I think Shannon's on to something re cortisol and stress. In general, I think it's fair to say that overwork, overtraining, too much stress and not enough sleep just don't go hand-in-hand with weight loss. However hard I try I can't see too much stress and weight loss skipping merrily down the street together. If illnees is involved, perhaps, but that's a different scenario altogether. For myself, I didn't manage to lose weight until I started having a lot of sleep (post baby).
Thank you for all your supportive comments. I'm a little calmer today (though not much).
Shannon, the part of my 200/1000 plan that felt pretty ok was the "no grains" rule during the day. That was pretty easy to manage. The 200 cals. part, that was pretty tough, especially by mid-late afternoon. And I also learned that even 1000 calories isn't all that huge, and if I wasn't careful, I would have no trouble going over that amount between 6 and 10 pm.
And, the whole reason I started the 200/1000 cal diet was because I read a research study that showed that habitual breakfast eaters lost weight when they stopped eating breakfast, while habitual non-breakfast eaters lost weight when they started - both groups kept total daily calories constant. The authors' take was that the key was change - that in both cases, you were asking your body to adjust to a new system. Since I have always eaten breakfast, I decided to try skipping.
Anyway, I think that while the diet per se wasn't terribly stressful, the anticipation of finally (finally, finally) being able to lose weight, and then not, was horribly upsetting. And together with family strife and work-related frustrations has definitely "sent my cortisol through the roof" (not sure which of you said that, but I love the biology analogy). Poor DH hasn't even gotten lucky in 5 days because I feel so down on myself. JayEll, I will try to practice some self-kindness.
Last comment, then off to bed. I used to think my setpoint was 140, but as I got past 35, my setpoint crept higher and higher, until my body was happy at 160. I could see that, for me, there would be no end in sight. I don't believe in setpoints, only eating/exercise habits coupled with basal metabolic rate, which slows distinctly with age and decreased muscle mass.
Despite the scale weight, my stomach is looking better than it ever has during my lifetime. Which is not to say that it's worthy of being photographed, because of my loose skin and one oddly deep indented stretch mark on the left side. But there's some definition under there. I'm going to think of that & not the scale weight.
Today I was lying on a mat in the gym doing five reps of the "Superman" pose, at the end of a long workout. A friend was stretching on a mat nearby, post-training session. I said to her in mock despair, "Is this all worth it?" and she said, "Oh my God, how could you say that? You look great. Your arms ...." I said to her: "I guess all I think about is what I **should** look like, or what I used to look like, rather than what I actually do look like." This is symptomatic of not living in the present, of course.
Today I was lying on a mat in the gym doing five reps of the "Superman" pose, at the end of a long workout. A friend was stretching on a mat nearby, post-training session. I said to her in mock despair, "Is this all worth it?" and she said, "Oh my God, how could you say that? You look great. Your arms ...." I said to her: "I guess all I think about is what I **should** look like, or what I used to look like, rather than what I actually do look like." This is symptomatic of not living in the present, of course.
Living in the present definitely has its bonuses, if we let ourselves enjoy the moment. I guess hanging out all day with dogs gives me a bit of a different perspective. They are very much "in the moment" and most of them are pretty darn happy.
That's awesome Saef-- both about your tummy and your arms!!
You know-- I wear a sports bra and shorts to bikram yoga most days. I have visible stretch marks and extra skin on my tummy and it isn't at all pretty. But I still like to see my muscles while I'm working out (there are mirrors everywhere). Some days I feel extra poochy and I don't wear a sports bra, but most days I do. Some women do there and some don't. Some are much larger than me that wear them, while others are young, trim, athletic girls with nary a stretch mark or blemish anywhere.
I'm off to set up my book fair. Should get lots of exercise lifting boxes of books today!
Becky - I can see food and wine as great motivation to finish a run! Woo!
Andrea - The anticipation and let down has driven me crazy before, too. I find the study results you referenced interesting, any change often makes things start to move, one way or the other. I'm not sure that I believe in one setpoint for a person either - if it exists, mine has changed greatly over the years. The slowing metabolism makes more sense.
Saef - great feedback from the woman at the gym. It is hard sometimes to see ourselves how others see us. And very easy to see 'should' and beat ourselves to death to get it.
Michele - I don't think I could wear a sports bra to yoga, good for you.
Our schedule with DSS got flipped around this week, he was supposed to be with us Thurs night and Fri night, his mom on Wed afternoon changed it to Wed night and Thurs night. I took the opportunity of being up early yesterday to go for a run before work, today I stayed awake and exercised. I feel pretty good. Lets see if I can keep that going. LOL
Chatting with Dagmar over on the October Bodies thread, I gave voice to the key element I should be focusing on. It's food. My exercise is in place (stretching/yoga, some weights and developing cardio). My sleep is generally OK. My food could do with a little more care and attention. I was saying to Dagmar that I remember Jessica (paperclippy) used to post, often alone, in a food thread. I think I might start posting my food here and see how it goes. If it looks as though an accountability thread would be better we can start one.
So, today (Saturday).
Brekkie was muesli, berries, cottage cheese, wheatgerm, semi-skimmed milk.
Mid-morning snack. Apple and too much peanut butter. (This was particularly stupid as I have an idea that pnb is not helping my shortness of breath at present and I'd decided to remove it from my diet for a while.)
Lunch. Pile of salad (no dressing - almost never have it), tuna mayonnaise left over from the DB's packed lunch yesterday, some crackers. (Crackers not v good choice but the SO had not finished making bread).
Mid-arvo snack. None at correct time as someone came round about building work and I was deep in discussion.
Tea. Spaghetti bolognaise + green salad. SO's turn to make tea but odd afternoon so I ended up transforming remains of last night's mince (for shepherd's pie) into bolognaise. Lack of mid-arvo snack + almost imperceptible annoyance led to pre-tea apple, crackers & cheese. I hate this happening. The late afternoon crush of getting tea on the table when I want to be far away is the major and predictable hiccup in my otherwise happy food life.
It's now into the evening here and I shan't eat again before bedtime. Off to do language homework now.
I decided Thursday night to run a marathon on Saturday. Why? Good question!! Because my impulsiveness ended up costing me. It was a trail marathon that I tried to run last year but it was cancelled at the last minute. So, I was feeling pretty good last week and when I saw the email for the race I thought "might as well".
So... this race was almost entirely on single-track trails, very narrow and usually only one person wide, that skirted the sides of a deep valley heading down to the ocean. Less than two miles into the race, I rounded a corner and found a steep, rocky section of trail. The runners in front of me had had hit the brakes quickly and were picking their way through. I skidded to a stop at the edge of the trail and was perched there waiting my turn. The very large man running behind me did NOT hit his brakes in time and fell to one knee, knocking me off the trail entirely.
I smashed one knee on a large rock then rolled down and smacked my shoulder, hand and hip on the other side before stopping. A woman leaned over the trail and helped me all the way back up. (I don't even think I thanked her, I was still in slight shock. I feel bad about that now). Standing on the trail, I took an injury roll call and determined that it was largely superficial abrasions, a few deep punctures on the knee but nothing orthopedic. So I kept going. (Sound the stupidity alarm now).
An hour later, my knee had stiffened up and was throbbing in a very painful way. I arrived at an aid station in the middle of nowhere and asked about checking out of the race. They informed me that I'd have to get to the next aid station anyway since that's where they walked from. So, I ran/hiked/hobbled another 5 miles to the next station. By now my knee has stopped bending entirely so my gait is a horrible peg-leg lurch. Needless to say, every last person who saw me told me to check out of the race. My response: "I'm TRYING to".
At the next aid station (that was near a small road) I threw in the towel officially. The volunteers said that I'd have to wait another 7 hours for the race to end, then they would drive me all the way down to the finish (the opposite direction from home). There is no cell phone reception in that area, and I knew that my fiance would be heading over the hill and down to the ocean soon, expecting me to be there. So at that point I was resigned to my fate - 7 hours of being stranded there while my fiance was down at the finish worrying.
But then my savior arrived! In the form of an older man wearing a "trail work volunteer" shirt. He was walking by and overheard my dilemma, and offered to drive me back up to the starting point since his trail work was done. So I hopped in his car and headed back up the hill. He even had some disinfectant wipes in the car (though at this point my lower leg was a sheet of blood, so I think I had bled out any badness already). We even got to cell phone reception land and I call fiance just as he is heading out, so he comes to get me at the start. It all worked strangely well, despite the initial disaster.
Anyway, that was my Saturday! Sunday was a lot less eventful, I'm happy to report.
Oh my goodness! That is so sad! That darn guy that ran into you (did he apologize?). I'm so sorry for your pain and injury. That totally sucks. I hope you heal quickly and without residual problems. Thank goodness for the volunteer that drove you back!!!
I ate dinner at my cousin's house. I had a piece of his wife's home-made apple pie -- she mixed and rolled out the crust while my mother & I were chatting with her in her kitchen. I haven't had any pie in maybe five years. Usually I would eschew it entirely. I wanted it, but I also wanted to be more normal.
I will regret this attempt at normality if the scale shows me it was unwise on Friday morning, but heck, I did try.
I ate dinner at my cousin's house. I had a piece of his wife's home-made apple pie -- she mixed and rolled out the crust while my mother & I were chatting with her in her kitchen. I haven't had any pie in maybe five years. Usually I would eschew it entirely. I wanted it, but I also wanted to be more normal.
I will regret this attempt at normality if the scale shows me it was unwise on Friday morning, but heck, I did try.
saefSo what if the scale is up a bit one day? You had a chance to interact with your family and to sample something truly homemade. I hope you were able to enjoy the pie while you were eating it!
I think the stress of moving is burning off all the stuff I'm eating. Plus I was doing physical stuff all three days that involved standing for long periods of time.
I ate rather poorly this long weekend due mostly to not getting the turkey on the correct day and not having back up meals in place. Thai food Sat., pizza Sun., and then the planned meal yesterday.
I also planned dessert for us Saturday and Sunday and partook of an unplanned one when the turkey people, in way of apology I guess, included 6 custardy tart type things with the turkey they finally did sell us.
And I drank a large beer on Sunday night but was too tired to binge eat chips after it.
I started out the 3 days weighing 138.6 lbs. I still weigh 138.6 lbs. and probably will have that as a constant weight until the move is complete. I'm good with that - too much to do to worry about it.
You had a chance to interact with your family and to sample something truly homemade. I hope you were able to enjoy the pie while you were eating it! 
Plus I was doing physical stuff all three days that involved standing for long periods of time.
but 
