WARNING: Another Ani speech!
Kel that's a very interesting insight, and I think you could be on the mark. My attitude had completely changed to food, and it makes my 'sins' seem bigger than they are when I overindulge.
In the past I would think nothing of pigging out and eating who-knows-how-many-calories a day (in fact I would hate to add it up). I never ate breakfast, I had crap food every day, and I had a much more sedentary lifestyle. When I first got my pedometer there were days when I would barely register 2,000 steps.
How things have changed!
Now I NEVER miss breakfast. Not only that, but I insist on a big, filling healthy breakfast that ALWAYS includes fruit and nuts.
Now I hardly ever eat takeaway. I always used to get something like Chicken Treat, fish and chips or italian takeaway at least once a week. I used to eat hot chips at least three times a week - now I have takeaway about once every three months, and it's the ONLY time I eat hot chips!
Now I notice EVERY treat I eat. In the past I could eat all manner of crap and barely notice I had consumed it.
Now I am physically active, doing things on a daily basis that I would never have thought I was capable of. These days it is a very rare thing for me to spend a day sitting around.
And now I can listen to my body's signals and know what they are saying. I know when I am hungry, thirsty, tired… and I often know exactly what kind of fuel my body needs. For example the other day at work I spent about three hours lifting a heap of heavy stuff - and I knew I needed protein, not carbs for lunch. It's funny.
I'm not there yet - I still consider myself a "work in progress". I know I still have at least 6kg left to lose before I can do an honest assessment of where I am at. Will it be enough or will I need to drop a little more? I won't know until I am closer to that point.
I still battle with water. It's a daily challenge for me to hydrate myself, and it's a challenge I often resist.
But you know what? In just two days from now it will be my SECOND ANNIVERSARY of starting this journey. By anyone else's measure I have been the slowest person in the world to lose 30kg, but I simply don't care. Because in two years I have completely changed who I am and how I live my life - it's the biggest ever gift I have given myself.
I was thinking this morning about a reward for that. Not for losing weight, but for sticking to it for two years - and there's a part of me that would really love to go and buy something to symbolise that, and to pamper myself for having done something so big. And there's another part of me that knows that if I walk into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, there's the reward staring straight back at me.
I'm especially gratified because I DON'T have anyone at home to encourage me, lift me up when it's hard, tell me off for eating crap… or to inspire me to lose weight. I don't have any external reason - no wedding/birthday/holiday/graduation to look good for, no woman to impress, or anything else that might keep me motivated. It's just me, and it has just been me for the last two years.
And my friends here at Aussie Chicks - you ALL ROCK, and you know it. I cannot begin to tell you how much I value the way we share this journey: its battles and victories, the stories we tell each other, and the support we give and get.
Somehow I found it: that inner strength, the place where the desire to become the best person I can be outweighed the poor self-esteem, the lack of care about myself, the belief that I wasn't good enough. And in many places along this journey I have surprised myself - I'm stronger than I thought, more patient than I imagined, and I like myself more than I realised.
And I owe myself a big apology. I just looked at a photo of the "old Ani" from two years ago and felt incredibly sad. What I saw was a big, fat woman who was wearing track pants and a loose shirt (because nothing else would fit), standing on the verandah and simply taking up too much space. What the **** did I do to myself? I can kind of see me in that photo (the 'me' I know) but I'm wrapped in so many layers of fat that the real me is trapped. And the real me is hiding from the world. I am really, really sorry I did that to myself.
I've finally decided to put up some photos. The first was taken two years ago, and the other one was a couple of months ago, when I was 79kg (and didn't have Bunnings biceps
). As I said before - still a work in progress
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When I first joined 3 Fat Chicks I noticed that one of the women on another thread has an avatar which goes something like: "I saw an angel in the marble and I chipped away until I set her free". That has been my mantra ever since…
Happy Monday ladies 
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