Ruby is a grown-up
A little while ago as I was leaving the office loo, I glanced up at the big mirror over the sinks and saw a plump, tired looking woman with a strained expression around her eyes looking back at me. I just ducked my head down an bolted for the door. I’m still fighting with myself about the way I look. Part of me wants to just relax and get on with my life. This is who you are, this is how you look, so what? Another part of me is hanging on for dear life to the fading image of myself as an attractive, desirable woman.
Geez, I came in here thinking I have a half an hour left of my lunch time, lets see what I can write to inspire myself. I’ll have to try a little harder.
I’ve still not returned to the gym, which is worrying me a little. I am being careful with my lower back. I want to be sensible and heal before attempting any marathon sessions on that elliptical. Even though an ellipitical is designed to avoid too much pressure on the joints, I think I was a bit too gung-ho the last few times I was on it and I realize you can still hurt yourself. I’ve also decided that I won’t sign up for any more of the Pilates classes offered at this particular gym. The young woman who is the instructor was sweet and very freindly but not professional. It’s amazing how you change, you know….I would never have thought of this years ago, but after all this time working in a high pressure environment, I take exception when people are late and worse, unprepared, as this woman was. She explained that she has very tiny kids at home, and couldn’t get out of the door on time, and I do remember how that can be. She forgot her music and her boom box, and spent the first 10 minutes finding and asking another instructor for a loan. Meanwhile, those of us on our lunch breaks had to leave the class early, before the cool down. Even though I felt the instructor was unprofessional, I let myself try moves that I haven’t done in a long while and should be thoughtfully taught and carefully done. I have a friend who teaches Yoga, and she is always very watchful of her students as they learn new poses. She walks around the room checking to see if anyone is not aligned correctly, or looks like they’re straining their necks, backs or knees, and she’ll pop a bolster underneath you somewhere if she feels it will help, and always provides alternative ways to do the pose for those who are not quite ready. This young lady had the class doing moves that I recognize from my Yoga classes that really do need to be done carefully for newbies. I think I’m going to call my friend and ask if I can pick up a couple of her beginner classes. The next time I’m on that elliptical, I will be reasonable with myself, and twenty minutes will be good enough at a moderate pace.
Looks like the theme of the day is moderation and patience. Or maybe it’s being a grown up.
I can be moderate. I am patient. I can do that. I’m a grown-up.
Hi ~ if it helps, I try to remember that we can’t control the outcome, just the steps! Hang in there!
Y’know, Ruby J., sometimes I think you’re just a little too hard on yourself. I have seen your pictures, dearest, and you really are quite a lovely woman. Of course, strained and tired is one thing, but when you were enjoying yourself with your girls, you were positively glowing! Yes, of course you’re a grown-up, but there’s still a wonderfully impish grin lurking about and waiting to pop out. But I won’t invalidate your feelings - we all do a bit of struggling with the age business, and adjusting to a more mature sort of beauty than we once had can be challenging. I know that when I look at my lovely adult daughters (who are a good bit older than yours, of course) I can’t help but feel a bit overripe myself. Funny thing is, it’s all good. You’ll see. I promise.
Love,
Z
Funny how hard it is to be ‘real’ about ourselves, sometimes, isn’t it? In my head, I am a 6′ tall, blonde, amazon…hah. In pictures I am a short bloated woman with changing bushy hair and a really unhappy looking mouth. In the real world I am something else again (tbd)…lol.
I am feeling you on the instructors - anyone can be an instructor. But there are few that ACTUALLY care about what they are teaching and understanding their students needs. Your friend’s Yoga class sounds like the BEST choice.
Yes, Ms. RJ you are way to hard on yourself. You know those days when you look good and you FEEL like you look good. That is how you normally look - sometimes we think that’s only a rare occasion.
Geez, growin’ up just ain’t easy to do
xoxo
Ruby,
We have seen your photos. You look beautiful. Look at yourself with our eyes. You will see an incredibly sweet, wise and fun woman. I can understand why you are struggling though. You really were awesome hot in your old pictures. Yes, you may be strained and tired, no wonder you are with all that is going on. But just smile a little when looking at the mirror and remember something good that happened or something that you did well, and just watch the transformation.
I am doing the same and I am much more comfortable these days. Okay, I was never beautiful, so even a little improvement looks great to me. But I stopped bothering about the flaws. No one bothers about them, simply because they don’t care. As long as I am happy, upbeat, empathetic, funny, that’s all it takes to be attractive.
I agree with you on the instructor. You should not get hurt. Please be careful. I agree she has reasons, but her mind needs to be on the job.
Lots of love and hugs,
iniya