Thanks for the support and bearing with me on my mini pity party...it's helpful to have so many wonderful people assure me that what I'm feeling/thinking is "normal."
I feel GOOD today. I mean not awesome, but significantly better than I have in the last week. I've been smiling and laughing, and don't even feel like crying. Last night my dad taught me how to make saffron risotto, and he made grilled tuna steaks. I woke up and admired the mountain view, drank a cup of coffee with my padre, went into town to visit my mom (she's an alcoholic and currently at a rehab place...I have come to accept her for who she is, and just enjoy her when she's sober), and then I came home and raked the heck out of the yard. The physical work felt amazing; it was good to feel busy and useful. I'm polishing my resume right now, and already have a list of several places to apply at on Monday. This weekend is going to be busy in a good way; hanging out with my mom again tomorrow and then my dad and stepmom and I are going to do something fun for my birthday on Sunday. Then I'll start tackling whatever needs to be tackled with a clear head.
I did get an email from Sean, and in a way, it kind of brought me some peace about the whole thing. He still has not apologized for anything, or even really asked me to come back. The email was basically a bullet point list of the things that I had brought up a few days ago (him keeping me from my dad, being overly jealous, treating my cats like a jerk, etc) and completely minimized the issues or made them sound like all my fault. No mention of his explosive anger or anything that he might have been doing wrong. He DID say we should not make any rash decisions (referring to starting the divorce process, I guess) while emotions are so high. That's the closest he's gotten to any kind of apology or attempt at making peace. I'm more inclined to think that he's just starting to wiggle a bit at the thought of what this will do to his reputation and possibly career rather than wanting his wife whom he "loves" back. So I'm going to let him wiggle...I haven't replied to it yet. But it did make me feel slightly better that he didn't write me off completely.
So for now, for the weekend at least, I'm just resting and focusing on nothing but being kind to myself. And then I'll start clearing the rubble away on the road to a brighter future.
The view from the house is theraputic in itself
OH, and I keep forgetting to mention...I reviewed through my posts, and quite frankly, I don't think there are any details that are going to be dangerous. He knows I'm in Wyoming. I shouldn't have posted so many details in the first place, but it ended up not being an issue. I'd prefer to keep this thread open partly because I may want to look back on it as a reminder of everything that happened (ya never know, I may have to document play-by-play of events or something). AND, I am absolutely astonished and moved by how amazing this thread has been. This community is unbelievable. There's been an outpouring of stories, support, advice, and love from women around the nation (and internationally) as one little gal makes the great escape. This thread isn't just for me, it's for everyone who has contributed or who has read it. I'm sure that there have been women who are currently in a similar situation, and may have related to it all and gained even an ounce of strength from it. So if mods are okay with it, I request that we leave this thread up...it's an unbelievable testament to compassion and empathy. Not to mention a possible resource for other women who might still be stuck.
I love this pic...gorgeous! That certainly is serene and therapeutic!
Glad you are safe and it is OK to be a divorce statistic. It beats being a mortal one.
I escaped my first marriage for the joys of a battered women's shelter. I left with my daughter, the clothes on our backs and the car I owned before we got married.
I'm trying to figure out how so many of you women were living in my body in my first marriage.
Megan (Megals - my name for you) nobody has told you it will be easy. Nobody has lied about that.
I went back for about a week because he kept threatening suicide if I didn't. We even went to a counselor of his choosing. Jerk dr. wrote a letter to him mentioning something I told him in confidence during my part of the session. Hence, no trust in them from me now. Left right after that and never looked back. Told him if he was going to commit suicide to please call him mother and tell her good bye.
Lean on your friends and family. To bad you didn't know Ophelia before. You'd have had a firm friend all along. Make use of the local chickies if they volunteer.
So happy to hear you are HOME, safe and well. When you have your moments of doubt, as you have and probably will continue to have, think about how you might advise your future children. When we become parents we try to teach our children how to treat people and what to accept from people. You would want your own daughter to feel loved and supported and valued in her marriage. Think about how you would advise her if faced with your choices. Maybe this will help a little. Relax and take your time.
So happy to hear you are HOME, safe and well. When you have your moments of doubt, as you have and probably will continue to have, think about how you might advise your future children. When we become parents we try to teach our children how to treat people and what to accept from people. You would want your own daughter to feel loved and supported and valued in her marriage. Think about how you would advise her if faced with your choices. Maybe this will help a little. Relax and take your time.
I could not agree more!
So, cinnamon oatmeal and coffee over sunrise in the morning? I'm in western NE, so while it my be a bit away, depending on where you are, it is still possible! Hang in there! Will think of you over my cinnabun coffee!
Height: 5 ft 8.5" athlete who can give a punch & certainly take one too! :)
Megan, sorry to hear your marriage wasn't all fairytale like. I am so PROUD of you for getting the **** out of it when you did before it escalated into many more months or years of misery. Abuse is abuse whether verbal or physical, NOBODY deserves to be treated in such a way period. I am so glad you listened to your gut and got out. You are a young, smart, beautiful, intelligent women who is very strong & brave and you will be OK now that you are with your family and friends.
Sure you will be flooded with emotions and have highs and lows, and second guess yourself, that's normal & its normal to grieve for your ended marriage. This is just going to make you an even stronger person Megan and oneday
you will find true love.
Sending big hugs to ya Megan and keep that pretty lil head of yours held high and know that you did the right thing by leaving. So keep that chin up,
because your future will be brighter as will the next chapter of your life!
DEAR ABBY: Please reprint the list of signs of an abuser. I lost the list I had, but I think my husband is one. He calls me names like "stupid" and "slut." He tells me what clothes to wear, and if I refuse he threatens to cut them up. When we argue, he threatens to call 911 and have me locked up. He says everything that goes wrong is my fault.
We have been married 31 years. The stress is ruining my health. I have no money and no job. He stands in front of the door to keep me from leaving or going anywhere. Should I call a hotline or try to find a women's shelter? -- END OF MY ROPE
DEAR END: While you haven't been battered, your husband's treatment qualifies as emotional abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free number is (800) 799-7233. Do not try to leave without calling it first.
The signs of an abuser are:
(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
(2) JEALOUSY: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.
(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect woman and meet his every need.
(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble"; the abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent you from holding a job.
(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS AND MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.
(7) MAKES EVERYONE ELSE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of, "I am angry" or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."
(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just part of life.
(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND TO CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also, may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.
(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.
(12) RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in a matter of minutes.
(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says they made him (or her) do it.
(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way" or "I didn't really mean it."
what a story, I am so very sorry you had to experience it, Megan. When I read some of your other posts, I didn't realize how bad it was. You really do deserve to be with someone who treats you with dignity and respect. Glad you're with family who love you, in a restful place, you can make a new plan for yourself. All the best to you.
I am not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but if they have, it is worth repeating and I hope you read it: several different professionals have used the word "sociopath." You can not save, heal, or change a sociopath. It's sad, it's tragic, it must be hard on his parents but that's the truth. You can't love him enough or do enough to "fix" him.
I've been kind of lurking around 3FC lately and staying away a bit and have just found this post. I am so so sorry to hear of your situation. I am so glad you can come here for support.
I can see what an amazingly strong and smart woman you are, and have always always been amazed by how mature you are for your age.
I just wanted to say how much we all love and support you and wish you the very best, I just wish for you to be safe and happy. You will make it through this.
