- I am terrified that my super thin 7 year old is going to end up with food issues when I hear/see her asking about calories or how to burn calories.
- I allow myself to have "bad things" by allotting calories for them, to keep me from binging (things like Thinsations, or Breyers 100 calorie ice cream cups), and I haven't gone off plan, or over calories once since I started allowing them.
- When I think of myself, in my head I see myself as being about 150lbs heavier than I am.
-I have told my husband that if I don't see some significant weight loss (and by 'significant' I mean averaging 2lbs per week) by mid-May, that I will talk to our doctor about gastric surgery, because I KNOW I can not commit to almost 3 years of losing weight. I can commit to 1.5-2 years tops.
-I will be leaving room in my calories, a couple times a week, in the summer, to have a nice low-calorie mixed drink, because I am changing my lifestyle, and my new lifestyle will still have a drink now and then.
- That I don't think I push myself as hard as I should at the gym, but don't really know how to push harder/the right way (this will be rectified in a month or 2 when I get a personal trainer to help me out).
- I am absolutely certain that my Brother in Law will have almost nothing to do with me because of my appearance. He's a decent looking guy, who only ever seems to "hang around" beautiful thin women, and I am positive that when I am thin, he will be far more likely to treat me like family.
-I am ENJOYING my healthy new lifestyle, and when I read people talking about binging, or trying not to binge, I feel bad for them because I don't feel at all inclined to go off plan (partially because of the treats I fit into my calories every day I am sure).
-I am scared that when my Father in Law and Brother in Law come out for a visit in May, that I am not going to know how to handle myself in a proper sit down restaurant (meaning, how to be sure I pick a healthy, calorie friendly meal).
-I don't think I would ever have succeeded at losing weight before I quit smoking. I think quitting smoking gave me the tools to learn how to handle cravings, and success, and gave me an opportunity to believe in my own ability to succeed. I quit smoking September 6.
-I DON'T worry about maintenance. I am hoping/expecting that I will learn enough during my weight loss journey that I will be able to learn how to maintain my weight once I get there!
That's all I can think of for now! Thanks for letting me share.
^ Way to go! I quit, um, almost 7 years ago now (I think). I can tell you it does get better! Is that a newfie avatar? Leonberger maybe? Bernard?
One more confession.....
This may seem very odd, but one reason I want to lose weight/be healthy/be active is because I'm obsessed with border collies. I LOVE THEM and they are a WHOLE lot of dog. I already have a BC cross and we're hoping to adopt another. And I realize that they need a very active home. How pathetic is that?!?!?!??!
Then again.. that's one of the reasons, mostly I want to lose weight because I'm a depressed bi-polar and I'm hoping weight loss will make me happy finally.
I just joined today and this thread seems to hit at the heart of it.
My confession is that I eat in private when I feel depressed and hurt.
Although this habit has subsided since meeting my now fiance I am still subject to it.
Its one of the things that I need to work on in order to lose weight. Food is medication in many ways for me. It helps calm the feelings left by disappointment and stress. I know I am not alone. I hope that this is the first step towards being free from this excess weight.
• I am a closet eater.
• I think about food constantly
• I won’t get dressed in front of my boyfriend because I don’t want him to see how much of a struggle it is to button my pants.
• I always try to wear my jeans at least twice before washing because they always fit so much better the 2nd day of wearing.
• I tried laxatives before to lose weight, only did it for 2 days because I couldn’t handle the unbearable stomach cramps.
• I reward myself with food when I am feeling sorry for myself to make me feel better (which never works)
• I have been known to clean my kids plates at dinner when they didn’t eat all of their food.
• I hate hate hate pictures of myself and when I do get a picture taken I always crane my neck out to try not to look like I have a double chin.
• I get depressed and binge eat when I think about how I have been with my boyfriend (twins dad) for 8 years and know that he will never marry me because he is totally against marriage.
• I get jealous of my sister sometimes because she was always a lot heavier than I was and she had the lap band done and is smaller than me now.
• I just cleaned out my closet and got rid of a ton of clothes, told my boyfriend that I just didn’t like them anymore, truth is they don’t fit.
-I tell everybody I am doing SBD because I want to eat healthier. I don't tell
them that the main reason is to lose weight
-I am jealous the my younger sister weighs less than me now. I was always
weighed the least out of my 3 sisters.
-I don't want my dh to see me naked because of my belly.
-I just ate a candy bar when I know I shouldn't.
-I don't like when people tell me how good they think my sisters look. They
never mention that I do, so I assume I look awful. I don't want to feel this
way about my sisters but it is hard.
-I am afraid if I keep gaining weight I won't be able to stop.
I'm 32 years old, and I'm terrified that I'm going to end up alone as a crazy cat lady because of my insecurities.
2 years ago I went from 180 lbs down to 140 in a matter of months after a bad break-up by not eating, and I loved the way I looked. Of course, because I wasn't eating, I gained the weight back when I got my head straight again.
I have a closet full of cute clothes I bought that summer that I can't wear anymore because the jeans won't go past my thighs, and the shirts show my muffin top and my rolls. I now only have 2 pairs of jeans that fit comfortably, and I still hate the way I look in them. I wear baggy shirts with cardigans over them to hide my stomach (we wear jeans to work in my office).
I'm going on vacation to Ireland in May, and I'm determined to do whatever it takes to fit back into those clothes so I look cute in the pictures that may be taken, as this is a "once in a lifetime" trip, and I want everything to be perfect. My calorie intake for the past 3 days has been no more than 500.
I think I have a drinking problem, and i blame it on my unhappiness with my weight. Tonight is the first night in months that I haven't had a drink, and I'm so miserable I'm contemplating just going to bed (it's only 8:15). I love the fuzzy, sleepy buzz that comes with wine. I usually tell myself that if I don't eat anything during the day, the calories in the alcohol I consume won't hinder my weight loss. (I usually end up stuffing my face as a result of my alcohol buzz as a result.)
I realize how unhealthy this way of thinking is, and how poorly I'm treating my body. I tell myself that once I lose a decent amount of weight, I'll change my habits and lose the rest in a "healthy" way.
Sitting here the past hour reading everyone else's confessions have made me feel like I'm not as alone as I previously thought I was.
My confessions:
-I weigh myself daily and if I don't see a loss, i get disappointed. I know about daily fluctuations, water weight etc, but that doesn't help when the numbers go up!
-I am so afraid of failing at this. ive tried to lose weight before over the years, lost 20 pounds once.....then gained 50.
-I weigh 10 pounds more than when i was 9 months pregnant with a 10.5 pound baby and thats disgusting
-I had a friend that weighed 300 pounds, so even when i was chubby, i was always the thinner of us. I felt like crap when she lost 160 and then i was the fatter one. and, disappointed in myself that her loss didn't inspire me to lose harder
-my main inspiration now is a guy. health, sure. wanting to be hot to get noticed? better reason!
-I'm scared of having loose jiggly skin after a 102 pound weight loss (when i get there) but I am more afraid of surgery to remove skin.
-im really afraid of failing and that i will be fat forever
I have new confessions:
Today was our annual winter carnival which traditionally is a day of drinking and fun. I went for drinks this morning but rather than go out and have fun after the parade I went home because I couldn't handle the idea of getting that far off plan.
Aside from the liquor I also has a burger and fries and I just ate them because I had to have food I didn't enjoy them at all.
I suspect the source of my foul mood since yesterday is anxiety over how I would handle today.
It scares me that the mere thought of being out of my sphere of food control can have such an emotional impact on me and I fear it could lead to a real issue at some point
I have several confessions.
1. Since losing some weight and buying new clothes I find myself walking behind women and guessing their sizes to the point of distraction.
2. Love that one of my coworkers calls me muscles now due to my recently emerging biceps.
3. Hates that I never really learned to tell if guys were flirting with me and therefore feel like I have gotten no change in attention from the opposite sex. My husband says it is because I give off the persona of an evil heifer. Oh well, protective mechanism I learned when I became obese in middle school. He says it's great so he doesn't have to worry.
4. I let stress get to me and push me into a pint of Ben and Jerry's Karamel Sutra last week.
5. I am very much afraid of returning to the old norm if I don't remain vigilant in my calorie counting and 6 days a week of gym time.
I love the fact that the people at the YMCA I joined when my youngest son was 5 months old thinks that my current weight was my pre baby weight and not the 198 pounds I was before my first son. It's like an alternate reality with me being fit throughout my 20s.
I'm worried my family won't be accepting of the new me. Less my new way of eating and more my (soon to be) new body. I've always been fat, and when I've lost a decent chunk of weight in the past, many family members have been almost hostile about it, like they don't want me to be thinner. I don't understand, but I'm not going to let them prevent me from reaching my goals. Anyone else have family like this?
I'm MORE obsessed about food and exercise now than before I started losing.
I've only recently been calorie counting but couldn't imagine living without it now. I am constantly thinking about how many calories are in what I plan to eat, when I'll eat it, asking myself "am I hungry? how hungry am I? what should I eat? have I had enough protein today? ooops had too much fat yesterday, better allow for that...
I'm also constantly thinking, what exercise will I do today? How sore am I? When was the last time I did .... fitness DVD/pilates/yoga/running etc. Are my knees sore? Or will they be ok? What sort of deficit to aim for? Have I set my activity level too high (meaning I've over eaten for my activity level)? All kinds of questions rolling around in my head. It's maddening I tell you! But I just.can't.stop obsessing. Also not sure if I'll be able to stop myself losing when I hit that fine line between too thin and just right.
I know the solution is to just see how my body responds and make adjustments accordingly - the practical side of me knows that, but the overcritical/highly strung side always second guesses these things.
On the positive side, however, I'm still losing weight (slowly and at a good pace for me) I'm just over thinking lots of stuff.
Last edited by Precious Little; 02-26-2012 at 04:04 AM.
