My parents also own a convienience store. Since I was like 3... It was where I grew up, I never went to daycare...I just hung around the store. DEFINITELY not a good thing for me. I notice whenever I'm there, still to this day, I eat and eat and eat. Even if it doesn't taste good...and nothing ever satisfies me. ICK. When I was a teenager and working there, I'd grab a pack of cinnamon dentyne sugar free gum...to keep my mind off eating junk---but in the span of a night, I'd chew the whole dang pack of gum! ...I remember eating, and hiding things when people walked in...frantically wiping at my face to remove any trace crumbs.
It was/is sad. It's literally a trigger for me to be there, but every morning I stop in to say hello to my dad (he gets sorta cranky if I don't stop and say hi), and I'm trying to get better. I typically grab a water when I walk in now instead of a diet soda, but I can't stay away from the cookies!
I had many but there is one binge that sticks in my mind.
Last year when I was an assistant for a pre school class, the kids had a fun day event. and so since there was a ton of food left over the school decided to sell it to the staff for dirt cheap. so i had brought like this platter of thick pita bread sandwich. so i literally ate about 10 sandwichs that day. i had felt so sick but i just kept on eating. i think that's when i realize i had an issue with food. and because that job i had was one of the most stressful ones i had, i just ate and ate.
Thank you all for sharing. It makes me feel better about my addiction. I never did the purge thing & no offense to you who have, but that makes my 38" waist self feel that I at least have some sort of control. I do buy fast food -- McDonald's fries are a big weakness -- & chocolate or cookies & try to hide the wrappers in the trash. There is a lot of hiding. I can go through a half gallon of ice cream in 24 hours. I go back to the freezer over & over & eat a regular person's amount or just a big spoonful each time . I justify buying big packages of snacks because it saves money. Basically I take in the calories that are intended for a 6' man. Even in high school, once I could drive especially, my best friend said "you're always eating."
In college, I felt very alone the whole time. My roommate was built like a model, had lots of friends & her parents were always sending her things. Once she got a tin of Mrs. Fields brownies in the mail. After a few days, she decided they were no longer any good & threw them in the trash. While she was out, I went into the trash & got the tin & ate a few brownies from it. I didn't even like brownies!
From my mother, food is love , yet she's also spent a lot of time asking about my weight since high school. She buys me goodies, yet asks about my weight. There are many push-pull issues with her & the relationship is so dysfunctional. My son is 4 now & I so want to show him healthy eating. I've studied food since high school so I know about nutrition. I tend to eat healthy meals, well mostly, & then snack on junk. Also evenings are bad. If there is convenient food in the fridge or snacks around, I tend to eat them. When I go out to dinner or there's a party, I will eat a lot.
Reading everyone else's stories & writing my own have convinced me that I need to join the support group at church, regardless of how embarassing it is to admit in person.
Last edited by Verrine; 10-26-2008 at 12:17 PM.
Reason: adding text
I am a newbie and wasn't sure why I started reading in this group, til I got to this thread. I was eating a large bag of smartfood at the time with a shandy (beer and soda) and I puked it up I was so disgusted while I read. Not with the posts, but with myself. And I am not a purger, just a binger.
Obviously my psyche knew where to read, I was in denial. I didn't realize I was such a binger, but everything you all describe I have done.
THe ordering for two, talking on the cell to find out what "my friend" wants.
I have also been in denial about my obesity, and joining 3FC is my first step in recognizing my fat self.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
Opening up this way may help me heal. I am looking into OA meetings in my area, but am not sure I am ready. I am also for the first time thinking of therapy.
I too was molested as a child, forced to perform oral sex, so that "may" explain some of my oral fixation. (have only ever revealed that fact to my husband, so this is big, to say this publicly)
OK now I am crying.
WHen I posted in the intro section I said I wasn't sure I was ready to give up the junk etc. but the people who talk about the step programs and taking it one moment at a time and not thinking of eternity....wow does that ever help. Never thought of it that way.
But something in me believed it was time to get some kind of help for my weight problem, and something led me here.
So thanks, whoever started this thread, it really struck me in the right place.
fatmad
I didn't even realize that I'm a binge eater until I just read this thread. Actually my *gulp* binging didn't begin until I really started to gain weight 3 and a half years ago. Somewhere along the line I got severely addicted to junk/fast food. I too have gone through the drive through and ordered tons and tons of food and tried to play it off like I was ordering for more than one person. In fact, I would intentionally order for about 4 people so that the person taking the order would automatically assume that it was for more than one...because there is no way on person could possibly eat THAT much. Then I would go home (only if I knew my husband wasn't there) and stuff it all in my face while watching a movie. (Watching movies still makes me hungry...ugh).
I'm also guilty of eating only healthy stuff while out with other people and making sure I left at least a little on the plate so I wouldn't look like a pig for eating it all. I was also notorious for going through the McDonald's drive through during my lunch break, ordering tons of food, eating it in the car, and then leaving the unfinished drink in the car even though I still wanted to drink it because I didn't want people at work to know I went to McDonald's. Then I would make sure to throw the bags in the dumpster before going inside so my husband wouldn't see the bags in the car.
I've also gone to the store and bought chips, dip, cookies, cakes, more chips, etc. and then felt like the check out person was judging me....ugh!
Even now...all I want to do is go to the McDonald's down the street and order 3 large fries, but I won't....I won't!!!
Wow this thread is great...
I constantly binge and it's a relief to see im not alone in my lack of control around food.
I've done all the stuff you guys mentioned and that comment someone made about the best part of a binge being the secrecy really hit home.
I often find myself planning what im going to eat after my boyfriend leaves and being mad at him because I can't pig out like I want to around him.I'm really thinking I should come clean with him.
I've just finished 6 packets of crisps, 7 chocolate bars, 2 cheese sandwiches, 1 packet of noodles and I'm looking for my next fix...I usually block out what im eating during a binge to the point where I can't remember so it's horrible to see ive eaten that much and am nowhere near finished.
Thank god for this section, I think I'll be posting an intro to get accquainted with you guys asap lol.
It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one doing these things...
I use that "well if it's not in the house I won't eat, so I should eat it all now" mentality too... I even did that last night with my Halloween candy :/
I've always hid food from my parents/boyfriend. When I was living with my ex boyfriend, I would eat icecream when he wasn't home. I would take a spoonful and then tell myself it was only one spoonful and then return to it 20 minutes later eating another scoop and so on. Then I would shove the icecream in the back and then lie about eating it if he asked me :/
And at restaurants I wouldn't eat a lot in front of people. I would eat a little bit and say I was full and then get it boxed up. Then I would get home and eat the whole thing :/
Oh wow. I thought I was the only person that did this stuff.
Order 2 drinks to pretend the food is for 2 people? check
Talk to people on the phone and get what "they" want for lunch? check
Buy new food and eat enough to match the old box? check
ONLY order healthy food in front of people, or drinks-no food, cuz the fat girl shouldn't eat anything else? check
Wow. I feel so much better knowing that I'm not alone, and other people struggle with this. Thank you ladies for sharing.
Same here. It has been 10 years on and off for me with binging heavily and purging. It is really hard to come to terms with it. Reading other peoples stories about binging makes me feel better in some small way like I am not alone.
I'm a bigtime binge-er. In fact, I've been doing it on purpose for the last couple of weeks. (You can read about it in my 3fc blog--should be a link in the left column, in my profile.) I'm doing it to get it out of my system before ... well, you know.
For some reason I've outgrown the shame, though. I pretty much just take all my crap through the checkout and say to the clerk "nice healthy snack, huh?" and we laugh.
But years ago, I'd do the same as some of you have mentioned--shop for enough for an entire weekend, then go home and just eat until I couldn't breathe, and as soon as I could breathe, eat some more. Once while I was in graduate school and living alone, I gained 8 lbs in a weekend--then I called an eating disorders clinic and said "I need help". I was diagnosed as bulimarexic, which means I would binge but was unable to purge (even though I tried--I even tried ipecac, but I couldn't make myself take enough to actually throw up). Now THAT I was embarrassed to buy--I felt SURE the pharmacist knew exactly what I was going to do with it.
Now that I'm older I know that this is my style, and I don't hide from it anymore ... I succumb to it at times, and at others I can get into a sort of groove where I don't feel the need.
It is helpful to know there are so many of us out there battling the same things.
Oh dear, I'm naughty too! I snack on crisps, chocs & cakes. Not just one packed or a slice.......no it has to be 3 or 4, to feel content. I know I'm killing myself eating this crap. I MUST change my ways or else..................it's too late!
This thread is ... marvelous! There's nothing I've done that is anything special or unique - no reason to believe I'm sick or twisted! OK, a little twisted - my weakness tends to be salt, and while I've never tried to total the damage afterward, I do know that I will consume so much that I've learned to take my wedding ring off before I start in, cuz I'm going to retain so much water it'll make my finger numb.
Funny, it becomes sort of a personal ritual - the thought, "OK, let's get into it" and then the ring comes off. I went through the Avatar program about 9 years ago, and that popped up during an exercise where my guide kept asking "so what does somebody who does that believe?" to every answer - and I blurted out, "That I won't have any ritual of my own!" Wow. An epiphany.
Here's something even better ... since I started lurking here and realizing how much I'm like everyone else, I haven't felt the need to do it!
I started reading this thread thinking to myself "I don't binge, I'm really not that bad" and as I read I realized I do all these things. I'm sitting here thinking about what there is to eat, craving chicken McNuggets and being thankful it's too icy to go get some. I'll go to McDonald's or KFC knowing it's going to upset my stomach (I don't handle greasy food well) and I'll just take some immodium to deal with it. Just last week I left a package of scones in my car so my mom wouldn't see that I had bought more junk. We have a counter full of leftover Christmas cookies and all I can think about it making a pan of brownies.
I cannot tell you all how happy I am to know that I'm not ALONE!!! I am a compulsive overeater. I will be attending my first OA Meeting next week. I used to hide food all the time. Until recently I had forgotten what being full felt like. I would usually end my day feeling physically sick and nauseous. I would eat until I couldn't possible put another thing in my mouth because I thought I would throw up. I am def a drive through junkie. I have had to give my mom my debit card many times to prevent me from getting fast food! I seem to be getting better and I'm trying to have a binge free week! Wish me luck and thanks so much for sharing your stories!
“Sometimes I couldn't wait to leave an event to go have food. It was like a high for me. I couldn't wait to leave some events (where I ate very healthy things) to pay a visit to the drive thru.”
Ohhh, this one got me. I’ll be happily chatting away w/ friends somewhere & a craving will hit me & I will have to leave right then to hit the drive thru. Then stop aa convenience store so I have “after dinner snacks”. There have been many times I have completely eaten my drive thru meal before even hitting my driveway.
Also, whenever I’d order in pizza when I was home alone I’d make it a point to say “we” would like this or “we” would like that. Silly.
I’m proud to say that I haven’t done either of these behaviors in I don’t know how long! Especially the pizza one, I mean we still order pizza from time to time, but there really is a “we” now.
Another Story
-- McDonald's fries are a big weakness -- & chocolate or cookies & try to hide the wrappers in the trash. There is a lot of hiding. I can go through a half gallon of ice cream in 24 hours. I go back to the freezer over & over & eat a regular person's amount or just a big spoonful each time 
. I justify buying big packages of snacks because it saves money. Basically I take in the calories that are intended for a 6' man. Even in high school, once I could drive especially, my best friend said "you're always eating." 
& got the tin & ate a few brownies from it. I didn't even like brownies! 
, yet she's also spent a lot of time asking about my weight since high school. She buys me goodies, yet asks about my weight. There are many push-pull issues with her & the relationship is so dysfunctional. My son is 4 now & I so want to show him healthy eating. I've studied food since high school so I know about nutrition. I tend to eat healthy meals, well mostly, & then snack on junk. Also evenings are bad. If there is convenient food in the fridge or snacks around, I tend to eat them. When I go out to dinner or there's a party, I will eat a lot. 
