Andrea, I greatly appreciate all the time you've put in to analyzing the studies and summarizing them. I hope it's refreshed your outlook and given you some new ideas; I've certainly learned from your efforts!
Saef, I am reading a book by Jim Loehr of the Human Performance Institute titled "The Only Way to Win". He explores why top athletes and CEOs tend to get to the end of a huge endeavor (winning championships, making huge profits, starting a business, etc - and I don't see why losing 100 lbs would be much different) and wonder "Is that all there is?". It's because the achievement is not enough by itself - and he offers some real and applicable ways to get out of that mindset. I've already had a couple of Kleenex moments. It's become one of the few books that I went back to the beginning midway through and began to underline passages, which in my world means that this book will be establishing permanent residency with me - I am finding it a true paradigm-shifter.
Exhale, thanks for popping up. I feel like I've conquered the scale (no more 160's or 170's for about 4 years now), and you put it marvelously - my next direction is to "move more and eat well for it's own sake." Some days I get it, and some I don't - it requires a whole lot of truly being-in-the-moment.
Dagmar, we already share a lot of the same outlooks - I'm adopting your too. I do not want to spend the latter half of my life with "jaws clenched"; I'm pretty sure that's how I got overweight in the first place!
Ticker's down a smidge. This week's mandate: stay out of the trail mix. We have a "practice" swim meet on Sunday - with real starts and a full timing system; I'm already losing sleep. Good thing I've forgotten what most of my times were; so far I have successfully avoided looking them up. Darn you, internet ... making all that old history so accessible!
I am vacillating right now between indifference and almost a learned helplessness. Scale is way up this morning and I want to try to convince myself that it is retaining water from the 17 mile run that I did yesterday and not the amount of carbs that I ate yesterday AFTER that run.
I am desperately trying to persuade myself that the fact that I can run 17 miles straight is what really matters, and not the number on the scale. But I just can't quite get there.
Andrea - I for one am appreciating the links that you have posted even when I find them discouraging. I can see "disordered thinking" in others that I can't see in myself and it has helped put things in perspective.
Yes, thank you Andrea for posting. Informational to say the least. I'm still percolating how it all pertains and resonates with myself.
I wonder when scales were first invented? If we had lived in Laura Ingalls Wilder's time (I loved Little House on the Prairie books when I was younger and always imagined myself living in that period), would we know if we gained or lost a few pounds? Would it even be a concern as we would be working all day and wouldn't have the conveniences and "bad" foods we do now?
Okay, I've been reading a lot of the posts this last week and haven't said much. I read some things that made me mad, some things that made me sad, some things that made sense, some that didn't. Then read them all again. Talked to a friend on another board, then read it all again. Talked to my friend some more, then downloaded the book from GoKaleo and am reading it.
One of the common themes I've seen, and have discussed with DH and my friend on another board, is that we all seem to be struggling. Everything seems to be so hard. I have to find a way to make it not be so hard, so I don't buckle and give up. DH has lost 30 pounds this year, and once he got a routine in place the thing I notice the most often is that it isn't desperately hard for him.
Here is where I am now - I ended last week at 137.5, lowest weight I've seen in over a year. This is after almost a month of wavering around 140. This is also after a really high day last Sunday at the start of the week. I've started eating more protein, gotten my exercise back into a better routine, am back into a pattern with my food and am stocking healthy snacks. When I'm starving, I have a snack. When I'm not hungry, I don't eat. If I don't feel like a planned snack, I don't have the planned snack. All of my snacks have protein in them, and I'm pumping my meals with a lot of protein as the foundation. I'm working on discovering my trigger foods - wheat bread gives me heartburn, dry textures give me reflux (tortillas, bread, even really dry jerky), eating too fast makes me sick, simple carbs make me bloat, too much salt makes me feel headachey and flushed. The less sugar I eat, the less I want. Since I've cut back on the carbs I have had significantly less binging moments, and when I've overeaten it has been things with more protein. Harder to eat a lot when it is a higher protein snack.
The Kaleo book makes sense - find the calorie balance that works with your exercise and your lifestyle, and roll with it. Now I'm trying to figure out how to roll with it. I'm hoping that if I keep up the healthy habits that the rest will fall into line more.
And I dressed up as Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie for Halloween this weekend, DH had a NASA flight suit and was Major Nelson. When I look at the pictures the first thing I see is my belly. I'm making myself look back and see the great job I did with my makeup and my wig and remember that we won the costume contest so I must not have looked all bad. :
Last night, I couldn't even post here, I was in such a bad place mentally. I had a long to-do list at work, but have to delay starting several projects for various reasons. Then I had the followup to my physical, and the metal sliding thing on their scale confirmed that I was at 155 pounds, which I know is higher than my last visit. And my imperious doctor said my bloodwork wasn't as good as the year before: My LDL has gone a little higher and my blood sugar level was higher. I was left sitting there thinking: Yeah, that's what I get for trying to eat a little more like a normal person and relax the iron control.
And I was so tired driving home, I had to open the windows and scream and sing along with the radio so that I wouldn't fall asleep. Had to push myself to the gym, through the elliptical workout. I just wanted to come home, eat dinner and fall in bed.
I must have needed the sleep, because I am in a better place this morning. But still sulky and back to restrictions.
Shannon-- I bet you and dh rocked your costumes! I'm sorry you can't just be happy about winning the costume contest.
Saef-- I'm glad you're in a better place mentally today. It doesn't help not to be.
I changed outfits this morning before work. The first dress I put on emphasized my round tummy too much. I feel much better in my second choice. Sometimes that's all it takes for me to have a good day vs. a crummy day-- if I feel like I look fat all day, I'm grouchy for sure.
Saef - that was my last physical. My bad cholesterol was a little higher, my good was a little lower. I weighed more than three years ago when I felt at my best and had my last physical. My BP was a little higher. My pulse was a little higher. Nut you know what? My total cholesterol was still FANTASTIC. My BP was still FANTASTIC. My GP told me my weight was rock solid and had been the same for the last year or so that she had been seeing me and she wished she weighed what I did and looked like me. I kept asking what I could do to make it better, and finally DH says 'don't worry about it, your total and all of your individual numbers are still optimal, why does it matter if it is a little higher than it was?' I'm still working on that.
Michele - I agree, if I look good I feel much better. It can make a very quick difference.
Saef: Hugs to you, and I'm glad a night of sleep helped somewhat. Back to restrictions is my motto as well (yet again).
Shannon: Do you have pics from your Halloween party to share? We want to see the winning couple!
CherryPie/Jen: I think you posted somewhere that you ran that 17 mile distance in under 2.5 hours. Did I get that right? If so, that's 17 miles averaging UNDER 9 minutes per mile?! You are absolutely my hero. I've been distance running for years and I will never TOUCH that time. I completely sympathize with the weight struggles, but your body is capable of real awesomeness so hopefully that brings you some happiness.
I am at a new high weight since April: 144. I now officially weigh as much as my 6' tall fiance. I felt slightly horrified typing that, but even the horror was muted. Lately it seems my emotional range has reduced to a few feelings: tired guilt, tired anxiety, anxious guilt, and frustrated anger.
CherryPie/Jen: I think you posted somewhere that you ran that 17 mile distance in under 2.5 hours. Did I get that right? If so, that's 17 miles averaging UNDER 9 minutes per mile?! You are absolutely my hero. I've been distance running for years and I will never TOUCH that time. I completely sympathize with the weight struggles, but your body is capable of real awesomeness so hopefully that brings you some happiness.
17.05 in 2:23:13 to be precise LOL. 8:24 MM. I don't feel fast AT ALL, but people tell me I am. You would think that would make me happy but instead I have all kinds of "what ifs" since I was obese my whole life.
It is interesting - I ran at lunch today (7 miles in 56:13) and I felt like I was FLYING. I haven't had a great run like this in a while and there was a part of me that wondered if it is because my weight is UP by a few pounds...
I've posted in the maintainers here and there, but not often. Although I lurk.
I've been reading the things posted the last few days, and I can so totally relate.
Right now, I'm at 2 years of maintaining, but find, slippage. For lack of a better word. Granted it's only 2 pounds, but I see the dreaded "creep"!
I do realize that from about the middle of Sept. to now is my tough time of year, and my mojo is coming back, but I wonder, do we ever get to a point where we can balance the food, and exercise and life, or are we, like a druggie or drunk, and always have to be on guard?
I apologize if I kinda hijacked the thread, but it seems to be such a complicated issue. And there is no one thing, that is the thing, that is the whatever in this journey.
What might be my cross to bear, might have nothing to do with what anyone else, anywhere else is dealing with.
It's not like drugs or booze, or things you can live without. We have to eat. So how do we find the balance?
Science can't, because, while science is involved, it can't factor in the human/emotion factor.
So, I guess it's up to us as individuals, to seek out and find, the balance that works for each of us.
But dang, some days, that's a PITA!
Thankfully, if we look, we can find the support within and without. Granted sometimes, not where you might always think it would be, but it is there.
Jen - I'm with Shannon; any time I'm under 12:00 for a mile I am a pretty happy camper. You ... are a RUNNER! I can relate to that lovely feeling of flying, but mine only occurs in the water. Very glad to hear you had a terrific run and your mind is settling down a bit!
JZJ - I've been in that emotionally exhausted place before. I've had decent results from concentrating on gratitude for just a minute before the start and the end of the day. Sometimes it can be easy to forget that we are loved, we can choose what we eat, we can dream and achieve, we have homes, and we have the ability to make things happen for ourselves and others. Going to sleep with those kinds of thoughts in my head makes a difference in shaking out the cobwebs. I don't write them down like a lot of people suggest.
Janelle, I have to believe there is a balance. It may be cyclical and I'm virtually certain that at times the upswing is lots longer than we like. I am trying to take a long view, as in "I have the rest of my life to work on getting this right."
On Monday, we swam a challenge set - it was 10 x 100 yds with rest intervals of 15 seconds. We were supposed to try to hold our pace within a couple of seconds for all 10; I successfully held 1:45 repeats with times of 1:27 to 1:31. Much work left to do ... but after only 4 weeks, I was surprised they were that close.
Last edited by ICUwishing; 10-30-2013 at 08:21 AM.
Becky, I'm also finding a thread of sanity in your posts. I looked at info on Jim Loehr online, practically ran off when I saw the term "mental toughness" but on reading further, found it didn't mean what I thought it would, a kind of punitive stoicism which employers can profit from at our expense. I like your idea of gratitude. I have tried it. My mind veers off, though. I don't seem to be very good at seeing my current state as adequate -- I'm always thinking of inadequacies and what I haven't done yet.
I'm in a trough of despondency this week, so if anyone reading here doesn't need negativity in his or her life, my posts are not a place you want to linger in. This seems to have a lot to do with the accelerating pace at the end of our fiscal year at work and approaching year-end reviews, and also my picking up slack till the new hires are trained & "up to speed," as the business slang goes. Everything seems difficult these days.
I've got a friend who keeps posting on her Facebook all these inspirational sayings: "You can do ANYTHING you put your mind to." Maybe because she's in her 20s, I don't know. And I look at them sourly: "Anything? Oh, yeah? Then flap your arms & just fly someplace m&%^$f%$#@a."
ICU: thank you for that reminder. I do find the "attitude of gratitude" to be incredibly helpful... when I remember to stop and BE grateful. A friend of my close friend is working in Kenya right now with Save the Children. She sent an email recently describing a typical day for them. One thing that really stood out to me: when a woman was in difficult prolonged labor and needed a C-section, their only option was to put her on the back of a motorcycle and drive her 3 hours on a rutty dirt road to the nearest hospital. She had to hang on (literally) for hours, in pain, to get medical help.
So yes, gratitude. And you are absolutely right - I CAN choose what I eat, and what a wonderful luxury that is! Another fantastic reason to be grateful, and to not let the hard stuff drag me down.
Speaking of the hard stuff: Saef: It's very OK to post about having a hard week (or month, or year) - we all sympathize, and as you said, no one need linger if they want to focus only on positive thoughts. This may be perverse, but I really appreciate when other people on this forum are willing to share their troubles and difficulty. It makes me feel less alone - unlike Facebook, where most people broadcast only their victories/beautiful families/general awesomeness.
safe - you are one of the most compassionate and empathetic people around. We are all here to get you through what I hope is just a phase. Every time you post about your work, I feel so bad for the stress you go through, but I also think you must be SOOOOOO good at your job because you sound invaluable!
Janelle - I am a substance abuse counselor and was just talking with my coworker - a recovering alcoholic - about how I have use my "drug" in moderation... She agreed that in some ways that is way harder because she can just abstain from hers...
I am reading a book by Jim Loehr of the Human Performance Institute titled "The Only Way to Win". He explores why top athletes and CEOs tend to get to the end of a huge endeavor (winning championships, making huge profits, starting a business, etc - and I don't see why losing 100 lbs would be much different) and wonder "Is that all there is?". It's because the achievement is not enough by itself - and he offers some real and applicable ways to get out of that mindset. I've already had a couple of Kleenex moments. It's become one of the few books that I went back to the beginning midway through and began to underline passages, which in my world means that this book will be establishing permanent residency with me - I am finding it a true paradigm-shifter.
I feel like I've conquered the scale (no more 160's or 170's for about 4 years now), and you put it marvelously - my next direction is to "move more and eat well for it's own sake." Some days I get it, and some I don't - it requires a whole lot of truly being-in-the-moment. 
too. I do not want to spend the latter half of my life with "jaws clenched"; I'm pretty sure that's how I got overweight in the first place!
Good thing I've forgotten what most of my times were; so far I have successfully avoided looking them up. Darn you, internet ... making all that old history so accessible!
