Losin it in Paradise

“If you want to do something you’ll find a way. If you don’t want to, you’ll find an excuse.” -source unknown

Here I am at work, and thought I would share with you the kind of night it is turning out to be.  I have had a couple days of ranting and raving and feeling sorry for myself.  Sitting on the big pitty potty.   Why?  Because I am fat, and tired, and tired of being fat. 

BUT, as I am feeling sorry for myself, some people have real problems.  Since I arrived tonight, I have had to run a code on a 64 yrs old woman.  She died!  No history of heart problems, her and her husband miles away on an island with no family.  I had to tell a husband his wife was gone, and then phone the daughter and tell her.  I sat with him until the chaplain arrived.  He was shell shocked to say the least.  Tonight he goes to a lonely motel room to wait until the coroner releases her body, so he can take her home.  Not exactly what he envision his first trip to Hawaii to be. 

And I have a 22 year old boy dying as I type.  He has a horrid tumor in his lungs.  He cannot breath anymore.  His family is with him.  The whole staff is so sad and feel so helpless as we watch this young man slip away and know there is nothing we can do for him or his family, but offer words and of course the drugs to ease his pain.  But nothing will ease the pain for his family.

Tonight a young mom gave birth to a still born baby.  Up until 6 hours ago this baby was moving and active in the womb, but then stopped.  When we did an ultra sound, it showed fetal demise.  She was full term, her first, her last!  We had to do a radical hysterectomy as she was hemmoraging and would have died.

So as I sit on my pitty potty, and wish my thighs were smaller, or my boobs were bigger.  Or I wasn’t so old and haggard, or that my husband would leave me alone, hearts are breaking every where.

And the night is still young, I still have 6 hours left in the shift…6 long hours.  Some days I cry all the way home, but I come back night after night after night.  Why?  Because it is what I do, it is who I am.

Posted on June 20th, 2007 by islandgrl
Filed under: General