-117.5 I’d assume)

badddd run

these last few days have been bad. I’ve been eating bad and just not enjoying it recently.

I saw my ex-boyfriend has a girlfriend. I facebook stalked, shame on me. I know I may have mentioned this before.. but I’ve been thinking about it more and more. I actually saw a play yesterday and it was about a lady  who was trying to get a relationship and in one part of the play she spoke about her ex husband and how she had to move forward etc.. it kinda got me to thinking. I feel like I should move forward, and for the most part I feel I have but there is a little part of me holding on. Maybe it’s because it was my first real love? I don’t know. When I think about it, I’m very hard headed, stubborn, really driven, I like order. He was a musician, more of a free spirit and really chilled out. Maybe we are too different. Maybe I could find someone more suited to me, with a dry sense of humour and a quick wit, someone who is a bit more intelligent and someone who doesn’t judge me. I always felt like he was judging me, but that could’ve been more my issue and low self esteem rather than anything else.

I just want to buy pretty clothes and power suits and jimmy choos and take on the fucking world.
Does anyone else feel like their weight is holding them back? Like they’re waiting to lose weight before their real life can begin?

it’s all happening.. I hope.

Well I weighed myself this morning and I put on weight!! I’m 116.5kg right now, which does suck but I ate heaps yesterday so I’m not surprised. I don’t mind when the scale jumps up as long as it evens out over the next few days.

The worst part about it is that I have heaps of assignments to do and I have to go out tomorrow to help out with a work thing, then I’m going out at night. So i’m very busy and I just wanna eat cookies when I do my assignments!

Other than that I’ve been doing the diet for over a week now.

So my first week I ate over my calorie allowance 3 times. One of those times was by 10 calories but the other two were by 200. Yesterday I ate over probably by 1000 or something.

I was loosing a bit of weight, but it’s such a long process. I’m still considering lowering my calories intake, but then I think if eating this many calories is a struggle imagine 200 less.

I applied for a proper job a few days ago, which I think I mentioned. I haven’t gotten a call or anything but I really hope I do. I want that job sooo much!   :(

Well Just wanted to check in !

Starting Weight: 123kg

Current: 116.5

Lost: 6.5kg

Woweeeee

Where have I been? I mean it’s only been 2 days but I really miss writing this blog already. It’s kinda like therapy.

ANYWAY. I have been working late nights etc so I’ve been a bit bad and not really updated. BUT Here are some pictures…

http://i951.photobucket.com/albums/ad353/mareek500/ScreenShot2013-08-28at114212AM_zps40e2c968.png

http://i951.photobucket.com/albums/ad353/mareek500/ScreenShot2013-08-28at114142AM_zps18ca7994.png

Hopefully if you copy and paste these links they will work! I’ve had some technical troubles.

This is me at my current weight.. I took the photos 2 nights ago. Just wanted you to know kinda what I’m working with here. I personally think my weight is pretty evenly distributed.. obviously there is more on my stomach but otherwise I don’t feel that I’m uneven.

I’m so stressed latety. I have group assignments for uni which are terrible. I have work work work work work and more work. I have managed to still eat fairly well, I don’t think I’ve gone over my calories allowance. I’ve been fighting with my dad. GOD. It’s just one of those busy weeks.

I don’t think I have much else to say at the moment. I’m applying for a new job so wish me luck!!! I could really use the money and ONE job instead of THREE shitty ones. I mean I do like them, but you know, it’s good to only have to focus on one thing rather than heaps.

Well Short entry today peeps! Take care..

Starting Weight: 123kg

Current Weight 115.3kg

Lost: 7.7