First of all….we did NOT go out for supper last night w/ my mom and bf……..Instead we bought a roasted chicken from the deli at my local grocery store ( I stuck to eating white meat)…..and we were ‘going’ to buy some fries that they cook but thankfully they had stopped making them for the day so we decided on a bag of fries to just bake in the oven….still not the healthiest but FAR better than the disgusting greasy french fries we would have bought…we also picked up a vinegar and oil coleslaw..not the creamy one…….and some whole wheat rolls….which I ate one of…….So overall I didn’t do too bad..not awesome but not horrible..

Got home last night and realized my NEW car was leaking something.(It’s a 2002 so not brand spanking new) .oh noo…after just having an inspection????? We realized it was brake fluid and it would have to get done ASAP………of course I am stressed to the max by this time..almost in tears……who wants to buy a car and have to do repairs?? My old car was a nightmare and nothing but a migraine. I literally put about $3000 worth of repairs into it………..I think it honestly turned me from wanting to own another one..lol..and now this??   So of course I am stressed (which doesn’t take much to get me stressed) and began a binge..hot chocolate…….potato chips (mom’s bf had bought them :S) and two blocks of chocolate bar! (Yes the one that my loving bf bought for me :(…..) AND a freakin cookie! I’ve come to realize that sugar is the evil of all evils!

My binge week that I did not plan on having is done and over with. Next week is a new week..a fresh start..and I KNOW that I can do this. I”ve done so well for almost an entire year (Oct 1/07—-I began my weight loss journey) I’ve worked too damn hard to get to where I am now to let it all go down the drain.

My cousin is getting married mid October and I will be seeing a lot of family that I haven’t seen in years. I want to show them how far I’ve come and how great I’ve done! ( Yes modest but I think I deserve to be : ) )…And I am NO LONGER the girl in the family who ‘let herself go’…the girl who no one recognized because of all of the weight she had gained.  But more than that I want to feel good about wearing a cute dress and getting all dressed up! Before I’d feel like a huge bloated blob that no one knew. I dreaded any family event!

So my goals for this week are :

A) Not stress over my car…….and IF i do NO BINGING….

B) Plan my eating before the day comes…not throughout the day. Also find ways to occupy myself if I find I am bored……..boredom=snacking………..blogging/reading/walking/TV/chew gum even!

C) Increase my water intake..I have seriously slacked off lately

D) Only have diet coke every 2nd day as a treat..not EVERY day…I know that its nothing but poison and it makes you crave other sweet things..

E) Increasing physical activity!!!!!!!!  Look into joining the gym!!!!

Well girls wish me luck..I need it! I am off for a speed walk to get things going!

 7:04 pm……..went for an awesome 40 minute walk earlier…when i returned bf said i smelled like the fresh air….which is great because nothing is more beautiful than clean fresh air and/or water! Stayed on track so far today…I still have a few pts left for the day…I just opened the Tostitos for my bf with salsa/ff sour cream…I want him to get rid of them for me….I ate 5..and said that is it! Water intake has increased …for the past few days that I haven’t been doing so well i’ve began to notice my face feeling differently..which i am assuming is the sodium intake w/ lack of water! This has GOT to change….

I was thinking I’d like to be at my goal  (140lbs) by the wedding on October 18th/08. Exactly 27 days from now. Ironic because at appox the same time last year I went to another family wedding and I know there is going to be a major difference in myself.  Yesterday I was 146..so that is 6 lbs to lose…but considering how hard I have found it lately to lose any amount of weight as well as stay on track this is going to be a challenge for myself. I also wonder what happens when I reach the ultimate goal ?.How do I maintain?? Do I add more pts or give up the points (something that I am terrified of doing) and just try to live a new healthy lifestyle w/out all the counting??

A few coworkers/friends have told me lately that I worry too much about what others think of me..how do I stop worrying? For example……..w/out a car I have been getting the bus to work in the AM and usually walking home (30-35 minutes) in the evening. One morning all I had was small change for the bus…dimes/nickels..and I refused to get on the bus with a handful of small change…perhaps thinking I looked poor or something??  I ended up walking at 7am in the misty rain and by the time i was at work the rain was falling a lot harder….Always worrying about how I “look” to others, what others think of me……….this is terrible and its something else that has to change! How do I do this?? How do I say “who gives a damn?” Obviously it relates to my self esteem and how I ‘ve went so long with very little of it…Perhaps I should talk to someone..I’m not sure. Any suggestions?

Sorry for blabbing on and on everyone..but if you do read my blogs I am extremely thankful that you do…Blogging is the ONLY way I feel I can let it out how I’m feeling/doing with this whole journey…I cannot talk to my mother/bf about this..they just don’t seem to understand and my few closest friends are overweight and I do not want to make them feel uncomfortable. The support on here is basically my only true means of support…We are all strangers but we do all share a common bond: Making our bodies as healthy as we possibly can!