hey Lindor.... you ALWAYS disappear if yr struggling lol. Silly Billy, we love and care about each other here. We don't care if you have some off time. Thats what this journey is all about. No one can perfect it and I dont think anyone in my lifetime ever will. It's all about the ups and downs and the bits in between. It's good to have support no matter what stage you're at. I've been stuck (and gaining) for a few months now. But love still coming here. Just not reporting in lol.

Been working the past few days. Scales are no change but my pants are looser. wohhooo I dont ever measure myself though but maybe I should start. Eating so so. probably not as much junk these past 2 weeks as usual so thats gotta be a good thing yeah?

ok really gotta go and get this house sorted. have the day off work today and have plans to get stuck into it, though already the girls are *****ing and screaming and fighting with each other. I am ready to lock them outside.

Kel i hope jem is feeling better poor kid....


Lindor welcome back.. ill be up for a wiifit challenge as soon as my knee has recovered from my basketball game yesrteday .. i jarred it and it complaining loudly lol


Vonni dont you just love girls.. i know i only have one but she does enough fitghin B8thing and whining to make up for it.. lol COW

Weigh in day for me im down 500 grams this week and very suprised i have eaten my weight in chocolate and had TOM.. and still manage it... lol

so 110.7 wooohooo

YAY Lindor - great to see you back here . I agree with Vonni - I have never understood why people avoid this place when it gets tough because, to me, that's the very time we most need each other's support.

Kel is Jem OK? That sounds really scary.

Barb and Gen are either of you lurking? I am thinking of both of you, and I hope you're getting lots of love and support from your families and friends.

Julia you have to believe in yourself and trust that you will get there. I have faith in you - weight loss is never linear, and it certainly isn't easy. But if you refuse to give up on yourself, you will definitely get there.

Amy - woo hoo! I know what you mean about eating your weight in chocolate . But good to see you lost weight anyway.

All good here. Off plan with my eating, and not drinking enough water, but I've had an 'off' week or two. In spite of that I will just keep plodding along…

Speaking of plodding along, on my virtual walk across Australia I reached the WA/South Australia border yesterday and am now on the loooooooooooong stretch across the Nullarbor. That's a lot of walking .

yayy Ani. Welcome to the nullabor. Now you need plenty of water to make it through

Yeah I'm here, but don't have anything to say really. Good on you Lindor for coming back to us, we missed you!

I'm feeling really empty at the moment, then if I laugh or feel good I feel guilty for feeling that way. I don't think I'm dealing with this well at all, I'm waiting for that little something that will tip me over the edge emotionally and turn me into a crying heap. I feel responsible for everyone's wellbeing being the eldest and they all come to me when they need to talk, I don't resent them for that at all but I need an outlet too.

Mum's ashes arrived at Dad's today and he was a mess when he called to let me know, I don't know what to say to him to comfort him, its only been 16 days and its not getting anny easier for him, I think he expected to start healing by now. I've got to tell ya girls this really sucks.

Barb...I am not aware of the circumstances, but I can see you have suffered a great loss recently...I am sorry to hear that.

Don't rush yourself through the grieving process...let it take its course. Feeling guilty about the good things at such a time is a part of the process. Take reassurance in that there is nothing wrong with laughing and feeling happy now...I am sure that is what Mum would want for you?

My thoughts are with you.

I get the feeling from Anis words that Gen is in a tough place too (I need to read over past posts!)? I hope she is ok too!

Amy - glad to hear you are in on the Wii Fit challenge! Not sure how the challenge is going to work just yet...any ideas?

Ani!! 2.6kg to go!!! Woohoo!! You continue to inspire!!! Well done!

Vonni, I know I ALWAYS disappear when I struggle. It isn't because I don't want the support from you all...it is more that I feel pretty ugly at those times and just want to hide from everyone. I know that you can't 'see' me, but I feel even the way I behave, the things I say, the things I think are ugly...and I am ashamed of that! And the only way I can avoid that feeling is by not saying, not thinking, and just disappearing.

I did my first Junkmail delivery today...I had to break the route into two because there was just to much to carry. The first part saw me carrying a full backpack and a 'green' shopping bag full of Junkmail. I don't know the distance (I discovered my pedometer had a flat battery this morning!), but it took me an hour to do that part. I then had to come home and collect another 'green' shopping bag full. I took a 15min break at that point and then left to do part two...which took me half an hour! All in all, I really enjoyed doing it!!

The quantity I delivered today was just half of what I can expect. I particularly applied for the weekend round because I work full-time during the week. But they have given me the weekend and mid-week rounds but have told me it will be fine to deliver the lot on the weekend! I might reassess that in time...maybe I can break the mid-week into two evening walks after work. The problem is, I get home from work at about 5pm and I don't want to be out after dark...the neighbourhood is not the best. It was only a few weeks ago an early morning walker got attacked by a man with a brick...that was at 6.30am...almost daylight!!!

I've reset my ticker to 98kg. That is not an official weight, it is just a guess and is going by the weight I've recorded on the Wii Fit (in the evening after I have eaten). I will officially weigh in Monday morning. I am feeling really motivated right now...but whether that is going to stick or whether it is just because I am still feeling good (hot and sweaty!) after my walking I don't know.

I want it to stick!

Thanks Lindor for your kind words. My mum passed away suddenly on April 1st after having a major asthma attack. Non e of us was expecting it to happen and weren't prepared to have to deal with anything like this. Gen's mum has just recently been diagnosed with lung cancer, i hope they're doing ok with it all.

Oh Barb, I am so sorry about your mum. 56 is far too young, it's just not fair is it. I suppose we are lucky in that we have time to say what we need to say, and mum has time to get her affairs in order, but we just feel totally ripped off too. It's rather bizarre being here, we can be sitting watching TV at night just like always, and then I remember again why I'm here and get a shock each time.

Mum has mesothelioma from asbestos exposure. Seems pretty certain that it's from somewhere she worked at age 18-19 for a few months. Really makes you mad that these people knew their product was dangerous, and made no moves to inform people or stop selling it. And now I lose my mum because of it. The irony is that she and dad stopped smoking last year and then got diagnosed with this. It's unrelated to smoking, and luckily there is no spread to other organs yet.

They say she has 6-12 months. Somewhat depends on how fast it progresses from here, but she hasn't decided whether to bother having chemo - she'd rather have 6 good months than 12 sick months. She's had an operation on her lung and has another op in a few weeks, but there is nothing curable to do unfortunately.

It just doesn't seem real, and I don't know how you cope with it. I know **** happens, and younger people die all the time (indeed, my work means I see it daily), but it's my mum.

Barb, sorry again about your mum.

Thank you Gen.

It is really hard, I'm still feeling like I can call and she'll be there, it's not real yet for me and I don't know when it will be. Make the most of the time you have left with your mum and tell her what a wonderful person she is. I never had the chance to say what I needed to while she was still able to hear me, I'm sure she knew though. We had three days before she actually went and that time was the hardest, her body still functioned but I knew she wasn't there. I said things that I needed to say but I have no idea if she heard, in fact I don't think she was there from the time she first collapsed. She told dad that she couldn't do this anymore and they bought her back, but what made her mum was gone. Does that make any sense? I still wonder if we made the right decision in taking her off the ventilation, the doctors never said right from the start how bad the brain damage was but they told us to be prepared for the worst, we all hoped for the best though. Maybe it was for the best, mum would have hated being a burden to any of us. I just wish there was more time, I do have wonderful memories and I think I might start writing them down, not that I'm a terribly good writer!

Take care Gen.

Barb writing those memories down is a wonderful way to remember your Mum.

I lost my mum to cancer at 53. When I was 20. It was hard even having the time to prepare so I cant imagine a sudden death. Though I guess all the emotions would be the same except for shock. With a disease or long illness the shock comes with diagnoses. Yet with sudden you have to deal with it all at once.

Gen I'm kinda in that sort of thinking as your mum. If I ever got ill and incurable I would prob opt for shorter quality than sicker quantity. But then I guess none of us ever really know for sure unless we walk in the shoes.

Thoughts are with you and know you can make some special time with your Mum now. xxx

PS... I think Kel has left for her road trip.... SAFE DRIVING KEL. Hehehe she will be no doubt listening to wiggles DVDs all the way. hehehe and number 8 monkey monkeys monkeys

Barb, it sounds like absolutely the right decision - I know I would do the same for any of my family and trust they would do the same for me. Living on a ventilator with brain damage is no way to live.

I agree but it didn't make it any easier to make that decision, and dad was so upset he told me, my brother and sister that if that decision had to be made then we would have to make it, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Vonni. Losing your mum at such a young age would have been difficult. How did you manage, I can't see at the moment how I'm going to.

Barb and Gen...I am sorry you are both going through this turmoil. Know I am thinking of you both


I officially weighed in this morning at 96.6kg...yup that kinda surprised me!


Today is day 1.

My plan for this week:

- cut out all the 'snacking' that has crept back into my life
- 40mins of Wii Fit a day (My Wii Fit challenge - 1000mins in 30 days)
- deliver Junkmail Tuesday, Thursday and the weekend.
- drink at least 2lt of water a day
- aim to lose at least 1kg

I'm still feeling motivated...and it has just gone 5.30am and I am not hot and sweat and have not just returned from 90mins of walking!

Barb I didnt manage very well at first. And they say as time goes by it gets easier. My experience it doesnt really get easier, just you don't think about it as often. When times are tough I still really miss my mum (and its been 16 years) and I still have a cry. Like my children being born (she was alive for my first). My wedding day. Even when I'm having trouble with my rebel son i really want my mum. But the good memories are there to. I look at pics of my mum and laugh so hard.

And Deep down i have a feeling my mum is still with me and knows whats going on in my life.

Little things happen around me that make me think this.

You will manage. It wont be easy, but having people around you who can support you and give you hugs when yr down really help.

xoxox Vonni