[eusebius]

Good morning beck matadors!!

day 23 - countering the unfairness syndrome - this is a mindset i struggled with for many years in many aspects of my life. the classical music world (like all others, but perhaps in slightly more extreme form) is not entirely dependent on hard work and desire ... there's an 'it' factor at play in success. i remember when i was 20 and played a difficult, nearly atonal sonata that took me a year to memorize. then i competed against a percussionist who played a really flashy rhythmically groovy piece, and he beat me. afterwards he boasted that it had taken him a week to learn the piece. it's NOT FAIR!! so unfairness in dieting seems pretty small-scale to me. if anything, i feel lucky that in eating the way i did, i didn't gain a lot more weight than i actually have.

i must say i'm getting pretty tired these days ... must be heavy exercise in the heat and humidity (and this is inside with the a/c!) but i won't let it deter me.

bill - nice idea of a measuring plan ... should work great.

kierie - good job on continuing exercise even with your foot ... hope your busy time subsides soon. p.s. go jays!!!!! i can't believe cito is back!

onebyone - i love how you share your visualizations and drawings with us. it is like seeing inside your brain!! thank you! good job getting in touch with the gym! i hope it is just the right thing for you!

kuhljeanie - i feel your pain on writing drafts. i have some writing to do myself so let's barrel through! thanks for your supportive words!!

sue - definitely hearing you on your struggles with stress and fatigue ... many have had great success on SBD so hoping it works for you! credit to you for having a plan!

maryblu - great job getting back on track - glad it feels good!!

heidi - totally hearing you on the time with dd -- every time she rolls her eyes at me (already at 5!) i see visions of the days to come. "oh mom!" anyway - so you had some sweets -- oh well! you are back on track now right? great job making a plan!!

bill (again) - LOL!!! "oh CREDIT MOI well." That just about sums it up doesn't it?? the best of all possible worlds. well done.

ok i have to do my upper body work before i talk myself out of it but oh boy i feel like going back to bed. sigh ... oh well. have a great day all.

erika

[KO]

hey long crazy day today! won't have time to post until tonight but I wanted to Pop in and give myself a credit. I was in the grocery store super angry and super stressed. Instead of indulging in some big bad (not that food is good or bad) thing (like I'd normally do) I recited my ARC the first one bein gI like being thin and I bought a box of Nips which is a hard candy filled with choc 1 is 30 calories. I'm going to go have my sandwhich and be done!

[coastalsue]

Morning all,

Hurrah after many, many days of overeating-( and generally at night) I had a full day on program. Yes-the down side of SBD is no fruit, no grains, no wine for 2 weeks-but the up side is no measuring and weighing of most "approved" foods and I love that break. Right now I seem to be able to say NO Choice to certain foods but feel some freedom that I don't have be so strict about the amounts of others. Guess that is why Beck wanted us to have 2 food plans for such times.

Still can't swim today again- the news said that the tiny particules in the smoky air irritate healthy lungs like a "sunburn" One or two times would not be so bad, but this is going on for weeks-not good. Now all of northern cal is very hot-again the coast is the coolest and has somewhat better air. But the orange glow in the air is so weird-even the sun sets look like a science fiction scene.

BBE-sooo much credit-you are phenomenal to avoid those multiple temptations,-Such social pressures added to the treats-WOW! you are the Beck guru!! Thanks for your continual support, organization and postings at this site. You are mastering that buddhist concept to use adversity as chance to practice all the techniques that one has learned to remain focus and calm.

Erika-Great posting on the Countering the Unfairness Syndrome-I then re-read the day and now am writing 2 response cards on this issue-one for the need to limit my food and one for our need for financial frugality. Both plans take alot of work but are very doable.

Heidi- So much credit for your enjoying and treasuring those moments with your daughter. Love the phrasing of "while you still are cool" We really missed our kids' enthusiasm for family outings during the later teen years-
I so understand the draw for sweets as the food of choice used to celebrate, calm, medicate a hugh variety of emotional needs. No words of wisdom but hugh respect and understanding the amount of work/energy to conquor this sweet "addiction". Along with the big self annoyance when the "addiction" seems in control. your list of 5 activites sound great-plus include have some fun/laughts.

Maryblu-thanks for the concern about the fires. Oh those MN skeeters-quite the bugs as I remember them!! Volume control is so important and so D*** hard-do you think you are also fighting some kind of set point on your weight along with the primal fun feeling of being stuffed. when my healthy brain is on I don't like feeling that heavy stuffed full feeling, when suzie emotional is in charged then being stuffed is wanted.

OnebyONe- big step in emailing the gym and asking for clear support of what you need from them and if they can deliver. There is not a one plan fit all on how to get the right exercise. Sounded like a very wise approach and give yourself alot of credit!! Glad you looked at and ignored the sabatoging idea that one have to do this alone-just be strong and self sufficient-I think alot of us feel that way and push ourselves too much and often and then turn to food to give us support versus other folks.

[coastalsue]

Hi again-

my computer was getting odd and wanted to post prior to losing it, Want to say hi to all -KulhJeanie-sound like so many projects you are working at -Hope you can still have time for training for the marthron-you do seems to love that so much-

Ko, Jenny, Angelmomma 210 and Spryng- enjoy all your postings and hearing about your successes.

sue

[spryng]

hi all, just a quick check in for me. Having a rough couple of days. Personal things going on and I'm just preoccupied. But I'm not far. Will post when I'm feeling better

[angelmomma210]

Hey all...been really busy..yesterday I did not even get a chance to say boo. Today is a little better...gonna read day 8 again...and hope to work on it. Have taekwondo tonight so when we get home it will be bed shortly.

[SeaChild]

Hey old friends... and hello to all the new faces
here since I've been around.

Hope you're all doing well and enjoying your summers.

I'm going to throw something out here and I hope I don't
offend anyone. If I do, I apologize in advance.

I love Beck and I have also enjoyed this 3FC forum, but it
became overwhelming to me to keep up with all the posts.
I'm in the process of relocating to another state and
changing my career, and on and on. And I am STUCK!
I lost weight initially on Beck... it certainly works.. but
I need a coach....someone I can work with one-on-one
each of us coaching the other.

Is there anyone else out there who would like to partner
up with me to take on this weight loss challenge and
coach one another??? I'm really familiar with the Beck
Program, but find I falter when it comes to accountability.

I also have a tendency to focus on others more than on myself
and that's the problem for me with the forum coaching idea...
I would rather focus on everyone else's issues and avoid my own.

Sooooo.........

If you're out there, future coach of mine, please contact me
in a private message if that's more comfortable.

Thanks for letting me throw this out in the crowd... in the
hopes that somebody lurking might feel more comfortable
one to one.

Best to all of you always,

Ellen

[onebyone]

Hi coaches

I got an email back from the gym and they want to call me on the phone tomorrow morning. Now I don't want to talk to them. I am afraid I'll agree to something that I can't afford. I don't even know if I can afford this.
But I can't know this until I do talk to them so I guess I have to.
Can you feel my ambiguity?

I often feel that as a morbidly obese person that I can get "taken" by any sort of weightloss "scheme". That deep down I am desperate to lose this weight and will be gullible due to my desire... A crafty unscrupilous salesman will sense this and exploit it. I don't think this is that scenario, but... I hope I can recognize it if it is. I guess if they pressure me to "sign up now! The offer only last until the end of the day!" my last experience with seeking out a personal trainer (I said no thanks to this... high pressure must-buy-this-right-now really turns me off. NOTHING is an emergency in a situation like this.) I can trust myself to walk away.

Anyway, guess I'll email them back and deal with it tomorrow.

My food today was an improvement over yesterday and so each day is better and better. I have made it a goal to get a green veggie into me every day and so far so good. I made a salad for lunch and had a modest dinner. I am trying to eliminate sugar free products but find it really tough to replace the drinks. I don't want the fake sugar but don't want the sugary version either. And don't want to drink juice and that leaves water. Or coffee. Or tea. So for now I am cutting down hoping to get to zero eventually. More vegetables, less fake sugar. I did eat a couple of handfuls of cheese while at the sink and not sitting down. Cheese leftover from what I put into my salad. Completely compulsive. But it stopped there and I recognized it for what it was, and so I give myself a credit moi for these actions.

SeaChild Good for you for asking for what you need. I am sure you will find a one on one buddy. Good luck on all your major changes!! Nice to hear from you.

angelmomma210 Hello to you and I love hearing you do a martial art! What's taekwondo like?

spryng Sorry to hear times are tough right now but they will pass! All the best...

coastalsue SBD always struck me as very do-able. Clear, concise and just when you're fed up it changes. I did it for a while and found it really stopped my sugar cravings. If for only this reason it is a worthwhile plan to pull out and follow. So sorry to hear your air quality is still not good. I can't think of anything that bugs me more than that. We only get a few smog days here but that we get ANY bugs me to no end. If I could ask, do you think you could get a picture of the weird SF sunset? I'd love to see it.

KO Kudos on dealing with your cravings and your desire in the grocery store. That's great. We get a little stronger every time we say no to these urges. It'll make it that much easier next time round.

eusebius Unfairness is rampant in the visual art world too. Why does one person "make it" and get lifted up out of the mire and be toasted and praised while the other who worked as hard, is as good or better, but maybe not the most social is left behind? how does this happen? It's always unfair that we are not judged solely on the basis of our work. There are other factors involved always. BUT for every "overnight success" there is at least 10 years of work getting them to that position. It's the same for permanently losing weight. Lots of time and effort behind being successful in anything. Oh well as Beck says... Hope you get caught up on your rest!

BillBlueEyes You could not have planned that triple play better BBE! A hero to yourself and others. And you know enough that one bite/one caramel thingy is not the start of a downhill slide. you never even mentioned that... yay! It's really working for you! BIG Kudos!

hbuchwald I know that panicky feeling very well that summer is passing and where is it going?? I am really savouring every day. I think it's cause I have so much to do every day. In between I am just still if I can manage it. All my weekends are spoken for. All the time between now and the start of school is lined up. I don't even get a holiday. Just enjoy the moments. Stop and remind yourself to feel the sun. Just stop and breathe. Journalling is a great thing. It'll put you in the moment for sure. All the best!

maryblu I have the toughest time with portions too. Some weeks I have to plan around an insatiable need to high volume meals. If I am on plan I just make soups and know I can eat a few huge bowls to get that feeling. Thankfully I am not in this state right now. And I just wanted to mention that I am enjoying a fantastic garden evening tonight. Right now a light breeze is cooling my living room. I was given a pink hibiscus today by a thankful instructor at the school. I fired some extra-curricular clay for her and she gave me this fantastic plant as a thank you! I've never had a hibiscus before (called pink candy of all things... better a plant that the real thing I say!). It's full of buds and promise...

Have a good evening folks.

[maryblu]

Oh, yeah, am so loving all of you.

BillBE, as I count it, there is still one chocolate pecan turtle unaccounted for....DW had one, you copped to chomping one.....the other??? hmmm?? You think we don't hang on your every word? I was just marveling at how disciplined, and yes...a little sneaky.....in a good way........at the "celebration of you" luncheon. There is no way...NO WAY......in that circumstance that I could have maintained even the semblance of Beck behavior...there are times........a celebration of YOU???? I would have PIGGED out, and had wine if possible..but that's just me. You are obviously enjoying health and well-being above the momentary pleasures of food. Would that we all will get there.

Coastalsue, for the umteenth time, you have said it so much better than I.

BBE-sooo much credit-you are phenomenal to avoid those multiple temptations,-Such social pressures added to the treats-WOW! you are the Beck guru!! Thanks for your continual support, organization and postings at this site. You are mastering that buddhist concept to use adversity as chance to practice all the techniques that one has learned to remain focus and calm.

Great to see you again, SeaChild. I swear, we get the coolest, smartest people on this thread! And I am only saying that because it is true. I read many other threads, but only post on two..I am devoted to all Beckies, and of course, have to put my 2 cents in on gardening, but overall, Beckies are the coolest. I hope you get a PM buddy..whatever it takes.

To all, I have a short memory; I can't do the personals that many of you do. That doesn't mean that I don't appreciate and learn from all of you.

I love our Beckies!



My hope is that as we all suck in the joys of summer that we can spend a little extra energy on physical activity and Beck exercises as well.

[hbuchwald]

HI there coaches:
Today, I stayed on plan!!! I planned my food, read my ARC, sat while eating and gave some credit to myself for stuff. Yahoo me! I feel like I need a few days that like that get fully "back into the zone". Thinking about my goal weight number to represent my reasons was a good thing today...

I enjoyed my summer day, didn't stress about not getting large projects done but got parts of small projects done, went to storytime in teh park with dd and friends and then to a cool cafe in Seattle to meet up with some other friends. DD and I were snuggling this morning and she said, "are you thinking what I am thinking?". I wasn't but said that I was...she brought in 19 books and we read every one of them together-bank that in the "positive memory bank to stave off negative female teen energy toward parental units"! Kudos to me for balancing it all today and enjoying it.
BillBlueEyes: You are a pillar-and I LOVE the WWJBD term! I actually made a simple bracelet saying WWBD (referring to Bob at work…he is a role model in taking the best of what is offered, applying it to his classroom and then letting the rest go versus feeling guilty about not being able to do everything perfectly).. WWJBD is going on my next bracelet!

Eusiebus: excellent that you are not letting the heat/humidity get in the way of your exercise!

KO-Great way to address your emotional need for something sweet with something tasty (I forgot about NIPS and love them!) yet lower calorie..

CoastalSue: Wow-big congrats on the full day ON program. I did it today as well-yahoo for us! That S. Beach diet sounds great for what you are needing right now-defined “no choice” items and then enough freedom that you don’t have to measure. Excellent description of suzie emotional wanting that full feeling…

Spryng: Hang in there-we are here when you are ready….

Angelmomma: taekwondo-so cool that you are doing that!

Seachild: welcome back! Kudos to you for identifying a way to make the online coaching thing work for you. I am tempted to take you up on this but am afraid that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with one on one AND the forum and I love the forum.

Onebyone: Did you say that you were thinking of paying like 60 dollars per month? That sounds high from what I have seen of gyms around here… but I am in a suburb of Seattle and we have several large franchise type gyms that offer on average 20 buck per month memberships. I know that when it comes down to it, they WANT you to join. Maybe you identify the MAX of what you could afford and go in and listen to what they offer and you state that you can afford x dollars per month. Maybe the gym you are thinking about is more upscale than what we have around here (quite possible) but even so, you have nothing to lose…as long as you hold to your plan. You could even tell them that you can afford 10 dollars less than what you really can so that you have some wiggle room for negotiations??? Excellent self control on the cheese at the sink situation!

Maryblu: I agree that the coolest and smartest are on this forum! You really make me smile when I read your posts-thanks for calling Bill out on that chocolate-I did notice but was going the “quiet and polite” route. Yes, some extra time doing our Beck exercises....

Goodnight friends!

[BillBlueEyes]

Diet Coaches – [ Blush, Blush, Blush]. Thank you all for the kind words. This whole upbeat bunch of yeti matadors so much helps keep me on the path.

Savored my white bean salad at lunch all the more because I had now anticipated it for two days. I have a busy week ahead at work, maybe some very early morning stuff. Appreciate all your good thoughts to help me to remember that food doesn't solve stress.


Sue (CoastalSue) - Neat that South Beach is giving you a different attack. Ouch that the air still keeps you out of the outdoor pool.

MaryBlu - That's just the best thought ever,

"as we all suck in the joys of summer that we can spend a little extra energy on physical activity and Beck exercises as well."

Why, yes, now that you mention it, three pecan turtles minus two pecan turtles does leave one, LOL. How could I think that you wouldn't notice. In fact, it sits in my fridge calling my name. Current plan is, sometime this weekend, to split it with DW since there is no realistic option to eat it without her and remain married.

Heidi (hbuchwald) - Kudos for getting "back into the zone." Love the story of reading 19 books with DD; you're so good at keeping your priorities straight.

onebyone – Great that the gym approach is going forward. Yep, they all use that old hard sell style. Smart to be aware that all offers that end today will also end tomorrow and next week. Good luck in making a wise decision for yourself here.

Ellen (SeaChild) - Great to hear that you know how to make Beck work for you. Good luck with such BIG changes in your life. Hope you find the one-on-one Diet Coach you're seeking.

Erika (eusebius) – So interesting that day 23 - countering the unfairness syndrome brings up the unfairness in the professional arts. That's such a big one. Kudos for staying the course with your exercise.

spryng - Ouch for the stuff going on. Keep the faith, "This too shall pass."

angelmomma210 - Such a fun notion - to get tired enough that you get home ready for bed.

Kierie (KO) - Kudos for being aware in the grocery store so that you made better choices.


Readers – "… Whether you’re depressed or content, a stay at home or working parent, a binge eater or social eater, a dieting novice or dieting pro, this program can help you." Beck, pg 23.

[kuhljeanie]

hello all,

i started to post yesterday, but the dogs of conference calls/meetings/etc. dragged me down before i got it out. today, i'll do what i can before i need to leave for my yoga class. so wonderful, i find myself looking forward to that hour or two of exercise every day now. it's like taking a shower for the inside of my body. particularly helpful since pms is making me salt-crazed. the more sweat, the better.

i did an okay job staying with my plan yesterday, ate the foods i wrote down, just an extra piece of veggie pizza. not bad! we had a couple of potential renters come by after dinner though, so instead of writing my plan for today, dh and i were frantically hiding piles of clutter underneath the bed, etc. got sucked into a tivo'd episode of the twilight zone (dh watches them just before bed, but he goes to bed later than i) so i felt like the evening just slipped away from me. didn't get enough precious sleep either. i need to include sleep as part of "making time to diet" right along with planning. seems odd to me that exercise is now the easiest of all three to fit into my schedule. just goes to show that what gets measured, gets done! i'm still wearing my monitor 23/7 and i like to see those little messages when i hit targets for steps, activity, and calories burned. would be helpful to come up with a system that gives me the same sort of mini-thrill when i keep to my food plan. hmm...and did you know that there was a twilight zone episode with jack klugman and ross martin playing astronauts? how crazy is that?

just want to add in a HUGE VOICE OF AGREEMENT with mary that this is the coolest, wisest, and funniest group on 3fc! how do we keep doing it with such charm and humility?

[coastalsue]

Howdy Beck Buddies

Yes, this is a very lively supportive group-such fun to share the struggle for weight control with such good people-

Credit to me for day 2 on the SBD-lost lots of water weight and it has helped with the high carbo cravings.

Have really been pondering Erika-posting of feeling unfair about modfying eating. Read the chapter months ago but it really hit home yesterday. I think I often use sugary treats to fight or really reward myself when feeling things/ people/events are unfair-I hate to admit I have a "poor me" attitude and I deseve this treat.-This illogical approach is futher supported by the natural chemistry of a sugar rush for a temporary relief. unsure of what to do but know this is a biggie for me to gain more control over implusive eating. I get locked in fighting off cravings when really I think the "poor me" attitude is the culprit. thanks for the posting and helping me get more aware of all those sabotaging thoughts that so easily get under the radar for me.

BBE-Best wishes for getting all done in your hectic week- there will be 1/2 of a turtle treat when done.

KulhJeanie-so much credit for your continual exercising. Yoga and all your movement is soo good for you. yeah for the step of writing down your foods.
I kind of consider such time for me as treading water-not going forward in losing but not giving up and doing mindless eating. Much credit for hanging in and doing many important Beck ideas and knowing with other aspect of life calm down you will have even more energy to do more steps.

Heidi-Yahoo for us is right!! I find it hard to fight that I'll over indulge one more day and then I'll get back on a food plan-then 6 week later I finally get on a plan. I have stopped whinning and today actually enjoy feeling more control again. I think the career of teaching can make one interspective about how to do it better-the goal is for children to understand more each day-wonder if we bring the goal of alway doing the best for the classroom to our personal life of always needing to do our best and have a hard time just relaxing let things be? Anyway so glad to hear your relaxing.

Maryblu-thanks for positng. I picture you by your garden and overlooking a lake-sounds so tranquil. enjoy enjoy this summer-(i do rememer the winters alot)

onebyone-So understand the sense of gulliblity and not wanting to be conned-on top of idea that I think I am smart rational person but yet why am I so overweight. Then new reports keep changing about how to lose weight-low fat, no- do low carbs, no do cal counting. My brother called the other day excited that obesity was caused by a virus-oh if that was true and we can have a vacine-The better we can know ourselves the better we can figure out what is right for us and not be so gulible. e-mailing is a good idea. Our small local nonchain gym has been very flexible with me as I got bursitis-one of staff is trained in working with the older folks-see what are the creditional if anyone has in formal training to work with the obese. you are right too often they are trained in sales and contract making not modify activities for the non athletic. Will try to get a pic of all those SF factors line up again with the sun.

angelmomma210 and spryng-life sounds busy-success to all. SeaChild it can take some time to post but feel free to join us any way you want to-the personal take time but are not necessary-Just let us know what you are working on and that is enought.

sue

[hbuchwald]

Hi all-another day on plan for me-credit to moi! Today was one of my "mommy time" days-some friends and I went in on a babysitter for Tues/ Thurs of July and we alternate where the kids go-there are three of them and they are all buddies. Anyway, I took big dog on a trail around a local lake-so beautiful and I walked fast and LOVED it. Small dog just got neutered so he stayed home for the walk but I took him to a coffee shop after the walk and I read/journaled and hung out with him. Very nice relaxing day and I didn't spend money or overeat like I sometimes do when I don't know what to do with the time. Credit moi again!

During my walk I had this visualization...let's see if I can describe it. I keep thinking about that goal weight number and what that number FEELS like and looks like. I was thinking about how some of us awhile ago were talking about how the extra weight is like the clutter in our homes that may hold us back in some ways. I sometimes also think that there is something inside me that thinks that by losing weight that I am losing some part of myself... I began challenging that thought with, I am constantly trying to "grow myself from the inside", and that my big inside self is in there now but sort of floating around amidst unnecessary cells (fat)..when I lose the excess, there is a more clear ME-not clouded or cluttered by excess anything. I am not losing myself but losing what is holding me back... I was trying to think of an analogy and the best I could think of was that my body is like a big sponge right now with some water in it (representing my spirit). When at my goal weight, the sponge is smaller but saturated with water...there is so much of ME spilling over to share myself with others and the world. It is a bit cheesy I know but I am trying to think differently and thinking about a more efficient body that can carry my big inside self around is a great visual for me-if it counteracts my fear of losing some part of myself when losing weight, it is worth it!

Sue: I agree that it is probably impossible to separate out the teacher in us...


kuhljeanie: the monitor: did your doc loan it to you or did you buy it? How big is it? It goes on your upper arm, yes? That kind of stuff can be so motivating-sort of like periodically measuring your food-you have a clear sense of what a 10,000 step day is (or whatever measure)...

Til tomorrow..

[BillBlueEyes]

Diet Coaches – Continuing in stress mode, but not even thinking about the vending machines at work that I used to frequent to handle office stress. CREDIT moi.

Sue (CoastalSue) - Great news that your South Beach Diet is working on sugar cravings. Appreciate your insights on unfairness.

Heidi (hbuchwald) - Big Kudos for "mommy time" without overeating or spending money. I like your notion of visualizing yourself as your thin person.

Jean (kuhljeanie) - OK, we're on the way to becoming zillionairs inventing The Yeti Matador Meter based on your insight "what gets measured, gets done!" Perhaps a micro lazer thing that measures all food entering the mouth. AND, since it's conveniently located on the mouth already, also measures the number of nice things we say to our SO and kids. AND measures all our white lies, exaggerations and self deceptions. The more expensive model adds the feature to withhold the electric shock that's produced whenever we weren't telling the truth, LOL.

Readers – "In the past, you may have been able to make short term changes in your eating habits to help you lose weight. …" Beck, pg 23.