Why Me?

I’ll be 43 years old in 8 days.  I thought I would be at my goal by now but I still have 65 pounds to go.  Still.  Why do I say still?  Why don’t I say I have lost 68 pounds rather than I have 65 to go?  I watch what I eat, I exercise at least 4 days a week but aim for 6 - and I lose by the fraction of an ounce.  fractions — slow slow slow.  Why me?  I have tried every diet under the sun it seems, the cabbage diet, the adkins diet before it was adkins, the potato diet, weight watchers, slim fast, liquid diets, the zone, low fat diets  etc etc etc.  I have dieted most of my life.  I’m got tired of dieting.  3 years ago at my heaviest 298 pounds I decided enough is enough so I started working out and eating right.. and losing at an excrutiatingly slow pace.  68 pounds down and 65 to go 3 years later — depressing but why?  Why can’t I be happy and say I am 68 lbs lighter — why?  3 years — 3 years — that means 3 more years?  to watch the scale budge a fraction of an ounce, for it to take weeks to lose 1lb - how discouraging — I can look at the whole picture - on that front yes I look better, feel better outside -but inside I still say why me?  Why can’t I be one of those girls who weigh all of 120lbs soaking wet talking about OMG how fat am i? I want to pick them up and bang their little heads together and say you don’t know about fat til you are looking down the road to losing 100+ pounds.  I want to eat anything and not have to worry — I want to know what its like to just go in a store and know I can wear anything in the single digits size wise — at this point I want to look at the scale and see a 1 as the first number.  Why me?  Why can I do all the right things, eat right and exercise - and not see results in any kind of short term way — I want to get on the scale and say wow I lost 2lbs this week — hell even 1 lb a week would make me jumping for joy — I’ve had my thyroid tested I have been tested for diabetes, I have looked for every medical reason and the only reason is my genetics suck.  I will forever struggle to lose weight.   Depression is a killer to weight loss — but there is nothing more depressing than to step on the scale and see that you have worked so hard and only lost .3 ounces this week… but I’m making progress no matter how slow it is — I am making progress — I have to stay focused on that — I still try different approaches — not diets anymore — I try to eat right but I take different approaches to see if I can hit on something that will boost me a little — so I have been reading about eat stop eat — maybe I will try that - it seems to work for a lot of people — it makes sense — its not hard — maybe I will try it — why me?  Maybe God is teaching me patience LOL I get it already God — can you please turn on the metabolism again now?  I promise to be patient.

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