*credit for weighing in (-0.7lbs) = 280.1 this morning.
DH came home from work and it was Friday and apparently all I need is to know it's Friday to feel like it's a TimeToCelebrate!
I had no conscious intention to eat offplan for dinner but we left the house while very hungry. I had even cooked for us but didn't feel like eating what I made and I needed to get to the craft store before their sale was over so we went right away and then while out DH wanted to get somethoing at the grocery store and on the way to the grocery store I saw a high-end burger shop we went to before I moved here and I mentioned I would really love one of those burgers and his eyes lit up and we went in. I eyed the menu and went for "the usual" ie. burger and fries and didn't feel like modifying for the salmon burger or the turkey or the chicken or the salad. I even had a reg. ice tea. DH was so happy eating there. I enjoyed it but it wasn't "all that".
I spent the time in the grocery store fighting off the urges to get anything super sweet: cake, cookies, candy, chocolate. *credit I didn't relent to that stuff. Apparently I did exercise my resistance muscle, albeit a little too late--but better late than never.
This behavior won't get me to 275 but it did prevent me from going to 285.
The battle continues.
We're going to check out a farmers' market that goes year round that's in the Big City and apparently pretty easy to drive to. It's supposed to be great for sales. After that we're off to a Sci-Fi convention!! DH just found out about it and it's super expensive to get into: $40/day - $70/weekend (per person) but it's free to get into the dealer's room so I am bringing the camera hoping to see some costume-clad fans. I am really on the lookout for Star Trek the Original series costumes. I was telling DH he could go as Harry Mudd. Not sure who I'd like to go as. Maybe this chick standing beside him in the attached jpg from Star trek. Mudd is seated, Capt. Kirk is standing for those who don't know...
While at the burger joint I was leafing through a local paper and saw a big ad for an "athletic club" that sounds fantastic. Salt water pool, indoor and out, aquabics classes, fitness classes, the whole thing. If I do end up making money over the next six weeks I will treat myself to this place. They've got a decent special going on. I'll see if I can drop by the place first and check it out.
I learned a bit of something from our wine and cheese tasting this week. Wine and cheese are fine, occasionally for special treats. Bread? Not so much. The kind of bread you want to serve for a cheese tasting is a good bread, but white with no strong flavors. Just the kind of bread that's triggering for me. Plus, with my weird relationship with that sort of bread, I forget to taste the cheese! So, for me, cheese tasting in the future is cheese, no bread.
onebyone: yep! This is a new experience for me. I haven't weighed anywhere near this weight for 20 years. So I don't know what the heck I'm doing and it does feel weird -- mirrors are odd, photos are even stranger, and the lifestyle is like "who is this woman who enjoys salads? I don't know her! Give me some white bread!" So, yeah, I need to be taking some time to live with this and work through some of it. Thanks!
July 16, 1857
I hear of the first early blueberries brought to market. What a variety of rich blues their berries present, i. e. the earliest kind! Some are quite black and without bloom. What innocent flavors!
Last edited by gardenerjoy; 07-16-2011 at 05:27 PM.
How is everyone doing today? I'm wondering if you all would be willing to share what prompted you to change your lifestyle? I love hearing about other people's journey and I find it so inspirational!
I personally committed to changing my lifestyle when my son was born. I want him to have a positive relationship with food and a respect for his body. But the best way to do that is to lead by example! We're on day 12 of our journey at this point and still doing really well!
Today was a little weird because I seem to have some sort of a bug. I slept from 12am-10am then went back to bed and slept from noon-5pm. Thank goodness my husband let me sleep and took care of RJ! I have a feeling mostly I'm just having run-off from yesterday's root canal and pain killers - who knows!
Anyway I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend! <3
It was a good Beck day. I rode to the farmers market and back (8 miles) and enjoyed every bit of the ride....I reflected back to when it was a chore to get to the corner store. *credit* Food was sane and included a planned indulgence of fresh raspberries on vanilla ice cream(NSA RF). I had a reasonable serving of ice cream and a less than reasonable serving of raspberries. I called it lunch and was ok with it reminded by a friend of a friend that dairy is good for you.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Remained on plan, CREDIT moi, despite spending the day moving stuff into the cramped space we'll live while the painting goes on. This is great therapy to make me hate owning so much STUFF. I had the opportunity to eat some cake and didn't; CREDIT moi for that since cake seems like permission to eat anything else I want without restraint.
Exercise was going up and down the stairs from the basement to the third floor, CREDIT moi. When I was headed out in the late afternoon, I wanted a clean shirt. Walked up and down and down and up failing to remember where my shirts had wandered. Didn't change shoes because every shoe I own in the world, except the sneakers on my feet, were in a box that was no longer in my bedroom where they have lived for years, and were not yet in the room that will be my temporary bedroom for three to eight weeks.
onebyone - Kudos for "I did exercise my resistance muscle" even if not 24/7. Around here, most gyms will give a free pass for a week to a month to entice membership.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Interesting that bread is a trigger food, not the rich cheeses. Yay for keeping cheese tasting in your future. [Love the Henry David Thoreau quote from exactly 154 years ago; I didn't know he was a blueberry fan.]
Debbie (Lexxiss) - Biking eight miles for raspberries seems like it would be worth it; Kudos for the exercise. Yep, dairy is "good for you" - you don't see any cows going to Weight Watchers, LOL.
Jennie (JennieT) - Ouch for feeling out of sorts whether a bug or root canal left overs. I started my journey because the time just felt right and because I was headed to a family reunion in six months which could serve as a motivation.
Readers -
Quote:
chapter 4 Stage 1The Success Skills Plan
Success Skill 2Weigh yourself daily
It is a biological impossibility for your weight to go down every day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), pg 57.
GM and GD fellow Beckies (nod to your Trekkie convention onebyone):
Onebyone -I do not always do the grocery shopping. In the past few years I have worked out "an arrangement" with my DH where via cell phones and a written list on my part, my DH does the shopping. Part of it was based on convenience and frugality (I worked at home and he had the car with his job) but also I realized that "out of sight out of mind" really works for me time and time again. The times that I do go we end up spending more because I will see something that is "apparently" new on the market or shelves and I want to try it. However, there are some wonderful NS ice cream "novelties"(their words not mine) to be had. I keep my freezer stocked with those during the summer months. NS Original fudgsicles are 40 calories per "pop" and really taste like rich chocolate w/o the aftertaste. No artificial sweetner. You might also try frozen rice milk. My criteria for foods like this is they must satisfy my sweet tooth and not incite a craving for more.
Gardnerjoy I too haven't been a "normal" weight (which was very thin for me back in 1980) for that long. For a long time, my identity was always being heavy and all that can mean. Ironically, in the past year or so as I have worked more on my spiritual self, the rest of my self feels more integrated. In fact, confirmation of this is I had a "near stranger" who commented to me about five months that I am " a very thin person in a very large body". I think I have indoctrinated myself with the Beck thinking to the point where all I am waiting for is the body to catch up. My relationship with food has changed for one thing. Where I used to be more "artifically" controlled most of that which took effort in the past is now more automatic so it has become second nature. To me, that allows me obsess less and enjoy more the actual food that I do eat. Obsessive, compulsive eating is rarely enjoyed. We may think we enjoyed it more then but we didn't---now when we were shoverling it in so fast. The other thing that really has helped me is to reacquaint my body to what it is capable of doing. Then, there is the commitment I have to myself to just "get on with it" in terms of all the other things in my life that I used to "cover with" food.
One of the things that has helped me with the psychological part of being thin is to "observe" thin people "in action". I am fortunate that my DH is a naturally thin person. Lately, when he realized that he had this triglyceride problem and he read the list of foods he should avoid (some of which he loves--like organ meats-chicken/turkey liver/gizzard, etc) and have a couple of small pieces of fudge when we are at one of our favorite restaurants; I quickly stepped in and said you only eat those foods "on occasion" (which for him is twice a month for the fudge and once every 4-6 weeks for the organ meat) so I said that rather than become neurotic about food (which is what any reduced calorie diet does to most dieters) I told him to enjoy his favorite foods "on occasion" and focus more on getting back into his 4-5 miles walks he likes to take and practice portion control on a daily basis. In fact, he needs to lose 35 lbs and I advised him NOT to diet. I have lived with him 12 1/2 years and he eats remarkably healthy by American standards. His weight doesn't fluctuate by no more than 2-3 lbs at any given time. Why spoil that homeostatis? I believe that with exercise, a stronger focus on Omega-3 foods and taking his fish oil capsules, that within a couple months' time he will lower those triglycerides and his weight.
It gets back to the principle of the more you enforce one behavior (resistance muscle) the stronger it becomes. I mentally resist the temptation to mentally beat myself up when I stray from my plan. I have a structure in place that allows me some wiggle room and I know my boundaries. In the meantime, I am not making a distinction between a "fat" vs "thin" life. I have a life, the one I am living today. Planned eating should free us up to release the obsessive thoughts that accompany most reduced-calorie food plans. Recall Day 40 "Enrich Your Life"in the pink book. In other words, there is supposed to be "life during and after dieting".
Maybe, journaling may help. Please share with us your concerns, anxieties or fears. That is what we are here for. It is very well possible that you are experiencing a "post event" blue. There is a certain let down after anything that you have geared yourself up for so long. Much like after the winter holidays when all of the decorations, presents and special food is behind us. January is typically a dull month for that reason. Remember though you don't have to stay in or with these feelings. You can sit with them without resorting to eating, something we all have been practicing all along. While you are sitting with these "inbetween" feelings of disorientation, review all you have accomplished. Perhaps, look on your "To Do" list and start working on one of those things. That will also help refocus your mental energies. You have done one wonderful thing for yourself; now's the time to do another!
P.S. Full fat usually satisfys more and longer than any white bread simply because of the combination of protein and fat wherease white bread is #100 on the scale for high glycemix index. Any wonder once bitten, it bites back! It's just plain science.
Credit:
*Deciding that renting some favorite (but missed in the theaters) movies is a better way to celebrate my birthday than lots of extra "forbidden" foods. A strong departure for me.
*Dealing with some very frustrating things first thing in the morning frees me up to "collapse" once it is over and keeps me from obsessing about it until it is done. "Oh well" helped a lot. A LOT!
*Sharing with DH some of his recent "victories" was way better than "it's all about me" because it's not and it never was. Compulsive overeating is a very selfish, self-centered behavior. I am taking ownership by being emotionally available for others without becoming enmeshed with their "stuff". Tricky, yes but "it is more blessed to give than receive".
*Setting boundaries with my SO and not flinching when I see that my way (at that time) might not be their way. Again, not expressing my personal power through eating (which is what I used to do) and instead expressing it with my words and actions stop the CO before it has a chance to take hold in my life.
BBE I have joined WW on three separate occasions in the past, and although I don't know what they are up to these days, it was really misleading to a lot of well intentioned people who were looking to them for leadership to say fruit has zero "points" (calories) It just plain doesn't! A medium orange (the size of a tennis ball) is 70 calories with 13 grams of carbohydrate. What Tom foolery! Granted, the whole fruit has some fiber which, if you do the nutritional math, reduces the points down to just around 50 calories but even so it still can and creates reactions with a person's blood glucose levels. [Not so with cantalope and berries] My only "guess" (and it is only a guess) is that they "assumed" one piece of fruit would satisfy a person. Not necessarily.
I bought my annual one watermelon for July 4th; which I am still "working on" and one serving is considered one cup at 45 calories. Try measuring watermelon in one cup (I have) and it is three well chosen bites. Well, one carefully cut 2" ring ended up being 6 cups (if you don't eat down to the rind which I don't). Do the math and you can see that is a lot of carbs and made it a rather substantial "snack". For anyone who has a blood glucose fruit is something that needs to be carefully considered within a daily food plan because although it is natural sugar, some fruits are higher on the glycemic index and can stall a weight lose plan.
I count every calorie that goes into my mouth. If there is no label then I literally find the calories for each component (flour, sugar, eggs, for example) and then add those up, divide by the suggested portion size and come up with a "ballpark" figure of what I have ingested. We measure medicine and would never think twice about not taking the prescribed dosage so why are we so willing to just toss food into my mouth without knowing how much and what possible impact it might have on our body? My answer to why I am religious about reading labels, weighing and measuring, then logging everything on my food log.
This is what has allowed me to eat a balanced food plan, tweak it when I don't and "maintain" the weight lose I have lost for the past year. Double dipped credit, please!
JennieT I didn't wake up one day and begin to change my life around. I have had sudden spurts where I wanted to acheive a short term goal but mine has simply been an overall desire to become whole again after being a broken person for the majority of my life. The extra weight is the tip of the iceberg. It's what is underneath that sink even the "unsinkable", much like the Titanic.
I'm on the edge of panic mode.
I am feeling anxiety over my trip to Ottawa this week and whether I will make any money at the art show. I sure hope I'm not just spending money on my trip without recouping any. HOWEVER... I do need to visit my mom so if I can hold that thought then I'll be ok, and the opportunity to show my work will be the bonus as well all the visiting with my friends.
I've attached the last 2 paintings I completed. I think I like to show them to you guys cause then I realize that I *have* made things for my show. It's one of the things I panic about!
The dog painting is called Smiley and the cat painting is called The Commute.
I now have 6 and am working on 7 & 8 today and will get to my goal of 10 new ones for sure by the time I elave on Wednesday. I am also trying to fit in the making of cards with these images on them so I can have a lower priced item to sell.
My food was off yesterday. Again. *credit for weighing in when I didn't want to to see a asurprising rise of only 0.2lbs = 280.3lbs for the day.
My official weighin's will be Wednesdays I think. I pretty much will be home on a wednesday but the Thursdays for the next 6 weeks could be iffy given my show schedule. I do plan on checking in. You guys keep reminding me that yes, I am doing this and yes I want to do this and yes I care about this stuff.
*credit yesterday for not buying sweet things. I am still battling that one. I had a few items off my foodplan: potatoes, white english muffin, sweet ice tea (always comes with lemon here pamatga! and always sweet!).
I'd better go. stuff to buy and then get working today on my lovebirds and my frog pile!
to y'all
BillBlueEyes I was watching CNN and the crawler across the bottom read: GQ magazine rates Boston as worst dressed city. I assume this means the men are dressed the worst according to GQ. Sweeping statements like that kill me... we seem to be in the era of this bigtime. BIG KUDOS btw for living in your place while renovating and now reacting with food. I haven't had the heart to open another box in over a month now. I just realized that we don't have the big cutting knife that DH needs to slice up his beef to make beef jerky. Solution? We're buying a new one.
Lexxiss Today when I read your post I postively ached for a big old time bicycle. There is a bookstore/coffee shop here called Covernotes. It's over there a decent ways away but not hopelessly far. I have thought it'd be great to ride over and take in their acoustic set on Monday nights. Maybe I can pick up a bike for myself if I make some dough. Thanks for the good example chum!
gardenerjoy I 100% relate to the feelings you described. I remember avoiding mirrors when I got down to 138. That happened only once, so far, in my adult life. It takes time but you have proven you can deal with uncertainty and change. It won't happen consciously but one day you'll be ok with it all. KUDOS for dealing with the feelings.
JennieT I started this particular aspect of my journey because I have no common sense with food and I need structure. I could no longer follow diet rules nor did I want to. I know I trip myself up behaviourly more than any other way. Cognitive behavioural therapy was also useful for me in other areas of my life so I know it works. I trust the methodology. And while my weight has risen and fallen and risen again, I don't feel discouraged. I only panic over my weight for very very short lengths of time and I have hope I will reach my goals. Beck has given me the self confidence to work on creating my own foodplan and it's given me some solid friendships here to work through everything. This group is golden. Without Beck I would surely weigh more than 300lbs. I have no doubt.
pamatga The best thing I saw at the convention yesterday were three "red shirts" (if you are a trekkie you'll know what that is) carrying a clipboard gathering signatures on a petition for better working conditions for red shirts! That was funny.
Here's some logical thinking that weighing myself every day is the best thing for me:
A) Weighing myself frequently motivates healthier eating and more exercise
B) The only way that I will weigh myself frequently is if I am thinking of it as data, not some judgment on my worth or even my behavior
C) The only way I've ever found to treat my weight as data is to weigh myself daily and record it in a spreadsheet
Given A,B, and C, I want to weigh myself every day, recording the number as a data point in my spreadsheet. QED
WI: +1.1 kgs, Exercise: +55 570/1300 minutes for June and 18/33 miles on treadmill, Food: 80%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
JennieT: I started on this journey after losing 40 pounds over a two year period, then gaining it all back in one year. The book The End of Overeating by David Kessler helped me get a handle on why that happened and proposed the use of CBT to control it--which led me to Beck.
Lexxiss: yay for long bike rides and fresh raspberries!
BillBlueEyes: good job avoiding the cake. LOL that finding a shirt can truly count as exercise.
pamatga: way to go getting the frustrating things done in the morning and using the 'oh well' tactic (I love that one)
onebyone: sounds like the trip to Ottawa is a logical decision, whether or not you make money on it (hope you do!). The cat made me laugh out loud -- love the expression on its face!
Hello Becksters! I just thought i'd check in and say hi, there's a lot to read through so i'll just make it a quick one and check in again tomorrow or later when i've caught up! My holiday was really good, really felt like i got away from it all... however i think i may also have got away from my eating plan and beck behaivours a little bit too much too... I was pretty active but definitely could have eaten better, i didn't consciously eat badly but i didn't stop myself a couple of times from having dessert or one of DB's biscuits now and then... It wasn't all bad, i did make some healthy choices, and even managed to order a smaller pizza at a restaurant and leave half of it... which i then gave to DB to eat the next day for lunch whilst I made myself a salad instead... Anyway, I'm not going to beat myself up about it, i'm just going to weigh in tomorrow morning and then work on some damage control.
Credit - OP day today, planning for tomorrow
Gardenerjoy, i was reading that book on holiday! I am not quite finish but it has such similarities to Beck that i was going to see if anyone else here had read it...
right, i'd better get unpacking, back to work tomorrow!
Sorry to have disappeared like that! We went off to Jasper for our annual trip to the mountains--and I meant to post and tell you all--but somehow it got away from me what with getting the family ready and all!
Thank you so much for your wonderful words of welcome.
About the whole good/bad food thing--you're comments and replies helped enormously. I was able to calm down and think about it more.
It occured to me that what's at bottom is my feeling of entitlement.. The real (irrational) thought behind the resistance to classifying foods as "good or bad" is this: "I should be allowed to eat whatever I want, as much as I want, whenever I want without consequences."
Just a spoiled two year-old at heart!
It's absurd, though, isn't it. Now that I've discovered what I'm really thinking, I'm able to make a choice--and so I have. I choose to be a grown up and recognize that there are consequences to what, when and how much I eat and I will make my choices accordingly. I am looking forward to making my "Reasons to lose weight" come true!
During our vacation I focused on eating my food with all my attention--and focused on eating when I was hungry and stopping when I was full. Credit: we stopped for ice cream, I wasn't hungry, so I didn't have any. That was really major for me.
I weighed myself today. I've lost 5 pounds since July 1st.
I didn't read much of Beck though while we were traveling. So, I'm going to do Day 13 and 14 today, I think, though I've yet to finalize my "diet plan."
Bill--to answer your questions:
How did you find out about the books by Dr. Judith Beck?
I don't remember! However, I did read a book by Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis called Rational Emotive Therapy in my late teens in High School. I found it very helpful. I didn't make the connection between the Beck's until a few months ago, however!
And how did you find 3FC and this forum? I believe I did a google search for fat loss forums many, many years ago. In fact, I just may have found Beck's books because of this forum!
A good Beck day yesterday. I have an incredibly crazy week ahead as we migrate East again(tomorrow I think), this time with DH's buddy from the TBI group. He will stay for a week and sleep on our living room floor. He is unable to sleep in a bed due to his neck injury. I remain committed to my food plan and exercise will be a major yard project. ouch. Should be interesting, and I'll surely keep you all posted.
BillBlueEyes, great job eating OP as you step into a new phase of your project. I will remember your good example as I move forward this week. Taking the opportunity to evaluate owing so much stuff is great therapy! I relate.
JennieT, I started my ori ginal weightloss because I was sick and tired (literally) of being fat. I needed help getting up off the floor and was getting to the point of not wanting to leave the house. After two years of family reunions spent avoiding the camera I was ready to do anything to lose weight. That has happened, and Beck Diet Solution is giving me the tools to keep maintaining my losses while I learn to have a sane relationship with food. My life seems to get more stressful as my mom is aging rapidly and I have to learn to manage my emotional eating. I have good days and bad, but I keep striving to "think like a thin person."
Pam(pamatga), finding a better way to celebrate your birthday is a major life step! Credit. I, too, observe thin people "in action". Your comment about indoctrinating yourself with the Beck thinking "to a poing where all I am waiting for is for the body to catch up" is very thought provoking for me. Thanks for sharing it. Although I am living the life of a thin person now, I often still think of myself as the person I was at my high weight. hmm...
onebyone, I still remember when you started riding your bike last year before "the move". Riding to the bookstore would be a great starter trip. I love your new paintings. As to Ottawa, I think a realistic pre-trip assessment is helpful so as to not trigger unplanned/overeating. *credit*
gardenerjoy, great job applying logical thinking to your situation with your scale.
SuperChick, welcome back! Credit for your good behaviors during your vacation. Leaving half a pizza is no small feat...or having a salad while DB eats the leftovers.
Alana(inCanada), glad to have you back! It sounds like you really processed a lot of feelings relating to food during your vacation. Credit. It really does come down to that simple statement, "I can eat this or I can be thinner, but I can't have it both ways." Best wishes as you jump back into your Beck book.
Thanks so much for sharing what started your journey! I too have gotten sick of being overweight. I've been overweight my entire adult life and honestly I don't think I've ever been slim. The prospect of being comfortable with who I am is very exciting! Credit for today I'm down 2.5 pounds for the week which is never a bad thing! I've also noticed that when I'm right around 1200 calories, I lose but if I don't eat enough calories (around 1000) I don't lose at all. Pretty interesting and I'm glad I figured that out so early in my journey!
Tuesday is my wedding anniversary and we're going to go out and have some sushi. Hopefully I'll be able to find something healthy to eat. I'm sure I will since sushi is just fish and rice but we'll see . I do know that later today I'll be pretty exhausted! Typically RJ sleeps through the night but last night he didn't go to bed until 1:30am and then back up at 3am! Oh well, hopefully I'll get some good sleep tonight!
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Did good enough with food at two different events, CREDIT moi, as in I could have done worse. Methinks I need to find events where no food is served, LOL.
onebyone - Yep, you are generating the painting; Yep, you want to be doing it; and Yep, you care about that stuff. You're on your way to a good experience in Ontario. [I do my best to contribute to Boston as the worst dressed city, LOL.]
Joy (gardenerjoy) – "QED" indeed. You're as convincing as the good Dr. Beck that a daily weigh in - with number recorded - is the way to go.
Debbie (Lexxiss) - Good luck with your crazy week - with a guest on the living room floor.
pamatga - Kudos for celebrating your birthday with movies rather than "forbidden" foods. Yep, "Double dipped credit, please!" gets Double dipped Kudos.
SuperChick - Yay for an active holiday - even with an occasional biscuit - to revive the soul. Hope Irish waves were suitable.
Alana in Canada - Jasper is one of the neatest places on planet earth; so jealous that you have a trip there. LOL at, "a spoiled two year-old at heart" with Kudos to that two year old who stopped for ice cream and didn't have any because she wasn't hungry.
Readers -
Quote:
chapter 4 Stage 1The Success Skills Plan
Success Skill 2Weigh yourself daily
Are you convinced yet? Here is why weighing yourself daily is so important:
It is the only way to desensitize you to your weight and reduce feelings of shame. Remind yourself that the number on the scale is just a number, not a reflection of who you are. . . .
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), pg 57.
Morning coaches, so following a combination of trying to get to work early, torrential rain and taking the car instead of riding my bike, I didn’t make it to get weighed in this morning so I’ll have to make tomorrow, come h**l or high water… or I’ll just get a bit wet on the way to work! I’m getting back to my Beck behaviours today (I think it’s all about routine, which is where weekends / holidays throw me off a bit) so I’ve read my ARC, filled in my little spreadsheet (I am that geeky!) and listened to my self-hypnosis track (whilst doing something else but I still like to think it’s filtering in there!)
There’s almost too much to keep up with whilst I’ve been away so here’s a summarised version: Lexiss – I’m glad to hear your mum’s op went well. As for the vending machines, curiosity / boredom / anxiousness probably had a lot to do with it! Or maybe you were just testing your resistance muscle
Onebyone – well done for seeing the 270’s and i know you'll be back there soon. The paintings are definitely are massive credit – especially completing them in a timed environment – well done! P.s. I really like the sunflower
Ceejay / gardenerjoy / maryann – well done for keeping posting when it’s not going that well – the second I go underground with food I end up being very secretive, pretending like I’m not eating it because no-one can see me eating it! Being honest about it here is definitely helping me break that habit.
Erika – 3.2lbs is awesome!
Pamatga – I hope the back is getting better.
Jennie T / Alana – welcome (and Jennie, if you’re off out for sushi, have a bowl of miso soup – it’s really good for you, low cal and fills you up so you won’t be tempted to eat so much sushi!)
BBE: you had me laughing with your plastic box exploits and hunt for the bathroom scales! Under the bath – why not!
Silverbirch / woodland and anyone else I missed – hello!
Yesterday I bought fast food. I was grumpy and hot (it's very very hot here) and worried and had skipped breakfast and lunch and DH was cranky and so I brought home a bucket of fast food plus fries plus gravy at around 3pm and I ate my half with ABANDON. I then skipped dinner but did have 2 mangoes.
If I may add, I was fighting INTENSE cravings for cakey things and cookie things and ice creamy things all day long. Like every-other-second my mind was there. I was in the full blown grip of food obsession. *credit* I did not give in even when DH bought a chocolate bar right in front of me at the cash at the grocery store and when I said 'can I have one?' he said NO! I felt like a 2 yr old I was so mad. I stayed mad too until a few hours later. Then I was glad. AND my back was so tense! Every stop sign we stopped at I went ow! What's that about I wondered... oh yeah.
Going to Ottawa.
Going to juggle family obligations.
Trying to make money.
Sorting out a gallery show with my drawing group.
Doing an art show with all new art that may or may not sell.
Leaving DH.
The car needs its maintence done now too.
Oh yeah... lots of reasons why I am tense and focusing on food to relieve me of things I have no control over... but food...I CONTROL THE FOOD uh yeah, until it controls me... So I have to take care physically as I am ripe to injure something. And I have to take care mentally and emotionally as I can surely undue the weight I have lost in the last 6 weeks in just a few days.
I've attached my latest painting in my never-ending show and tell...
Frogs Five High it's called. I was also thinking of calling it Frog High Five but I like saying the first title better...
I relented.
fighting off the urges to get anything super sweet: cake, cookies, candy, chocolate. *credit I didn't relent to that stuff. Apparently I did exercise my resistance muscle, albeit a little too late--but better late than never.
Sunday
so I’ll have to make tomorrow, come h**l or high water… or I’ll just get a bit wet on the way to work! I’m getting back to my Beck behaviours today (I think it’s all about routine, which is where weekends / holidays throw me off a bit) so I’ve read my ARC, filled in my little spreadsheet (I am that geeky!) and listened to my self-hypnosis track (whilst doing something else but I still like to think it’s filtering in there!) 
and i know you'll be back there soon. The paintings are definitely are massive credit – especially completing them in a timed environment – well done! P.s. I really like the sunflower 
Long week ahead.
uh yeah, until it controls me...
So I have to take care physically as I am ripe to injure something. And I have to take care mentally and emotionally as I can surely undue the weight I have lost in the last 6 weeks in just a few days. 
