Hi Everyone...okay...must be a great let down day, cuz I've spent the past two hours reading through the maintenance threads (not there yet...but very optimistic

)and then catching up through the past several weeks of threads that I've missed! I've laughed, cried...I mean buckets full of tears...and re-evaluated so much!!! Every single one of you is an inspiration! I've truly missed you and thank you for sooooooo much insight!

In some ways the break was okay...cuz returning has helped me put "life" into perspective as I catch up on all of your lives...on the other hand...the 9 lbs I've put on says...not again! One thing is for sure, all of you that have had scary experiences are on the road to recovery...so selfishly, I'm sooo relieved and happy for you...and for me that I don't have to worry for you!

Denise, your path is phenominal...I'm sooooo thrilled for you! And you maintainers...I feel like you are my sisters...I've missed you so!! And the rest of you...who know me...know my babbling can be over the top...and those that don't...sorry

...okay...so, as I sit here with my "muffin top" (as Gina refers to it) bugging me cuz it's been rolling over my waistband just killing me for the past two hours...I am ready to begin a new day OP

I needed to read all of the post to try and understand what was going on in my head! To find an understanding of why the multitude of food and foo-foo alcohol drinks...and wine that I've been stuffing down my throat have become soooo important again! And truly, I feel a bit serene...more than I've felt in about a month! So, of course what I want to do, is just drink protein drinks for the next week...totally liquid diet...and then start pre-conditioning again...as I share this with my DH he shakes his head...and shares that we both know the "quick fix" is one of the things that got me here. Part of it is simple...winter, comfort food, no time to cook. So, I'm pulling in the troops for support. I'm assigning cooking days for the "re-dos" (fyi for you newbies...my "re-dos" are my three kids who have moved back home) who actually cook healthier than me...and the alcohol is REALLY going by-by! It's a start, right? I was soooooooo better off when the doctor thought the wine was a problem for my liver...why couldn't he just have lied

! Another strange anomity is that fact that I was doing better with the cast and boot on my foot for six months...I guess the inconvenience kept me out of the kitchen! Ha! And the fact that exercising again...tends to make me a bit more hungry! One saving grace Meemo, is your protein powder mixed into my chai tea every morning! I swear it keeps me going 'til lunch! It's the "after" lunch time...that gets a bit scary!!

As I look back at all of my "inputs" I remember thinking that I didn't understand why everyone was having such a problem staying on plan...okay, not you Denise

but you're a miracle...but...I think, for me, anyway, having mis-steps along the way, helps me to learn better food "life strategies" for the future. I'm hoping, anyway! I also get a little bent thinking that I'm 55 and still feeling like I don't have a clue!

Okay...I've pulled out my "grateful" list...and my namaste "freedom" list...and I'm adding all of you to each of them...and the fact that I'm able to have a place to share...even with the 'ol muffin top screaming for me to stand up...and go for a VERY long walk before it hails again...yep...even here in San Diego! Love you guys!! Great to be back...yet once again! xoxoCarrie