I guess because I never learned how to entertain myself with anything other than TV and food. I played sports in school, but my summers were spent inside watching tv (mom and dad both worked days and mom didn't want me or my brother to be outside until one of them got home) and I'd eat whatever I could find and sneak snacks until one of them got home.
I also think it has a little to do with how poor my mom was growing up. I don't think they ever went hungry, but I think it was enough of a worry that she made sure to have an abundance of food in the house while we were growing up. I just re-read this, and it sounds like I'm blaming my parents. I'm not. It's my fault. They TOLD me not to eat so much junk, I just didn't listen.
I've gotten up every morning this week at 4:50 am and worked out for atleast 30 minutes. I'm really proud of myself!!
I'm so glad we have such an active blue team! It's a lot to keep up with, but it's very motivating!
Okay ladies. I adjusted my food for today and am still on plan despite the blueberries. I just can't eat anything for the rest of the night. This is not a problem, though, because it's already 8 pm and I *just* finished dinner.
Tonight I went to the gym and ran the stairclimber at level 8. I can do level 7 for 30 minutes with no problem. Okay, that's a lie. It's an effort, but at no point do I feel like I just can't go on. Level 8 is a different story. At about 18 minutes in I was really struggling. I finally had to hit the stop button at 22 minutes in. I'm a little disappointed I didn't get my 30 minutes of cardio, but at the same time I know that it was REALLY GOOD cardio. I felt it in my lungs. I'm going to try level 8 again tomorrow night. I'll just keep doing it until I can finish out the full 30 minutes.
I did upper body weights tonight. My fiance loves lifting weights (he has an upper body that would make any girl drool), so he is my lifting coach. Oh my gosh he pushes me. AND I AM SO WEAK! I just lift the bar on the chest exercises, no weights, haha. Then for triceps I only do 10 pounds each arm. Oh well, some day I'll see results and will be able to progress to higher weights.
I figure that if I build some muscle then I'll be able to eat a few more calories and still lose weight. That would be good!
I was very honest with my fiance tonight about my binging. He found a luna bar wrapper that I hid in the nightstand. We talked a long time about my binging and at least I am being open and honest about it. Telling you girls about my problem helps a lot. At least I'm not hiding from myself.
So, tonight when he walks the dog I am very confident I won't binge. Tomorrow night will be very hard for me, though. He has poker tomorrow night. I will need a lot of help from you ladies! And, maybe I will call my mom again tomorrow night.
I also might go to the grocery store and buy a ton of vegetables now that I can eat them again. If I'm going to binge, I'm going to binge on green beans!!
Okay, I'm off to log my exercise minutes. At least I work out hard at the gym. I've got that going for me.
Selina - Your new picture is gorgeous!
Ladies - when I go get those green beans, I'm going to get steel cut oatmeal as well. I am VERY excited to try it.
Why am I fat? Good question. I was always a little bigger in elementary but never really fat. Looking back I remember in 5th grade being able to wear my aunt's size 0 jeans and thinking I was so cool. All the other girls were in little kids sizes still. I started going through puberty that summer and I remember having to buy size 12's to start school. My period also started the first day of sixth grade. I stayed about a 12-14 until about 9th grade when my period started getting wacky. Next thing I knew I was having to buy 18's. After I graduated I moved out on my own and ate what was cheap. Mac and cheese, ramen, frozen burritos, etc. There wasn't a vegetable in sight.
I also remember being in junior high and being friends with the skinny girls. We all ate the same amount, they just burned theirs off faster. And reading about all you girls who ate to hide from men also brings back memories. I think I was subconsciously doing the same thing. I few run ins with older men can do that to a girl.
When I met my husband I had been living with my mom and we were eating well and going for daily power walks. I was probably about 220 or so. I moved in with him and quickly gained 20 pounds thanks to Burger King. When we decided to start a family I came off the BC and was soon diagnosed with PCOS. Looking back that certainly explained my weight gains in Junior high and high school that corresponded with my periods being out of whack. In August of 2003 I joined Curves at 251 pounds and that September I started Metformin. By March I was down to 235 and pregnant. In April when I found out I was having twins I quit Curves. I delivered in September 2004 at 284. I did make it back down to 248 around March 05 due to breastfeeding and lack of time to eat. By Feb 06 I was back up to 274 and I joined the local gym. I did 2 hours 2-3 day a week plus the treadmill at home when I could and didn't lose an ounce in two months so I quit going.
In December 06 I was diagnosed as Hypothyroid and am finally getting that under control. So I blame many things on my fat. I really need to let go of that and realize that while some of it was unavoidable (PCOS and thyroid) there were some things I did have a part in. Those are the things that I can change now. I am funny, smart, a great wife, mother, friend and I am more than my weight. I need to get on a path to being healthier so I can continue to be all those things.
Ginger - I'm posting regarding your "junk food" post. You are a strong gal!!!! I feel like I would fall flat on my face if I baked right now. Maybe someday? I LOVE to bake. But, wouldn't my girls be OK if they grew up without a Mom who bakes?! Anyways, you mentioned how small your little guys are. My youngest suffered with FFT (failure to thrive) for a long time, and she's still sooo lean at almost 3. I do add butter to her oatmeal and give her an extra slice of cheese in her sandwich! She's so uninterested in eating/food - at least it's easier to get her to eat than when we had to use a syringe/tube and force feed her. My 4 year old, though - she's my daughter! Poor thing...asking at breakfast what we are having for lunch!
Thanks Momto2sweetpeas!! Yes, I am strong now, who knows how long it will last (my brain is saying it WILL last!!!).....I am trying. I do try not to have things around that are both really junk food that my kids don't need and food I know I crave, like stupid cheesies.
Yes, my little guys are 29 lbs each at 3 1/2 years old. To put it in perspective my nephew who is 4 months old is 22 lbs already and his sister who is 2 years old is 32 lbs. My kids can't afford to get a stomach flu or any other virus where they might lose pounds, because they just don't have any extra!
Yep, it'll last as long as you decide for it to last! Wow! Their cousins are HUGE?! Livi at just 4 is 36 pounds (but she's short) and Melina is 26 pounds (and long) and will be 3 in April.
Rhonda, Nori and Marianne - Thanks for your thoughts about my son - we were up every 2 hours, he seems fine today - I hope so because we are going down the coast for a week.
Sara - WTG on the 5.5 pounds!!!
Rhonda - I am in agreeance with you, a daily thread works for me too, because it keeps me motivated and holds me accountable, reading these posts give me something to do when I am feeling peckish.
Amberelise - my son is a blueberryaholic too. He could eat the whole punnet in one go.
Selina- Thank you for the affirmations - I am going to wrote them out and pin to my bathroom mirror.
Why am I fat?
Not an easy question to answer because it didnt just happen. I was always chubby as a kid, but before I met my husband I had slimmed down through a meal delivery program... it was great no thinking. When I met my husband I enjoyed going out for dinner with him and when we moved into together I experimented with cooking and loved good food... One of my problems because I never prepared my meals when I lost a LOT of weight previously was that I didnt know what I should be cooking, what better choices I could have made... I got pregnant, kept the baby fat on, husband left and I emotionally ate for comfort - I also get depressed. And here I am now bigger, fatter than I have ever been!!!!
Today I started the day with aquafitness, I usually cant get to exercise in the morning because it is too much of a hassle, getting ready for work, day care etc. but today I am waiting for carpet to be laid, and I thought if I dont get it in this morning - it just wont happen!!!
Are you a morning or evening exerciser?
Tonight I am off with my sister and my mother to see Billy Elliott the musical, we are having dinner out, and I WILL make healthy food choices!!! I am resisting grabbing the weightwatchers bar now to have something scrumptious tonight... tomorrow will be my last post for a week. My sister and her kids, Mum and Grandmother and Liam and I are all spending a week down the coast near the beach... I plan to do many beach walks and hopefully will not have a gain(fingers crossed). I will weigh in early tomorrow for next week... See you all later.
Rhonda and others who have read YOU on a DIET - Is it a book you would recommend? I saw it on the bookshelf at the local book shop and pondered whether to purchase it?
Vanessa - I have not read the book but Dr. Roizen a co-author spoke at my law firm a month or two ago and I found what he had to say to be very fascinating. Based on the information he provided there, I would strongly reccomend the book.
At about 18 minutes in I was really struggling. I finally had to hit the stop button at 22 minutes in. I'm a little disappointed I didn't get my 30 minutes of cardio, but at the same time I know that it was REALLY GOOD cardio.
Why don't you go back to level 7 to finish the half hour, instead of stopping when 8 gets too hard? That way you'd still get your full workout in. Even if you had to drop to 6 to get your breath back...keep moving! Get the full workout in. Or do intervals, do level 8 for 5 or 10 minutes then go back to seven, back and forth, moving the amount of time on level 8 up as you get stronger.
And on the binging...letting hubby in on the truth is a big step, congrats. YOU CAN DO IT tomorrow night, I just know you can! Start setting your mind to it now, telling yourself you WILL do it! I like to nibble on lettuce to avoid binges...it's a free food for me so even if I eat the whole head it never affects the scale
Rhonda--we might get some snow here tonight, but it might end up just a bit of ice, snow in the mountains...have to see! My kids have played in snow when we visit Ohio, but only once at home, and that was just a light dusting last year.
AmberD--Congrats on getting up that early to exercise! That takes committment..way too early for me
I have that bloated TOM feeling miserable! Should be better in a couple days, and I have decided not to step on the scale until I feel better...or Monday's weigh in, whichever comes first. I got an hour of cardio in tonight, but I struggled to get up the energy...did it anyway though
And, Frozen Peach...guess who got snow today? Yep, there are a whole lotta frozen peaches around here today! We got about an inch. My girls have never seen snow and they're having a snow ball fight right now.
hey if you want more - you can have all that we have!!! PLUS we are expecting more and - you'll love this - our highs are going to be below zero
that's this weekend
OMG
Glad I'm going to be knocked out recovering from my surgery
which, btw, I'm weighing in early (tomorrow) and I won't be around much after tomorrow night - surgery is 7 am Friday morning and I don't know how I'm going to do - it's relatively minor surgery but who knows right? It's jaw surgery - so yeah, liquids for me LOL!!!
Wish me luck - at least it'll help with weight loss!
Hi team
I hope everyone is doing well. I'm still trying to learn how to use the website so bare with me I can't add pictures because I don't have 25 messages yet but as soon as I get there I'll post my before pictures.
I agree, Theresa, interval training is the ticket!! I had a good chuckle just now. It has never in my 36 years even crossed my mind to nibble on lettuce! GL with the surgery. Minor or not, surgery is rough.
Vanessa - I'm normally a mid-morning exercise person. But the last few nights I've had to go to the gym when DH gets home since the girls have had colds. I *think* they are well enough to go tomorrow morning and get exposed to something else there! I just got home about 10 minutes ago actually. When I got there at 8:30, there was only 2 empty bikes for cardio machines! I'd never seen it that full. I hate the stationary bike. Luckily I was only on one for 10 minutes before an elliptical opened up! Sadly, my brand new BE Buxom Lips lipgloss must have fallen out of my sweatshirt pocket while on the bike. I did call the gym and ask them not to throw it out if they find it! Any other lipgloss and I wouldn't care!
That would be good!
miserable! Should be better in a couple days, and I have decided not to step on the scale until I feel better...or Monday's weigh in, whichever comes first. I got an hour of cardio in tonight, but I struggled to get up the energy...did it anyway though 
