Palestrina, I felt so bad for you after reading your post.
As someone who is now in constant pain, I can somewhat relate. However, I am at the age where that is almost expected to be the norm. You are so young and you should not have to be dealing with that.
As for your loneliness, I wonder if the pain is exacerbating those feelings? I have to believe it is.
Loneliness is an all-too-common thing at any stage of life, and no doubt it is very painful. I wish I could advise you in some way, but my personality lends itself to solitude and loneliness is something I rarely experience, even at this stage of my life. Even being an empty-nester and having no grandchildren, I still love being alone. I have just enough of a social life that it keeps me from being a complete hermit, but frankly I could do without some of those activities as well. I'm just like my father - and my husband has a very similar personality.
When I was your age I did socialize a bit more than I do now, but most of it was the obligatory type...school functions, church activities, work related outings. Much to my mother's dismay I refused to go through rush in college - the thought of spending all that time with a bunch of females was just horrifying to me. Still don't like to do things in big groups.
Locke! So good to hear from you. Im sorry to hear you are still struggling. I definitely relate to that. Im glad that you popped in to give us an update and that you are still in treatment. I hope it is helping.
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Originally Posted by Palestrina
@Pinkhippie, I find your creative efforts fascinating. I think you're a lot like me, I too am always trying to find ways to be better and more creative and more in touch with my true self.
@Carol I hope your husband's surgery went well.
@Locke it's good to have you back. It's not very active around here much but I'm always checking in as well. I hope you're having a safe journey back into IE.
@SouthernMaven, I'm so happy to hear things are going well, gentle nutrition has always alluded me.
As for me, I'll be honest and admit that I'm not doing very well. Every aspect of my life is suffering and I am exhibiting some eating disorder symptoms again, as well as weight gain. My pelvic injury came back last fall and have been going to PT for the last 8 months. I spend a lot of time scheduling and going to these appointments and I don't seem to be getting any better. This week my therapist was exasperated with me and suggested I go back to my doctor and ask for an MRI. I felt really defeated and of course I blame myself because I'm sick of doing these exercises and have been less diligent about doing them lately. Blaming myself comes so easy to me, it's my default mode. I'm a little frightened because I'm in pain everyday and I don't remember amymore what it feels like to not be in pain.
I also feel very lonely. I live in the busiest city in the world and I feel completely alone. I have 2 best friends, one that lives here and one that lives in another state. They are the only people I really consider my friends but each of them has a huge network of other friends. Both of them turned 40 this year and each had a massive party with so many people there, they were being toasted and cheered and everyone was telling them how much they are loved. My birthday is coming soon and I can't think up of 5 people that I could invite. Nobody invites me out, nobody tags me in photos, it's like I'm invisible. I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me that I don't have friends - it wasn't always like that, I used to have a lot of friends and a busy social life. I'm not sure what happened along the way but I definitely feel now and any attempt I make to make friends is received lukewarmly.
I make so many attempts to be happy and I can never achieve it. I seek out therapy, IE, meditation, I real self-help books, I'm on a constant hamsterwheel of self-betterment and yet I never get better and I never find happiness. Maybe I need medication.
Palestrina, yes I think we are a lot alike that way too. I am still doing my morning pages and I am really finding it helpful. I really hear your lonliness as well. I have 2 friends. They have been my friends since I was 13. They live in completely different states and its been at least 4 years since I have seen any of them. We do have phone dates and texting about once a month but that is it.
Of course, I don't like a lot of attention, I have never had a large circle of friends, and I untag pictures of myself on facebook the very very few times it happens. So, I don't think I feel the same way about it. THat is so frustrating about your PT. Don't blame yourself, it sounds like you have been working on this for a long time. Maybe going back to the Dr would be a good idea? Im sorry, I don't have any advice, just empathy. Chronic pain is honestly a very depressing thing and it makes it hard to just survive day to day, let alone work on any aspect of yourself. I hope you can get some kind of relief soon.
@SouthernMaven, thanks for responding. I actually do love solitude. I have no problem spending time alone. I do not need company in my day to day life, I like eating meals alone, working alone, spending time alone. But there are times I feel very alone, like holidays and birthdays we seem to always be alone.
@Pinkhippie I don't particularly want pictures of me that other people put up, but I can look at any friend's profile and find dozens of photos of them that are put up by other people and I don't seem to have many of those.
Ugh another thing for me to whine about happened yesterday. I decided to go to Zara's and try on some clothes. I haven't felt this disconnected from a regular-person's store in a while! I took about 10 items into the dressing room and couldn't fit into any of them. One particular shirt got stuck and I couldn't remove it. I sat in the dressing room for 15 minutes struggling and crying, I thought I would have to ask one of the sales girls to help me while looking like an idiot in my skivvies with this shirt stuck over my head. Luckily I did wiggle out of it but thinking of it makes me nauseous.
I have been looking for this thread forever! It's just what I need. I have PTSD, Depression, and binge eating disorder and each of them makes the bingeing worse. I have found one book that really helped me and uses the same principles as Intuitive Eating. It's called Thinside Out by Josie Spinardi.
Ugh another thing for me to whine about happened yesterday. I decided to go to Zara's and try on some clothes. I haven't felt this disconnected from a regular-person's store in a while! I took about 10 items into the dressing room and couldn't fit into any of them.
Boy, I can relate to this! I hate shopping for clothes more than anything else in the world, and not just when I'm overweight. I even hated it when I was thin. But now I hate it more than ever, and I can bring in so many things and either they a) just don't fit or b) fit but look terrible on me. So I understand exactly how you felt. It can be one of the most depressing things EVER - and it takes a lot to get me down. But shopping for clothes will do it for me every time.
I know that was just an awful experience when you were struggling to get out of that shirt. I'm so sorry that happened. These types of experiences just seem to multiply when we are struggling with other things...I don't know why that is, but I know it has happened to me. You just feel like "What else can go WRONG?"
I have been looking for this thread forever! It's just what I need. I have PTSD, Depression, and binge eating disorder and each of them makes the bingeing worse. I have found one book that really helped me and uses the same principles as Intuitive Eating. It's called Thinside Out by Josie Spinardi.
Welcome! Glad you are here.
I've heard of Josie but I haven't read that book. I believe I have watched a couple of her videos, however. I know she's gained a loyal following.
@Southernmaven shopping is something I enjoy, sometimes. If I find something that I like that fits and makes me look beautiful I feel great and can easily put the clothes that didn't fit me out of my mind as irrelevant. I've become pretty good at blaming the garment instead of blaming my body. But then you have one of those days where you're crying in the dressing room and it's hard to move forward. But I'm at it again today, this time at TJMaxx.
I did the Prime and stuck to it for 2.5months. I did not lose weight but It made me feel very good and I enjoyed the aspect of self care involved. It changed me and I've held on to certain habits. I still the drink though not everyday. I still do the lymphatic massage before i shower. I signed up for a meditation course and I still practice that daily and will continue meditation for the rest of my life (it's THAT effective!). I'm still drinking room temp water and I'm still drinking green juice on a regular basis. So no weight loss but definitely some Positive changes to my health and self care.
I realize that my recent binges and exaggerated anxiety all stem from the fact that I'm being interviewed for a local story of the huffpost. The reporter told me there would be 6-8 photos that will run with the story and the stress of me being seen on such a public level is scaring me a lot. It's not a new thing but it scares me nonetheless. Food is like a crutch and I've been on a binge lately. I been eating until my body feels really sick, to the point where I am panting. I know that after the interview is over I will suddenly be a lot less hungry.
Just saying "hi". My dh is doing ok and I am the nurse thinking all the time I can hardly take care of myself.
Take time to take care of yourself, Carol. I remember when I was the primary caregiver for my father and my health deteriorated so much during that time. I hope things continue to improve for him as well as for you.
I will not be posting here any more, as I have been doing IF for about 10 days now. I feel that I have no choice but to attempt to do something to get some weight off. So I don't want to be a hypocrite and post here when I am not following the IE path.
That said, I have to tell everyone that I have learned a lot of things, not only about myself, but about eating in general while practicing IE. These are things that will serve me well going forward, no matter which path I take.
1) - Hunger is NOT an emergency! If I have to put at the top of my list what IE has taught me, this is it.
2) - The scale is an instrument of torture, and I refuse to be a victim of it. The only time I'll get on one is at the doctor's office.
3) - No matter what, I have dispensed with the guilt over anything I eat. It's just food, after all. Even if I stuff myself way beyond satiety, I let it go. And that rarely happens now, something I cannot say about myself before IE came into my life.
4) - No food is off limits, ever. Period, end of discussion.
I wish everyone the very best in their journey, whatever it may be and wherever it takes them.
Good luck to you SouthernMaven, visit us whenever you like, we are not anti-dieters here. I've settled into a type of IF but not because I mean to, I can't eat past 7pm because acid reflux keeps me awake so I have to eat early. I'm playing around with pushing breakfast later in the morning and so far it's turning out well. It's not a hard and fast rule though because I try not to ignore hunger so if I wake up hungry I eat.
Good luck to you SouthernMaven, visit us whenever you like, we are not anti-dieters here. I've settled into a type of IF but not because I mean to, I can't eat past 7pm because acid reflux keeps me awake so I have to eat early. I'm playing around with pushing breakfast later in the morning and so far it's turning out well. It's not a hard and fast rule though because I try not to ignore hunger so if I wake up hungry I eat.
Thank you, Palestrina. I appreciate that.
I am sorry to hear you're still having problems with your acid reflux. I have a fairly mild case - there are a few foods that I know I cannot have (orange juice being the primary one) but for the most part I can keep it under control with an OTC medication.
Hope everyone is doing well. I've gone the one meal a day route and it's working well for me. The lessons I've learned from IE are still with me and I'm able to incorporate many of the tenets into this new WOE. The only real difference is that I generally postpone eating when hungry (which usually happens between 2 and 3 pm) and eat one good meal between 5-6. But I still eat what I want, I do not count calories, carbs, points, etc. The one big difference I've found is that I have a LOT more energy these days. No more mid-afternoon slumps.
I am sorry to hear you're still having problems with your acid reflux. I have a fairly mild case - there are a few foods that I know I cannot have (orange juice being the primary one) but for the most part I can keep it under control with an OTC medication.
Hope everyone is doing well. I've gone the one meal a day route and it's working well for me. The lessons I've learned from IE are still with me and I'm able to incorporate many of the tenets into this new WOE. The only real difference is that I generally postpone eating when hungry (which usually happens between 2 and 3 pm) and eat one good meal between 5-6. But I still eat what I want, I do not count calories, carbs, points, etc. The one big difference I've found is that I have a LOT more energy these days. No more mid-afternoon slumps.
Wishing everyone a good holiday weekend!
Thank goodness someone is around, this place is like a graveyard.
I wouldn't say I have a problem with acid reflux. It's just something that I have to manage and I know what to avoid. I have a lot to avoid actually but it's not a problem for me, it's just how my body functions. I think I used to view it as a problem because it imposed a lot of rules on me but now that I have a handle on it it feels very normal. I don't eat past 7 pm and that's not something that upsets me nor does it hinder me. On occassion I do eat my meal past 7, it's not the end of the world I just push my bedtime later, take a little pepcid if I can feel that symptoms are going to be a problem and go back to normal the next day. There was a time that GERD was an insurmountable problem but it's all under control now.
Wow, one meal a day! I didn't know IF could be just one meal a day, I thought it was a window of eating time. I'm glad it's working out well for you, I've actually known people who eat like that since I was little and it's not a big deal for them. My aunt has done that all her life. Like I said previously I've been experimenting with pushing breakfast later and later and it seems I've wiped out breakfast completely. I eat 2 meals now, lunch and dinner and I feel fine about it. I'm also eating less and I think it's because breakfast, no matter how small or large or protein-filled or carb-filled it is ends up making me hungrier later at an inopportune time. Maybe I've been eating breakfast because it's "the most important meal of the day" according to someone. Anyway I seem to be functioning very well without breakfast, eating a solid lunch and a satisfying dinner. All is well but I'm flexible too, I don't want to get stuck on hard and fast rules.
The weather has gotten hot suddenly, I'm trying to soak up the sun and outdoors!
