I also go after cake frosting, eat it right out of the jar. Same w/ marshmallow & peanut butter. If I have nothing here, I will eat brown sugar or sugar out of the box also. I thought I was the only one!
No, you are certainly not alone!
Sometimes if I've needed sugar and had no chocolate, cake, ice cream, cereal, dried fruit, or indeed ANYTHING, I have literally just eaten sugar. Straight from the jar, with a spoon. Sick. In a book I read as a little girl (The Story of Tracy Beaker, I think) the main character ate sugar by dipping her finger in butter then sugar. Gross, I thought, initially, but it wasn't long before I tried it, and in my sugar-deprived state it wasn't that bad. :-(
We can help each other though, that's the beauty of a forum like this one. No shame! No having to mumble, redfaced, to your saintly stick-insect friend that you're trying to cut down, while she scoffs crisps and gets admired by bright young things you'd never be able to make eye contact with!
Just lots of people with the same problems and the same goals.
I binged last night, and it was due to total anger & frustration over a situation. Thank goodness I haven't eaten out of anger in years. and thank goodness there was so little for me to find, to binge on! about 1 ounce of corn chips, the last in the bag that no one else wanted for weeks; about 3/4 cup of trail mix that had a few chocolate chips but was mostly sunflower seeds (also 'bottom of the bag' leftovers) and a piece of meatloaf. Poor defenseless meatloaf
I've been binge-eating and purging for so long that I can't remember my worst episode, only my lowest time.
I took myself off of our bank account thinking if I had no access to money, I couldn't binge. Wrong. I stole food from grocery and convenience stores.
During this time, I would leave Sunday morning church services while my husband was busy in ministry elsewhere. I knew I had only one and 1/2 hours to find a store, steal food, eat, purge, and be back in my seat before he joined me.
Once, a store manager suspected me and followed me around, giving me the eye, and that almost frightened me into quitting. I felt like the criminal I had become. I finally quit when a convenience-store manager threatened to tip off a policeman standing outside.
Next, I bought a pair of hand-cuffs and asked my husband to hand-cuff me to our bed at night so I couldn't get out of bed and binge in the middle of the night. That never worked. I would beg him to let me loose for various reasons.
Things improved when my husband left me. I felt such remorse for my binge-eating that I quit for eight months, hoping he would come back if I changed. Meanwhile, I got a job and got involved in church and made friends--something I never did before because I had isolated myself from people. When I did start binge-eating again after the eight months, I binged far fewer times. Maybe because I was busy?
Reading other people's stories makes me face myself and figure out why I behave this way. I've come to these conclusions:
To distance myself from people and pain.
To escape responsibility--to procrastinate.
For pleasure.
A reaction to restricting myself from food. An obsession I've created.
I have no weight goal. I just want to eat healthy. I figure if I can do that, than any weight I arrive at will be fine.
At a low yesterday, in the middle of a binge, I googled Life is more than food and found this forum. Thank God. Finally, I can be honest. Maybe I can change.
I have been binging a lot lately which is why I've decided to join this site today.
I was raised on a super healthy diet and everyone that knows me thinks I eat like that all the time. When I'm alone I tend to eat the worst food!! My boyfriend works 1 night a week so I started buying pints of ice cream on those nights every so often and eating the whole thing. Recently, i've been doing it every single week, and sometimes only if he's gone for a few hours!
Every week I say "this is my last week of doing this" so I go "all out." Last night I made a specific trip to the grocery store and bought a big carton of Chips Ahoy cookies and a bunch of candy bars. On the way home, I stopped and got a fast food meal and scarfed it down. When I got home I ate every candy bar and the entire box of cookies. I felt so sick after that I tried to throw it up. I have never purged before and it scared me so bad that I even tried. I realized it's gotten out of control.
Drink some soup of breakfast. Go swimming. Go to school. Don't eat lunch. Then afterschool... four donuts, a soda, a hot dog, then a nap, then chips, and rice, and chicken, and ice cream... o.O. I'm going to start eating lunch at school on tuesday. I've gotten accustomed to not eating lunch which is really weird. I like not eating lunch if I can help it cuz then after school I can eat forever and not feel full and enjoy it. lol.
This thread made me incredibly happy. I thought I was the only one who did things like this...
I have totally done the "two different kinds of sandwiches" thing, saying "Oh, I can't remember if he likes tomato... hmm," and things like that.
Once my (then) boyfriend left for a week to go on a family vacation and I had the apartment to myself... Oh, I'm pretty sure Ben & Jerry's had a noticeable profit increase that week.
I have broken toilets before because I tried flushing candy wrappers and other evidence - my family was catching onto my habit of hiding food wrappers at the bottom of the trash. When that didn't work, I stuffed the wrappers in my backpack and threw them away at school the next day.
It would be funny thinking about this, if I weren't sitting here feeling painfully full and sick because of my massive secret binge today. I actually just typed out the list of things I ate today and deleted it because I couldn't stand even looking at it. Even my bra feels like it is on tighter... ugh. Thankfully, this happens closer to weekly than daily nowadays. Still far from perfect, but it's getting there.
I felt so sick after that I tried to throw it up. I have never purged before and it scared me so bad that I even tried. I realized it's gotten out of control.
Tahnee, it sounds like you may have reached your emotional bottom. Trying to purge was my turning point too. I have done it before but this last time I almost choked because I ate my food too fast and it was not properly chewed. Sorry, tmi, but just trying to paint the picture.
I am glad you joined this site and I hope you find a lot of valuable info to help you along your way. I stopped binging before I joined this site but it's this site and the wonderful people on it is what keeps me from doing it again!
One of my most awful ones was when my husband and I were going out for an anniversary dinner.
I remember getting a full Burger King meal and eating it about 2 hours before we went out. Of course, I was by myself. We then went out, and I proceeded to eat another full meal with dessert. I felt like I would explode.
I just need to say THANK YOU for this thread. Like most of the previous posters, I too thought I was the only one doing these things.....I have done pretty much all of it too, hiding bags, planning the next 'meal' before I'm even done eating. Waiting to be alone so I can eat anything and everything I want.
What is it about binging alone? It REALLY is a high!!
Uggh, I can't say thank you enough for this, I pray that this is my turning point.
I've done the eating-in-secret thing so many times. I still struggle with binging on sweets. I was really upset about sometime the other day, so I told my SO I was going on a "walk" ... I bought a candy bar for the walk, then went to a froyo shop and eat froyo COVERED in toppings on a bench in the park. I'm not sure if I was even over maintenance calories, because I basically skipped dinner because of it... but it was NOT healthy. It was my first binge in a while, 3 months or so.
ShanIAm-
I'm really glad I joined this site as well. Seeing that I'm not alone has already started to help tremendously. I've always been an "alone" dieter and I feel like having the people on here as support will be really good. Thank you so much for your words!! Seeing your amazing progress so far (on your ticker) gives me hope.
I realized that over years of binging, i have, unfortunately, learned to do it in ways that don't make me feel bad physically. I have never been one to binge on salty foods (pizza, fast food, etc.). Those would probably fill me up faster and in that sense they would actually be better. But no. I binge on sugary things that never make me full. In fact i find myself subconsciously choosing binge foods that aren't going to make me full, so that i can eat them endlessly. Also, i'll drink a little water, but not chug it (even though i'm thirsty)...otherwise that makes me painfully full as well. All these stupid techniques i've learned so that i'm actually COMFORTABLE after a binge, unfortunately
I crossed a pretty pathetic line on Friday night. Drank at a party and stopped off at the convenience store with my neighbor (who also binges sometimes). I got an ice cream bar, a Snickers, and a 600 calorie box of chocolate covered almonds. Before I knew it they were all gone and I was still jonesing for more, but I couldn't go back to the same store on the same night - can't have the 19 year olds at 7-11 thinking I'm a pig! So I walked half an hour to the 24-hour Walmart type store. There I loaded up on Tim Tams, a jar of peanut butter, some peanuts, and a huge donut covered in sugar. Decided I needed something savory to balance out the taste, so I walked even further in the opposite direction and picked up a cheesy premade meal from a third store.
By the time I got home the sugar had caught up with me and I felt sort of nauseous, but I still ate more than half of the stuff I bought on my second shopping trip.
surfergirl - I do that with the comfort factor too!
