I am on Day 4 of my voyage to Independence. It's already been really positive, although some of these feelings that I've been avoiding (stuffing them way way down with food) are not comfortable. I had one day where I was just beside myself, wasn't sure if I was not altogether mad. Then I reminded myself that uncomfortable feelings and my drive to avoid them were what got me into this mess in the first place. Was very stressed out one day, after DH complained to me for an extended period about DS (his step-son, really, and they've never had a great relationship). So I was really upset about it for a day, but eventually came to the conclusion that DS needs to be more independent and DH needs to loosen up. And since I've been enabling DS's lack of real independence as well as DH's rigidity (by avoidance, not speaking my mind, tiptoeing, etc.) I shall endeavor to help by stopping the enabling. Wish me luck, and send me strength, pls!
Cerise, I can really relate to your situation with your dad. My mom has gotten less and less active, is about 100 pounds overweight (at about 4' 10) and doesn't have the strength to walk to the corner. I'm not very good at accepting that she is responsible for her own health, and it just drives me crazy to see her getting increasingly incapacitated because she doesn't look after herself. I don't know if I SHOULD just give up. I feel like I should be making sure she gets some exercise. Sigh.
As for the genetic component to your dad's problems, exercise is fabulous for helping to keep these things at bay!
Kaylets, I actually finished up with May work on Sunday, which was not too too bad in comparison to recent months. I am determined to stay on the ball this month and get my work done ahead of the dreaded EOM.
Re: QOD -- I feel like I would be somewhere in the middle of the pack, maybe slightly lower. However, I am working to get my groove back because I know I can be a lot happier than I have been lately. Hmmm..... reminds me of today's quote!
Wildfire, I would LOVE to go see Jesse Cook! If only the teleporter were working.... I'm very fond of JC's music. Really gets the heartrate up!
Punkin, any news of our beloved Empress? Can't help but worry a little bit when one of us goes AWOL. Although Amarantha does from time to time need a break from the site.
To all Firecrackers, mentioned or unmentioned, let's make this a fabulous day! Love to all!
No, still no word from our Empress. She does go AWOL from time to time, true, but normally doesn't she give us warning? I'm a bit concerned, but hoping it's just another 'puter malfunction...
Ceara, thanks for the other email addy - I'll give it a shot too.
Zadie, thanks for checking in even when you're swamped. As you can tell, we worry when people just disappear!
Arabella, oh, you're into the hard stuff... figuring out why we eat like we do. Why we feel the need to medicate ourselves this way. It sounds like you're really doing a great job of looking deep at things though - hopefully all the work will result in DS and DH having a closer relationship someday - and you'll have a clearer understanding of yourself too! I wish you luck, but the strength you already have!
Kaylets, I wish you some and an end to the . It's been in the 80's here for 3 days and it feels SO GOOD! Nothing like this kind of weather to banish any and all blahs. Not to mention the oodles of potted pitunias, marigolds, lobilias and snapdragons that are blooming all over my decks.... ahhhh, spring!
Q o' the day - I'm going to go with Ceara's philosophical sense and agree - it's all relative. What's satisfying to me may not be to someone else. Right now, I'm leading a very satisfying life - one that I could only imagine or dream about a few years ago. But that's because of my personal past experiences. Someone who's had a different past, in my current position may be miserable (but I doubt it!).
Doing great eating wise. Still working on getting in all my water. My "gift" to me for drinking all that water is a diet vanilla Coke but I'm keeping it to 2 a week.
I have to admit I snuck on the scale today too to find that I'm heading for the 220's at warp speed and am currently only 3 pounds from my lowest weight in years!
Onward and downward firecrackers!
Terri
Last edited by Punkinseed; 06-05-2003 at 10:47 AM.
Hello!
A moment of peace in the storm. Plus I just realized that I have a yogurt here (at work). It is a nice slow day becuasse everyone is out of the office (except me). I thought yesterday that they were finally going to make a decision as to my long term employment, but if they did they did not tell me. Made me very stressful, but I had celery so I could stress eat healthily!
QOD - I think that generally I am happier than a lot of people. Above average happy. Now, if you had asked me when I was a teenager...
Punkin, it's soooo interesting the way this is happening. It's a little bit backwards -- rather than working on the deep issues in the hopes of that effecting weight loss, I'm giving up the obsession. Which, oddly, is almost just like flipping a switch. I have to remind myself from time to time what I'm doing, but it feels great, just like a huge burden has been lifted from me. And then the deep issues have no choice but to surface, since they don't have all that chocolate and peanut butter holding them down
And thank you so much for your kind words -- almost brought a tear to my eye! I know I have the strength, but I haven't been using it, but taking the "path of least resistance." So now I intend to use my power -- only for Good of course
Speaking of which, WOW!!! Are you ever flying! 3 pounds from your lowest weight in years -- you're going to be at goal before you know it!!
Hello Kaylets, Ceara, Arabella, Punkinseed, Zadie, and all others! Hope your day is going well so far. Kaylets, hope that sunshine returns soon. Punkin-good for your Mom for doing something wild and fun for herself by coloring her hair! That is great that you are currently only 3 pounds from your lowest weight in years!!!
It is finally getting hot here now, but I am so grateful for the mild weather reprieve we have had up until now.
I weighed today and lost 3 lbs. this past week. I usually don't lose that much in a week, since I lose so slowly, but I think I had been holding more water than usual in the previous week. I have been doing better with the water too, so that may have something to do with it. I'll take it--whatever it is, as long as it's going in the right direction. Have remained op and glad about that. Well, enjoyed reading all your posts and checking in on everyone. Hope your afternoon and evening are pleasant. Take care, all.
Computer and I not speaking to each other the last day or so. I had much to catch up on.
Punkin, love Mom's red hair, feel like emulating. Your deck sounds loverly and relaxing. Hope you and Dad have a nice visit.
Kaylets, congrats on blazer NSV. And we did have sun today!
Bo Beena, congrats on KK NSV. I love the little demons but am not sure at this stage of journey if they'd taste as good to me as they once did. Zadie, congrats on doing well in chaos, a definite enemy to weight loss.
Hope Dad continues to do well, Cerise, and thanks for the kind words. Wood Nymph, giving up enabling is so tough. Things I used to think of as "supportive" I can now see were sometimes just a fine line away from enabling and I also really feared "rocking the boat". Now I don't like anyone rocking MY boat.
Congrats, wsw, on 3 lbs down. Ceara, hope your cold/allergy is better. Frogger when do you move?
Overall, my life is pretty satisfying but I'm sure there are some above, lots below me on the scale. A little less so in recent months but on a lifetime basis, pretty good. I am definitely NOT silly enough lately. Silly is so good for one.
I had strung together four good OP days in a row but today was a washout. Not a total one though and tomorrow's another fresh start.
Recall a post in which Empress said something like she may need to drop out for a while. It was 5-24 on old thread but she did post once after that. I thought she just meant on this thread not the bootcamp one. Hope it's by her choice rather than from a problem.
I've heard from the Empress and she is ok. I am hoping she'll have a chance to stop by and say hello. I've told her how we've been missing her and she's asked me to tell everyone "Yo!".
(Hello!).
**************************
Thought of the day:
" When we die and go to meet our maker, we're only going to be asked one thing.... Why didn't you become you? Why didn't you become ALL that you are?"--- Souls on Fire by Ellie Weisel
**************************
=============================
Question of the day:
What was your most enjoyable dream? Your worst nightmare?
-- The Book of Questions--
=============================
In our back yard, about 15 feet from the house is a large,
gorgeous maple tree
In the summer, it's home to a number of birds.
Last year, at the end of a long branch, which extends to
within 7 feet of our upstairs bathroom window, some robins
built a nest, where they lived all summer until the weather
got too cold.
Both our cats just lay in the windowsill for hours all
summer watching the birds come and go less than 7 feet from
their window perch.
Now keep in mind that this winter was absolutely brutal.
14 feet of snow. Wind that blew like none that I can ever
recall. Never as often and as hard as this year, it seemed.
It was just miserable from mid October until April.
Yet this bird's nest, sitting on a long branch wide open
to the chilling, hammering winds and cold that snaps
electrical wires like tooth picks, stayed right there.
Every day, I'd look out at this nest and there it was,
gripping that branch...
And I've got to believe that the robins that built the
nest were no smarter or more skilled in nest building than
any of the robins in my neighbors trees.
They simply didn't want their home to fall apart no matter
what. So they build it to withstand the worst possible
conditions.
No short cuts.
No excuses.
Tell me, what if you were to take every little task you do
today, and do your absolute best?
What if you were to mow the lawn as good as you could today?
What if you gave your all to every customer or prospective
customer?
How much more effort would it take to be the best husband,
wife or significant other than you normally put in?
What would it really take to avoid eating beyond being
comfortably full?
To finish you homework and then go for another 30 minutes
for good measure?
You know, the difference between failure, moderate
success, an OK marriage, an undistinguished career and a
raging success in any one of those areas is usually
miniscule.
It's not that much more work.
Often it's hardly any real effort at all.
Every single day I get emails from people who have given
up hope of ever being really happy and satisfied in life.
'I'm beyond help.' 'I'm happy that your doing this work
for other people... Too bad it can't help me.'
They read the emails. They may even buy the tapes, and
either don't listen to them as prescribed, or when changes
do begin either with positive progress or with negative
tension created by the rapid changes happening, they quit
because the change is uncomfortable at first.
'Whoa! That's not me! Who am I kidding? Better slow down.'
The bottom line is, change is always wanted on some level
but hardly ever completely enjoyable at first.
If there is one thing that you MUST beat into your head
every day like a mantra is that success at anything is
simple.
It's so simple!
It's just a matter of repetition of little thoughts and
little actions.
For example, to allow yourself to do shoddy work once and
then again is to create momentum. A third time is like an
avalanche...
Hard to stop it. The fourth time is virtually guaranteed.
When the brownies or chips and soda make it into the
shopping cart every week, that's it.
Run past that aisle. Achieve a little success. Get a
little momentum going the other way.
When the sitcom wins out consistently over the homework or
baseball practice in the back yard, then you are creating a
rotten habit, which develops a character.
Done long enough, and that becomes who you are...
But .... that with just a little effort we can change
those things by making only slight direction changes.
The nest in my back yard is now housing a new family of
robins who didn't have to do a thing. They just moved in.
All the work was done already. They just hung a few
pictures, threw out a 'Welcome' mat and called it home.
And once you change the momentum of any downward slide you
may be in, it's deceptively simple to stop the slide, make
a few right decisions and your entire destiny can change.
If I was to get in my Expedition right now and drive due
west for just four days, I'd be in North Bend, Oregon.
But if I was pointing only about 5 degrees to the south,
in the same four days I'd end up in Los Angeles,
California... about 960 miles away.
Now hold you thumb and fore finger about an eighth of an
inch apart.
Go ahead. Do it.
You see, most of the time the difference between horrible,
devastating failure and massive, glorious success is only
that far apart.
In the next four days, will you have chosen to stay on
course?
Keep reminding yourself of how important each hour and
each decision is. Do that every hour today, and I
guarantee that no matter what doesn't go right, you won't
be too terribly bothered by it.
Isn't THAT the direction you wanted to go in today?
==============================
Life Laser Lessons- Mike Brescia
Will be gone 'til Sunday....have a dog show in My Pleasant tomorrow, and I have to get ready still . However I will be staying with a friend tonight so that will be very nice.
Hoping that life will settle down after Monday...yuck so many things to do up to that point. However have maintained my equilibrium and stayed OP. Still no exercise..formal...but lots of running around. Everything else is good although the not eating after 7 is getting tough...just went to bed last night...what a coping mechanism eh?
wsw and Punkin! Defeat the scale! And Arabella, the enabling people are difficult I agree...sometimes the hardest part is recognising them...and hoping they really don't mean to. Good to see you Anagram....you ol' blue eyes, you! Zadie K, Bo Beena, Wildfire, Mrs Frogger....are you changing your screen name too?, Cerise et al....I expect the Empress is fading away on her new programme!
Good morning, all you best and brightest of sparklers!
I love sparklers - when DS and his cousin were small we used to light sparklers in the dark at the shore and make patterns in the air or traipse around the yard in a sparkler procession. Soon, we'll be doing those things with DGS. Oh, I loved having small kids, taking them for walks in the woods and on the shore. All the magic!
I'm still doing well on my trip to independence. Not having much trouble at all. Funny, though. When an uncomfortable feeling surfaces, along with whatever it's actually about I get a sort-of-sinking feeling, sort of like hopelessness. I think that's the point where I try to "eat it away." I think part of the feeling is a "doomed to be fat" thing. Like I give up at that point and decide feeling things is just too difficult. This morning I had that feeling and thought to myself, "You don't have to give up. You just have to feel this, and it will last a bit and then it will go away. And you may have learned something important."
It's really helping a lot to be able to express this too, helps me work these things out. Thanks for listening!
wsw, WTG!!!!! 3 pounds is fantastic! My body does that too, holds on to weight and then when it finally decides to release it, sometimes it's in a nice, solid chunk! Congrats!
Anagram, you're so right about enabling -- it's really hard to be objective about our behavior. And I think that we're brought up to be helpful, too, so that we're inclined to help people do things that it would be better for them to take care of themselves. I am definitely guilty there.
Striving onward, tho!
Kaylets, thanks again for all the inspiration. So many good things to think about! I love the TOD today, intend to meditate on "becoming my self" through the day. Such a better thing to think about than "what will I eat next," "I can't lose this weight," "I look so fat," etc.
QOD: My nicest dream was one in which I was swimming over the top of a body of water, with a small girl by the hand. Through the water we could see large flowers made from glowing jewels at the bottom.
My worst nightmare was one in which my son had been sentenced to death and my husband and I were walking him up stairs to be hanged. We were both supporting him and ensuring that he did it, as our duty. It was for some reason necessary, but it was the worst feeling I've ever had in my life.
On that bright note -- hey! Things could be worse! Let's get out there and make this a good one! Love to all, mentioned or unmentioned...
I had a great visit with my Dad. The chiminea and wrought iron sun are *exactly* what I wanted - and then he brought me "presents". I have a HUGE green frog and turtle, also from Mexico ("huge" meaning they're both over a foot across). Both have been airbrushed, sealed and look real - except the frog, I'd be afraid of a frog that big! They're SO cute, and totally remind me of my Dad's whacky personality. Oh, and he let me buy him dinner (pizza) but wouldn't take money for my stuff... Parents....
Arabella - Hmmmm... that is an interesting way of approaching things - just letting go of them. I like that! I never really thought of it, but I guess obsessing over something does give it a lot of power.
WSW - Congrats on the loss! I do think water is hugely underrated!
Kaylets - Good, glad you heard from the Empress - I was getting worried. I really liked your story too. The line "The bottom line is, change is always wanted on some level but hardly ever completely enjoyable at first" really struck a chord with me. I hate change, but I've never changed something in my life and ended up UNhappier than I was before the change - that should say something.
Ceara - Have fun at the dog show! I'd love to go to one one of these days!
Q o' the day -
~We'll do nightmare first - it would either be a tie between all the dreams after my separation where I'd be screaming at my ex and his Mom and wake up out of breath or the dream I had just last week. The dream wasn't so bad as waking up and realizing part of it was true. I dreamed my Mom was in a car crash and survived - but they found out she had breast cancer while she was being x-rayed for injuries. I've come to grips with Mom's diagnosis, but apparently my brain is still sorting through all this!
~Best ever dream... I had 2 dreams, one after each Grandmother passed. My "gramma" told me she was gone, but never really gone - so I *know* she's always around. My "gaggie" told me (in her usual take no prisoners tough Southern woman tone) "if you need anything you just ask, I mean it".
Or, I can think of a few other dreams, involving Billy Zane or David Duchovney, etc. that are well worth re-dreaming!
Anagram-we had to change mortgage companies because they wanted to change our closing date AGAIN. This would make 4 times. But we are getting a better rate 5.125% instead of 5.5% YEAH! So who knows when we'll move.
Ceara-nope, won't be changing my screename. Just getting used to typing the Mrs. part of my new name!!
Bad dream first: This was back when I was about 5 or 6. I once dreamed I was walking through the woods in the back of our house (we didn't have any woods around our house) and someone shot me in the back and locked me in a cage only enough room to lay on my stomach, outside for days. (Still bleeding and all) I could see my house and backyard through the trees and no one could see or hear me. Very vivid and weird for a little kid to be dreaming this. I woke up and felt like I had been caged, very achy and my back hurt where they shot me.
To be honest, I hardly ever have good dreams. Most of the time I can't even remember what I dream.
Oh, my Lordy, firecrackers, it's been so beautiful this week in Sunny Eugene Oregon! Wishing seriously wonderful weather on you all! I mean this, since I experience the whole Seasonal Affective Disorder thing pretty seriously. I feel like a layer of gummy...stuff is being peeled away from my brain and senses every sunny day.
So, I'm exercising (1/2 hour of fast walking) every other day - yesterday was my day and again, only the thought of reporting dead failure to y'all got my butt off the couch in 90-degree weather. The chumps who manage my apartment closed the pool yesterday. Hey, though, I have 90-degree weather and an apartment pool, so WHO'S COMPLAINING???
I did indeed dedicate my walk yesterday to Zadie, and had this song from "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" (movie about cross-dressing rocker) running through my head just for you, darlin'.
"...and you're shining like the brightest star, a transmission on the midnight radio. And you're spinning like a 45' ballerina, dancing to your rock and roll!"
Next walk's for Punkinseed's mom. Let me know if you don't want me to think about men in women's clothing on stage while I'm walking for her... Punkin, I am picturing your flowers in my mind, sun-drenched and nodding in a warm breeze. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Frogger, I dream at least 2 dreams a night that I can remember vivdly for the rest of the day. Next time I get a good one, I'm sending it your way. I always find that the "sleepier" I am in waking life (like in the winter), the less vivdly I dream. As soon as the sun comes out and I start feeling alive again, my dreams come back. I treasure them.
Oh, Ceara, I wish I could watch your dog show. Do you show your own dogs, and what sort are they? The only thing I know about shows is from that wonderful movie, "Best in Show".
Arabella, I think the only thing we can do for our parents is to pursue healthy living for ourselves and hope they get jealous enough of our subsequent joy to do it themselves. I'm learning that it's a rare thing that you can talk anybody into anything. Good for you, working through (or letting go, I should say) of stuff that troubles you so. You WILL get your groove back.
WSW, I hear you on losing weight slowly. I'm both comforted and exasperated as I learn how much time and failure and struggle it takes to get fit and healthy. Exasperated because it's so bloody LONG and HARD, and comforted because I feel compassion for myself and others going through such a difficult process.
Anagram, gently tap the top of your computer with a really, really big mallet. I think it will get the picture. Or practice your swing with a baseball bat right in front of the monitor. Subtle hints.
OK, girls. I didn't hurt as much at all on my walk yesterday. My body's already forgiving me for gross neglect. Today's my first weigh-in for at least a year (besides the one a month ago at the Dr.'s). Gulp!
Love to you all and I'll tell you later what the scale said. Eek, Eek!
BIG STORM bearing down on us- we're not even going to look for yardsales much less set up our own today.
***************************
Today's thought is again from Bob Perks- I hope you enjoy it:
“Oh what a beautiful morning,
Oh what a beautiful day,
I've got a wonderful feeling,
Everything's going my way.”
Where was that coming from? Someone was singing so early in the morning and it was a happy song, too.
You could see the look on the faces of others in the lobby of the hotel. If I could read minds as well as I read people, I’d hear them saying “Stop it!”, “Give me a break!”, “No one’s that happy!”
There are days I don’t even attempt happy until noon, but this lady was truly in love with life.
She was a cleaning lady, an honorable career that requires hard work and long hours. But you’d think she was the president of the hotel.
I had to talk to her. I wanted what she had. I wanted to wake up everyday and sing, “Oh what a beautiful morning!”
I bet you thought I did. Sorry if I disappoint you, but what really connects me to the people I write for and speak to is the real fact that life is tough and living it is tougher. But taking the time to see life in the details makes the journey worth every moment.
Beliefnet.com calls me “the philosopher of everyday moments.”
I see myself as a scavenger in search of treasure.
She was a treasure.
“I couldn’t help but notice you singing this early in the morning, “ I said to her.
“That’s why they named me “Jetty,” with a “J”. Not Betty. We lived near the shore and a “jetty” sticks out into the ocean. My mother wanted me to stick out in life,” she told me.
“Do you sing all the time?” I asked her.
“Only when I’m happy. Wait, I’m happy all the time!” she said laughing. “So, yes I do sing all the time.”
“But most people would think that cleaning up after others would not be a happy job,” I said.
She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. I thought I had insulted her. Believing there was some new industry wide official title for what she did, I tried not to say “cleaning lady” or “maid.” Whatever you call it, it’s an important job with little appreciation.
But she saw it all differently.
“Sir, I am the “Keeper of Shine,” she said proudly. Her smile alone brightened the lobby.
“Excellent!” I said.
“What do you do?” she asked me.
“I search for people who brighten the world just by being in it. I am honored, my friend, to finally meet “The Keeper of Shine.”
"I believe in you!"
Bob Perks
==================
And the question of the day reflects the thought of the day:
"What are you the "keeper " of? "
==================
I've got to run out for a little while, I'll be back !
Hey Sparkl-ey Ladies!
because I know I can be a lot happier than I have been lately. Hmmm..... reminds me of today's quote!
Punkin, any news of our beloved Empress? Can't help but worry a little bit when one of us goes AWOL. Although Amarantha does from time to time need a break from the site. 
and an end to the 
. It's been in the 80's here for 3 days and it feels SO GOOD! Nothing like this kind of weather to banish any and all blahs. Not to mention the oodles of potted pitunias, marigolds, lobilias and snapdragons that are blooming all over my decks.... ahhhh, spring! 
but I'm keeping it to 2 a week.
Fabulous SUNNY Friday
. However I will be staying with a friend tonight so that will be very nice.
Everything else is good although the not eating after 7 is getting tough...just went to bed last night...what a coping mechanism eh?
wsw and Punkin! Defeat the 
scale! And Arabella, the enabling people are difficult I agree...sometimes the hardest part is recognising them...and hoping they really don't mean to. Good to see you Anagram....you ol' blue eyes, you! 
Zadie K, Bo Beena, Wildfire, Mrs Frogger....are you changing your screen name too?, Cerise et al....I expect the Empress is fading away on her new programme!
Parents....
Hmmmm... that is an interesting way of approaching things - just letting go of them. I like that! I never really thought of it, but I guess obsessing over something does give it a lot of power.
Punkin, I am picturing your flowers in my mind, sun-drenched and nodding in a warm breeze. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
