Hi again-
trying a longer one-it is very windy for days and maybe that is affecting our hook up. Since we are so rural the oldest more tempermental equipment is used up here by all companies.
onebyone-cute graphics of swimming. Love it but it is burrr-as so windy and highs in the 49-53. Congradulation on you loss. I so understand such conflicting emotions about new attitude to food.
I have a love/hate relationship with food-too many times of mindless eating of crappy food and Oh the unhealthy body. How can my mind say eat while my knees are screaming out in pain due the heavy body mass? I am embrassed by my learned helplessness with a plate of food. Yet I can take on very hard problems in life (except that bowl of ice cream). Even thoough I have to redo many of the exercises in Beck, I am sure of a continuous(but slow) reversal of my poor eating habits. While I have complete faith that I will be thin and I must have patience with myself as I step by step undo my attitude of helpless with food because I gave it the power to solve my emotions. I also am just learning skills to tolerate my emotional responses with out food.
I liken my new eating pattern as walking a tight rope. If I go very slowly, carefully and with caution I can get to end the day on plan-but too much chaos off I fall and then overeat.
While I didn't, technically, fall off the wagon in terms of eating off my WW plan, I did not follow Beck rules. I feel into an emotional trap. And I knew it was probably going to happen. We went to visit and have lunch at a friend's house. She is readying her house for ssale due to a terrrible break up with a man who physically assaulted her and threatened to kill them both. She fought him off. It's an escalation in their relationship. She is scared. She is getting help. She is trying to keep it together for her son who is 4 in July and does not speak much, only afew words and makes the babbling talking-like sounds... he seems to be okay otherwise (ie. doesn't seem autistic to me but I have no kids so what do I know? Just what I've read...). Anyway fear, feelking fear, this is a big trigger for me. I soak up fear and sadness like a sponge and it joins up iwht my own emotional and then put tired (yes) and stressed (yes) on top and it's too much for me. It came out when i hd seconds at her house. (not beck behaviour) and then at the bus stop we stopped into the store and i bought abag of weioght watchers malitol peppermint patties, 7 to a bag, and ate them all as my "dinner", or snack or whatever. I just ate them. As far as binges go, it's not much. AS farf as behaviour goes, it's not good. I knew all the way that I was eating to calm myself. I knew I was eating to quash the sadness and the fear that was coming up and the anger. Oh yeah, let's not forget that. And just the heaviness of it all. While I was all lightness and air and serious lets-get-this-done at her place, I did not want to let on what a road she has in front of her. i was in her position at one point. Not as extreme but definitely in her headspace. She has the added weight of a child, which I didn't/don't so that's something else too. I know it is not my problem. I know she has help for this and is getting help and all that. I feel it though. It made me cry once we were home. My other friends are also going through big things; another one separating/divorcing at the age she thought she'd be retiring and now is trying to get herself geared up to support herself (yikes!) and another friend deeply in debt and teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, but unwilling/unable to change anything to get out from under the burden of debt. And here am I. In school. Able to live by my artwork when I choose to. Good guy beside me, supporting me in every way you can imagine. Great cat. Rental townhouse wiht more rooms than I really need... even a little yard I can grow things in. Debts not too bad, but have been improving. Job at the school that I go to even. Looking ahead to art shows and exhibiting and furthering my dreams. Today I don't know why I have so much. A few years ago my aunt, who I grew up with, said to me in all earnestness "Gee. You've really done a lot with your crafts. You've made it into a real business, travelled all over with them. I'm really proud of you. We thought you'd be nothing." "I know", was my reply. Didn't even phase me what she said.
It was a day later I got mad at the crappy thing she'd said to me in a very nice way. I was grateful though, as she confirmed for me that the feelings I had growing up were accurate. But I digress. Sorry to be so bleak right now. I don't want to spend the rest of the night eating. Oh well... that's done.
now if only my %$#@* photography teacher would call to let us known if we are going to Montreal tomorrow or not! He said if it rained we weren't going and I need to know tonight as we aren't meeting at the school with the others... we are going by train... just got the call and we're going. Okay. Boy sure don't feel like going. But that's right now. Anyway, thanks for reading. Just had to leave these feelings somewhere. Lord help me to stay away from the Dunn's deli in Montreal where they have a superjumbo Montreal smoked meat sandwich 5" (i'm not kidding) thick. YIKES!
Fun time greeting my friend and her newly adopted daughter. Several other people came to her house after the airport and I followed my plan and it went very well. While it is a very happy time, there will be LOTS of adjustments to be made in their lives.
Today was really fun-went up the mountain for dd’s ski lesson. I hung out with the mom of the little girl that we went with-we chatted in the lodge, took pics of the kids and had fun people watching. I did a lot of walking around up there too-it is a trek to get the girls to the ski school from our car… I brought food for lunch and we ate in the car on the way home. Then dd and I relaxed and watched a movie, had dinner and now dd is in bed and I am not far behind her. Henry is with me-we already did his eye meds (no fun to give or get) and now he is relaxing too. I am trying to give extra pets an dhugs. He is what I call a “ppt” right now-“poor pathetic thing”… awww. His blood is still not right-his platelets are being destroyed somehow…it is on my mind a lot and causes me stress to know that he is uncomfortable (eye related discomfort as well as cone head discomfort)….the blood thing doesn’t SEEM to be affecting his daily life much in a negative way and I am waiting for the eye to heal before we choose a course of action for the blood issue. . I mention since it really does cause me stress (some of you know that he has been having health issues for all of 2008 so far….) AND I am tired. We know what stressed and tired can put me at risk for… but NO-I am planning my food and doing all kinds of other good things for myself. I do need to get on this exercise bandwagon again though! Enough is enough… reading my book tonight.
BillBlueEyes: Abundance response is great….also love the concept of self generating electrical exercise equipment…maybe they should hook televisions up to the exercise equipment as a power source!
Nessa: nice to get a free piece of exercise equipment! Sorry to hear about the self sabotage…hopefully you can put it behind you. Thanks for sharing what the bull roast was exactly-sounds fun and also challenging.
Onebyone: I can understand the fear of hitting certain numbers on the scale. I do feel like I need to “live” with my weight when I hit certain milestones on some level so I can get used to how I feel and how people treat me, etc.. Usually those milestones are when clothes feel super loose or I can physically do something more easily that was more difficult before.
I am so sorry about your friend and her son and how your visit with her affected you. You are on a path and took a “wrong turn” or a “short side trip” and quickly realized that you wanted the main path and got back on. That will happen periodically for us all…or the analogy could be that we are on a wide path where we want to be in the middle of the path MOST of the time…we will stray a bit but are on a journey and learning from the process itself. Just think of what that scenario could have looked like had you not been a beckie! Good coping with it and the situation….
Sue: So sorry that you are having computer issues-that BITES (bytes?)! Good to know that you are there though and can at least read what we are saying. Waving to you…..
Diet Coaches Dinner prepared by DS and GF last night exceeded all expectations in quality, taste, and abundance. I learned that the flavor of a low calorie chicken is seriously enhanced with about a pound of butter and a healthy injection of lemon that has previously been simmered for 90 minutes in olive oil! I got to read the cook book as the chefs did their magic. The good news is that I only took half of the serving prepared for me (half will be several dinners this week). CREDIT moi. But even half a serving probably pushed me to the upper limit of my eating plan, so DW and I will probably eat a bit light for our dinners this week.
I got in two long walks which breaks me out of a recent reduction in my walking for various busy reasons. CREDIT moi. I still carry the negative thinking that a brief reduction in walking is just the start of falling off the cliff. Have not arrived at thinking like a thin person yet. Oh Well.
Sue (CoastalSue) - Kudos for giving yourself credit that you "can take on very hard problems in life." That's such a great Helpful Response to the Sabotaging Thought of "embarrassment." Your consistent efforts to stay the course are a real encouragement to me when I feel discouraged that my relationship with food hasn't magically transformed since I've completed my weight loss.
Heidi (hbuchwald) - Kudos for your careful prep for your DD's ski lesson trip. And Kudos for staying on plan in a lodge with its tempting aromas from the food sales area. Sending healing thoughts to Henry and hugs to you and DD for your continued support of his healing.
onebyone Kudos for carefully planning for your Montreal trip. This planning stuff is the deal breaker that allows me to remain responsible for staying the course. Montreal is one of the really great cities; hope you remember to do your photography amid the joy of just being there, LOL.
Thanks for, "Abundance: Just cause there's a lot of food in front of me doesn't mean there needs to be a lot of food in me." Snagged it into my Response Cards for regular reading. That can help me with buffets as well as large volume meals (like last night).
Sending you supporting Believe It thoughts for your journey through 250; big emotional deals these big emotional milestones are. You are sooooo ahead of the game by acknowledging your feelings about it - that might just be what it takes to send the bogeyman thoughts back into their closet.
Ouch for your emotional turmoil of supporting your friends emotional turmoil. And double ouch for the resurrected memory of your aunt's unsurpportive remark. It's amazing how one negative thought can go find all the negative thoughts of our past to try to bring us down. Kudos for confronting them by giving yourself credit for the good parts of your current life.
amy (gahundy) Hope your weekend went well and that your credit card survived your shopping trip, LOL.
Nessa (ladybugnessa) - Thank you for the kind words. And thanks for explaining the "bull roast" - wasn't familiar with the phrase - sounds like one great feast. Kudos for getting right back on track with the plan to wait until "HUNGRY today to eat." LOL at "and chocolate on sale (read EASTER candy) is worst of all." Been there, done that. The draw of day-after sale of seasonal candy is one of my fears for falling off track big time. Good luck keeping your head clear if you have to get it for your DH and ignore it for yourself. Sending healing wishes for your DH's oral surgery; hope recovery is going well.
Readers " Bariatric surgery for severe obesity, as with any operation, carries risk and requires that patients eat drastically reduced portions of food (usually tablespoons at a time). " From the Forward by Aaron T. Beck, M.D., Beck, pg 10.
I'm outta here in about 20 minutes. Just wanted to check in and wish everyone a good start to their week. I had a restful sleep and feel good this morning. A bit tired but nothing that a train ride won't fix. Last night the last thing I wanted to do was go to Montreal today. Today? S'ok!
Our photography assignment for Montreal: 1) photograph 5 strangers on the street 2) photograph architecture 3) photograph graffiti 4) photograph sex
There's another one that I can't remember! Anyway that's it. Gotta go.
Today I will continue to work on Day 13. Cravings. Last night I wanted an apple and some peanut butter.. both are on my current plan but my current plan is not working 100% for me so i'm making interesting changes in just eating plan food when I'm actually HUNGRY... i'm so working on HUNGRY.. so while i kept thinking about it I did not eat it. Much like Saturday when around 2 pm (after an 8 am breakfast of eggs and veggies) I noticed i was hungry. EMPTY hungry. REALLY WANT TO EAT HUNGRY... and i noticed every other thought was about eating. while not uncomfortable it was distracting.. and annoying. Was it an emergency that i did not eat? NO. Was it a disaster that I did not eat? NO. DID it kill me? NO.
my problem is not when I can't eat. I'll live. MY problem is when I start to eat I DO NOT STOP.... different issue totally I think....
I have read my REASONS to LOSE WEIGHT twice today and mentally added all the others that apply TODAY.... some rather vengeful... it will really piss off so and so etc.. LOL
onebyone enjoy montreal. have a great day.
BillBlueEyes that chicken sounds.... interesting.... kudos to you for knowing your limits.
hbuchwald glad to hear your plan worked out. Sorry to hear about Henry. bagel (who's middle name is henry btw) is a very cranky dog as we have him on a diet.... ugh..
coastalsue I hear you about the tightrope walk. that's me too. I have the same food issues... i love to eat.. why oh why do i have to struggle so with it. hugs to you....
Ive had The Beck Diet Solution book for about a year now. This past easter was the time to pick it up and get with the program. I am creeping dangerously close to my all time highest weight, and that just isnt acceptable to me.
So....Im on day 9, and Im going to go read the intro to this thread again. I read it last week when I started the book, but I need a refresher.
Ive had The Beck Diet Solution book for about a year now. This past easter was the time to pick it up and get with the program. I am creeping dangerously close to my all time highest weight, and that just isnt acceptable to me.
So....Im on day 9, and Im going to go read the intro to this thread again. I read it last week when I started the book, but I need a refresher.
Well coaches I am back again. The photography trip was cancelled due to bad weather for the majority of the class that were going by car. (Me and my friend opted for the decadence of the train!) So instead we are going next Monday, rain, snow, sleet or hail we are going. Glad that's decided now for sure. Half the stress is the not knowing. Are we? Aren't we? Egad. So when I got to the station I was starving and grabbed a slice of pound cake at the snack bar. I really wanted eggs. Okay. breakfast: pound cake. On my way home, I stopped at the transit station to get my April buspass and picked up a coffee/cookie combo. Coffee. Okay. Cookie? Get this! 490 calories for the cookie with 23 grams of fat. WOWIE. That's some dense cookie. On the WW plan I get 30 points to spend a day. Spent 8 for that cakey thing this morning. The cookie is 10! You know, I really want it. It's not wise. But I really want it... aka desire. I think I'll put it away for today. I feel like it's a trigger and a reaction to my stressful past few days. THANK GOD I got out of class this afternon and I am home "printing my photographs" HA! I am playing hookey.... and I need it. Days of Our Lives here I come.
Thank you everyone so much for being here and creating such a supportive place to leave some of the stress in my life. Thanks.
And RobinW If you follow Beck's suggestions with an open heart and mind, it will change the way you think and deal with food. Great stuff that!
Welcome Robin-This is a great spot to get support while learning to "think life a thin person" via Beck.
OnebyOne-So understand your response to your friend's trauma-I want to listen, support others But not internalizing the stress of others. Too often I still do. So glad positng help you leave your stress here.
Ladybugnessa-I found the same thing doing the The hunger exercise-hunger is no biggie in my life even though I used to say all the time that I was hunger for...all the time. Now I am looking at emotional eating as being my biggest problem. So understand once some eating gets started how hard it is to stop.
BillBlueEyes-loved your discription of your DS &GF dinner. Read to my DH and enjoyed it too. He has been so supportive of all of the cooking and dietary changes-hugh reduction of fat and processed foods-but honestly a pound of butter makes any thing taste yummy-can't go back to that but can longingly laugh about it.
Thanks for posting the need of continous movement-My childhood family motto had to be "Since you are up-please get me..."(while the rest of us remained seated.) Been working on doing more steps about the house. Thanks for your support-would love to lose quicker but I have to give myself credit for learning to change even if it so slow-but over 50 yrs of unhealthy habits take time to permanently modify.
Heidi-you are a busy amazing person. So sorry to hear about Henry's health problems. Much Much credit to preplanning and remaining on plan inspite if such a busy and stressed time.
Got an used old strudy recumbent exercise bike and starting off doing 5 minutes session-want to make sure I do not get bursitis again. Last week I did an 8 block walk (need to use my walker so looked dorky) but I did it and was not winded or in much pain. hugh improvement in mobility. Yeah hrs in the pool of increased muscle tone.
Wieght loss is still so slow-Dr yelled at me at eating too little at 1600 due to being so big-after she calmed down I said I can not even lose anything if I eat more. So then she agreed that was likely. I think it is my poor slow mobility that is really slowing my weight loss down. Still there is the story of the tortoise who in the end win the race.
overeating
1. eating more of any food than you had planned.
2. feeling full during a meal and continue to finish it anyway.
the exercise
Add more food than the you plan to eat.
Eat your planned amount and then either throw the extra out or save it for another meal
Why
To resist trigger situations to over eat.-parties, large restaurant portions.
Fight the interalized rule from our parents-Clean your plate especially when there is too much food on our plate!!
Techniques to help
1. Label the desire to eat more is just a craving not hunger
2. stand firm-not giving in
3. Use your no choice card
4. think of the consequences of giving in and getting that old sense of feeling out of control.
5. Remind yourself your goal is the learn to withstand overeating patterns.
She reminds that it takes 20 minutes to feel full. Set the timer for 20 minutes after a meal and it is then you will feel full. Feeling satiety takes time-stop and wait and you will feel full.
I have done this at home and find I can do it there. But it is at restuarants that I "forget" along with sabatoging thought of "I need to get my money" worth-plus "I never make this at home and what harm can it do to finish as I eat soo few meals away from home". I will not gain because this is to rare( that is not true) . At a party I too often focus on the talking and socializing-truly eat mindlessly what is on my plate or even stuff nearby which I put on my plate or nibble on while talking.
Plan to do this again at my evening meal-and repeat this task more often to help with implusive eating eating. Still like my "Get Real" card beter than no choice-I got to get real and stop overeating/lusting over food to lose the lbs.
Good luck to all
sue
Last edited by coastalsue; 03-31-2008 at 02:38 PM.
Monday - End of the first Quarter
WOWIE. That's some dense cookie. On the WW plan I get 30 points to spend a day. Spent 8 for that cakey thing this morning. The cookie is 10! You know, I really want it. It's not wise. But I really want it... aka 
If you follow Beck's suggestions with an open heart and mind, it will change the way you think and deal with food. Great stuff that!
