Yeah, I went there. Woke up snapping at everyone, haven’t got out of bed all day because I am just such a FAILURE, and perhaps it would be better for everyone if I just ceased to exist.
No, wait… a… minute……..
Bam! Depression! My f***ing favourite. AGAIN.
I want to show you what I’m eating RIGHT NOW. Seriously, I’m eating this as I’m writing this post. On my phone. In bed.
Donut 1 of 4. Cake 1 of 1. That’s an empty family-sized bar of galaxy. And a coffee. With a sugar in it.
I had to post this, because somewhere, someone is eating similarly unhealthy foods (I just can’t call something as benign as food “bad”, sorry – food, as with most things, is value neutral).
Maybe one day someone will see this when they’re bingeing. When they’re depressed. When they’ve had enough of their lack of willpower. When they’re hiding what they’re eating from everyone. When they feel ashamed.
I hope so, because if that’s you… I wanted to show you you’re not the only one who does this. I want to tell you not to be ashamed. Food affects your hormones, and your mood. Sometimes a “binge” is the best way you can find to get some happy hormones circulating. It’s physiologically logical. It is, inversely enough, a way to love and provide for yourself. You have officially been absolved. You are not guilty. I am a former binge eater, and this was not a binge. This is what my body and my mind wants right now. I trust myself to stop – not through willpower, but because this, too, shall pass. I’ve been studying my eating long enough to know. Study your eating too. Study your hormones. Read up on what different foods do to your body, and your hormonal reactions. We are hormonally-driven animals, we are not willpower-driven. Let go of your need for CONTROL AT ANY COST. Let yourself go. For a day. Or two days. Or however long you need. But do it mindfully. Arm yourself with knowledge and compassion. Understand that it’s ok… YOU are ok. Let it pass. Then get right back up and keep going. To err is to be human. I fell. I was defeated. You will fall too. And everyone who has lost weight? They all fell too at some point. They did, I did, you did, we all did. And we all will again. Do not feel guilty – you are just as human as everyone else. Guilt will keep you down. Let it go.
When you’re ready – you will get back up and face the challenge again. As will I. As did everyone who has lost weight.
But for now? You rest. Safe in the knowledge that the time will soon come when you can fight again.